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 Hopi
Stranger in astrange land
Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 72
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
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 A lot of fucking hate. 
#8459291 - 05/29/08 11:18 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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I'm an angry person. Help me.
I feel that I have mountains of hate and anger and grief bottled up inside me, and the horrible thing is that I can't let it out. It's just in there, a nasty little parasite which makes me feel like shit most of the time, and at times gets out and manifests itself in... well, angry and spiteful reactions. We were doing these video interviews which will be shown at our graduation, and when the teacher doing the interviews asked what I thought about myself, I said that I'm a nasty person. He laughed, but I meant it.
Help.
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Ten thousand miles an hour plus
We streak across the sky like dust
And none of us know where or why
We're like a jewel in the sky
http://psychedelicnews.wordpress.com/
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 AroundtheSon
Learning to See
 
Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 4,427
Loc: Midwest.
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 Re: A lot of fucking hate. [Re: Hopi]
#8459305 - 05/29/08 11:21 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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awareness is the first k3y. now try to do better.
In the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make.
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Atheist
Stranger
Registered: 01/24/06
Posts: 13,705
Loc: USA
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Re: A lot of fucking hate. [Re: Hopi]
#8459338 - 05/29/08 11:31 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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why are you so angry?
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Hopi
Stranger in astrange land
Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 72
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
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Re: A lot of fucking hate. [Re: Atheist]
#8459363 - 05/29/08 11:42 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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I feel good here, because there is no use trying to hide the truth. I don't know you, you don't know me, this won't come back to bite me in the ass in real life(famous last words, ha!)
I grew up in a dysfuntional family. My parents argued alot. My mom is very short-tempered, and she has been taking it out on me and my siblings for pretty much as long as I can remember. Being the eldest, I've had it for the longest.
I can't stand my supposed friend. We just do not go well together. I think he's a pompous asshole who acts all calm and enlightened and says that he doesn't know anything and acts wierd just so that he can get praise from the rest of my/our friends, he thinks I'm a crazy, angry motherfucker. But he is very confrontational, and that is not something only I think - most people I talk to about it agree with me. So I don't like him.
Since I've started tripping, I've been feeling more and more distant from day-to-day life, or at least the day-to-day parties my friends throw that I attend. They just don't get it - for them it's all about getting pissed and having a nice shouting/yelling/drinking whatever match. Not that I'm saying that them having a good time is wrong, just... Its too simple. And I can't just stop meeting them and going to those parties. They're my friends, and I cherish them, since I've known them all for at least a year, most more.
I 'unno. It may be just teenage angst, but I feel cooped up, unable to furthur myself.
I tried meditation, but that didn't do anything. I'm a failure at guitar, which I wanted to do at least semi-seriously... but I suck. I want to love someone, but I can't get over... well, her. She's the most important person in the world to me. And I keep having these mood swings. One moment/day I'm happy and sunny, the next I'm like this. And on it goes...
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Ten thousand miles an hour plus
We streak across the sky like dust
And none of us know where or why
We're like a jewel in the sky
http://psychedelicnews.wordpress.com/
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Neon
Stranger
Registered: 01/04/05
Posts: 497
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Re: A lot of fucking hate. [Re: Hopi]
#8459376 - 05/29/08 11:44 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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Are you stressed out? I seem to be a lot more prone to anger when I am stressed. Breathing exercises work pretty well for me.
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Hopi
Stranger in astrange land
Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 72
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
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Re: A lot of fucking hate. [Re: Neon]
#8459383 - 05/29/08 11:46 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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Could you tell me about these breathing exercises?
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Ten thousand miles an hour plus
We streak across the sky like dust
And none of us know where or why
We're like a jewel in the sky
http://psychedelicnews.wordpress.com/
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ManianFH
living in perverty
Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,996
Last seen: 15 hours, 43 minutes
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Re: A lot of fucking hate. [Re: Hopi]
#8462827 - 05/30/08 07:14 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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Yeah man, to me, it sounds like you need some outlets in your life. more on this later. I am sure you probably still live with your parents, which must suck because you know what you dislike about them, and what they have done that has hurt you emotionally. When the mother is very negative or emotionally aggressive towards family members it seems to harbor a negative sentiment in the children that have to endure it during their development. You need to come to terms with your feelings toward your mother especially (not to get too freudian on you) so you can accept her problems as her problems before they have such an impact on you.
you're still developing mentally.. and you got a long way to go.. obviously its natural to have periods of strife in your life at this age, though yours might be a little more extreme than most.. you need to deal with your feelings of hate and inadequacy with positive actions.
If you feel like you are inadequate at something, (the guitar for example) go take some guitar lessons, really apply yourself to learning it, and stop doing things that inhibit your ability to do so, such as drinking, smoking, hanging out with bullshit friends, etc... You need to find activities that interest you, and stay away from ones that you feel are stagnating your development. Dont get sucked into a blackhole you cant get out of.
