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Anonymous #1

Growing apart from friends
    #8005759 - 02/10/08 06:11 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

So lately people have been saying I've changed a lot. Upon further introspection, I've found it to be true.

I'm hard to hold a conversation with, because I don't enjoy small-talk, and I more or less stopped pretending to care about it.

My girlfriend who I love deeply is growing apart from me as well. It sucks more than anything in the world. That fact that my best friends are slipping away from me means I have no one to talk to about it, so I've just been extremely depressed for the past few weeks.

Every smile I have is either faked, or just a short-lived relief from how I've feeling deep down.

It's been a really shitty month for me... I've tried to talk to my girlfriend about it, and she honestly doesn't care about what I have to say anymore. She's become desensitized to it almost... The only people I can actually talk to, is my brother, and two of my friends, who don't go out of their way to talk to me about it. I feel as though no one cares about me.

But you have to understand, me and her have been dating for over 3 years, and I love her to death. I've never loved anyone as much as I've lover her. Seeing her drift away from me is just as painful as when one of my close friends died a while ago.

So my question is, do you think I should make an effort to win these people back? Or is change something that should be followed, rather than friends?

I'm giving up tripping for a while until I sort all this out, it's really getting to my social life, I can tell.

I've been thinking maybe I'll vent to one of my friends that I don't have too strong of a bond with, and see where that takes me. I dunno...

Any advice?

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InvisibleThin White Duke
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #8005785 - 02/10/08 06:15 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

If it's making you feel bad, then make the effort to try and get things to how they used to be.

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OfflineDrewwyann
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #8005852 - 02/10/08 06:29 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

. nevermind, just ended up being bad advice.


--------------------


Anyone need a glass pipe? : http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002435158931

Love powerfully :peace::heart::peace:

Edited by Drewwyann (02/10/08 06:30 PM)

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Invisibleappleorange
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: Drewwyann]
    #8005872 - 02/10/08 06:33 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

what about you has changed? has it been a good change or a bad one?

not enjoying small-talk is a bad thing. the people who put it down are the ones who are unable to do it.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #8005874 - 02/10/08 06:33 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

any suggestions on how to start hanging out with them more? How to break the 'we haven't hung out in a while, and this is kind of awkward' ice?

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Anonymous #1

Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: appleorange]
    #8005883 - 02/10/08 06:35 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

whats changed about me, is that it's very hard for me to talk to people.

I can't show that I care about what they are saying anymore, and I never have any input to give back. I just sort of hear what they are saying, and say the first thing that comes to mind and hope they like it.

So negative. I'm losing all of my friends essentially.

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Invisibleappleorange
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #8005902 - 02/10/08 06:38 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

do you still like your friends?

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OfflineCubie
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: appleorange]
    #8005908 - 02/10/08 06:41 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

It sucks growing apart from eachother but it happens and you can't change it.

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InvisibleThin White Duke
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #8005910 - 02/10/08 06:41 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
any suggestions on how to start hanging out with them more? How to break the 'we haven't hung out in a while, and this is kind of awkward' ice?




Eh... truth be told, I'm kinda going through the same thing. Not quite as bad as you. I used to hang out with my friends every week, but for some reason I just haven't seen them since October. And what with going to Australia for two years I think it's safe to say I'll probably never hang out with them again.

Am I bothered? No. I'm looking forward to meeting new people.

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OfflineCubie
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: appleorange]
    #8005914 - 02/10/08 06:42 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

It sucks growing apart from eachother but it happens and you can't change it. Because by the time you notice its too late.

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Invisibleappleorange
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: Thin White Duke]
    #8005917 - 02/10/08 06:43 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

yea. since I graduated from high school, i've been losing my friends too. i work, go to school, people change, some friends od, some go to jail, some people moved.

that's life I guess :shrug:

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Anonymous #1

Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: appleorange]
    #8005929 - 02/10/08 06:45 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I love my friends.

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OfflineCubie
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: appleorange]
    #8005942 - 02/10/08 06:49 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

appleorange said:
yea. since I graduated from high school, i've been losing my friends too. i work, go to school, people change, some friends od, some go to jail, some people moved.

that's life I guess :shrug:




Yup. This fact of life everyone learns eventuley

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Invisibleappleorange
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #8005948 - 02/10/08 06:50 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

you need to ellaborate a little bit better as to how you have changed.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: appleorange]
    #8006016 - 02/10/08 07:04 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

thats just the thing. Other than it being hard for me to hold a conversation with some one, I don't know how I've changed.

I've even asked on of my friends how they think I've changed, and they said "I can't explain it. you just have".

It sucks so badly because my two best friends, and the person I love more than anything are all leaving me at the same time. If it was one of them at a time, over time, it would be so much easier, but it has to be all at once.

