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Registered: 10/14/02
Posts: 41
going too far... a story of broken trust
    #1031324 - 11/07/02 03:06 AM (21 years, 7 months ago)

The search for truth exists on many levels. In this this thread I'll be talking about the search for truth in a broken relationship.

It's funny how years of trust and honesty can be shattered in one instant. Uncovering a lie slowly uncovers all the other lies... it's not an easy thing to go through. But instead of letting it go and moving on with your life, you make it your mission to get to the bottom of things, a search for the truth. You take a small breather before you let this person re-enter your life. When she returns you watch everything... every word, motion, and reaction that seems out of place sends your mind into a spiral. It's not a peaceful place to be.

It all started with the e-mail. You silently watch every message going in and out. For months and months, you slowly find yourself checking hers more often that you check your own. Pieces are getting put together, but it's not enough... you need more. The cellphone... a wonderful source of information. You start tracking every call, every message. Who called? When did they call? Did she miss the call? When did she call them back? Now you are consumed... even deeper into the obssession. You start calling her on her lies and she finally finds out what's going on. You keep checking the phone, you keep checking the email, but now it starts driving you insane. Gaps everywhere... you can figure out when and where she is covering her tracks, but you can't get any details. You can't sleep at night because you lie in bed while your mind makes up wild stories to fill the empty spaces.

All this time you are constantly struggling with yourself to let it go. For a while you win, you feel peaceful. You can tell when something isn't right but you let it go. Then one day it comes back to you. Your tired of the stories and the lies... what's really going on? You start again... you start putting the truth back together but you need more. You can see what's going on, but the details are all missing. Where else do we go? The checkbook! What did she spend? Where and when? But that's not good enough... she uses the bank card too often. Then you figure it out! On-line banking... every transaction, all dated and labeled with store/city/state. Wonderful! Or is it?

You've stepped into my shadow. It's a sick disease, it messes with your head, it controls your life. It's killing you, you feel smothered in a web that you created. She is always going to be this way, she grew up lying. It's part of her and the only way you will ever find what you are looking for is if you can get inside her head, and guess what? It's never going to happen!

You know you need to let it go, let her go, move on with your life... you are losing your spirit, you are losing your trust even more, you are creating ill patterns in your own mind, you are missing out on everything good by chasing something bad. Why can't you stop?

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Registered: 10/14/02
Posts: 41
Re: going too far... a story of broken trust [Re: i3Ei]
    #1031327 - 11/07/02 03:09 AM (21 years, 7 months ago)

PS: please help me  :frown: 

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InvisibleCow Shit Collector
Patty Poacher

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 1,959
Loc: Random Field
Re: going too far... a story of broken trust [Re: i3Ei]
    #1031341 - 11/07/02 03:24 AM (21 years, 7 months ago)

a: your to obsessive over this person, relax
b: she is a pathalogical liar and needs to be let go. Trust is the biggest factor in every relationship


Life's a garden, Dig it!
~Joe Dirt

Off Topic Website

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Registered: 10/15/02
Posts: 4,773
Loc: London UK
Last seen: 5 months, 17 days
Re: going too far... a story of broken trust [Re: i3Ei]
    #1031355 - 11/07/02 03:32 AM (21 years, 7 months ago)

Have you got friends who you can speak to about this? Maybe she doesnt tell as many lies as you think? mutual friends might be able to give you a clearer view?


Always Smi2le

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Registered: 06/20/02
Posts: 546
Loc: standing in the shadows a...
Last seen: 20 years, 11 months
Re: going too far... a story of broken trust [Re: i3Ei]
    #1031784 - 11/07/02 08:29 AM (21 years, 7 months ago)

don't let her lying cause disease in you. the things you are doing are no better than her lying. pull yourself together, man! get rid of her, no matter how much it hurts. then you have to start your own healing process in preparation for the next relationship you have...

good luck brother...


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retired shroomer
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/02/01
Posts: 688
Loc: One dimension
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: going too far... a story of broken trust [Re: i3Ei]
    #1031988 - 11/07/02 09:53 AM (21 years, 7 months ago)

  COOL POST!! I had, and maybe still have this problem. This happened to me with a girl also. I couldn't let her go! I had to be with her... Addiction I guess. It's been one year since I am not with her.. but still think about her.  But YOU MUST DO THE SAME! She will pass your head. You will  be ok. You must erase her from your mind. Be carefull not to erase too much..ONLY HER! :smile: SHROOM ON!

I see trees of green, psylocibe mushrooms too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world

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Gnostic Chaoist

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 340
Loc: R'lyeh
Re: going too far... a story of broken trust [Re: i3Ei]
    #1032004 - 11/07/02 10:00 AM (21 years, 7 months ago)

I have had this experience, i3Ei. It is even worse if the relationship started off as a committed one ie. marriage. I am sorry to say that there is probably not a lot you can do to save this relationship, because it takes two to fix things. You cannot do it on your own, no matter how much you uncover, no matter how much secret knowledge you accumulate. One thing you have to do, imho, is STOP trying to figure out what is going on. It does not help the situation and only serves to torment you further. Simply inform her that you are aware that she moves behind your back and express your honest feelings regarding the situation and tell her that you would like to try and make things better, but cannot do it without her consent and help and honesty.