Really the first big step is action man. Write down the things you dont like about yourself... then examine the things that you feel you can change. As for the things you think you cannot change, ask yourself, why cant I change these things?
you need more outlets  , you probably need to make new friends, and you definitely need to go to college
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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "
ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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xFrockx
Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 10,458
Loc: Northeast
Last seen: 11 hours, 56 minutes
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Re: A lot of fucking hate. [Re: ManianFH]
#8463194 - 05/30/08 10:29 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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You must first realize that you are not against your mother, you are your mother. You've picked up her bad habits as a result of being raised by her. Once you reckognize this it will help you free yourself of those problems, although if you do not keep them in check they can easily resurface.
My dad has a short temper, although I wouldn't describe it being a real problem in day to day life. I've picked it up myself to some extent, although I have picked up the bad habits of my mother much more because she was around more (my Dad works during the day).
Here are some ways you can control your anger that I've found work for me.
- When you find yourself thinking about somthing that makes you angry, think about how that anger makes the problem better. Try to understand that the reaction you are having is not helping the situation. You may realize this in your head, say it to yourself and whatnot, already, but this isnt enough. You need to not just think, but understand.
- Often when I'm angry I don't have the presence of mind to know that I'm doing somthing wrong, being too wrapped up in my own anger. You will need to overcome this as well in all liklihood. The only way to work yourself out of it is to constantly think of your emotions in the third person. When you are angry, do not think "I am angry" Instead, realize that the part of you that has taken on the bad habits of your mother is angry. In this way you realize the source of the problem, as well as putting yourself above it.
- Get over past relationships. I know this is harder than it sounds, but there are ways to speed it along. The fear of being alone is very daunting, but you need to realize it is unfounded. Realize that the person you feel is special to you is not special, and that it is not them that you love, but how they make you feel that you love. You will find someone else who can make you feel the way they do in time, but it will happen as things happen. Do not feel obliged to move on, just be patient, and open to new possibilities.
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Neon
Stranger
Registered: 01/04/05
Posts: 497
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Re: A lot of fucking hate. [Re: Hopi]
#8463553 - 05/30/08 12:09 PM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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There are lots of different breathing exercises, I just do some of the basics. Stomach breathing, where your stomach swells out when you inhale, and recedes when you exhale. It's important to keep a steady breathing rhythm when doing this exercise. I usually inhale and exhale through my nose, sometimes I inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth. I do the breathing exercises for 1-5 minutes at a time.
I also suggest monitoring your posture, especially during breathing exercises. Poor posture leads to poor breathing and stress. Stretching in any form is another good stress reducer, doesn't have to be anything fancy as long as it's done routinely.
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WScott
´ ɑ ｀▽ ᑲᓇᑕ
Registered: 07/31/05
Posts: 5,713
Loc: Nacada
Last seen: 1 year, 7 days
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Re: A lot of fucking hate. [Re: Neon]
#8466854 - 05/31/08 09:26 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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How much of a chance have you given your guitar playing? You say that you want to be semi-serious (professionally?), but that may just be the high expectation that is dissuading from playing. I've beat myself up over my own guitar playing, but most of that is in the past now. Do you ever jam with other people? That is probably been the biggest motivator in my playing.
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dblaney
Human Being
Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
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Re: A lot of fucking hate. [Re: Hopi]
#8468340 - 05/31/08 06:59 PM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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There's nothing wrong with having anger and hatred, nor is there anything wrong with you. Having anger and hatred is a fairly natural part of being human. Anyone who claims not to ever experience anger is probably being deceptive, either with you, or more likely with themselves.
So the first and perhaps most important thing is to not fault yourself for experiencing anger. It's perfectly okay to feel anger.
I'll write that again: it's perfectly alright to feel anger.
What makes all the difference is what you do when anger arises. Most of the time, people react blindly to anger, based on all their many years of conditioning and socialization. This usually means either behaving with anger and ill-will towards others or suppressing it and pretending it doesn't exist. Neither approach is very healthy or wholesome however.
But there is a middle way: just stay with your anger. Allow yourself to feel the anger - feel the heat and the tension in your muscles and stay with that. Invite the experience in and be open to it without reacting immediately. Just stay with the anger, without holding on to it or pushing it away, and you just may find that the anger arises and passes away fairly quickly and effortlessly.
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"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"
"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer
Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.
"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: A lot of fucking hate. [Re: dblaney]
#8470486 - 06/01/08 10:03 AM (15 years, 10 months ago) |
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Great post dblaney.
It is hard to give ourselves permission to feel negative emotions. We want to expel them, correct them, do anything but experience them. Everybody feels anger, but it only becomes unbearable when we give it more energy. There is a snowball effect that happens when we get frustrated with our frustration, instead of allowing ourselves just to feel whatever it is we're feeling.
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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.
~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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