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Rakshasa
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Registered: 07/23/09
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Mushroom induced anxiety?
#10725863 - 07/23/09 08:34 AM (14 years, 7 months ago) |
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Hey all,
New to the site, but I thought I'd come here because I have some major problems with Anxiety / Social Phobia. I really can't identify what caused my anxiety, but I have some ideas and one of them is because I took a lot of shrooms, started off having some amazing trips, I kind of got addicted to the su-real buzz you get off shrooms, it wasn't like I was trying to avoid reality or anything like that, I was happy and content with my life style. I was a very social person, had an amazing girlfriend etc etc.
Some of my final mushroom trips weren't the greatest, extreme anxiety with 2 of my mates, I wasn't very familiar with anxiety at the time so I was properly freaking out, at the time it was my mate who was freaking me out. But anyway, 2 years down the road I'm basically a nervous wreck, I can control it sometimes and might appear fine. Lately I have tried to be more social. Any girl that shows interest in me I just total avoid, mainly because i just fear any sort of connection with another human being. It scares me. I don't want them to know me, something like that anyway.
I could blabber on for ages about my anxiety, loads of different situations and how fucking shit anxiety is.
One of my main things is, I hate one on one situations, as all I can think about it what I should say in this present time, what we should talk about, and when i think about it, I can't say anything, realise I can't say anything, become more nervous about it and just get worse and worse. I can also read peoples nervous reactions and see when they're uncomfortable... as if they're faces are books telling a story of emotions to me. Like the mushrooms opened up some new way of seeing things and I'm stuck forever to view life in this perception. Capable of viewing everybodies little nervous twitch, which of course, I say I'm the cause of their nevousness... it's my anxiety rubbing them off or some crap.
ANYWAY my main question is, do you think maybe doing some more mushrooms and going on a good buzz, could reverse these affects, maybe doing them on my own or with a really close friend who knows about my anxiety and my reason for wanting to do mushrooms again? I just feel I need something to make me think positive to get out of this stupid mind frame. Once out of social situations I see how pointless and stupid my anxious feelings are, just a total waste of time! But I just can't control them what so ever. I can't even maintain eye contact without shaking.
God damn I can't stop typing! typed this entire post in 5 mins. Sorry for the long waffle whoever read this entire thing. If you have anything you wanna ask me thats cool... any comments/help appreciated. I really would love to blabber on more about it or maybe structure my thoughts on the subject more, but I sometimes find it hard to articulate my thoughts. ok im shutting up now, cheers!
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csrpj
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: Rakshasa]
#10727382 - 07/23/09 02:48 PM (14 years, 7 months ago) |
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i've been there... i'm sorry you have to go through this, but you'll eventually get over it with patience and courage, and come out a stronger man.
first of time, time does heal. add in good health, including exercise, sleep, and diet, and you might be surprised. try to be present in every moment, and accept everything that happens, even the unpleasant. don't let the need to fix your anxiety stop you from perusing your life goals.
as far as doing mushrooms again, only if you're honest to yourself about your intentions... it seems from your questions, you want a positive experience to counteract the negative one you had to rid you of your anxiety. i've had such ideas before, and IT DOESN'T WORK THIS WAY. use psychedelics to enter reality, to enter your anxiety and truly understand and overcome it, not to have a positive experience. it's tempting - i know - cuz it appeals to your desire for a magic pill. you might think, "if it was so easy to get immediate anxiety from just one trip, imagine what a good trip will do." but you'll have another bad trip and it'll get worse, cuz you're running away instead of facing your anxiety. so don't fall into this trap. however, it can be a great things if done with the right intentions and in the right way.
btw, for psychedelics, i highly recommend mescaline. much less mindfuck and anxiety than shrooms, though it will exaggerate negative emotions if they are there.
also, have you ever done MDMA? if not, consider doing it. it used to be used to treat post-traumatic stress disorder. people who were raped and tortured only began getting over their fears with this drug. it won't be the magic pill that make you permanently better. but it will be the magic pill which temporarily breaks down your barriers and will let you, if you so choose, to go over all the bad emotions and memories with nothing but intense love, which is a great start to recovery.
good luck! welcome to a period of your life of utter hell  just try to accept and go along with it, and be responsible about effectively getting past this hump you'll later cherish as a source of knowledge, strength, and empathy
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Rakshasa
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: csrpj]
#10727650 - 07/23/09 03:31 PM (14 years, 7 months ago) |
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hey csrpj, your reply was a pleasure to read, thanks for posting it! really some great words of advice.
