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Offlinedanlennon3
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"friends"
    #8366081 - 05/05/08 06:50 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

So Ive been best friends with this kid since we were little kids. Ever since he got his own place, he has been treating me like crap. He talks about me behind my back, only calls me when no one else is around, and basically treats me like shit. Now you will say, why dont you stop being friends... but all my friends are his friends, so it would be impossible. he intentionally tries to make me feel bad or make me look stupid in front of people. I just dont know what to do. anytime I bring it up, he somehow turns it on me to make me look bad. Anytime I am in a good mood, he will be a sarcastic bastard towards me and try to bring me down. I am the only person he treats this way so none of my friends understand where I am coming from.For example... If I ask him a favor he cant help me out but if ANYONE else asked for the same favor he would have no problem. when I was a kid I let people walk over me so he took major advantage of that. What should I do? I could use any advice.


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"Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"


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Invisiblegrymmtymm
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Re: "friends" [Re: danlennon3]
    #8366152 - 05/05/08 07:14 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

so you can't stop just coming into contact with this guy cause all of your friends are the same people, don't stop being everyone else's friend, just his, don't go to his place don't get into long and deep conversations with him. just don't acknowledge him much at all. he will get the picture and will probably feel a little disappointed once he realizes what is happening, then you can have your laugh at him...


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If you always do what you always did you always get what you always got.

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Offlinedanlennon3
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Re: "friends" [Re: grymmtymm]
    #8366277 - 05/05/08 07:45 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

I have done this a few times before, it always made the situation worse. Anytime I talk, he has some sarcastic remark to say to make me looks stupid.When we meet new people, he makes sure I don't stay friends for long. Whatever he says about me... it makes everyone look down upon me and they end up not wanted to try and chill with me.


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"Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"


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InvisibleCameron
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Re: "friends" [Re: danlennon3]
    #8366419 - 05/05/08 08:25 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

It's difficult to give advice about a delicate position like this without actually knowing you, but have you considered the possibility that he feels the same way about you? Have you tried to understand his motivations beyond simply being a complete asshole and trying to make you feel terrible? Are you sure that your own attitude/actions aren't the deciding factor when it comes to 'new friends wanting to chill'? It just sounds like you're putting a lot of blame on your 'best friend'.

Is he that bad?

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OfflineNiamhNyx
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Re: "friends" [Re: danlennon3]
    #8366523 - 05/05/08 08:54 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Just confront him about it. Not in an accusatory way, but in a clear and assertive way. Point out what he does and tell him that it's unnacceptable.

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Offlinedanlennon3
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Re: "friends" [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #8366603 - 05/05/08 09:10 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

We have been best friends since grade school. I know he has problems, and thats why I put up with it. That does not give him a reason to try and cause chaos in my life. He likes to see me fail. What kind of friend does that?


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"Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"


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OfflineNiamhNyx
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Re: "friends" [Re: danlennon3]
    #8366798 - 05/05/08 09:51 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Not a very good one... which is why you should confront him, assertively defining your boundaries.

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OfflineManianFH
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Re: "friends" [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #8367788 - 05/06/08 03:16 AM (15 years, 10 months ago)

If you are not willing to break off your friendship with him due to mutual relationships what you need to do is stand up for yourself. From the sound of your posts, you seem like the kind of person who is still very passive and will look the other way when someone does something that hurts you. You need to stop falling into this habit.

Start standing up for yourself. Not just right now. The next time he does something that makes you upset, think about what you posted to us. Walk over to him, sit down right next to his ass, and let him know how what he is doing is hurting you. If he tries to interrupt you because he is used to walking over you, put your hand up, say, 'dude, I am talking, let me finish.' Tell him how his behaviors towards you are hurting your relationship, and if he wants to continue to have a friendship with you, he needs to treat you with respect.

If he refuses to do this, then tell him you two are no longer friends. And hang out with the other people, even in his presence, until he decides to stop treating you so terribly.


Like the guy in the earlier post said, and like im saying: You need to confront him or he will continue to walk on top of you, without regard for your emotions. That is not a friend. Stand up for yourself buddy.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: "friends" [Re: ManianFH]
    #8368336 - 05/06/08 10:39 AM (15 years, 10 months ago)

This is pretty good advice.

You might even want to take the situation a step further and realize that if all your friends are buying into his shit, they're not very good friends either. A good friend with a decent level of awareness would have noticed you being verbally abused by now. Trust me... there's this weird social stigma towards acknowledging "feelings"... and the result is essentially the kind of bullshit you are describing.

