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ChairmanMeow
Just strange, thanks.
Registered: 01/06/08
Posts: 1,120
Loc: The Day-Glo Forest
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
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Re: Sexual Compulsion And Porn Addiction - Can Anyone Relate? [Re: PyroBurns]
#10401329 - 05/26/09 10:41 AM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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PyroBurns said: I see what you're saying here and already knew that normal was a bad choice of a word but the point is that things are way much more straight forward for straights even if it doesn't necessarily lead to happiness.
i hear ya. more like 'traditional cultural agreement' (TCA?) but of course, that's long-winded, clumsy, and unclear...
in any case, the idea that the TCA IS straightforward can lead to a lot of misunderstandings too. we all THINK we know what someone else really wants. we end up relating to our ideals and assumptions rather than to the actual person. even that person him/herself may not even know their own heart, may not be able to see past their own preconceptions about what will make them happy.
it ain't easy no matter who you are...
but in any case, knowing yourself helps. and keeping a balance between what you feel compelled to do and opening yourself up to other possibilities is a good thing. so, @OP: sign yourself up for a distraction or something new at least once in a while. broaden your horizons, yada yada. scratch your itch but go exploring here & there.
-------------------- Monday Night Weirdness! Episode 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom." - William Blake, Proverbs of Hell from The Marriage of Heaven and Hell.
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PDU
travel kid vs.amerika
Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 10,675
Loc: beautiful BC
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Re: Sexual Compulsion And Porn Addiction - Can Anyone Relate? [Re: Klondike]
#10403043 - 05/26/09 04:59 PM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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Klondike said:
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PDU said:
Gays and lesbians i've known throughout my life, have always been MORE sexually active than my straight friends (usually.) - Any thoughts on why this is?
Gays and lesbians are completely different animals. It is not uncommon to find lesbians who were virgins when they met and have lived happily together in a monogamous 27-year relationship. A gay guy would never even consider a relationship until he had fucked at least 30 guys, and even then the trend now is to incorporate outside sex into the relationship.
I think the reason is that men and women are different, and they compliment each other. Men want to fuck, women want to get married (or at least have a relationship). So they make a deal and each gets their wish.
Among gay guys, there is no bargain that needs to take place. You don't need dating or anything of the kind. You know how women insist on being taken out to dinner and getting to know you first? And you know how guys see dating as a necessary formality that allows them to fuck? Well, for gay guys we don't need those formalities.
I have had online hookups with guys where we agreed to a date, and the conversation literally went like this:
Me: I can't wait for our date. After it's over we can go back to my place.
Him: Sounds like fun, what do you want to do when we get to your place?
Me: Whatever you want.
Him: I want to [insert statement of specific sexual interests].
Me: Great, we will do that.
Him: Why don't we just skip the date and go right to your place?
Me: Sounds good to me.
I have also had many dates that I would characterize as "reverse dates". This is where both parties realize that we desperately need to have sex with each other, but we also want to get to know each other. So rather than go out for a meal, knowing that we are just going to be agonizing the whole time to get it over with and start the sex, we instead get right to the sex. And when the sex is over and we have relieved that carnal need, only then do we go out for a meal and actually talk to each other. It's literally the exact opposite of a straight date of 'dinner then sex'. It is more like 'sex then dinner'. Or 'sex then coffee'. Another variation would be 'sex then sleep then breakfast'.
Women are the Yin and men are the Yang. But with gay guys, it is all Yang and no Yin. It is probably on some level rather unhealthy. It is like too much of a good thing. Also gay people don't get each other pregnant, so there is nothing to make us go "hey, I'd better settle down now. I've got a kid on the way!".
I also think the places that function as gathering spots to foster a sense of community tend to be clubs, which are for hooking up. So everything in "gay life" centers on hooking up. Though I always avoid those places.
Imagine, as a straight guy, if you could go to a choice of two clubs to meet women - the Blue Club and the Red Club. At the Blue Club, the women are as you know them. They want to know what you do for a living, they want to be wined and dined and taken out for romantic dates, and only when you commit to them will they maybe fuck you.
But at the Red Club, the women all have the minds of men. They demand nothing from you other than a good fuck, they don't care how much money you make or if you ever want to call them again, they just want to fuck your brains out, and they are all gorgeous.
At first you might try both clubs. When you felt like you needed to fuck, you would go to the Red Club. But you would tell yourself you still wanted to meet a good woman, and you would continue to go to the Blue Club too. But the women at the Blue Club are so damn demanding, so particular. They demand so much and it takes forever to get them into bed. You begin to wonder why you are wasting your time on them when there are gorgeous women at the Red Club who are just waiting for you to fuck them tonight.
