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musicallaround
Chill Doctor
Registered: 07/05/07
Posts: 27
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
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did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here
#7163373 - 07/11/07 09:50 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Please take the time and courtesy to read this mindblowing report, it scared me into truly being utterly fearful of even coming face to face with another blotter.
LSD, dropped about 3.5 blotters, at 8AM this morning
Up until noon I was fine, smoked some herb and I was chilling.
Then I decided for some reason that I was going to go out to my porch and smoke a blunt to the face. I know now that this wasn't the best idea, but at the time I was very interested in pushing the limits, it seemed that was what drugs were all about to me.
I proceeded to get more fucked up, but I started feeling physical pain. I felt my heart starting to race and this wild sensation in my brain, almost as if my brain was being SPLIT into pieces, or the sensation that my head was RAW metal surrounded by electricity. My brain started to really hurt badly and so did my heart. I began to think that something drastically had gone wrong, and this is when the trip went downhill.
I came into my room and tried to just avoid the fact that I was physically feeling pain. I figured oh well, it's probably some adverse effects, it's LSD for a reason, it's powerful, but I was proceeding to get worse and I knew this. Soon I couldn't even function anymore, The pain was so present that I could barely even breathe.
It was almost as if my body was being split apart. I felt like a knife was slicing my brain in half every 30 seconds, while my heart was exploding out of my chest. This whole time I was so afraid that I was truly going to physically die. Nothing would stop this pain from happening. At the peak of the pain, I couldn't function, I couldn't type on a computer, I had no idea what anything was.
I thought I was on another planet, and everything around me was a national emergency. All I could hear were sirens blaring and people screaming and dieng. Almost like everything around me had been blown away by some CRAZY all powerfuly wind.
I passed out on the ground and started convulsing. I began begging the divine to save me. I hadn't even been much of a religious person until this happened, All I could see in my vision were crosses and patterns of crossing all leading me up to what seemed to be heaven.
I finally just let go, and died. I killed myself because I couldn't take the physical pain anymore, but when I finally truly let myself die, I was fine.
I came back within 15 minutes of letting myself die, and througholy enjoyed the rest of my trip.
This was ego death then yes? Seems like the simple answer, but I feel there are underlying things about my life in this situation.
Was I actually feeling this pain, because it was so unbearable I had never felt anything like it, and it was so intense that I truly feel if it were really happening I would have died.
Just please hit me with some insight, Im dead afraid of acid now, dead afraid, and I had tripped before this about 30 times.
I guess my advice is don't ever think you're above it, cause you aren't
-------------------- legalize it. vaporize do your part. shout out some love to berklee "he who knows does not speak, he who speaks does not know"
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AlCapwn
ID Reset, take that subpoena
Registered: 02/03/07
Posts: 2,957
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: musicallaround]
#7163387 - 07/11/07 09:51 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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My guess is you got hit with the unique brand of paranoia pot tends to throw at you.
-------------------- Huuuuurrrrrr!
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musicallaround
Chill Doctor
Registered: 07/05/07
Posts: 27
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: AlCapwn]
#7163428 - 07/11/07 09:58 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yea I can truly see that being the reason this was set off,
but I after I let myself die, I began to re-learn anything almost like I was reborn.
I feel that this was an area of my mind that is ever present, but never in the forefront of my life, this savage destruction of myself.
I think that during this trip it stood out like a sore thumb, and I actually killed myself in an alternate reality that I created.
I was not experiencing the physical world, it was way beyond that, I was being obliverated by this energy. It looked like this energy was destroying the whole world around me, sirens blaring, glass windows blown out, crazy shit, like SHIT'S WENT DOWN, NATIONAL EMERGENCY beyond control beyond normal human life like we jsut need to survive,
i kept thinking i just needed to make it out alive.
truly was face to face with death.
it just reached the point of unsafe,
if anything i would never even dream of taking this much LSD again
-------------------- legalize it. vaporize do your part. shout out some love to berklee "he who knows does not speak, he who speaks does not know"
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AlCapwn
ID Reset, take that subpoena
Registered: 02/03/07
Posts: 2,957
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: musicallaround]
#7163464 - 07/11/07 10:08 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Heh. I bet.
-------------------- Huuuuurrrrrr!