You're saying your friends constantly witness this shit, but won't acknowledge it. That is basically the equivalent to being an accessory to his abuse. They are enabling him, because they are too fucking scared to say two words in agreement with you for fear of his disapproval.

This is a typical "alpha dog exerting his dominance over the pack" situation. And if your friends are cool with being dominated by this guy, and you AREN'T cool with it, then you seriously need to stop and consider whether or not you want to be friends with people who won't voice so much as an acknowledgement of his abuse.

I know it sucks, but... get new friends.

I know it feels like you can't, but that's bullshit. Use the internet. Find people who are cool and considerate of feelings. Look into spiritual hipster types, if you can stand to be around us. :wink:

I used to have a circle of friends who constantly used and abused each other. We were all depressed and addicted and we banded together because we shared these traits. However, it was a recipe for disaster for those of us who still had blood pumping through our veins, and luckily I learned this early enough to get out before they stifled my spirit.

Now, LITERALLY, all my friends are people I've met through this website.

Where are you located? You just need to meet some new people who will appreciate you for who you are, man.

-James :heart:

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Offlinedanlennon3
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Re: "friends" [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #8368648 - 05/06/08 12:14 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Im located in NJ


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"Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: "friends" [Re: danlennon3]
    #8368725 - 05/06/08 12:46 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

danlennon3 said:
Im located in NJ




Cool... well, you're not close enough for me to say, "come on by" but maybe you could make it up to one of the NYC BBQ's or something and meet some people. You've got to get out there and find people with heart.

Or just post up in the pub looking for some NJ shroomerites to chill and smoke a bowl or have a drink with.

Insead of worrying about your limited options for good rapport, actively expand your horizons.

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OfflineGinseng1
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Re: "friends" [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #8375577 - 05/07/08 11:34 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Yea, seriously.

You need to find friends with heart and that are fuckin mature.  Not these fuckin guys that think they're big shots and have it all figured out... because they don't.  Your friend sounds like he needs alot of growing up to do, and that is the truth.

I treat all of my friends with respect.  I never, ever say things to bring 'em down.  Your friend seems pretty consistent with the bullshit, so it sounds like he really has a problem with you.

What you should do is call him out on his shit next time.  Say something like, "Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?  What a fuckin asshole :crankey:, why would you say this?". 

I know you might freeze up because I have been in similar situations.  Now, what it comes down to is that although your friend has no justification for his shit, I guarantee that he hasn't even the slightest clue as to how much this is affecting you.  That's the problem right there.  He's talking all this shit to you, but he doesn't realize what kind of damage he's doing.  So the key is to create a learning experience for the both of you.

SO, call him out on his shit, and if you really want to get the point across, start chatting with your other friends about how this guy is a such a prick.  Try to get confirmation from them and shit.

Next time he comes around talking shit and making you feel bad about yourself, call him out.  Ask him what his problem is?  Tell him that you think it's bullshit and that he needs to stop.  Tell him how you don't treat any of your friends like this, and none of the other guys pull this kind of shit.  He will feel bad about it.  He won't feel indifferent because you will be making him out to be different in a negative way.  Explain to him that you brought this up with the other guys and you agreed that he has some issues and he needs to stop using you to make him feel better about himself.  Tell him to man up and deal with his own shit, instead of bringing this negative shit around.  It's useless and tell him that it's fuckin old and annoying.  I'm sure he'll get the point.

Try it!  Don't worry about your friends thinking that you are soft because this guy is getting under your skin.  Make it seem not that you are hurt (because I don't think that it really hurts you), but that it is annoying as fuck at this point and you're going to tweak if you ever hear this guy talk about you again!!!

AHHH!!  Even now I'm worked up!!

Goodluck buddy!  You have my support to address this issue!

:thumbup::sun::heart:


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Flowing through beginningless time since time without beginning...

Edited by Ginseng1 (05/07/08 11:35 PM)

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OfflineLbDub
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Re: "friends" [Re: Ginseng1]
    #8376244 - 05/08/08 02:03 AM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Sometimes moving on from friends is a good idea man. It's worked for me before. I haven't experienced what you're talking about either, but I can imagine how irritating that must be. I'm a pretty passive person but I have would confronted him as soon as he started doing things like that. One of the worst feelings is having a friend fuck you over, or generally act like a dick.

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