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blackegg
...has left the building.
Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 1,021
Last seen: 15 years, 7 months
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Is there ever a time when it's okay to step OUT of your kids lives? *DELETED*
#8576486 - 06/29/08 05:10 AM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Post deleted by blackeggReason for deletion: ...Abandoning account
deleating all threads
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Is there ever a time when it's okay to step OUT of your kids lives? [Re: blackegg]
#8576652 - 06/29/08 07:36 AM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Follow your innermost feelings and forget the shoulds and musts. Then things have a chance of working out for all.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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never.never.land
Pirate
Registered: 05/11/08
Posts: 605
Loc: Anywhere the wind blows
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Re: Is there ever a time when it's okay to step OUT of your kids lives? [Re: Icelander]
#8576794 - 06/29/08 09:21 AM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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That's a rough situation man. The kids are so innocent, do they deserve to not have a father? But at the same time, do you deserve that "wife"?
I think only you can make the right decision and I'm sure you will make the right decision.
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zootroid
Stranger
Registered: 10/19/05
Posts: 396
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
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Re: Is there ever a time when it's okay to step OUT of your kids lives? [Re: never.never.land]
#8577095 - 06/29/08 12:01 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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I stopped after 'enduring a life I never wanted and am unsuited for...I'm leaving.'
Don't bring children into this world if you aren't prepared to take care of them.
I grew up my whole life without a father around (he's always lived 1000+ miles from me since I was 6.
It blows only seeing your father once a year at most and what you're seeming to mention is that you in no way want contact with them.
So basically because you don't want to endure what you created, you are possibly messing their life up, probably for the worst. Hey tho, they may grow up fine. My girlfriends parents didn't have a dad (by choice like you) and they're very successful. However, not everyone is the same.
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lukeboots
fresh futuristic
Registered: 02/04/04
Posts: 19,728
Loc: Grand Ole Operating Syste...
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Re: Is there ever a time when it's okay to step OUT of your kids lives? [Re: zootroid]
#8578070 - 06/29/08 05:50 PM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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zootroid, I think you may have just stepped on your own toes there - you made a generalization ('don't bring kids into this world if you're not ready to take care of them') and ended with 'everyone is different.'
I grew up without a father. has it messed me up? hard to say. I never had one, how would I know?
in your situation, I'd ask: are you going to be ok with the way the kids are treated by their mother if you leave? would it be wiser to stay close, but keeping a distance, until they're able to understand the situation? or do you feel ok with leaving now? in any case, I urge you to stay completely honest, and in contact with, the kids.
good luck!
-------------------- funky ass music: Planet of Dinosaurs // Rich Whiskey
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blackegg
...has left the building.
Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 1,021
Last seen: 15 years, 7 months
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Re: Is there ever a time when it's okay to step OUT of your kids lives? [Re: lukeboots]
#8579579 - 06/30/08 02:36 AM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Fair enough, zootroid ...that's your opinion.
jonnywax, I'm okay with the way she treats them...I mean I can't take care of them both myself so it's kinda hard to judge her. She's not a raving lunatic or drug addict. She's a little soft in the head but she's also a very, very nice person who kinda needs to be needed. That's her weakness.
I'm not sure about the distance as that seems to be a problem with her. Keeping a mature distance and yet still remaining friendly.
Thanks for your insight everyone.
It seems that you understand that this is in no way a light decision I'm making or one I haven't struggled with for years
It's hard not to care what people think about you or to avoid talking about something that's been eating away at you because you fear the 'knee jerk' judgments that invariably form in people's minds.
I was told by a friend to just not tell anyone
He said, the more I try and explain it the guiltier I sound.
But hiding this part of me feels like I'm ashamed of my kids and I have a real hard time with that.
Anyways, everything will work out one way or another.
I know that I'm trying to do the best for them and hopefully they'll know that when they grow up.
Thanks again everyone!
-------------------- 'Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain and leave the Shroomery.' ~ Jim Morrison
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ohmatic
searcher
Registered: 02/28/04
Posts: 6,742
Loc: europe
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Re: Is there ever a time when it's okay to step OUT of your kids lives? [Re: blackegg]
#8579635 - 06/30/08 03:45 AM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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you write like hippie3, if you choose to move make sure you dont get yourself in some crazy alimony money issues because of the kids.
-------------------- MONOTUB tek HEATBOMB tek RIP #cultivation! ....can't associate? well FUCK U !
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NiamhNyx
I'm NOT a 'he'
Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 3,198
Last seen: 14 years, 10 months
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Re: Is there ever a time when it's okay to step OUT of your kids lives? [Re: ohmatic]
#8582921 - 07/01/08 03:09 AM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Don't stay with her for the kids. That shit just allows the kids to model negative relationship strategies and isn't good for anybody. But seriously, don't be a total dick and abandon your children. They don't deserve it. Find a way to stay in thier lives at some capacity. You don't have to live in the same town, but do make a point to have regular visits.
My parents divorced when I was 4 months old and my mom hated my dad for years and played wierd mind games to make me more loyal to her than him. I saw my dad a couple times a year and always loved how chill he was in contrast with my stresscase of a mother, but I didn't see him enough. It was largely my mother's fault, he certainly tried to win more visitation rights.
Do what you can to be a part of thier lives.
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blackegg
...has left the building.
Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 1,021
Last seen: 15 years, 7 months
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Re: Is there ever a time when it's okay to step OUT of your kids lives? [Re: NiamhNyx]
#8583260 - 07/01/08 08:19 AM (15 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah...I don't think I could just forget about them. That'd be too painful.
-------------------- 'Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain and leave the Shroomery.' ~ Jim Morrison
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