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retrospect
Registered: 01/07/07
Posts: 1,340
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Girl Trouble
#7624497 - 11/12/07 03:59 AM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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ok so ive liked this girl for a good year now, and now that school is over i finally worked up the courage to talk to her. i have social anxiety so these things are extra hard for me. well it was all in the same night that had a few conversations with her at a party and we were having great convo's i was really enjoying it. she was being real talkative too, wasnt giving me the cold shoulder or any negativity. later on when i was quite drunk we spent some time talking alone and somehow ended up with our arms around each other. i wasnt trying to crack onto her or anything though even though i was pissed. this is also really rare for her, cause shes not been into many guys. in the 5 years ive been at school with her i think ive only seen her go out with one guy and at all the parties she doesnt normally make much pyshical contact with guys that arent her good friends.
well i was quite surprised when i remembered we had our arms around each other thinking i would of never have a chance with her, so im thinking of asking her out next time i see her. im just trying to figure out whether she likes me or not and its really fucking with my head. she might of been drunk aswell that night and wasnt really into me, or might have been just playing around with me cause i was funny whilst drunk.
any ideas on what i should do??? i wanna ask her out but what if she's not into me at all? this would be the first time ive ever asked a girl out aswell. if im going to ask her out i sort of want to be very sure of myself on what im doing, so i dont act like a fool trying to be smooth when she wouldnt want to go out with me. should i just go all in?!??! help me guys im really into her what should i do? im scared of making a complete fool of myself, but weighing up the against fact that she could actually possibly like me, but how do i tell i spose i cant. i mean if i put myself in her position and had this guy chasing after me who i didnt dig that would suck. help keep in mind i have social anxiety so this is fucking hard
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mushroomplume
Stranger
Registered: 10/16/06
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Last seen: 14 years, 2 months
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I have bad social anxiety as well, so I can relate to you completely on this topic.
I am pretty confident in saying that she likes you. A girl would only allow that to happen if she thought you were gay or had some sort of feelings for you.
Be yourself when you ask her out, don't try to be Mr. T or anything. Don't try memorizing corny pick-up lines either. Get into a good conversation with her and try to have her laughing and just casually ask if she would like to do something with you over the weekend. If she says no, then just say that's fine too and leave the conversation on a good note.
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TheLightIsOn
In the worst ofall your fears
Registered: 08/10/05
Posts: 358
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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This doesn't have to be so hard as you make it out to be. Just nonchalantly ask her to go the mall or just chill out somewhere. Take it easy and don't be pushy.
-PEACE
-------------------- AFOAF's current multi-grow log "In the privince of the mind, what is believed to be true is true or becomes true, within limits to be found experientially and experimentally. These limits are further beliefs to be transcended. In the province of the mind, there are no limits." -John C. Lilly
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GGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
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Make her laugh, make her smile and then you are half-way there to asking her out.
Just be yourself, tell her your going to go somewhere with her, something easy just like a cup of coffee. I've always found it works better not to ask a girl to hang out with you, but to actually tell her we're going to hook up sometime.
Anyways, you've waited a whole year to muster up the courage to do this, which kinda ruins your chances quite a bit. You should have gotten her number the first time you met her. So by now she probably just considers you a friend.
Go for it tho dude, you have nothing to lose.
And if you go on a date with her and all goes well. Don't stop there, go find another girl or two to date on the side too. Just be yourself and eventually one of the girls you date will want to get more serious and settle down in a commited relationship with you, which is probably what you want.
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boxcarguy07
Uno
Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 3,942
Loc: SC
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
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Yeah, don't worry about it man. Just be yourself, that's what you want her to like you for. And don't worry about making a fool of yourself, you won't. If she likes you, then she wouldn't mind anyway. And if she doesn't, then think positive like, hey I'm glad i found out now instead of dating her and then finding out. Or something like that.
-------------------- Music doesn't stop at the ears when it begins at the heart. "Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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retrospect
Registered: 01/07/07
Posts: 1,340
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Amazingly I ran into her today. She was with a big group of friends, so i didn't get much alone time with her. But awesomely my anxiety wasnt bad at all and I was able to enjoy talking and be myself. We had a conversation; just like what we've been up to, where we are going for schoolies. I made her laugh a few times too in reference to the other night when I was drunk. I didn't end up asking her out but we organised to meet up on schoolies and go surfing together.