So there goes my amazing quick fix plan, I have been so weary of the idea it's kept me from doing it. Going through that intense bad trip again is the least I want to do, was hoping for some1 to come on and say 'yeeeaaaah maaan done a bag of mushies and it just totally got rid of my anxiety, hold on.. gotta go socialize, cya!' if only...
Mescaline... fear and loathing in los vegas.... would love to try some, have never even heard of anyone selling it though. think i am going to give this MDMA a shot, have only done ecstacy/coke/speed/meth... each of those make me anxious so wont ever be going near them again, i thought mdma was similar to ecstacy but turns out its not.
Is it even possible to go on a bad trip/buzz from MDMA? No chance of me getting a bit paranoid? Would u recommend trying some MDMA on my own first or what? Lots of questions i just want to do something that gives me a really positive buzz / feeling, sounds like a great idea
do you smoke weed at all?
It's great to see some1 go through the same thing as me yet come out better in the end.
thanks again!
take it easy
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csrpj
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: Rakshasa]
#10730083 - 07/23/09 10:28 PM (14 years, 7 months ago) |
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yeah, i remember those amazing quick fix plans i kept concocting, thinking each time "this time it'll work"... just shows how you can't make the right decisions out of desperation. so first step is to calm the fuck down, and if you can't, then to be honest with yourself as to where your decisions are coming from and having the self-discipline to go with the healthiest versus tempting choice.
mescaline you can extract yourself from the cactus, which you can buy legally. (some vendors from other countries sell powder online.) go with san pedro or peruvian tourch (versus peyote) as it has a higher amount of mescaline. there's a simple alcohol extraction that's good enough, or you can go with the acid-base extraction. just look this stuff up... but basically saying that if you want to try mescaline, it isn't too hard to make it.
MDMA - no, it's not possible to have a bad experience. with a bad set/setting, you'll have an amazing time. the drugs will push you into a state of ecstasy, and nothing during that time period can really bring you down. MDMA is conducive to a very social experience, even though sometime it's more useful for introspection. i say go with a close friend or two to a party - that way you can go back and forth between socializing if you want, and being alone (you won't have worry about doing personal things in a social setting cuz you'll be so happy there will be no room to be self-conscious).
also, mixing MDMA with psychedelics is great. i've only mixed it with acid and 2cb but hear it's great with all psychs. the psychedelics bring out your inner fears and insecurities, while the MDMA let's you break through emotional barriers. but if you do this, be careful not too take too much of the psychedelic as it can overpower the MDMA. for your first time, it might be best to do MDMA by itself. i'm assuming you're going to do a good amount of research beforehand, but i'll say here that make sure to space out MDMA at least a month, if not more.
i smoke weed once in a while. if i do too much, it adds to the anxiety in my life. defiantly stay away from weed if you're going through anxiety, as it'll exaggerate that. after some bad trips i had, i made my recovery way worse by smoking weed. but later, when i felt better, at the right time and place, it has helped me.
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Rakshasa
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: csrpj]
#10731590 - 07/24/09 06:53 AM (14 years, 7 months ago) |
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I'm just loving your posts, they're basically everything I want to hear!
im more or less dependant on weed at this stage, quitting it is quite difficult as I feel shit without it. Longest i've gone without it in the past 3 years is 7 days, what a record eh?
