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InvisibleGumby
Fishnologist
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Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote
    #9992460 - 03/17/09 11:37 PM (15 years, 14 days ago)

The dude was probably one of the best one-liner/short joke comedians out there.

Per the drug-related nature of this message board, here are two of my favorites:

"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."

"I shouldn't say this because it will blow my cover but... I like the FedEx driver because he is a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it, and he's always on time."

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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
    #9992494 - 03/17/09 11:46 PM (15 years, 14 days ago)

Wearing a turtleneck is like being choked all day by a really weak guy.


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ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.

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InvisibleGumby
Fishnologist
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Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: TODAY]
    #9992523 - 03/17/09 11:51 PM (15 years, 14 days ago)

I like the follow up for that one. Something like "If you're wearing a turtleneck AND a backpack, it's like having a really weak midget tryin to bring you down all day long."

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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
    #9992545 - 03/17/09 11:57 PM (15 years, 14 days ago)

LOL. yep.

and what about that line about not bringing ink and paper into a donut transaction.  GOLD


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ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.

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OfflineCptnGarden
fuck this site

Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 11,945
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
    #9992549 - 03/17/09 11:57 PM (15 years, 14 days ago)

The store didnt have any candle-holders



So I bought a cake

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InvisibleTODAY
Battletoad
Male

Registered: 09/25/03
Posts: 10,218
Loc: Metropolis City, USA
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: CptnGarden]
    #9992556 - 03/17/09 11:59 PM (15 years, 14 days ago)

:ilold:


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ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.

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InvisibleGumby
Fishnologist
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Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: TODAY]
    #9992573 - 03/18/09 12:03 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

Haha, yeah that was one of my favorites too, I managed to find it...

"I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under 'D, for doughnut.'"

I wonder if the UK, Aussie, and other stoners/trippers know who Mitch is/was?

UK, Australia, other worldly Shroomerites, do you know who he is?

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InvisibleYrtlzmo
Female
Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 2,623
. [Re: Gumby]
    #9992581 - 03/18/09 12:05 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

.

Edited by Yrtlzmo (02/06/13 05:02 AM)

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Invisiblemuistrue
Inspired by the mystery
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Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 12,899
Loc: Behind the Redwoods
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
    #9992601 - 03/18/09 12:09 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away. :rofl2:


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InvisibleJufin
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
    #9992612 - 03/18/09 12:13 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

Yeah, but only because of another recent post made about him on here.

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InvisibleGumby
Fishnologist
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Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Jufin]
    #9992620 - 03/18/09 12:14 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

How do you like him? I know the dialect and culture is mad different over there.

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InvisibleJufin
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Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
    #9992689 - 03/18/09 12:27 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

He's pretty funny, he has some funny lines, but his manner gets on my nerves a bit.  I wouldn't say our culture is much different than yours.  Check out this guy


Edited by Jufin (03/18/09 12:36 AM)

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OfflineFollowTheMusic
Stranger
Registered: 11/11/06
Posts: 267
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
    #9992716 - 03/18/09 12:32 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only...become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

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InvisibleGumby
Fishnologist
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Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Jufin]
    #9992718 - 03/18/09 12:33 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

Yeah, there's no doubt that Mitch's demeanor was really, really weird.

As far as your vid goes, didn't work for me. I think my adblocking software is messing it up. Who was the comedian?

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InvisibleJufin
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Registered: 03/31/08
Posts: 5,116
Loc: Australia
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
    #9992733 - 03/18/09 12:36 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

Fixed.

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OfflineKada
Asha'man
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Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 12,395
Loc: Buckeye Flag
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Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Jufin]
    #9992751 - 03/18/09 12:40 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

"I did a radio interview; the DJ's first question was "Who are you?" I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?"


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.


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OfflineJadian
Ninja
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Registered: 07/07/05
Posts: 7,404
Loc: The desert
Last seen: 6 years, 3 months
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Gumby]
    #9992754 - 03/18/09 12:41 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks, it'd be so damn literal!

I got the number of the lady who works at the front desk.... it's 0  :lol:


--------------------
LNC's official Alaskan stoner
:jackdaniels::drooling::jackdaniels:

Edited by Jadian (03/18/09 01:47 AM)

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Invisiblemuistrue
Inspired by the mystery
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Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 12,899
Loc: Behind the Redwoods
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: Kada]
    #9992804 - 03/18/09 12:55 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

Quote:

Kada said:
"I did a radio interview; the DJ's first question was "Who are you?" I had to think. Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?"


:rotfl:


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Offlinelearningtofly
Ancient Aliens
Male


Registered: 05/21/07
Posts: 15,105
Loc: Out of this world
Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote [Re: muistrue]
    #9992819 - 03/18/09 01:00 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

"I got an idea for sweatshops: Airconditioning!.. problem solved!"

"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?"


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Invisiblesam.larone
Registered: 01/15/09
Posts: 373
Re: Post your favorite Mitch Hedberg quote *DELETED* [Re: learningtofly]
    #9992834 - 03/18/09 01:04 AM (15 years, 14 days ago)

Post deleted by sam.larone

Reason for deletion: .

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