"Anyways, you've waited a whole year to muster up the courage to do this, which kinda ruins your chances quite a bit. " Well, in that year at school I have never talked to her once. The party the other night was the first conversation I've ever had with her.
I plan on asking her to dance at our school formal, which is before schoolies, and then possibly asking her out at the formal after-party depending on how things go. Oh well whatever happens i'll be surfing with her when I go on my schoolies trip so that'll be sweet. I just hope I don't leave asking her too long and become her 'friend'.
Any more advice is welcome, thanks for all the replies so far, they really help.
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Querjek
Friend
Registered: 09/26/07
Posts: 339
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
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Go for it. Things are more likely to go up than down right now.
-------------------- tripping eyes and flooded lungs northern downpour sends its love
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sadspacemonkey
!universe!
Registered: 11/01/06
Posts: 376
Last seen: 7 years, 28 days
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Quote:
retrospect said: any ideas on what i should do??? i wanna ask her out but what if she's not into me at all? this would be the first time ive ever asked a girl out aswell. if im going to ask her out i sort of want to be very sure of myself on what im doing, so i dont act like a fool trying to be smooth when she wouldnt want to go out with me. should i just go all in?!??! help me guys im really into her what should i do? im scared of making a complete fool of myself, but weighing up the against fact that she could actually possibly like me, but how do i tell i spose i cant. i mean if i put myself in her position and had this guy chasing after me who i didnt dig that would suck. help keep in mind i have social anxiety so this is fucking hard
I'm no dating expert...but as a girl I can say it's a huge turn on to just have laugh and have fun with a guy...you've done that already and you've cuddled so you're definitely on the right track. That's the good news. The bad news is that there is no way you can be sure she's going to say yes when you ask her out. You've just got to take a chance. The more you build it up, the harder you fall. If you keep it casual, then if it doesn't work out, then at least you can pat yourself on the back for trying and know you have more experience for next time.
I dated a guy once who seemed to have this perfect plan in his head - he already decided in his head exactly how our relationship would go, every little detail of our dates and what my reactions should be etc etc...it was difficult because life has a way of mucking up plans. So it's cool to have a "tentative" plan in your head but also be open to those oppurtunities - maybe a right moment to ask her out will show itself to you before the dance or something like that. Take it!
Like people have said...just make her laugh, be yourself...maybe give her a sincere compliment or two (but don't overdo it) ...I'd say casually invite her to do something ASAP...that way if she's not into it, you both know sooner than later. You won't make a fool of yourself unless you make a big thing of it ...so don't make any "oh my god I've liked you for so long" confessions prematurely ...but if you just invite her to hang out and she says no- well, no big whoop.
-------------------- "I can't be told by anyone how to live. If I said to the minister 'Move from your home' he would think I was mad." Bushman : Botswana
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ZippoZ
Knomadic
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
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okay man if you want to get the girl, its not all that hard.
You need to present that you have 100% confidence. assert yourself. now im figuring that its been a few days since you have talked, which is a good thing. its always good to let the idea of you rumble around in her head a bit.
so go out to somewhere you'll know she will be, or plan ahead to run into her in the halls of school or something. Just straight up ask her out, somthing specific, dinner at this place and time etc..., and then leave. a quick exit is key.
for some reason the sad truth is that women sort of love the guys that ignore them......
-------------------- PEACE zippoz "in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption" "People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."
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ManianFH
living in perverty
Registered: 07/06/04
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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: ZippoZ]
#7631354 - 11/13/07 04:27 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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go for it man; this is your only life, might as well live it the way you really want to.
-------------------- notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... " ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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GGreatOne234
Stranger
Registered: 12/23/99
Posts: 8,946
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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: ZippoZ]
#7631396 - 11/13/07 04:37 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
for some reason the sad truth is that women sort of love the guys that ignore them......
In this guys case I would find her as soon as possible and set up an easy date. Its college, she probably has dozens of other guys persueing her or at least thinking about it.
