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 C12H16N2O
Horticulturalist
Registered: 06/25/08
Posts: 71
Last seen: 6 years, 2 months
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 Argh, Women. 
#9409644 - 12/10/08 10:06 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Well I come to you shroomery with my first thread, I just regret that it had to be in the Well-Being section.
I recently found out that my long term girlfriend went and slept around on me. We've been dating for two years, to the day actually of when she told me. She goes to school a considerable distance from our home town, up until this we were seeing each other every month or so.
I broke it off with her on the premise of needing time to figure myself out and that we would talk at Christmas time when she's home. Since we've been apart I've decided that I can't forgive her for what has happened and that I'll never be able to trust her again like I did.
I've met somebody new, great girl. Down to earth, fun to be around, good looking the complete package. It just sucks that this has completely complicated the situation even worse.
I've certainly become an alcoholic in the last month. I've been turning to alcohol as it's the only thing that's been able to do a job of numbing my mind.
I'm planning on telling her we're done for good when shes home for Christmas, that way she is done exams and is around people that care about her. The last thing I want is to effect her studies or have her struggle with depression again.
So I come to you shroomery for advice and opinion. Am I being a selfish little brat for leaving her? What would you do? And how do I approach the topic of my new lady friend with friends family and my ex?
Thanks for your time.
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“A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit.”
-Elton Trueblood
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MHbound
Ballin Out At All Cost
Registered: 09/24/07
Posts: 6,512
Loc: Under The Rainbow
Last seen: 7 years, 11 days
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 Re: Argh, Women. [Re: C12H16N2O]
#9409697 - 12/10/08 10:14 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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See women do this. They make the guy feel like they are in the wrong for breaking up with them AFTER they cheated on them.
I do not trust women, and I never will...I may never get married because of it. I don't consider myself unattracive I just have no desire to have this happen to me.
Break up with her, and you should feel good...You should be as happy as you can with this other chick, but if you are going to get in a relationship this soon after...You need to be sure that you aren't going to hold that against your new girl for what your other one did.
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BCurt420
Psychonaut
Registered: 05/02/08
Posts: 109
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: MHbound]
#9409821 - 12/10/08 10:37 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
MHbound said:
Break up with her, and you should feel good...You should be as happy as you can with this other chick, but if you are going to get in a relationship this soon after...You need to be sure that you aren't going to hold that against your new girl for what your other one did.
Smart man! If she did it once sadly she will do it again. Trust is everything in relationships, without that it will never work. Sry dude.
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 MUSIC=LIFE
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figmentfragment
leaving shroomery
Registered: 04/10/07
Posts: 1,226
Loc: 
Last seen: 13 years, 4 months
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: MHbound]
#9410913 - 12/11/08 03:10 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
MHbound said:
See women do this. They make the guy feel like they are in the wrong for breaking up with them AFTER they cheated on them.
I do not trust women, and I never will...I may never get married because of it. I don't consider myself unattracive I just have no desire to have this happen to me.
This is not a gender exclusive issue.
It just so happens that you are a hetero male (I assume judging from your post.) So this generalisation is lended some truth from your perspective. Any person of any sexual orientation could be faced with this.
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Goodbye Shroomery.
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ManianFH
living in perverty
Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,997
Last seen: 5 hours, 14 minutes
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: C12H16N2O]
#9411156 - 12/11/08 05:50 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Depends on if you love her and can trust her again. Sounds from your post that you do not think you can trust her, since this is the case, why date somebody you can not trust, this would not be a healthy relationship.
If you feel like you can still trust other women, then its a really good sign that you thinking clearly (because everyone is different, some can be trusted, some cant), and might be ready to pursue a relationship with this other girl.
Breakups suck, but sounds like you gotta do it. Make the decision that is going to help you grow. Also, bluntly, quit drinking alcohol. You have identified a problem that is hard for you to control, I think before anything with women, you need to deal with this issue, so it doesn't eventually affect other areas of your life (see the other post in this forum where a guy is fucking his life up with alcohol, just got a DUI.. weeee) stop drinking, learn to accept the hard parts of life and deal with them on a sober mind. You do not want to be at the will of a substance, ever, this is a bad place to be. Stop drinking man. Then you will have a better chance of having a healthy relationship with this new girl, and not one fucked up by drugs you cant control.
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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "
ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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 creekfreek
Certified phunologist
Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 4,818
Loc: Right about here
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: ManianFH]
#9411178 - 12/11/08 06:12 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Drop that bitch like a dirty wad of toilet paper.
She cheated on you and you are worried about hurting her feelings.
I say break it off witrh her NOW! Dont wait til she has the comforts of home to help her thru it.
Did she wait for you to be comfortable before she cheated on you? NO she did not.
Dump her ass right in the middle of finals or whatever, have no worries about her mental health as she didnt have worries about yours.
A cheater is just that and deserves nothing more than the boot.
Be careful with the new girl, and like MHBound said, take it slow so you dont end up blaming her for what the other bitch did to you.
Other than that, enjoy your life, dont even think about the cheating whore and be happy.
Life is to damn short to play games with ungrateful people like your soon to be ex.
Oh and welcome to the shroomery. I am sure that we can take your mind off of her for hours. Many of us here spend more time with the shroomery than we do our own significant others.
Best of luck to you and worst of luck to the cheating bitch.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: C12H16N2O]
#9411228 - 12/11/08 06:40 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Dude... forget about all these "macho" butt-hurt advices you just read in here, and just go on and be honest with her. Even though she was lying to you, at least she tried to get back on track with you and make things better. Also, I don't see what you would you would have to gain out of treating her bad, just because now you found someone new. Oh, and yeah... you do realize you can't become an alcoholic in a month, right? 
