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Anonymous #1
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Strange Anxiety
#10519635 - 06/16/09 08:45 PM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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I have been suffering from an odd type of anxiety for years now and its gettign worse.Ever since middle school teeling my parents or family members anything about my life or friends or school or girls has freaked me out or caused panic to the point i have lied to them about what im doing and where im going for years.
They are accepting and loving people but for some reason i cannot bring myself to even introduce them to my friends or bring friends to the house.
Socializing was already hard and now its gotten to th point where im afraid to even tell my friends about a girlfriend.
I dont know what to do and no matter how hard i try i cant fix it and i have never even heard of anyone with a similar problem
any advice?
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JohnnyTruant
The Polycannon
Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 226
Loc: The great state of Mind
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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I have the same problem, though not quite as bad as you seem to have. I had a girlfriend for five months before my parents found out about it. I just couldn't bring myself to mention it for some reason.
I personally just trudge through it.
Do you think you'd be able to make yourself talk about this problem with your parents? Maybe if they know about it you won't be so bothered by it and can relax a little more and be able to tell them about things. You could also try writing down what you want to tell them and leaving it somewhere where you know they'll see it.
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Anonymous #1
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The thought of talking to them even about where im going is just to scary to me like it makes my heart beat fast and i cant sit still or think straight, i have also thought of the writing it don idea but i cant give myself the courage and its just more frustrating and depressing everyday especaill since it effects me with friends too
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csrpj
no one's a stranger
Registered: 11/06/08
Posts: 983
Loc: bay area, california
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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i have a milder form of this, especially with my mom.
has this always been the case? have at least one of your parents been critical of your choices, or pushy in their curiosity?
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Strange Anxiety [Re: csrpj]
#10524938 - 06/17/09 04:45 PM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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Yes this has been the case as long as i can remember and they are very accepting people whho are not pushy or anything they mostly mind their own busines, one of my older brothers is gay and had no problem telling them and they had no problem with it, im the only one in the family who seems to be like this
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hoodbran
Dosser
Registered: 06/01/08
Posts: 1,570
Loc: Phloston Paradise
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
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^^^ What you say in the last sentence really stands out for me..
Let's say if you question the anxiety you feel --its direct proportionality-- of telling mom and dad about a girlfriend you want to introduce to the point of how your parents would react, the answer should be obvious, your parents got together and dated to give you life! So it's quite normal and I think they are expecting something like that.
I think since you've conducted yourself like this for a while, it would be a challenging behavior to overcome, you've done the really important part already and achieved awareness of the problem, for without awareness, we can't see a problem. It's worth noting that small yet important step in finding yourself. Radical changes or sudden outbursts of introductions could be taken many ways, it could have the intended effect or it could cause your folks alarm.
Just try over the next week or two to spend more time with your folks, get to find out what's happening for them, exchange ideas and also your own dreams, drop your friends names in conversation, allow your folks to join in and talk, don't do it all in one day, over a period of time is better for you in the long run and you can learn to see that the anxiety is a response to wanting to always please and fear of rejection; totally based in assumption.
The easiest way to cut out on most anxiety based on other people and how they are with us, is to have clear communication, just talk. It sounds simple but it's rooted in assumptions and people assume alot of things, why? Because we have millions of questions that the reasoning mind cannot answer and so we try to make sense of something and jump to conclusions, it don't matter if we assume correct or not, what matters is an answer because we're afraid to ask questions. I think you're judging yourself on behalf of your parents --because of who you choose to be friends with-- too harshly.
Sorry, long post, it's late... I'm sharing my own past experience to help maybe raise your awareness of how one might find themselves in your shoes, however my shoes might pinch your feet, per se.
& Light
-------------------- Not all drugs are good, Some are great.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Strange Anxiety [Re: hoodbran]
#10525580 - 06/17/09 06:26 PM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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Thanks everyone for the replies they are making a lot of sense but now that i see the problem the actual overcoming of it is the hard part, thanks everyone for the advice and keep it coming its very helpful
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Society
Mmmm... pizza
Registered: 07/03/04
Posts: 14,303
Loc:
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I have an idea.
Perhaps you naturally act differently around your parents than you do around your girlfriend. But perhaps (or obviously since you lie) your parents do not see the 'real you.' You could be afraid to intermingle your 'family you' (the lies) with the 'true you.' Like, you don't want to change your families perception of you and your girlfriend/social life perception of your 'family you.'
Sorry if my explanation is odd.
I sort of have this problem because I feel like my parents can't handle knowing who I truly am.
-------------------- Delicious Pizza
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stickygreennpurp
Are You Experienced?
Registered: 09/19/08
Posts: 409
Loc: Southeast US
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
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Re: Strange Anxiety [Re: Society]
#10543210 - 06/20/09 02:55 PM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
SocietyRejects said: I have an idea.
Perhaps you naturally act differently around your parents than you do around your girlfriend. But perhaps (or obviously since you lie) your parents do not see the 'real you.' You could be afraid to intermingle your 'family you' (the lies) with the 'true you.' Like, you don't want to change your families perception of you and your girlfriend/social life perception of your 'family you.'
Sorry if my explanation is odd.
I sort of have this problem because I feel like my parents can't handle knowing who I truly am.
I understand exactly what you are saying. I feel similar.
-------------------- God.WEEN.Satan
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