As far as ignoreing goes. I always call a girl the next day after first having sex. I've never had a girl not completely appreciate me doing that. Let her know you really had a pleasant time with her and will want to see her again in the near future. But after that call is made is when ingoreing/being too busy for a few days then comes in handy.
But that is down the road a bit for this guy. I wouldnt wait for some kind of surf trip. If you want her that bad than you have to go out and get her without any hesitation in your mind.
In the meantime, go meet/date other girls too. Women like to meet guys that are in demand. It gives them a challenge.
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Feanor
Registered: 05/07/06
Posts: 1,546
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Aha, you're a genious for getting her to surf with you! To be honest, that is one of the most simplest ways to pick up girls. You've got it in the bag. I've been in your same shoes before... nervous.. scared of denial.. But hey, one day I just started going for it. There really is nothing to lose, and just think about it.. if she says 'yes', then there you go; you have her! I remember being turned down my first time.. It sucked, but then I went surfing. The Gulf Coast had a sick swell that day, and I smacked the shit out of numerous lips. After that session, I didn't really care. The girl said something about already having a boyfriend, and she said that she already told me that! Oh well... That girl is an asshole though, so all is well.
Quote:
Just be yourself, tell her your going to go somewhere with her, something easy just like a cup of coffee. I've always found it works better not to ask a girl to hang out with you, but to actually tell her we're going to hook up sometime.
Oh, too true! I met a guy on campus for my first time, and all he did was tell me about how he picks up all of these girls. He said that you have to tell them to go out with you, rather than ask them to go out with you. Before we parted, out of the blue, he stopped a fine girl, asking her for a piece of paper and a pen. When she handed him these, he told her to write down her name and number! She started laughing and did just this!! You just can't be afraid of denial.
Hey, man, let us know how things turn out, will you?
-------------------- May Terence McKenna Live Long The DMT Chronicles
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retrospect
Registered: 01/07/07
Posts: 1,340
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: Feanor]
#7635802 - 11/14/07 03:47 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yeah i'd love to ask her out sooner but can't gaurantee i'll run into her again until the formal / afterparty.
I'm just going to ask her to come out for a surf with me (before schoolies) and then hopefully we'll end up grabbing some lunch afterwards.
Thanks again everyone, i'll let you know how it all turns out.
Edited by retrospect (11/14/07 03:55 PM)
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jenns_hot
Hungry
Registered: 12/30/06
Posts: 3,459
Loc: East Coast
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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i didnt read everyone else's posts, but it seems like you already know what the right thing to do is: ask her out. if she let you put your arm around her, she likes you. life is about taking chances, and if you fuck this up and dont ask her out then you will never know what could have been. good luck
-------------------- "Fear makes the wolf look bigger"
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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any ideas on what i should do??? i wanna ask her out but what if she's not into me at all? this would be the first time ive ever asked a girl out aswell. if im going to ask her out i sort of want to be very sure of myself on what im doing, so i dont act like a fool trying to be smooth when she wouldnt want to go out with me
There's no way to be "smooth" here and I don't really think that works anyway. You're going to be nervous and that's a given. You can assume she doesn't hate you as she wouldn't have let you put your arms anywhere near her otherwise. Don't act. She probably doesn't go out with many guys because she hates that. Be truthful and admit to her straight out that you're a little nervous. I bet she'll appreciate the truth. Don't you want to go out with someone who appreciates the truth? Otherwise she will just torture you and then dump you anyways. So be yourself and take your chances. It's never easy but if she says no you will know that you have taken a very courageous step. I think she'll at least give you a shot. (I've been where you are)
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 6 days, 15 hours
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Re: Girl Trouble [Re: Icelander]
#7635950 - 11/14/07 04:31 PM (16 years, 4 months ago) |
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Hey good advice, Ice.