I have said to myself now though, that I'm going to try quit it until I notice a change (positive change). Like you say smoke it at the right time and place, I really amn't doing that at the moment! I'll just finish this last delicious lump of hashish and my bag of weed... then I'll quit lol but I actually will this time... wont I? Yes!
I'm living in Ireland and don't think Mescaline/Cactus are that easy to come by. I think they might sell Peyote in the headshops, but you have to spend years growing them etc. But I'm sure I can get my hands on some if I do want to try it, which I probably will once I'm in a better state of mind. I'm liking the idea of mixing MDMA and psychedelics!
I might actually try get some MDMA for tonight or tomorrow. I know somebody who has been asking me to do MDMA for a while, but avoided it since I thought I would just get really axnious from doing it etc.
Will be posting here with my progress and how it affects me. I have read an entire FAQ just now on MDMA so I now now not to do it more than once a month anyway.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply, been great help! (I really do mean that!)
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stereolab
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Registered: 06/08/09
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: Rakshasa]
#10733926 - 07/24/09 04:12 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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It's all in yr. head!
sometimes I get paranoia from insomnia, too much pot, and too much Philip K. Dick. but mushrooms? rarely ever.
I'd recommend just breathing, focusing on your third eye, and making love. All at once!
-------------------- Space is the Place
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Rakshasa
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: stereolab]
#10739249 - 07/25/09 06:29 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Hah!
Yeah it is all in my head, cause I don't think anybody notices. I do sleep very little and smoke a lot of pot so that's probably contributing. I loved mushrooms, but last 2 trips just sent me on a fuckin wild paranoia trip, ever since then I've seen things in a paranoid/negative outlook. However, sometimes it's easier controlled than others. then at other times it's intolerable! i cant make eye contact what so ever anymore, if I try, my face starts to melt/twitch lol
i've decided to go get 'professional' help or whatever, after the past 2 nights where i tried to socialize.. i just have to change this!
anyway, im stoned, had a shit night so im just complaining.
/waffle over
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BlimeyGrimey
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: csrpj]
#10739405 - 07/25/09 07:07 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
csrpj said: MDMA - no, it's not possible to have a bad experience.
BULLSHIT!!!!!
I've watched a friend writhe on the floor crying about how bad his life sucked while rolling on 2 good pills. We all took the pills that night and they were tested with a test kit. Nothing but MDMA in the pills.
Any drug can have unexpected results.
Rakshasa,
Stop smoking pot for awhile. It'll help.
-------------------- Message me for free microscopy services on Psilocybe, Panaeolus, and Gymnopilus species. Looking for wild Panaeolus cinctulus and Panaeolus olivaceus prints.
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csrpj
no one's a stranger


Registered: 11/06/08
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well, the chances of having a bad time are negligible. you're friend's brain chemistry is an outlier. so sure, any drug can have unexpected results, but for this particular case, there's a 99.98 percent chance of having a great time.
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BlimeyGrimey
Collector of Spores




Registered: 08/24/05
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: csrpj]
#10740216 - 07/25/09 09:56 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
csrpj said: well, the chances of having a bad time are negligible. you're friend's brain chemistry is an outlier. so sure, any drug can have unexpected results, but for this particular case, there's a 99.98 percent chance of having a great time.
True, he is the only person I've ever seen react badly to MDMA.
-------------------- Message me for free microscopy services on Psilocybe, Panaeolus, and Gymnopilus species. Looking for wild Panaeolus cinctulus and Panaeolus olivaceus prints.
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iamu
Sall Growman



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i fucking hate anything that reminds me of the night I did ecstasy. It was horibble filled with paranoia loopy fucking paranoid thoughts, that multiplied themselves into infinity at a super fast rate for like 20 hours. FUCK THAT SHIT FUCKIN FUCK ASS FUCK MDMA AND EVERYONE WHO LOOOOOOOVVVEDD IT
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csrpj
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: iamu]
#10741333 - 07/26/09 02:15 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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are you sure it was MDMA? or that you took a healthy dose? who knows though, perhaps more people react badly to it than i thought.... i have no interest in defending a drug, but i'm very, very surprised ,based on what i've seen, that that chances of having a bad experience is more than a negligible chance.