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indica
Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: musicallaround]
#7163622 - 07/11/07 10:40 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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lol alcapwn says;
LOLpwnd
Nah, I dunno man. Sounds like the weed may have just pushed you over the edge. Better luck next time. Take it easy. Doesn't really sound so much like ego death as just letting go> I dunno, it wasn't me so I can't give you an answer
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prajnaparamita
Stranger
Registered: 07/22/06
Posts: 68
Last seen: 16 years, 4 days
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: indica]
#7163659 - 07/11/07 10:47 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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I have gotten what seemed like dangerous heart palpitations while smoking. Enough that I got panicky and wondered momentarily whether I was going to keel over ... weed is weird. It can be enormously relaxing or launch me into paranoid thought loops depending on the circumstances.
The one time I smoked up while tripping, I was very relaxed (was actually one of my best trips). But I can imagine that the paranoia caused by weed plus the weirdness of tripping could be a bad combo.
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b1tH
I Am You
Registered: 05/17/05
Posts: 269
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: indica]
#7163675 - 07/11/07 10:50 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah dude I have never had a truly bad trip but I have figured that I was going to die that night. I've had weird pains and shit too and I know people who went through the same and worse of that on LSD and mushrooms. I think weed definitely had something to do with it. Mindset as well, you have to ride it earlier I think. You may have imagined the pain and got too hung up on it and then it just got worse in your head. I've had that happen when I'm just high a few times. I'd take a break for a while but try to face acid again if you can.
-------------------- Nothing lasts... My Music: www.myspace.com/heretictheory ...But nothing is lost.
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indica
Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: b1tH]
#7163689 - 07/11/07 10:52 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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That weird thing is that it can be really hard to 'let go' if you feel like you are physically dying. It is a painful thing, and often you get no choice as it just drags you down into complete ego death anyway, which afterwards is really rewarding.
The hardest part is learning not to fight it, but I've never experienced 'real' physical pain, but I've experienced 'mental-physical' pain, if that makes any sense. Like just the feeling of PAIN
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b1tH
I Am You
Registered: 05/17/05
Posts: 269
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: indica]
#7163758 - 07/11/07 11:01 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah, I've come very close to the dying part but at some point I always seem to give in to it and I never completely die. It's weird, I've taken alot more acid and mushrooms than most people I know and they have had ego death off as little as 2 hits of acid but 7 won't give me ego death/loss when I want it haha. I guess it has to do with letting go and such...
-------------------- Nothing lasts... My Music: www.myspace.com/heretictheory ...But nothing is lost.
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indica
Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: musicallaround]
#7163781 - 07/11/07 11:04 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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I've only ever achieved complete ego DEATH once on mushrooms, it was my first time.
I've achieved ego-loss countless times simply off of 1 hit of acid (always really strong stuff)
however, the problem of 'letting go' always proves to be really hard, and stops me from 'assimilating'
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Land_Crab
NeuroticPsychonaut
Registered: 08/29/04
Posts: 2,194
Loc: U.S.
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: musicallaround]
#7163827 - 07/11/07 11:10 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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When you "died", did you become unconscious, like passing out? Or for the period when you died, were you on any level aware of anything - such as your surroundings? I know marijuana can increase your heart rate, and it certainly can induce anxiety of the magnitude of full-blown panic attacks. Given your state of consciousness at the time, it sounds as if you may have gotten locked in to a mind-body feedback loop which you were unable to control. How strongly did you actually feel that you were going to die (in the literal sense)?
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musicallaround
Chill Doctor
Registered: 07/05/07
Posts: 27
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: Land_Crab]
#7165056 - 07/12/07 08:02 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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I truly believed I was going to die, not just have ego death but actually die.
If I had been around anyone, luckily I was in a safe place, but if I had been around anyone, I wouldn't have cared about any repercussions I would have straight up asked for help
It really was bad, I mean my brain felt and heart felt like the were being like peeled away almost.
Basically I was escalating into a phase where I couldn't even function.
I lost all grips on what things were, I didn't know what a computer was, all I could type into the search engine was help me.
The pain was rediciulously unbearable but the real confusion came because I didn't know if I was really feeling this pain or not, it was unlike anything i've ever felt.
I realized I was avoiding this pain doing everything I could to make it stop. Eventually it got so bad I was on the ground just shaking and squirming around.
When I agreed to just give in and just die at that moment, it was like everything was obliverated. My whole brain was shattered and I like floated away. I stayed like this for about 15 minutes just on the ground, eyes closed, in blackness, then I got up and began to recover a bit, I began doing some breathing exercises and came back to. W
When I orginally wrote the report, I was still tripping, but today I feel pretty much even more dumbfounded by what happened to me.
