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Anonymous #1
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I tell white lies and don't realize they're a lie until after I tell them.
#9061015 - 10/10/08 10:01 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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A conversation example: (made up) 1. Jerry: Hi Bob Bob: Hi Jerry Jerry: I've got so much beef jerky you should have some. Bob: No thanks I just had some. Bob's internal dialogue: Fuck, why didn't I just say I no thanks I haven't eaten beef jerky in a week.
That's not a real example, but very similar. I couldn't think of a single real example, so its not having a dramatic impact on my life, but its annoying. Anyone else have this problem or some advice? I think a big part of the problem is related to social anxiety. I like to clear my mind for conversations so that I don't feel anxious, but sometimes this has me spitting out weird shit just to keep a flowing conversation.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I tell white lies and don't realize they're a lie until after I tell them. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9061030 - 10/10/08 10:05 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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yeah i'm the same fucking way, dont know why. im also have social anxiety.
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DimensionX
King of Birds
Registered: 09/26/07
Posts: 5,486
Loc: Australia
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: I tell white lies and don't realize they're a lie until after I tell them. [Re: Anonymous #2]
#9061068 - 10/10/08 10:15 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Maybe its related to a lack of self esteem. You don't feel confident in yourself so you feel anxious around other people. Lack of self esteem can also cause you to lie because you try to project a fake image of yourself to partly cover your true identity which you feel insecure about.
But really minor lies can just be for convenience sake or not wanting to offend the person. In the first example perhaps you didn't feel like explaining exactly why you didn't want the jerky so you give the person an answer which they will not question, quickly ending the conversation. Or maybe you just felt uncomfortable turning down the offered food because you thought it might offend the person offering it you, so you make a convenient excuse which will not be questioned and that you feel will also not offend the person.
Edited by DimensionX (10/10/08 10:22 PM)
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farmerbenji
nooob
Registered: 09/19/08
Posts: 21
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
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Re: I tell white lies and don't realize they're a lie until after I tell them. [Re: DimensionX]
#9061099 - 10/10/08 10:25 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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I agree with dimension. I've had the same problems in the past. the lies , just one after the other without realizing i was doing it until after the fact. pissed me off bigtime . felt like the biggest loser . The self image is it. I moved out of the south to out west and completely started over socially. It basically has forced me to be real. Anxiety sucks dont it? The MJ can help and hurt it. Being an everyday smoker for bout 5 yrs the mj always had helped the axiety. But towards the 4thand 5th yr it started workin the opposite way. Had to take a monster break from it. Totally helped! of course i toke now just not every freakin day. And if you go to the doc and say that ya have really bad anxiety they will just tell you that your depressed. Pretty frustrating. i'm not depressed . just anxious. Whatever tho. i self medicate now... Hope other peoples perspectives help a lil
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whattheheck
Chief Love Lover
Registered: 06/01/07
Posts: 7,380
Loc: Denver Colorado
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Re: I tell white lies and don't realize they're a lie until after I tell them. [Re: farmerbenji]
#9061696 - 10/11/08 02:20 AM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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I've done, and sometimes still do the same thing.
I think a lot of it's social engineering. My old school grandparents basically raised me, and while I now live and only surround myself with people who really desire to pursue and embrace truth, I was taught growing up that there were things that were just expected of you, and it still shows up. Somebody makes a crappy meal, you say you like it. Somebody gives you a gift that you hate you say it's great. And so on.
You gotta pretend to like teachers and bosses and if you work a customer service job, you pretty much have to BS, especially if you work for tips. At least that's the easiest and most common way to do it.
Like you, I'd do it over the dumbest things. So about 5 years ago, I started going back and telling people that I had lied and I had no good reason. Seemed to help a bunch, and weirdly enough I never had anything but positive responses, even though I felt like a dip.
-------------------- A society whose whole idea is to eliminate suffering and bring it's members the greatest amount of comfort and pleasure is doomed to be destroyed -Thomas Merton
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jonathanseagull
Cool!
Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 993
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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Re: I tell white lies and don't realize they're a lie until after I tell them. [Re: whattheheck]
#9062387 - 10/11/08 09:18 AM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Are you an alcoholic? I've read that "confabulation" is a symptom of long-term alcoholism, where a person will unknowingly tell a lie and then believe it.
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Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show, That the dear She might take some pleasure of my pain: Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know, Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain.
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whattheheck
Chief Love Lover
Registered: 06/01/07
Posts: 7,380
Loc: Denver Colorado
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Re: I tell white lies and don't realize they're a lie until after I tell them. [Re: jonathanseagull]
#9063622 - 10/11/08 03:34 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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No. And I never believed it. It would just come out. Almost always in people pleasing situations.
-------------------- A society whose whole idea is to eliminate suffering and bring it's members the greatest amount of comfort and pleasure is doomed to be destroyed -Thomas Merton
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I tell white lies and don't realize they're a lie until after I tell them. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9064783 - 10/11/08 08:54 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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OP here
Thanks for the replies. I'm sure its a bit of everything that's been mentioned. I'm not sure if I'd like to admit insecurity, because I feel confident in the majority of the aspects of my personality. I'm sure the brunt of my anxiety began as insecurity during my teenage years and I've been unable to let go of some of the bad habits its given me. I'm still relatively young (20) so I've only recently started working on improving the aspects of my personality which I don't appreciate.
I think fessing up will be the most successful idea, and that even keeping the idea that if I lie I WILL correct it as quickly as possible should help minimize this problem. I believe I'm perfectly capable of niceties without lying.
Thanks
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whattheheck
Chief Love Lover
Registered: 06/01/07
Posts: 7,380
Loc: Denver Colorado
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Re: I tell white lies and don't realize they're a lie until after I tell them. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#9065091 - 10/11/08 10:28 PM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Well said. One of the best T Shirts I ever saw said "Everybody lies, Nobody minds".
-------------------- A society whose whole idea is to eliminate suffering and bring it's members the greatest amount of comfort and pleasure is doomed to be destroyed -Thomas Merton
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