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Anonymous #1

I'm Worried That I May Have A Mental Breakdown In The Future
    #8275301 - 04/12/08 08:13 PM (16 years, 7 days ago)

Ever since I hit puberty, things haven't been right with me. Throughout my teenage years I was able to shake off the neurotic episodes, but as I get older they become stronger and stronger.

I get so many abstract ideas in my head and cannot get rid of them. Strands of eloquent made up words just randomly flood my mind.

My mind refuses to let go and just rest. It's almost like for the past 10 years there have been 2 parts of me, the one that wants to be normal, sane, and have healthy relationships with others. Then there is this other part of me that pulls me to lock myself in my room and just write all day. It's almost like my neuroticism fuels my creativity.

I'm not sure if I am seeking advice or whatnot. I just wanted to get this off my chest mostly.

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InvisibleCameron
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Re: I'm Worried That I May Have A Mental Breakdown In The Future [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #8275626 - 04/12/08 10:05 PM (16 years, 7 days ago)

Have you been seeing a psychiatrist? If so, what did (s)he say? Did (s)he help? If not: definitely something to consider...

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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: I'm Worried That I May Have A Mental Breakdown In The Future [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #8275658 - 04/12/08 10:14 PM (16 years, 7 days ago)

You sound normal to me. I don't know if that comforts you or not, but consider that you may be normal, and the neurosis is believing you are not.

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OfflineWordlessNature
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Re: I'm Worried That I May Have A Mental Breakdown In The Future [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #8275857 - 04/12/08 11:00 PM (16 years, 7 days ago)

You may find peace within yourself. I understand what you mean, in my own way, for as an artist I am also assailed by myself from time to time. This happens less and less, and I believe that the relationship with the self does improve with time...

Observe your feelings. If you are under attack by thoughts, let them flow, but don't worry about them or stick to them. Your concern over whether you are neurotic is certainly a matter of conditioning. Simply put, you are conditioned to believe and to feel that your experiences are a threat to the integrity of the self. This seems to be in line with certain contemporary psychological models, but it is not complete in its logical process; accept that you exist in many differing states of thought and feeling. This is you, and what it implies is that you are not a static, unchanging character but instead a dynamic combination of sensations, thoughts, and subsequent reactions.

The first step from this point is to accept that this is your current state of being. This is very difficult, because it means admitting of instability. This makes you uncomfortable; realize in turn that discomfort is a feeling.

From this realization, turn and observe the feeling called discomfort; it is easily seen, like a post-it note on a fridge. It is not you, for you are observing it, apart from it. Do not fend it off or turn away purposefully from your worry- simply let it exist, as an observable thing, and you will be free of it.

The idea of future breakdown is, ultimately, just an idea. Seen as such, its contemplation becomes obviously pointless. You are here, now, and you are not broken down. Feelings or thoughts associated with a potential state (amounting in the end to other feelings and thoughts) do not have to inhibit your experience of the now. That is a lie of conditioning, and you can readily see it for what it is...


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