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iamu
Sall Growman



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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: iamu]
#10741335 - 07/26/09 02:16 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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o and post starter. im gonna be honest. i cant make eye contact with anyone any more either. im just always thinking about what they see in my eyes which i can only imagine causes a funny lookin look in my eyes lol. I realized at one point tat i am whhhat i look like and say to people. and this realization combined with my negative pesimistic outlook combined with my nature of cant stop thinking just totally fucks me over. it sucks. so now, im the fuckin weirdo. ive become the weirdo in the world lol. i rely on spiritual thoughts to get me through situations. i know wat u mean about being aware of wats going on but still cant react normally. like...ill sit next to a stranger and notice wen he notices my shy, odd gestures, and im totally aware and im sittin there trying to convince myself that hes just another human and treat him like a friend. but its always a fight to do so. theres just a fuckin mental fight on so many different levels for me it sucks. im never this honest. there it is
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csrpj
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: iamu]
#10741375 - 07/26/09 02:27 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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iamu: has this always been this way for you? or did you have a bad trip which triggered it?
i can identify pretty much 100% with that kind of experience. it's fucking hell. i'm not completely happy and confident, but i can say i'm pretty much out of this state i associate with your post. i may not be sure what you're going through or why, but i'll share a bit with what's helped me.
definitely letting myself go through all the negative feelings without saying "no, not this again, fuck, fuck fuck" has helped. sometimes it's almost as if you just need to let those feelings flush out.
another thing is trying to transfer focusing on what they think of you - which you never know to begin with, and which doesn't even matter to them if you think about it - is focusing on how they feel and how you effect that. practicing giving love without needing any in return has done wonders for me.
as has facing my fears at any given opportunity, not giving in even though it's way more comfortable.
as has being honest with what my insecurities are, and doing everything i can to accept myself.
and in case you mentally masturbate - look for answers in an attempt to figure yourself out and finally be happy - stop, cuz it's an unproductive habit. the answers come to you when you truly get it, and often after a lot of experience "out there".
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iamu
Sall Growman



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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: csrpj]
#10741433 - 07/26/09 02:43 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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no, there was a point i was "normal" if thats wat u want to call it. I was always shy but at one point i could get close to people and be comfortable if i was around them enough. now its so bad that it affects my attitude around my closest friends and even family.
all of your tips i have come across before, and i appreciate a reminder because i forget a lot in the midst of my problems. like every time i have another socially awkward moment i get down on myself with my pesimistic attitude and just fall back in.
being honest really helps, even if i may appear weird its just the thing tat changes my problem. which is ultimately what i want. and giving love, which is the ULTIMATE solution. the focus on the outside world rather than myself.
and your last tip about not trying to mentally work out my problems is the best advice. "out there" practice is where its at.
i think one of my problems is clinging to one kind of solution during social interaction. because then i just think about how im literally not interacting with my world but thinking this one thought, whic in turn makes me feel like a loony once again
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iamu
Sall Growman



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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: iamu]
#10741455 - 07/26/09 02:50 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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it wasnt one trip that started it like the thread starter. It was gradual. i couldnt even tell u because i think i forgot. I started getting spiritual in college, then dived deep into buddhism, which definately twisted my stuff up when I believed in it so much and realized i couldnt sacrafice my life to "the path" tat i had to stop reading the books, and it felt like i was going through withdrawals. i got to a point where i felt good again, but my life was screwed up society-wise, and i smoked too much pot for a long time. then pretty much cold quit which caused a weird shift in mind change. i feel like a mess rigt now man. but ive experienced some of the most beautiful thhings in life. i know how to take life in. i see the beauty in life. I can appreciate things. socially, im just off.