Might work.

* * * * * * * * * *
Read the Landotter's Mystical Journey Journal

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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
Re: going too far... a story of broken trust [Re: the_Landotter]
    #1032088 - 11/07/02 10:38 AM (21 years, 7 months ago)

evil. i come to tell you that she's evil. most definately.

addictive relationships can destroy you. youll keep lying to yourself to validate the relationship, when you know its not good. youll end up lying to yourself more than she does.

go with your heart, trust your instincts, they are forever.

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Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/29/99
Posts: 6,488
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 8 months, 14 days
Re: going too far... a story of broken trust [Re: i3Ei]
    #1032486 - 11/07/02 12:56 PM (21 years, 7 months ago)

oh ya, it takes 2 to make it work, but only 1 to make it break...
if you really want to try & save your dyad... and if she is also willing to try... and if you both believe that
"counseling" has the possibility to help your situation, well, you could try it (but, of course, no guarantees... :frown: ...)
it is surely amazing that one who is capable of giving such joy is also capable of giving so much pain...
try to keep lines of communication open witht her... or at least be able to tell her that your perception of what she is doing is breaking you heart (and worrying your mind, and frazzling your nerves...)
and if you hafta break up, try to do so without eviscerating each other... well, try...
(i've been thru the broken-heart trip, and it hurts like nothin' else, but... it does heal, eventually (well, enough to get on with your life, anyways...)... "walk on")

old enough to know better
not old enough to care

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Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: going too far... a story of broken trust [Re: i3Ei]
    #1033469 - 11/07/02 06:14 PM (21 years, 7 months ago)

I was married at age 29, for 10 years. Unfortunately, all I saw were long legs and long blond hair, and matriculation in a Ph.D. program. I didn't see:
Axis I: Alcohol Dependence
Axis II: Borderline Personality Disorder, with Sadistic and Antisocial features

Infidelity, theft, lying, deception, malevolence, vindictiveness, contempt...I'd rather not go on. One third of my life in relationship when I left at age 39 - but I left, and got my mother's/grandmother's diamond back and 10K in cash. My self-esteem, trust, faith in women, and general mental health and spiritual intactnesss took a good (4) years to reclaim.

Today, I am healthier (migraines went away when she did) , wiser, better looking (really - a good woman is better than rubies, but a bad woman can wear you down like the 'psychic vampyr' she is), wealthier, Happier than I ever was with her. I never would've believed it, but divorce from this sick bitch was the best thing that ever happened. When I realized it, I was happier than my wedding day (at which I drank several bottles of Korbel and made myself dreadfully ill, 'cause my unconscious knew I was making a terrible mistake). I also traced phone calls, etc. Life is precious, and believe it or not, there are beautiful, sane and good women in the world, so waste NO MORE time!

γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself

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happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: going too far... a story of broken trust [Re: i3Ei]
    #1033691 - 11/07/02 07:55 PM (21 years, 7 months ago)

sounds like you need therapy, but not necessarily sitting on a therapuetic couch. when i'm stuck in cycles of bad habbits, i do my best to create a therapeutic enivornment for a healing session. for example, having had an ex-lover spend so much time in my home, i found a ritual of redecoration and re-arranging of furniture to be helpful to cleanse and freshen up the atmosphere. i like to smoke pot, listen to music, clean and rearrange and try out a lot of different possibilities in finding that phatty setup. i don't know what facilitates your sense of safety and joy, maybe it has been snuggling up with your lover at the end of the day (certainly was for me!), but i really had to realize that even though my choice object wasn't there (the lover), that i still absolutely need my rest at the end of each day! ya know, often it's something like sitting in my rocking chair w/ dim lighting, music like Dead Can Dance softly playing, a cat in my lap and the pen and journal in my hand. basically it's all an attempt to acknowledge my cycle of habbits that manifest suffering into the world, and apologize and be compassionate to myself. i realize carrying around resentment or delusive fantasies towards an ex is just absurd (i have done it nearly every day for several months), but there comes a point in any day where i realize i have to offer my day (points upwards) and that i'll have my day again tomorrow (ya dig???) see, i'm very sensitive and stubborn, but deep down inside i know it's my choice to offer my day up to God and unite with those who are on the path of Joy, if i want to enjoy myself. so, at some point in any day, no matter how much i've blundered it, i'm willing to set myself and my whole range of problems aside for now, and just do no harm for the moment and feel safe, cradled in love. to feel like i'm 3 years old sitting in papas arms as he reads the newspaper, just totally, absolutely... loved... seems so... essential. blessings, CJ

Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.

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