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leery11
I Tell You What!
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
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#9205388 - 11/08/08 12:09 AM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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party woman wine campfires smores drunk slightly wine happy sitting campfire smores can you see ?
i want you to see the love smores campfire on my left she is there can you see ? i want you to see this ,
cordial, talking, circle around a campfire, my true self, my true self a lesson in the dangers of hesitation why am i doing this work ? the why is not it, it is to rise above it and be as I am so imagine that at a party there is only you, and all of you, the 47 you's, are not interacting with each other very well so, it is up to you, to get the yous in youville behaving on a groove in the you tangent so that you will enjoy interacting with you in a more fulfilling level but you hate you because you only see that the other yous are not doing their job as they are doing their jobs well but in relation to you their jobs are not fulfiling becuase you desire to interact with them in levels that are exciting which requires flirtation with the adrenal flux in the solar plexus that comes before any bold and intrepid intiation of communication
this is what you wrote to your first girlfriend and she invited you for coffee
the sorrow here is tremendous but nonexistent and not prevalent and the disregard for the structure of typing allows us to focus upon this true self is trying to express itself there is some groovy blues playing and true self is swaying and smilling and true self's truest friend say s"get drunk ! " and we interact and smile and embrace and the warmth and tenderness is there then she shows up
a girl who you loved so much that you broke down into weeping fits of tears for many a moon spent staring at, the moon, wondering if you will ever find her again because she is so intuitively contentedly connected to your intuitive mind that you truly feel that you've found a precious gem but forced to reetreat into the isolation of the internet away from her warmth and physical presence you are no longer in communication with her for many weeks and frustrated an dsuspicious and paranoid she is obviously playing some sort of cruel game to try to teach you to be "happy" "alone" and you are angry and you write to her angry things and t hen you feel bad ana pologize she says to never talk to her again but you love her so what can you do
so you see her and she says hi
and you are terrified now and you go and sit down
and in the stream a man is saying near by
i have a huge problem because he is you as everyone is you and you say aloud yes i have a huge problem the girl next to you ahs been very kind and gentle and soothing opening you when at first before more drunk you were grouchy and feeling under appreciated at the party with the many yous in youville
so she gives you a loving approach of sympathy and you tell her the story that you are in love with a girl over there and she treads off to speak to this girl and you collapse forward and prostrate yoruself before the ground the fire is open in front of you and you are in this position of self misery and no confidence as the female you are in adoration of appears and come sover and starts spitting things out of her mouth that seem arrogant about how the note of thei airplane overhead is E flat or sharp or something of t he sort because her cousins are at the camp fire and are asurpised that she is there
so you eventually sit up, empty the mind, touch your thumbs together in a cosmic mudra of sorts, then leave and speak to your good friend about how disraught you are and he suggests that you smoke a J because he found you one
so you do and you ahven't been high in a year and express the desire to not be very high but take at least 5 or 7 tokes off the joint and discuss your problems and suddenly the fellow in front of you is the face of God and Mayanrd James Keenan simultaneously and he speaks t he most flawlessly unperturbed rhythmn of logic and reasoning about esactly who you are on a soul level and you are flabbergasted that the son of man has come to the party to give you advice on relationships as your mind dissolves and his face begins to morph into the face of your first girlfriend and the entire universe collapses in on itself
as you are here within memories of prior to the party now the party has died and so have you and the party is a lucid dream upheld by two omniscient wizards standing at the end of time looking at one another and every word he speaks leaves you flabberagsted at the mriacle of hearin gthis truth pouring out of his mouth
and you are aware that he is capable of physically transforming into your first lover and you would copulate and end the entire unvierse because you are now shiva and he is forming into parvati and this is all well and good but you decide you want stability and you are very fearful and though you know this man is good and he is also Bashar and telling you exactly what Bashar said in a video you saw a while ago earlier as you are still verily in a flux of flabbergastation
youd ecide to try to anchor yourself to the DREAM that is NOT reality of the party which is a dpulicate of itself falling into itself
and so you are mainpulating the minds of the people there trying to manifest Jesus Christ to save your mortal soul because
*breathe* you have sinned against the female at the party tremendously in your hasrh words to her and are terrified for her wellbeing and so you seek forgiveness in another close friend
and you are now a female in the state of divine feminine urgency lucidly aware of analytically the process of everything that is happening and fascintatedly terrified in the process of learning at t he marvels of becoming the sacred feminine energy and watching how it manipulates the masculine into doing what it wishes and you itneract with several people their every word a copulation to your midn which is clearly in th e astral and bardo realms at this point and in need of finding a way to solidify and be at peace with God and you are totally lamenting because you ahve to elave this place because you see all the demons for what they are and how little sincerity is in the life of the many delegates here who do not posess the clarity of honesty that you do
and you meet a girl you kind of know and see how absolutely plastic she is and she says take a sip of this and you do and now you think you have been given lsd because everything is virbantly colorful and are under this assumption for a very long time as the midn nwo rapidly disintegrates as you are here trying to manifest as a female and not a male
