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InvisiblePyroBurns
душа кофе


Registered: 10/14/07
Posts: 4,343
Getting haunting things off of your chest?
    #8751606 - 08/10/08 03:34 AM (15 years, 7 months ago)

I've had a lot of things happen to me during my childhood that probably deeply effected me even though I didn't know it at the time. And didn't know it even as it was culminating and getting worse and worse until it finally ended in the worst way possible completely killing a part of myself. Even then I didn't feel really begin to feel the pain until recently where not only did I realize how much it actually hurt (and still does) but even how much I've been repressing it.

I don't know really where to begin. I don't want to go to a therapist because of the expense and fact that it might not even help to just talk about it. And I don't have any close enough friends to talk about it with. I especially don't want to bring it up to family because I don't want to remind them. If anyone on here would be willing to talk about it, I'd be thankful. But then again I don't know where I'd start. Or even if discussing it would help at all.

I'm really at a loss as these bits and fragments come scrambling back to reality.


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Offlinegethyn
MR.STINK FINGER
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Registered: 03/03/08
Posts: 758
Loc: first row at church
Last seen: 9 months, 7 days
Re: Getting haunting things off of your chest? [Re: PyroBurns]
    #8751614 - 08/10/08 03:40 AM (15 years, 7 months ago)

.sorry


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I RESEMBLE THE REST

Edited by gethyn (08/10/08 03:42 AM)

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InvisiblePyroBurns
душа кофе


Registered: 10/14/07
Posts: 4,343
Re: Getting haunting things off of your chest? [Re: gethyn]
    #8751620 - 08/10/08 03:43 AM (15 years, 7 months ago)

I really don't know what to say or how to go about it. I can say the whole thing in one sentence or I can try to piece it all together in chronological order and spend hours and hours writing about it. Which would be terribly hard considering how it's all a jumble in my head.


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Offlinesunflower
We're here....
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Registered: 08/19/06
Posts: 552
Last seen: 6 years, 2 months
Re: Getting haunting things off of your chest? [Re: PyroBurns]
    #8751950 - 08/10/08 07:06 AM (15 years, 7 months ago)

What happened?


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 10 months, 3 days
Re: Getting haunting things off of your chest? [Re: sunflower]
    #8752499 - 08/10/08 11:17 AM (15 years, 7 months ago)

I find that writing helps. It's sort of like self-therapy, but it's much better than a psychiatrist because you know yourself better than anybody else. Also, with writing, you become an anonymous figure behind a piece of paper or computer screen, which really helps to be able to delve in and dissect the pieces any way you like. Most of us here lead double lives, and we are forced to put up a facade or farce, of a persona that isn't necessarily ours. Some of us need a way to unleash that self-expression, otherwise it would induce insanity.

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InvisiblePyroBurns
душа кофе


Registered: 10/14/07
Posts: 4,343
Re: Getting haunting things off of your chest? [Re: Crystal G]
    #8753178 - 08/10/08 01:42 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

Basically what happened was that I spent my whole childhood watching my brother die until he finally died on my birthday when I was 17. I harbor a lot of guilt over it because I didn't visit him in the hospital a lot of the times and that when I was a kid I would often give him a hard time. We were also best friends and not too long after he lost his hearing I stopped talking (writing stuff and hanging out) to him completely.

Everything comes back in waves. From the early years when our family was together and he was being tutored at home since his condition (neuro fibromatosis) was just beginning to get serious. Or to the later years when he took me to the Chicago comic book convention with him when he was losing his ability to walk.

I don't really know if I can go on.


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InvisiblePyroBurns
душа кофе


Registered: 10/14/07
Posts: 4,343
Re: Getting haunting things off of your chest? [Re: PyroBurns]
    #8753581 - 08/10/08 03:01 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

This is what I responded with to a PM someone sent me:

"Thanks for this. I've thought over it and came to the same conclusion multiple times too. I was just a kid, and me being stupid was to be expected I guess. That, I'm kind of at peace with. Other times I can be harsher on myself about my actions, but generally I kind of understand now.

But I still have a deep sadness over his whole situation. Maybe just unreleased emotions that I've repressed over the years, or the fact that I really really miss him. He was a major character in my childhood and things were really crashing down when his condition started getting rapidly worse which was also when my dad (another important figure) stopped having him visit along with myself.

I don't know if it's a good idea for me to try to drag all this up. Does it need to be? I don't really understand my emotions about it all right now."


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Invisiblenever.never.land
Pirate
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Registered: 05/11/08
Posts: 605
Loc: Anywhere the wind blows
Re: Getting haunting things off of your chest? [Re: PyroBurns]
    #8755123 - 08/10/08 08:36 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

You want to talk about anything one on one send me a message, I'd be glad to give you my AIM.

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OfflineSyle
Kenai Sigh
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Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 6,678
Loc: WA
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Getting haunting things off of your chest? [Re: never.never.land]
    #8760313 - 08/11/08 10:02 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

you know, sometimes we deal with pain in this way. you and your dad may have just dealt with the horrible horrible pain of a family member dying, by trying to forget them. it only seems reasonable in my opinion.

you have to let go of that guilt, and realize your brother loved you regardless; hell, he probably understood exactly why he was shunned, that his family loved him so much, it just hurt them too much to see him that way...

just my take on it. cheer up man, things can only get better.


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https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Getting haunting things off of your chest? [Re: PyroBurns]
    #8763727 - 08/12/08 04:52 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

PyroBurns said:
I've had a lot of things happen to me during my childhood that probably deeply effected me even though I didn't know it at the time. And didn't know it even as it was culminating and getting worse and worse until it finally ended in the worst way possible completely killing a part of myself. Even then I didn't feel really begin to feel the pain until recently where not only did I realize how much it actually hurt (and still does) but even how much I've been repressing it.

I don't know really where to begin. I don't want to go to a therapist because of the expense and fact that it might not even help to just talk about it. And I don't have any close enough friends to talk about it with. I especially don't want to bring it up to family because I don't want to remind them. If anyone on here would be willing to talk about it, I'd be thankful. But then again I don't know where I'd start. Or even if discussing it would help at all.

I'm really at a loss as these bits and fragments come scrambling back to reality.




You can always pm me. But talking only helps to a point as I myself know. I had a really shitty childhood myself and I did go to therapists. It helped get me started but the real work you do on your own. Still every one can use a friend or two.


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"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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OfflineNastyDHL
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 3,586
Loc: New England
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: Getting haunting things off of your chest? [Re: PyroBurns]
    #8765353 - 08/12/08 09:33 PM (15 years, 7 months ago)

My best advice, although it is much easier said, read and thought about, then actually believed, is that if it happened in the past, to put it in the past.  It is already over and done with, nothing can be changed regardless of your regrets and guilt, these negative emotions do nothing helpful, I'm sure your brother would not want you harboring this stress, things happen, we are only human and everyone makes mistakes, but dwelling on the past has absolutely no positive or fulfilling aspects...Sorry for your loss, but I'm sure he is at absolute peace now, while you have a chance to live the precious life he wished he had but are living in misery, because you are not taking advantage or appreciating your life by self imposing guilt and regret on yourself.

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