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OfflineGrav
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
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Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Acid memories
    #9378009 - 12/06/08 10:00 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

I was walking back to my apartment this morning from getting coffee and the air was cold and fresh. I saw some birds hopping around on the grass foraging for food.  For some reason this made me think of acid and I remembered the first time I did it when I was 17 (I'm 25 now).  I haven't tripped for a few years,  I nolonger have any real desire to.

Anyways, the things I remember about that night is first that the acid took hours to take effect.  Also, it was interesting that a friend of mine had got the acid in California only a few days ago and had flown all the way to Maine to take it with me.  (I love this girl for life, but don't see her anymore)

So we are hanging out at my brother's apartment (he is gone all night) and take it... and for atleast 2 hours I can't percieve any changes.  I didn't even know what was supposed to happen.  I had done mushrooms a couple times, in which I just felt great and had enjoyed various hallucinations while running around like a monkey.  So I assumed it would just be another version of that.

So nothing is happening after hours, and then she realizes has to go home, and her older brother is coming to get her.  We walk up the street towards my mom's house where she's getting picked up.  (it's a beautiful winter night)
and now I can feel the world changing very subtley.  It is this 'wet' feeling, like everything I can see is like water running down clear glass, and my eyes feel like they are growing in size, but I still feel more or less myself.

So we get to my house and I walk up to my bedroom while she waits downstairs for her ride. 

Now everything is turning upside down.  In my excitement and apprehension, I run to the top of the stairs, as she runs to the bottom of the stairs and we meet halfway, face to face, and I tell her I am starting to trip really hard, and she giggles and says she is, too.  I can not describe the beauty of this moment,  being in that house, staring into the eyes of this girl, and feeling the world shift.  And then her brother showed up and she was gone.. leaving me alone with myself for the rest of the night.

I can't accurately remember what happened.  But there are several moments I recall.  With a cd playing on the computer, I felt I was hearing music for the first time, like I was inside of the melodies and rhythms, hearing the subtle and rich undulations of every tone.

Then I remember a direct confrontation with myself.  I had the sensation that all the fear and sadness deep inside of me surfaced.  I realized over the years, after my parents divorced and I moved away and lost all my friends,  I had been falling deeper and deeper into depression and losing any feelings of self-worth.  I had been living like a ghost, moving silently through the hallways of life, numb and closed and disconnected. 

But I remember this victorious climactic feeling, that depression becoming full and illuminated and bursting out all around me.  The notion of my self, my depression, my experience was too beautiful to bare.  That I was alive in the universe to feel... wow.  I felt I was experiencing totally for the first time and I was on my knees, face to the floor, tears flowing down.  It was like finding an old friend whom I had completely forgotten about.

I haven't really thought about that night for a long time, (it feels like a lifetime), and I feel like I've made some mistakes since then, and gotten myself lost and closed up, walking blindly, and I've been forgetting something which truly matters, or I've been too afraid to acknowledge it. 

Why have I fallen into this routine of worrying again.  Sleeping and worrying.  Self-conscious and calculating, always bracing myself for a blow, searching for a safe place to hide.  It's so small and it's not me.

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OfflineLion
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Registered: 09/20/05
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Re: Acid memories [Re: Grav]
    #9378060 - 12/06/08 10:12 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

Beautiful account, friend! :heart: 

I can relate deeply to this feeling, the sense of closing up after having been in such an open space.

If we train our minds to concentrate deeply, to drop their habitual, conditioned resistance to the ebb and flow of internal and external experience, I think we can open up to this expansive sense of being.

I hope we all realize the nature of our minds, and in so doing, become liberated. :laugh:


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”

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OfflineRam Dass
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Registered: 02/08/08
Posts: 693
Loc: 2000 Feet Under the Sea
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
Re: Acid memories [Re: Grav]
    #9378072 - 12/06/08 10:15 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Grav said:
But I remember this victorious climactic feeling, that depression becoming full and illuminated and bursting out all around me.  The notion of my self, my depression, my experience was too beautiful to bare.  That I was alive in the universe to feel... wow.  I felt I was experiencing totally for the first time and I was on my knees, face to the floor, tears flowing down.  It was like finding an old friend whom I had completely forgotten about.





Wow... That is just beautiful.  You are very good with your words, are you are writer?

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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,061
Re: Acid memories [Re: Lion]
    #9378088 - 12/06/08 10:20 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

nice to confess one's sense of folly with like minded people.

what if that is of of the faces we always have just below beside or above the face of confidence, the face of love, the face of widsom.

etc.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 10,689
Loc: On the Border
Re: Acid memories [Re: redgreenvines]
    #9379059 - 12/06/08 01:41 PM (15 years, 3 months ago)

I love acid. Every trip I ever had was a priceless experience...especially the scary ones! I Love pSychedelic Drugs!!!


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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InvisibleIcelander
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Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Acid memories [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #9380570 - 12/06/08 05:40 PM (15 years, 3 months ago)

But really, how much do you love them? In other words How deep is your love, how deep is your love, I really need to know.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,441
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Re: Acid memories [Re: Icelander]
    #9382570 - 12/06/08 11:46 PM (15 years, 3 months ago)

I really need to learn
cause were living in a world of shrooms
Breaking down leaves
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

I believe in drugs
They know the door to my very soul
They're the light in my deepest darkest hour
They're my saviour when I fall

And you may not think
I care for DMT
When you know down inside
That I really do
And its me drugs need to show

How deep is the (rabbit) hole
How deep is the hole
Yes, I really need to know...
.


--------------------

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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 10,689
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Re: Acid memories [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #9383971 - 12/07/08 08:57 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

Looking at my last post I am overwhelmed. I just realized that I am a cheerleader for drugs. Why hasn't society disowned me yet?


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda

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Offlinesunflower
We're here....
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Registered: 08/19/06
Posts: 552
Last seen: 6 years, 2 months
Re: Acid memories [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #9383975 - 12/07/08 09:00 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

You could beat the hell out of them if they disowned you.  They don't have the guts.  (Plus you're really cute.)


--------------------

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Invisiblesleepy
zZzZzZzZz
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Registered: 01/17/05
Posts: 3,888
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Re: Acid memories [Re: sunflower]
    #9383985 - 12/07/08 09:07 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

"Why have I fallen into this routine of worrying again.  Sleeping and worrying.  Self-conscious and calculating, always bracing myself for a blow, searching for a safe place to hide.  It's so small and it's not me. "


sounds to me like you need another trip.  :smile:

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OfflineMitchnast
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Registered: 10/27/99
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Re: Acid memories [Re: sleepy]
    #9384210 - 12/07/08 10:39 AM (15 years, 3 months ago)

heh, I can surely relate to that

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Offlinebobby177
shroom shroom
Male


Registered: 06/08/08
Posts: 215
Last seen: 14 years, 6 months
Re: Acid memories [Re: Mitchnast]
    #9384769 - 12/07/08 12:46 PM (15 years, 3 months ago)

Hey I live(d) in Plano too  :mushroom2:

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