So I've been working on this long poem for a while now and it's 2/3 completed. As I finish it up I would like your opinions on how I can make it better in any way. Kudos if you actually read the whole thing!
God With Us
By: Matt K. Bounds
With blackest hearts through blackest night
they walk to the unholy place
to worship fires burning bright
illuminating time and space.
They know the end is drawing near
and soon their master shall arise.
These six are one with hate and fear:
The Order of Unblinking Eyes.
Night fades, gives way to break of dawn
as three pure spirits stand around
the ghost of evils flame long gone
and bless, with prayer, this cursed ground.
They've come together for the One
whose sinless life was sacrificed
and through these three His will be done:
The Saints Who Bare the Mark of Christ.
This dream relinquishes it's hold
upon the young boy sleeping fast.
He wakes and walks into the cold
embracing destiny at last.
These constant and prophetic dreams
have plagued his heart, consumed his head
but now he can't ignore the screams
of those proclaiming God is dead.
The sun continues through the sky
while on the other side of town
A man whose life was passing by
lay still and silent, beaten down.
He stood for what was right and true
but now he couldn't stand at all.
The only thing he strives to do
is face his fate, answer the call.
The silence breaks, he feels profound
benevolence within the air.
He lifts his head to look around
and sees the young boy standing there.
He helps the man back on his feet
and asks him what had happened here.
The man responds, "This sad defeat
was dealt by one who lingers near."
"He struck me down with violent rage
as I was preaching to a crowd
of those who fight for a new age
where faith in God is not allowed."
The young boys smile slowly fades.
His course of action understood.
"Where is this fool who masquerades
as one who fights for greater good?"
He looks the young boy in the eye
and lifts his hand to point the way.
"Give me your name and tell me why
you think their hearts can change today.
"What leads a boy like you to think
that you would even stand a chance?
Perhaps you feel you're on the brink
of freeing them from such a trance?"
The young boy answers: "Very well.
I'll tell you all you wish to know.
My name is Pierce Emmanuel.
Come with me and your faith will grow."
Without speaking another word
they walk to seek the coward whose
intolerance was seen and heard
by all who share his twisted views.
They come upon the meeting place
of wicked men with thoughts unkind.
Deceived by he who fell from grace
they wander now with spirits blind.
The man who flaunted his own wrath
stands up to greet this unknown guest.
"What business brings you down this path?
Just turn around, you lowly pest."
"Or have you come to set me straight
for what I did to him back there?
You may just face a likewise fate
but come! Attack me if you dare!"
Pierce responds, "The Lord, our God
shall frown upon your deadly sin
and Satan surely will applaud
your efforts to corrupt these men."
With this the violent man turns 'round
to reassure his men, "You must
remember this poor boy is bound
to suffer for his misplaced trust!
"He feeds upon the fervent lies
of those who mourn an ancient loss:
The one called Jesus we despise
was vanquished on that God damned cross!"
Before another word is spoken
Pierce is right behind this pawn
whose jaw would very soon be broken
and whose will to fight was gone.
For now he understands the truth,
the nature of this boy named Pierce.
The prophets spoke of such a youth
whose love for God would echo fierce.
No time to dodge this swift attack,
he tenses up to take the pain
as Pierce demands, "Now take it back!
Don't take my Savior's name in vain!"
As fist meets face and foes collide
the world around them holds its breath.
This fiend whose malice much denied
shall face a fate far worse than death.
He hits the ground with shattered jaw
and slowly sheds his human shell.
His followers stand back in awe
of this foul demon born in hell.
Yet Pierce remains before the beast
With faded smile now returned.
The evil in this town had ceased
and faithless doctrine was unlearned.
The demon cries out to his lord:
"Strike down this boy who dares to stand
against the ones who move toward
the new age that is close at hand!"
The voice of Lucifer replies
with passion most nefarious:
"The Order of Unblinking Eyes
shall guide us to Aquarius!"
"But you won't live to see the day
we finally accomplish this!
You've failed and now the price you pay
is absence from the coming bliss!"
His words transform into a fire
that consumes the demons heart
and as the frightened men respire
Pierce and his new friend depart.
They head to distant lands of shame
that have played host to many wars
as Pierce inquires: "What's your name?