in the bardo where every word is on t he brink of intercourse recognize at once every instance of rape and dishonor of womanhood imaginable and how preciously fragile the true WOMAN is and how none of these women are true women but rather congolomrations of the b uddha potential battling with their ghouls of plasticiity and you are sat down in front of campfire at the end of the unvierse and the song indigo children is your own and only reality and you realize that you could estroy the unvierse or go back to society or live in a campfire forever and you are not capable of knowing t hat his is "drugs" because you are in a stream of psychic chatter that will not end and you are so fully immersed in this and are sat down in front of a woman who talks to you and while you could
give her a flawless darshan and imediately pull her into THE STREAM OF ALL CONSCIOUSENSS you are so terrified at even thoguh she is making good efforts, she is still not the love you seek
and you stumble around in absolute terror until you are suddenly intervened and resuccitated by divine mother who takes you into her arms without even one question she breathes with you and takes all you fear away and she coaxes you COME INTO THIS REALITY and you are now a baby being birthed into a new reality and you are unsure
she keeps saying sit down
and you are a toddler in a high chair and you aren't sure, because you want to stay in the destruciton of reality in between alll the pieces and she says come on baby sit down with me, sit down and you are so grateful for her love and you proclaim in a scream of rapture and glee GURU ! GURU ! choked between tears she is the very essence of everything holy and loves you cnconditionally the way , the very way you seek to be loved
and you are so grateful for her presence
now you are sitting and he is demanding that you breathe and a siren loops in the distance and you are dead and aware of navigating many probably realities as paramedics shine a flashlight in your eyes and she says "come on breathe i know you can do it "a nd you know that you msut ignore every pranoid thoguht tangent unless you want them to come true and police are there and not there and many possible realities are opening up in every isntant as she says "come on breathe i know you can do it "you decide to breathe and be alive and make fforts while thinking abou ttool's reflection song and how Mom has saved your life and she is completely glad to do it without judgemnt
and you are NOW HORRIFIED AT THE LACK OF LOVE IN T HE COLLECTIVE STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS and everyone who "knows" says to "accept" it and BE HERE NOW and that it is not "bad" unless you judge it but you see it all and each time you ahve any thought at least five different people in th e horizon speak your thoguht at once as you are a puppet master of t hem and your hadns immediately point at them an d your ahdns are demanded to be placed upon yoru ehart and stomach b y your guru and savior
and as you begin to integrate and accept this experience
you have met your
love
that you seek
the love that motivates every drug ever taken
every mantra ever spoken
the countless hours spent writing on internet forums
staring at facebook profiles
crying
and crying to Keenan and company and praying to Jesus
and worshipping Krishna, and being dragged into strange forums
and you see it all as it is
that this is she
the love you seek and you wonder
well
here it is now
and you resent
resent with a greatness
having to be sober as your friend convinces you to go to church and you realize that his patient gentle timid voice is none other than the devil,a nd he is issuing a never ending contract just babbling on and on that though he means well he is completely wrong
because you are at his home and still the female he insists on putting you into a bed to rest but you have a mission
which you ahve always had
in seeking th eoulmate and finding beauty in the dissonance and in giving this darshan and obliterating the egos of any eyes y9ou stare into liberating others into the stream
you must go back even if its ugly but first you have to be masculine to convince your friend of this plus you are in such a deep meditation that any interaction every single word he takes, the movement of his dog
and the dogmatic lies of "don't you want to have a job ? " and you hear it all
all the conditioning that keep speople integrated within reality
yet you do not ncessarily want to be back in insanity
yet you are completely content in this meditation this clarity
this what Osho looks like in his videos, so stoned
and so you
go back to the party
and you stand
you just stand there
like you always do
not diong anything
standing by some girls
not doing anything nto even realizing that one of them is HER
she randomly says 'HEY!' and you are both yoga instructors and you tell her this as she invites you to sit on a log and you hope your mriacle comes true
but she has to help a drunk person go home and your friend puts his arm around her
you feel the deep pain of betrayal and jealousy yet have just learned the Tao that
only by standing around doing fuck all nothing can you get what you want, and that "doing" is an illusion
you let these emotions go
finding out th enext day he doesn't "like" her and plus she is moving far away
you meet a person this night who you could clearly form a cult with ebcause synchronicity ahd you meet online and then you two go and become fishers of men the second day still feeling quite high and in the film waking life
and taking many people on journeys to show them the sycnrhonicity of the world
and th e rabbit hole becomes more intricately bizarre yet i cannot tell the rest of it
then of course, back to complete normalicy with anew perspective on the values of "drugs are bad mmkay"
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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krypto2000
Unknown
Registered: 12/05/06
Posts: 11,579
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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Wow.. I'm not reading that without some pretext.
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jvm
I knew the pieces fit!
Registered: 05/08/07
Posts: 2,031
Loc: Cleveland, Ohio
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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This is why i keep my thoughts in my head and not on paper.
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance
Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Re: :| [Re: jvm]
#9217872 - 11/10/08 12:25 PM (15 years, 4 months ago) |
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beautiful poetry
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Bernackums
The universe will have its way.
Registered: 08/06/07
Posts: 865
Last seen: 14 years, 1 month
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I enjoyed it.
-------------------- Let's get the fuck out of here.
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 15 days, 23 hours
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This piece reminds me a lot of Ginsberg.
I relate to your words very deeply. They are so close to capturing the essence (if there is such a thing!) of that part of my psyche which is normally unconscious but rises to the surface when I'm really stoned.....
Down the rabbit hole indeed....
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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