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csrpj
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: iamu]
#10741481 - 07/26/09 03:02 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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i recommend putting yourself in a super social environment, where you're forced to socialize with people all the time (i did this experiment by working as a camp counselor over one summer). that way, you'll gradually desensitize yourself, and more importantly, you'll try out different approaches and gradually will figure out what works. by approaches, i don't just mean stuff you do, but ways in which you think about it. kinda like a social bootcamp where you'll effectively be practicing around the clock.
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skatealex2
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: stereolab]
#10744163 - 07/26/09 04:50 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
iamu said: i cant make eye contact with anyone any more either.
me too/ eye contact is awkward - I just make really quick ones to pretend I'm social 
Quote:
stereolab said: It's all in yr. head!
sometimes I get paranoia from insomnia, too much pot, and too much Philip K. Dick. but mushrooms? rarely ever.
I'd recommend just breathing, focusing on your third eye, and making love. All at once!
how do you make love with yourself 
to OP: I'd put down money that some of your anxiety comes from cannabis. my high's have gotten very psychedelic (not that they weren't before) since tripping on mushrooms once and L a few times and I get some social anxiety but I still smoke.
being high is so much more fun and thought provoking then being sober, especially out in upstate where there aren't so many people, but I know that I can be more easy going socially without weed- depending on the situation I guess.
the key I find when I'm high is not to get in thought loops and say whatever's on your mind if your around people- some people just like random chatter cause it's more comfortable that way............. but that's part of the reason I'm anti social sometimes-pointless talking is stupid in excess, but can be fun.
I hate being alone with someone and quiet unless I've known them for a long time
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Rakshasa
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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: skatealex2]
#10747430 - 07/27/09 03:51 AM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Ah well atleast more people agree that Eye contact is absolutely awful! I just wonder if people realise that I get really uncomfortable when trying to maintain eye contact. Cause I have so many twitches to indicate I am comfortable, but nobody has ever said anything.
I try avoid getting stoned in social situations as it really does make me vvverrrry paranoid. Just feel uncomfortable in my own skin, but when at home, I love smoking a spliff to myself, reading some books watching movies. So even if I do decide to quit to be more social, the hardest part of the quitting is being at home and not having any doob to compliment reading a book and so forth. So when I quit, for lets say a week, and see little to no progress in my paranoia, i just pressume it's pointless quitting and start smoking again. But I'm just gonna have to force myself and be bored at home, cause I end up chain smoking spliffs etc.
1 on 1 conversation is quite tough in my opinion, I always feel the need to keep talking, and for this reason it makes me less chatty. I really just don't feel arsed talking at times, literally have no motivation to converse or connect with another human being. But I just think I should want these things, it's normal to want to connect and yabber on, yet I just have no motivation to do so.
Anyway, I'm gonna quit weed, get some proffessional help, try some MDMA in the near future and hopefully this helps a bit. Maybe this will bring some motivation/energy back into my life.
I need to learn how to live in the moment, and stop my brain from thinking and judging me constantly, it just holds me back! End up in a loop of the same thought thinking the same bad thought over again, just dwelling on it!
bah stupid anxiety, especially when u know its all in ur head and these arent real thoughts ur thinking, it's just that i cant control these thoughts.
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iamu
Sall Growman



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Re: Mushroom induced anxiety? [Re: Rakshasa]
#10750621 - 07/27/09 04:43 PM (14 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rakshasa said: I really just don't feel arsed talking at times, literally have no motivation to converse or connect with another human being. But I just think I should want these things, it's normal to want to connect and yabber on, yet I just have no motivation to do so.
thats the battle, when i smoke i feel a huge obligation to speak up for some reason. the real difference is just observation though. either you are paying attention to your environment, or you aren't. and when you make it a "thing" to start trying it creates the illusion of a battle to care. but to actually care just start listening and looking. if you are caught in some inner heat. just look at someting in the room, think about it and observe its details, then keep observing different things until you are observing the person talking, and u listen to them. this is whats been working for me. and do what you can to keep the mood up in the room.
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