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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freddurgan
Techgnostic
Registered: 01/11/04
Posts: 3,648
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
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Quote:
retrospect said: ok so ive liked this girl for a good year now, and now that school is over i finally worked up the courage to talk to her. i have social anxiety so these things are extra hard for me. well it was all in the same night that had a few conversations with her at a party and we were having great convo's i was really enjoying it. she was being real talkative too, wasnt giving me the cold shoulder or any negativity. later on when i was quite drunk we spent some time talking alone and somehow ended up with our arms around each other. i wasnt trying to crack onto her or anything though even though i was pissed. this is also really rare for her, cause shes not been into many guys. in the 5 years ive been at school with her i think ive only seen her go out with one guy and at all the parties she doesnt normally make much pyshical contact with guys that arent her good friends.
well i was quite surprised when i remembered we had our arms around each other thinking i would of never have a chance with her, so im thinking of asking her out next time i see her. im just trying to figure out whether she likes me or not and its really fucking with my head. she might of been drunk aswell that night and wasnt really into me, or might have been just playing around with me cause i was funny whilst drunk.
any ideas on what i should do??? i wanna ask her out but what if she's not into me at all? this would be the first time ive ever asked a girl out aswell. if im going to ask her out i sort of want to be very sure of myself on what im doing, so i dont act like a fool trying to be smooth when she wouldnt want to go out with me. should i just go all in?!??! help me guys im really into her what should i do? im scared of making a complete fool of myself, but weighing up the against fact that she could actually possibly like me, but how do i tell i spose i cant. i mean if i put myself in her position and had this guy chasing after me who i didnt dig that would suck. help keep in mind i have social anxiety so this is fucking hard
If she likes you she won't mind if you make a fool of yourself. Just go for it. This is all the kind of advice you're going to get.
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retrospect
Registered: 01/07/07
Posts: 1,340
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Thanks Icelander, great post.
You guys are so fucking awesome. You've inspired so much confidence in me, I doubt I would ever be doing this if I didn't start this thread / read these replies.
I'm actually looking forward to seeing her next, rather than being hellishly anxious and nervous about it.
Thanks again so much, love you all. Peace.
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retrospect
Registered: 01/07/07
Posts: 1,340
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Ok here's what's going on., I just got back from my schoolies trip today. She let me and my mate use her holiday house for the first week while she was staying there, along with all her friends, so I saw her everyday for the first week. The first night everyone got drunk, including me and her, and I had a long, alone conversation with her at the end of the night when we were both sobering up. The next day one of her friends (who is a guy) told me it looked like we had something going on last night, so that's a good sign cause he knows her well. On the second last day at her holiday house, I went for a surf once with her alone and we went for a long walk along the beach together afterwards and had a good chat. I didn't end up asking her out, and we left her holiday house and went to Byron Bay for the next week while she went elsewhere.
I regretted not asking her out, and told myself to just do it next time I saw her. Luckily she came down to Byron one night and came out to the town that night with us. I had a bunch of fresh scratches from where I'd fallen off a skateboard getting toed behind a car, and she ended up patching them up with bandages for me. I was planning on asking her out when she was alone, but that didn't happen and I got fed up. So I went over while she was talking to a friend, who I also know. I told her and her friend they should come for a surf with me when we get back home, and sort of implied it'd be a group surf rather than just me and her. I got her number, as well as he friends and gave her mine and said I'd call her sometime when I get back home. Later on in the night she started telling me how badly she wanted a boyfriend, and I'm kind of hoping she was dropping a hint there. She left the following morning, and before she did she said to me, 'We'll go surfing when we are back home', and since then I've gotten a text message from her everyday except today (it's been 4 days). But they've just been friendly messages like, "Hope your having a great time in Byron" etc.
Anyway, I'm back home and planning on organising a surf in the next week, but have a few questions. How long should I wait before I ask her, should I do it ASAP, or wait for next weekend? I plan on just sending her a text message saying 'Wanna come for a surf this week (or weekend) if your not busy', if she says yes I'll tell her a day that I'll ring her on. I'm not too keen on bringing her friend, is it a bad idea for me to just take her? How do I go about asking her out again if all goes well? How do I know if she's keen on me or not? If I do end up taking her for a surf, all I've really got planned is just to take her for a surf then drop her home and hope we get along well. I don't know where to go from there. Thanks for all your help!!!
Edited by retrospect (12/08/07 02:30 AM)
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paulie_walnuts1
Stranger
Registered: 05/12/05
Posts: 508
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She's turning you into her bitch boy. Just a guess but you've got no chance mate.
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