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: C12H16N2O]
#9411375 - 12/11/08 07:49 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Good advice all around. I think the most important thing is to stop the drinking habit and take control of yourself. Get independent and capable, ASAP.
Quote:
I'm planning on telling her we're done for good when shes home for Christmas, that way she is done exams and is around people that care about her. The last thing I want is to effect her studies or have her struggle with depression again.
Good for you for not taking the 'reciprocal disrespect' approach. Spite is an act of weakness, IMO.
Long distance relationships are trouble. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
Quote:
Am I being a selfish little brat for leaving her?
Are you kidding?
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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memes
Blessed
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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I agree with most everyone in here, all the advice is solid.
I personally would tell her now that it's over for good. When she's home for christmas, the act of seeing her in person and interacting will make it a lot harder to end it permanentally. If she wants to stay with you, she'll make it extremely hard for you to get away. Or she'll say you should be "just good friends" which will be a huge detriment to your new relationship.
I'm in the same situation as one of the above posters (forget who) - where I just can't seem to trust 'em..
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MHbound
Ballin Out At All Cost
Registered: 09/24/07
Posts: 6,512
Loc: Under The Rainbow
Last seen: 7 years, 11 days
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Quote:
figmentfragment said:
Quote:
MHbound said:
See women do this. They make the guy feel like they are in the wrong for breaking up with them AFTER they cheated on them.
I do not trust women, and I never will...I may never get married because of it. I don't consider myself unattracive I just have no desire to have this happen to me.
This is not a gender exclusive issue.
It just so happens that you are a hetero male (I assume judging from your post.) So this generalisation is lended some truth from your perspective. Any person of any sexual orientation could be faced with this.
This is true, but I am a male, and I can't speak from the female side...Men do it too, and if I were a female with the same outlook on men as I do with women then I would probably say the same thing.
I can't say that though. I don't know...Maybe men are different??? That's for you to tell us. I have no clue.
I see women a little bit different from my side though. Some of them play flirty, and unintentionally or intentionally bring men on to them to make themselves feel better...And before you know it they are fucking on the secretaries desk.
Do guys do this?? Probably, but again I can't say that. Most of my friends do not bring women on to them...They don't flirt. Most of my lady friends do, and it bothers me.
Maybe I should just be a raging homosexual??? Negative.
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ZippoZ
Knomadic
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: MHbound]
#9412128 - 12/11/08 11:08 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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to be bluntly honest with you, first off you are young, and sadly these things happen.
youve done nothing wrong, if the girl was going to cheat on you, she does not deserve you and you deserve better.
break it off with her, find someone new that can appreciate you more.
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PEACE
 zippoz
"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"
"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: MHbound]
#9413830 - 12/11/08 04:17 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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See women do this. They make the guy feel like they are in the wrong for breaking up with them AFTER they cheated on them.
Nonsense. Are men the weaker sex? Are men so weak that a woman can make them feel things? How wimpy and pathetic. How disgusting.
We all choose how we are going to feel about everything that happens to us.
For the OP: Just leave her. How she deals with it is no longer your problem (it never was). You don't need to justify yourself. Get on with it.
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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.
" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.
With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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MHbound
Ballin Out At All Cost
Registered: 09/24/07
Posts: 6,512
Loc: Under The Rainbow
Last seen: 7 years, 11 days
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: Icelander]
#9414005 - 12/11/08 04:42 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Well, they try to. They have the vagina, and that's what a lot of men are after....So, they kind of control the man in a sense...Some men at least.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: MHbound]
#9414034 - 12/11/08 04:48 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
MHbound said:
Well, they try to. They have the vagina, and that's what a lot of men are after....So, they kind of control the man in a sense...Some men at least.
Sure, because the idea that women really enjoy having sex too is SO far fetched 
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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MHbound
Ballin Out At All Cost
Registered: 09/24/07
Posts: 6,512
Loc: Under The Rainbow
Last seen: 7 years, 11 days
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Yea, but I think if you take an average more men are in a relationship for sex.
Hell, studies show this. I mean obviously you can't average every couple in, but overall it shows.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: MHbound]
#9414274 - 12/11/08 05:20 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Got any links?
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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Mufungo
Coming at ya
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 2,743
Loc: Knowhere
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Post deleted by MufungoReason for deletion: ....
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: Mufungo]
#9414602 - 12/11/08 06:09 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote from the wikipedia link:
Quote:
The original experiments with rats followed this protocol: A male rat would be placed into an enclosed large box with four or five female rats in estrus. He would immediately begin mating with all of the female rats repeatedly until eventually exhausted. Although the females would continue nudging and licking him to continue, he would not respond.
How does this show that women enjoy sex less than men do? 
Also, this doesn't show in any way that women "control" men with their vaginas, although it could show a simple projection of the one who was making this claim onto the rest of the males.
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs
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Mufungo
Coming at ya
Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 2,743
Loc: Knowhere
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Post deleted by MufungoReason for deletion: ...
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Edited by Mufungo (12/11/08 06:43 PM)
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MHbound
Ballin Out At All Cost
Registered: 09/24/07
Posts: 6,512
Loc: Under The Rainbow
Last seen: 7 years, 11 days
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Re: Argh, Women. [Re: Mufungo]
#9415019 - 12/11/08 07:03 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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I never said that women do not enjoy it as much as men do...What I said was:
More men are in a relationship for sex. Most women won't stay in a bad relationship just for the sex...They can go find another fuck buddy, but men have more trouble doing so.
Men will stay in a shit ass relationship just to keep fucking the chick...I have seen it time and time again. There are some, but like I said:
More men will do it than women.
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