I've told you mine, now tell me yours."
The man complies with his request:
"My name's Elijah Nomaly
and I'll come with you on this quest
because of what you did for me."
"I was the only preacher left
who labeled those new teachings wrong
and I felt like I was bereft
of spirit 'til you came along."
As sun trades places with the moon
Pierce and Elijah stay the course
both unaware that very soon
they'd face another wicked force.
With eerie whispers on the wind
they spot a fire from afar
where people bow their heads and send
their praises to the Morning Star.
As they move close they both perceive
the muffled sound of someone crying.
One young girl lead to believe
her soul would be set free by dying.
Whispered praises quickly cease.
They face the girl, each with a knife.
The leader speaks, "We shall release
your soul from this imperfect life."
"I know you cry because you're scared
but everything will be just fine.
Eternal bliss is gladly shared
by Lucifer, our lord divine."
Elijah calls out to the man:
"This blasphemy can't be ignored!
You must atone while you still can
so that your faith can be restored."
The man erupts with hellish laughter
then responds, "You cannot keep
our lord from seeking what he's after
while your God is fast asleep.
"There's nothing that can stop us now.
Tonight will be the night you fail
so get down on your knees and bow
to he whose hatred shall prevail!"
Repulsed by this malicious plot,
Elijah sheds a single tear.
He turns to Pierce who smiles not.
They both advance, their mission clear.
The leader stands his ground between
the girl and two brave souls who dare
to mock his master still unseen
and interrupt this wicked prayer.
He lifts his hand toward the stars
receiving power from their light
as he exclaims, "This world is ours!
You might as well give up the fight!"
A beam of iridescent hue
emerges from his pulsing fist.
Pierce speaks, "I have a feeling you
don't have much longer to exist."
"I sense the nature of your hearts.
Demonic fiends and nothing more.
Near is the day our God imparts
the Kingdom we've been waiting for."
The beam expands and swallows them
into a universe made of
the thoughts and feelings that condemn
all hearts within to forfeit love.
They hear the leaders unrelenting
laughter echo through the gloom.
He speaks, "There is no use repenting!
Both of you embrace your doom!"
"Submit your soul, suppress your will.
Forget what you have seen and heard.
Your chances to survive are nil
because you trust the Holy Word."
Elijah counters, "How on Earth
do you expect us to believe
a fool who's wasting all he's worth?
Whose only goal is to deceive?"
The leader answers, "Don't you see?
This is a place God cannot reach
for hate is much stronger than He.
A truth the Bible doesn't teach."
This cold and most disgusting lie
reverberates throughout the void
as Pierce leaps forth with ardent cry,
"By God all hate will be destroyed!"
Expecting such a brazen act
the leader casts away disguise.
His demon form, quick to react,
jumps back and swiftly starts to rise.
Pierce carries on in his direction
while Elijah starts to pray,
"Dear Lord, please grant us your protection.
Guide us safely through this fray."
The demon conjurs up a wave
of pure malicious energy
that lashes out, seeks to deprave
each heart so faith will cease to be.
Yet Pierce endures this sudden pain
exclaiming, "Holy is the Lamb
whose life and love will never wane
for He is called the Great I Am!"
These blessed words of truth eternal
stun the demon to his core.
This realm which was beyond infernal
holds no power anymore.
Pierce stands before his weakened foe
to overcome this wretched trial.
As he deals the final blow
his lips display a new found smile.
Speechless and too weak to move,
the demon is consumed by fire
for his failure to remove
the faith Pierce struggled to acquire.
Lucifer denounces him,
"You know I cannot tolerate
a servant who would lose to them,
the ones who worship all I hate."
This world of darkness starts to fade.
Pierce and Elijah both emerge
to carry on their escapade
with one less demon left to purge.
The other men had fled the scene
and left the captive girl behind.
She spoke, "Im Grace Evangeline.
It seems our causes are aligned."
"I seek to help all those in need
and on this night I was misled
but thanks to you I have been freed.
I surely would have wound up dead."
They walk together through the night.
Their threads of fate have now been spliced
to seek the trinity of light:
The Saints Who Bare The Mark Of Christ.
To be concluded...
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