But one of my friends even talked to my girlfriend about how strange I've been acting lately, which makes me feel even worse.

It just really, really sucks. All three of them at the same time.

So, sorry I can't explain how I'm acting different. Social awkwardness is all I can really chalk it up to.

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InvisibleEternalCowabunga
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #8006129 - 02/10/08 07:31 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

to me, it sounds like you've changed your perception as a result of tripping and it's put you a little too far outside your comfort zone (or your friends) perhaps? i think it is wise to take a break for a while. give it some time, this will sort itself out

i'm not going to say "cut your losses" or anything like that because i went through a similar phase and i'm still good friends with most of my old friends.

Quote:

Or is change something that should be followed, rather than friends?




that is really only something you can answer, it is up to you to decide where your priorities are at


--------------------

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OfflineCubie
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: EternalCowabunga]
    #8006171 - 02/10/08 07:41 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Don't worry buddy you'll make new friends. If your current friends cannot accept you how you are..then maybe their the ones who changed.

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OfflineBrainChemistry
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: Cubie]
    #8006273 - 02/10/08 08:01 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Ever since I tripped for the first time, I started thinking about myself and my relationships more. It definitely made me feel more socially awkward. Before I started tripping I would never second guess my actions or my words, but now that I'm a little more self-conscious I do. There are some days when I'm happy with myself and my life, and I'm like whatever. Other times I wonder what I'm doing and think about how strange I actually am. I find that on those kinds of days, I speak much less and feel more tired. The best thing I can do is remember that I am just a simple person like everyone else, and my thoughts matter just as much as theirs.

If someone is talking to you and you don't have much to say, just say you're sorry and you're a little bit distracted. They might even ask if something is bothering you and give you a chance to open up a bit. Otherwise, just ask yourself what your opinion is on whatever the person is saying, and whatever you think of just say it. Most people are too wrapped up in their own thoughts to think about what you're thinking, as long as you say something that makes sense and keeps the conversation going it'll be fine. I often find myself listening to people talk a lot, and asking them questions. I don't really start too many conversations. But as I've recently found out, a lot of people like that quality about me. They think I'm interested in them and just being friendly. Thats not a bad thing at all.

Also for me, before I go to sleep I try to think about what I'm going to be doing the next day, who I might be meeting with, etc. It helps keep me focused and not drift into meaningless thoughts.


--------------------
Word to your mom.

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OfflineJoseLibrado
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: BrainChemistry]
    #8007053 - 02/10/08 11:14 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

The question I see you have to answere here is.

"DO I want people to like me for the types of experiences i can bring them, as a free agent of truth or would i rather act like something i do not freely want to be, only to be liked for my act"

Simply put - "Do i want friends to like me, free and true or do i want friend to like my act, constricted and limited"

With any relationship its the same thing - My cuzin gave me an interesting metaphor when she came to me one day to talk about her pain.

The person said "Jay...Im sick of feeling like i have to act all the time, its like walking on thin ice, feeling pressured not to fall through."

She built this relationship with this guy, on a act of some sort, thinking that it was her new self. Eventually she realized that it couldnt happen anymore, but the fear of not finding other people who will care for her freely, had her crawling back onto that pond with thin ice. Eventually she will circle back tho...we all do. It takes time to learn about new ideas and more importantly it takes perseverence to follow and live them.!!

From personal experience it is easier and easier, but the first steps are fucking HARD...cuz on the one hand you have this clear understanding about reality, but on the other you have these FEELINGS of fear and insecurity that stop you from seeing the truth.

We always give it what he have...so in any case, what has happened in the past and will happen in the future, WAS what was HAD to happen to us, because it was all we HAD to make it occur.


May we find peace once again!


--------------------
The mind is a creative tool. It searches to protect you, through message sensations(feelings). It is no different than a computer, you need to make sure its anti-virus program is in check and that it doesnt have a script that limits your experience, because of to much precaution.

And remember the computer does not appear to respond to words of anger and frustration - just give it input, in the form of new meanings that you know to be true and its messages to you and the limits it lays out for you, will change.

Guilt is an outcome of believing you are the cause of the problems.

Yet, we are not a cause to something, we see is negative or bad - Unless you believe your intentions are directed towards a bad outcome....

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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: Growing apart from friends [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #8007092 - 02/10/08 11:26 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Who you gonna be? The you you want to be, the you you feel you really are, or the person everybody's used to? It's hard being who you are sometimes, when other people expect certain things from you. But if they are really, truly your FRIENDS...they'll love you. Just be yourself. Do whatever feels right. Don't ever compromise your essence for the expectations of others. Ever.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis

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