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OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 13 years, 2 months
Trip Report: Turning point.
    #1039755 - 11/10/02 12:26 AM (15 years, 12 days ago)

I had been, for a few weeks, asking myself questions, pretty much as usual, but one of them seemed to persist, to come back, as if to haunt me. "Who am I, deep inside? What am I without my identity, my name, or even my body?" Those words, hopping from one thought to another as I walked in the cold, depressing weather, kicking stones, frustrated me, because I did not seem to be able to find any answer to them, yet they were so simple.

Life goes by, for me, one second at a time. Things are always changing, but this change usually goes by unnoticed, because it is so slow and subtle. This is probably what let me become what I am now.

I had been planning to trip alone, on four grams of dried psilocybe cubensis mushrooms, in the dark, blindfolded, while listening to some of the best psy trance tunes I was able to find. I spent the day reading, talking to people, and pretty much preparing myself for what was ahead.

About thirty minutes before I ate the mushrooms, I took three kava kava root extract gelcaps, to help me cope with the anxiety, and a gravol (50mg dimenhydrinate), to prevent nausea. At seven, I turned down the lights, put the music on, munched down the earth-tasting plants, washing them down with a nice cold glass of water, and put the blindfolds on... I did not really know what I was getting into. To be honest, I was scared out of my mind, but I felt like I had to do it. I needed a turning point in my life.

I waited, sleepy from the gravol, for the first effects. I could say they got me by surprise. They submerged me, little by little. Cut off from everything but the music, I would unwillingly picture the random thoughts that would pop up into my mind. I walked by a woman with bruises on her face. She had a strong pace, she was very determined. Surprised, I wondered why she was in pain. "She's not, I thought. She knows she has nothing to be scared of..."

The visions went from nothing to blobs, from blobs to patterns, from patterns to shapes, from shapes to amazingly complex three dimentionnal forms, that looked like they had been sculpted out of my own self, in warm, reddish colors of all sorts. I was many times striked by incredible feelings of d?ja-vu, that felt reassuring, in their own, twisted, unexplainable way. What I saw was in constant, neverending shift, fluidly following every move the music would make.

There I was, exploring my own mind, not scared at all anymore. I felt at home. I was. It felt so good, almost like being reborn. I was, however, feeling a need to explain what I was living, but I found it very hard to put everything into words. But, anyways, words can't even come close to describing properly what the experience was like. Finally, everything made sense, my thoughts were finally free to occupy as much of my conscious as they wanted. "This is it? It can't be. It's too simple." The answers to my questions were right in front of me all along, but, being an avid thinker, I've always looked for complicated paths to the simple conclusions. It was so incredibly simple, that, for a few moments, I thought I had become insane.

I went for a walk, when I was starting to come down, to try and glue the peices of the puzzle together. My mind was tired, it needed to rest.

I entered another world, with a question in hand, but came out with no answer. Well, not one I can explain. I'm positive that I know myself better now, and I understand that, without words, a name, and a body, I am still myself, but I cannot describe this self in its complexity and its beauty. And I'll have to cope with that.

I loved it. Every single bit of it. I'm on the right track, I know it; I've been, for the past few weeks, letting myself go, but in the bad way. It's all over now. I have a life to live.


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



Edited by geokills (11/10/02 02:03 AM)


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OfflineMurex
Reality Hacker

Registered: 07/28/02
Posts: 3,599
Loc: Traped in a shell.
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Turning point. [Re: Meph]
    #1039772 - 11/10/02 12:30 AM (15 years, 12 days ago)

Was it a turning point for you?



--------------------
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?



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OfflineLlamanose
The llama knows

Registered: 10/02/02
Posts: 1,868
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: Turning point. [Re: Murex]
    #1039794 - 11/10/02 12:38 AM (15 years, 12 days ago)

Exactly!!  :laugh:  That's what I love about mushrooms...  They show you that the answers you thought were so difficult and hard to find are just so simple that you completely overlooked them.  :grin:  Nothings really as important as it seems, just live and love living while you're her, cuz it doesn't last forever.... 


--------------------
Alice came to a fork in the road.  "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


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OfflinegeokillsA
∙∙∙∙☼ º¿° ☼∙∙∙∙
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/08/01
Posts: 19,398
Loc: city of angels
Last seen: 19 hours, 22 minutes
Re: Turning point. [Re: Meph]
    #1040028 - 11/10/02 02:02 AM (15 years, 12 days ago)

Wow, sounds like an exciting time! :cool:

I ate 0.75g of Cambodians a few hours ago, and have been smoking throughout the night.  Nice post, a great read I must say :grin:

Glad you feel that you're on the right track.  enjoy life
 


--------------------

--------------------
··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙··
...π╥ ╥π...


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OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 13 years, 2 months
Re: Turning point. [Re: geokills]
    #1041507 - 11/10/02 07:33 PM (15 years, 11 days ago)

Thanks geo, I appreciate the comments...

I'm feeling so much better about myself... it's unbeleivable!


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



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OfflineMeph
Synesthesiac

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 1,568
Loc: Qu?bec
Last seen: 13 years, 2 months
Re: Trip Report: Turning point. [Re: Meph]
    #1043720 - 11/11/02 04:19 PM (15 years, 11 days ago)

Just curious; has anyone else tried tripping blindfolded in the dark like this? If so, how did you like it?


--------------------
I'm a bipedal carbon-based pseudo-random number generator.

Demonstration: 152.



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OfflineSkikid16
fungus fan

Registered: 06/27/02
Posts: 5,666
Loc: In the middle of the nort...
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: Trip Report: Turning point. [Re: Meph]
    #1045334 - 11/12/02 02:11 AM (15 years, 10 days ago)

No, but after reading your post I'm gonna. Great report, and glad that you found what you were looking for. Aren't they (shrooms) great.


--------------------
Re-Defeat Bush in '04


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