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Gumby
Fishnologist
Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
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Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote
#9992460 - 03/17/09 11:37 PM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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The dude was probably one of the best one-liner/short joke comedians out there.
Per the drug-related nature of this message board, here are two of my favorites:
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."
"I shouldn't say this because it will blow my cover but... I like the FedEx driver because he is a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it, and he's always on time."
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TODAY
Battletoad
Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
#9992494 - 03/17/09 11:46 PM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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Wearing a turtleneck is like being choked all day by a really weak guy.
-------------------- ca'rouse (k-rouz) intr.v. To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.
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Gumby
Fishnologist
Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: TODAY]
#9992523 - 03/17/09 11:51 PM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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I like the follow up for that one. Something like "If you're wearing a turtleneck AND a backpack, it's like having a really weak midget tryin to bring you down all day long."
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TODAY
Battletoad
Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
#9992545 - 03/17/09 11:57 PM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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LOL. yep.
and what about that line about not bringing ink and paper into a donut transaction. GOLD
-------------------- ca'rouse (k-rouz) intr.v. To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.
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CptnGarden
fuck this site
Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 11,945
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
#9992549 - 03/17/09 11:57 PM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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The store didnt have any candle-holders
So I bought a cake
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TODAY
Battletoad
Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: CptnGarden]
#9992556 - 03/17/09 11:59 PM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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-------------------- ca'rouse (k-rouz) intr.v. To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.
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Gumby
Fishnologist
Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: TODAY]
#9992573 - 03/18/09 12:03 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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Haha, yeah that was one of my favorites too, I managed to find it...
"I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under 'D, for doughnut.'"
I wonder if the UK, Aussie, and other stoners/trippers know who Mitch is/was?
UK, Australia, other worldly Shroomerites, do you know who he is?
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Yrtlzmo
Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 2,623
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. [Re: Gumby]
#9992581 - 03/18/09 12:05 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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.
Edited by Yrtlzmo (02/06/13 05:02 AM)
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muistrue
Inspired by the mystery
Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 12,899
Loc: Behind the Redwoods
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
#9992601 - 03/18/09 12:09 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
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Jufin
Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
#9992612 - 03/18/09 12:13 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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Yeah, but only because of another recent post made about him on here.
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Gumby
Fishnologist
Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Jufin]
#9992620 - 03/18/09 12:14 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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How do you like him? I know the dialect and culture is mad different over there.
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Jufin
Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
#9992689 - 03/18/09 12:27 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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He's pretty funny, he has some funny lines, but his manner gets on my nerves a bit. I wouldn't say our culture is much different than yours. Check out this guy
Edited by Jufin (03/18/09 12:36 AM)
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FollowTheMusic
Stranger
Registered: 11/11/06
Posts: 267
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
#9992716 - 03/18/09 12:32 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only...become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
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Gumby
Fishnologist
Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Jufin]
#9992718 - 03/18/09 12:33 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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Yeah, there's no doubt that Mitch's demeanor was really, really weird.
As far as your vid goes, didn't work for me. I think my adblocking software is messing it up. Who was the comedian?
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Jufin
Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
#9992733 - 03/18/09 12:36 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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Fixed.
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Kada
Asha'man
Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 12,395
Loc: Buckeye
Last seen: 9 days, 14 hours
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Jufin]
#9992751 - 03/18/09 12:40 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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"I did a radio interview; the DJ's first question was "Who are you?" I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?"
-------------------- ~The Cultivators Motherload~ "I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein "There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama Live long and prosper.
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Jadian
Ninja
Registered: 07/07/05
Posts: 7,404
Loc: The desert
Last seen: 6 years, 3 months
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
#9992754 - 03/18/09 12:41 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks, it'd be so damn literal!
I got the number of the lady who works at the front desk.... it's 0
-------------------- LNC's official Alaskan stoner
Edited by Jadian (03/18/09 01:47 AM)
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muistrue
Inspired by the mystery
Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 12,899
Loc: Behind the Redwoods
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Kada]
#9992804 - 03/18/09 12:55 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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Quote:
Kada said: "I did a radio interview; the DJ's first question was "Who are you?" I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?"
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learningtofly
Ancient Aliens
Registered: 05/21/07
Posts: 15,105
Loc: Out of this world
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: muistrue]
#9992819 - 03/18/09 01:00 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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"I got an idea for sweatshops: Airconditioning!.. problem solved!"
"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?"
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sam.larone
Registered: 01/15/09
Posts: 373
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote *DELETED* [Re: learningtofly]
#9992834 - 03/18/09 01:04 AM (15 years, 14 days ago) |
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Post deleted by sam.larone
Reason for deletion: .
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