Eventually you spend less and less time at the Blue Club, and more and more time at the Red Club, until eventually you would only go to the Red Club. It satisfies all your cravings with the least amount of hassle, and every night you go you see new women you hadn't seen before who are gorgeous and want to fuck you.
Well, if you are straight then unfortunately the Red Club doesn't exist. To be gay is to live in a world where Red Clubs really exist, in fact it is nothing but Red Clubs everywhere you go. And there are no Blue Clubs.
Great response Klondike, very interesting indeed.
I like how you summed up how "courtship" works for straights and gays - certainly not true in all cases, but the jyst of it is food for thought, for me.
It does sound like your heart is in the right place, but i wonder if you realistically see changing your habits? If so, how are you going to do it? Would you want to be monogamous, or would you want to replace sexual gratification with... "more healthy" habits?
-------------------- GO OUTSIDE.
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goliath_91710
King Dumpster
Registered: 01/27/05
Posts: 223
Loc: Las Vegas, NV
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Re: Sexual Compulsion And Porn Addiction - Can Anyone Relate? [Re: Klondike]
#10407733 - 05/27/09 02:10 PM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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Klondike said: Do any of you find that your need for sex is so bad it prevents you from going about your normal life?
Yes, but instead of saying that "it prevents [me] from going about [my] normal life", I'd say that it prevents me from achieving real intimacy with myself and, especially, with others. I want sooo badly to open up to someone and be vulnerable, but at the same time, that's also my biggest fear.
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Klondike said: Regardless of sexual orientation, the male sex drive is a slavemaster so surely someone here can relate to my experiences?
I wouldn't blame my "sex drive" either, since mine has waned since turning thirty, but my (practically identical) compulsive behavior hasn't. Instead, I'd call my addiction to sex the "slavemaster".
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Klondike said: So can anyone relate to this? Does anyone else have stories of depressive porn cycles, compulsive craigslist watching, and a constant hunger for sexual gratification? Even when I have sex, the aura of satisfaction is fantastic but it only lasts about two days, and then I am hungry again. I feel like I am a sexual vampire.
I can, perfectly. For the time being though, I've chosen to wallow in my compulsion, and to treat my depression with ecstasy and alcohol. I believe, however, that my redemption is possible if I was to attend AA and "do the steps" to truly recover from my addiction (to that most beautiful and sublime yet wholly addictive feeling of orgasm) and to live a meaningful and free and joyful life.
I like this thread, and I feel you brother, trust me I feel you! But life goes on...
-------------------- "Participate joyfully in the sorrows of life." - Joseph Campbell
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Klondike
Newbie
Registered: 04/13/09
Posts: 486
Loc: Oregon
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Re: Sexual Compulsion And Porn Addiction - Can Anyone Relate? [Re: collinZzZz]
#10412064 - 05/28/09 05:16 AM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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Pshyedelics probably would get my mind off sex and onto more noble things. I haven't done them in awhile. There are some women I like, but more the ones who are the tom-boy types. I can't stand girly-girls. Some good female friends who view me as a person rather than as their "gay" friend would probably be good for me.
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Klondike
Newbie
Registered: 04/13/09
Posts: 486
Loc: Oregon
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Re: Sexual Compulsion And Porn Addiction - Can Anyone Relate? [Re: PDU]
#10412068 - 05/28/09 05:20 AM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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I don't think I can be monogamous. At least not unless the guy was perfect. I think the solution is to develop other interests and activities to take my mind off sex. I am trying to take up reading books, biking, and independent films this summer. Psychedelics, as a couple of people mentioned, would be nice but I don't know anyone who does that yet.
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Klondike
Newbie
Registered: 04/13/09
Posts: 486
Loc: Oregon
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Re: Sexual Compulsion And Porn Addiction - Can Anyone Relate? [Re: goliath_91710]
#10412069 - 05/28/09 05:22 AM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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Thank you for your reply. I think you are right - it isn't necessarily a sex drive thing but becomes compulsive behavior after awhile. It's like you have an itch you need to scratch, but long after the itch is gone you are still scratching that spot and your skin is turning red and getting irritated. That's like what this is.
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filthee
DWWP
Registered: 10/17/08
Posts: 4,257
Loc: australia
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Re: Sexual Compulsion And Porn Addiction - Can Anyone Relate? [Re: Klondike]
#10412084 - 05/28/09 05:43 AM (14 years, 9 months ago) |
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here you go man
maybe you should drop the 'independant film' hobby tho
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