The weed definatly plays a key role, but it was just scary.
I didn't know what planet I was on and that's just wild, I truly asked myself what planet I had come to.
I don't think I'll ever know the truth behind what happened to me, be it a message or just a simple embelishment
but it was fucked up. i respect that shit more than anything now
i also rememeber feeling like I was looking at myself, like it was the final judgement
i kept saying, oh man you've gone to far this time, this is bad
so I was contributing to the loops, but it was real.
I truly feel like I experienced egodeath,
I was reborn after this happened, felt as if I could relearn everything I was just happy to feel my face and know i wasn't gone forever.
the trip escalated through "tension, nervousness, confusion, alarm, panic, shock, fear, terror, horror, anguish, agony, torment, termoil, unwillingness, helplessness, sorrow, surrender."
i felt as if "total annihilation on all imaginable levels - physical destruction, emotional disaster, intellectual and philosophical defeat, ultimate moral faulure, and absolute damnation of transcendental proportions. This experience of ego death seems to entail an instant merciless destruction of all previous reference points in the life of the individual."
I remember looking up at my window and it was shattered. The curtains were being blown in and everything around me had be annihilated by a powerful wind.
this is when my brain felt as if it shattered and was twisted and melted apart only to float away into the blackness.
-------------------- legalize it. vaporize do your part. shout out some love to berklee "he who knows does not speak, he who speaks does not know"
Edited by musicallaround (07/12/07 08:16 AM)
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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)
Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: musicallaround]
#7165366 - 07/12/07 10:01 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Do you feel better and stronger now?
-------------------- "I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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Amber_Glow
Sat Chit Anand
Registered: 09/02/02
Posts: 1,543
Last seen: 11 years, 30 days
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: musicallaround]
#7165666 - 07/12/07 11:20 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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It doesn't really matter what the trigger is but your trip became ANXIETY / DEATH / ANXIETY / DEATH / ANXIETY / ANXIETY / ANXIETY / DEATH. This has happened to me a few times. Once anxiety begins creeping in one path, it can consume your whole reality. Anxiety and danger becomes the lens thru which you view the world.
Set and setting I suppose. Once you head down that path of anxiety, it can be hard to turn around until you reach the dying point and realize you just got taken for a ride. You need to try to remember early on that you are on drugs and thinking completely irrationally. If everything was OK before you started tripping, everything is still OK and you are just getting psyched up and taken for a ride on the anxiety train.
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wipikas1
hunting
Registered: 07/10/07
Posts: 45
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: Amber_Glow]
#7165710 - 07/12/07 11:33 AM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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I get very paranoid and get a headache on most kinds of weed but it goes away when I eat alot of fresh fruit like apples and watermelon, even while triping.
Hows your diet been lately? Maybe you should find a cool doctor to tell what happened with you.
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musicallaround
Chill Doctor
Registered: 07/05/07
Posts: 27
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: wipikas1]
#7166100 - 07/12/07 01:08 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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after today I feel great
I slept alot though I usually don't sleep that late
but i woke up at like 230PM and smoked a fat joint and now i feel great, but i don't want to even go near LSD frankly im scared a feel i need to figure a lot of shit out first.
it was intense. but thanks alot for the help guys i appreciate it
-------------------- legalize it. vaporize do your part. shout out some love to berklee "he who knows does not speak, he who speaks does not know"
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usefulidiot13
Dark Passenger
Registered: 05/22/07
Posts: 11,583
Loc: Death From Above
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: musicallaround]
#7166191 - 07/12/07 01:31 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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dude dont be afraid of LSD....you say you had tripped like 30 times before, but man dont you see you JUST NOW got the true psychedelic experience....to run away scared with your tail between your legs means that you didnt really appreciate the experience enough....and dude no offense to you at all because this is a very hard thing for ANYONE to understand and appreciate...
you are fine now yes?...well i say you try it again...and not like anytime soon, but definitely try it again...dont run away!
next time if it starts to happen again just accept death again and see what happens...
-------------------- What Would Dexter Do?
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Rhizoid
carbon unit
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Re: did I pass the line? i truly am asking for guidance here [Re: musicallaround]
#7166258 - 07/12/07 01:47 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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It sounds to me like you should be scared of cannabis rather than LSD. Try staying away from cannabis for a week or two, and then take the same amount of LSD again (without cannabis).
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