So, I've been a major fuckin stoner the past 2-3 years. Pretty much since starting college and having no money to do anything fun like I used to. It has taken a lot of introspective thought to come to this conclusion, and perhaps a bit of luck but I've nailed it down.
I've grown my own weed in the past, after years of smoking home grown KB I've developed a lot of problems. First is laziness, now that I've been sober for a while I can't believe where I've ended up. Apathy isn't even accurate in describing my level fuck-off-ing.
Recently, half a year actually, I've been suffering from anhedonia. At first I thought it was a side effect of the antidepressants I was on, but after being off them and still smoking every hour, I wasn't feeling any better or acting better about my life. I'm sure many of you can understand what I'm saying, fuck I think about how my MJ highs were right when I got out of the Navy and I can't believe it, I'd fuckin hallucinate and hear shit and barely be able to keep my eyes open after an hour, now I can chief away on an 8th of commercial and be sober again an hour later. At first sex was better, eating was better, and smoking pot was fun and never let me down in times of boredom.
Fast forward two years and aside from opiates, I feel no true life pleasure anymore. I've been to endocrinologists and had blood work done numerous times, in the past I used anabolic steroids two times, so I thought perhaps I didn't take the necessary steps in rebounding my HPTA, but my free-testosterone is actually higher after cycling than before. (i do bloodwork b4 and after) So my hormones are in order.
So, after months of living a sterile life and putting stupid amounts of strain on my marriage since I haven't even thought of sex, I quit drugs completely except coffee. It's been 4 days since I've stopped smoking ganja, haven't touched pods in weeks, and have been off Dr Rx mirtazapine 2 nights now. Sleep is non existent for me but daily I've been feeling much better and last night I had dreams of sex that left me horny as fuck when i woke up, something I haven't felt but 1 time on MDMA in the past half a year.
In reading about cannabinoids the past few months, and ironically this morning reading about anandamide, I can't believe how long I've been saturating my brain with fucking THC. Aside from a shitty high, I'd get anxiety out the fuckin ass anymore...
Anyways, my point of all this is, no matter how empirical I've been, I've been biased about MJ. Now it seems naive and adolescent the views I had about MJ but in truth, we have no fucking clue how the endocannabinoid circuits truly work. Not even twenty years ago we just discovered anandamide and the information stemming from that discovery has been astounding. THC probably plays a very pivotal role in pain modulation, motivation, memory reinforcement and long-term storage (duh), appetite and pleasurable feelings.
So fucking insane I've spent all this time self inflicting myself with good ole reefer.
Everything in moderation is where I always end up. Just thought I'd share, what I once considered my salvation ended up really fucking my head up.
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Science is a way of thinking much more than it is a body of knowledge. - My hero, who will be forever remembered, Carl Sagan.
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Well first off, lay off the opiates. I promise you, from 3 years experience being addicted to norco, if you stop using them and wait a couple weeks, maybe even monthes, you'll lose the apathy towards life. I don't think the majority of your problems are from abusing cannabis. I think it's the opiates. How long have you been taking them? Even if you aren't physically addicted, which i'm not, you will still feel generally like shit if you aren't high on them.
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Shit, grats on Mod cypher!
Unbearable- I hear where you're coming from man. I confronted those demons over a month ago and have been clean, but I suffered from the anhedonia before opiates. In fact that lead me to opiates because they're the only thing that made me feel anything, and it was good. Sadly, we all know where that dance ends.
Thanks for the replies fellas.
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Science is a way of thinking much more than it is a body of knowledge. - My hero, who will be forever remembered, Carl Sagan.
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