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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!
Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 15,427
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Do I have a shitty dad?
#6844210 - 04/28/07 03:25 AM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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My dad lives in Biloxi, MS. I have lived in Nashville, TN for the last 3 1/2 years. 6 months ago, I bought house 4 months after turning 24. Now, in the 3 and a half years of living in Nashville, my dad visited me once, which at the time, I lived in an apartment that was the size of my living room right now..... I lived there the first year I lived in Nashville. He stayed the night one day, and only because he was on his way back from a business trip.
My dad works 4 days a week, and in the last 3 years has gone on 3 week long cruise ship vacations and countless golf and fishing vacations. So he makes plenty of money, and has plenty of time...
but has yet to come see the house I have bought.
History: If I had to grade my dad, i would give him a B-. He is a great guy, very honest and very real. I have a half brother, who was almost entirely raised by him. My dad raised me, in conjunction with my mom, until I was 10... then my mom raised me. My brother is now 28, a fuck up in so many ways from jail to drug addiction. So over the last few years, as I have succeeded in life, and my brother has continued to fail, I have sensed some sort of animosity from my dad. Kind of like, he is slightly pissed off that I have succeeded while my brother has floundered... which to him proves that he is a worthless dad (not my opinion of him btw.... he is overall a great dad).
Now, I have an entire room in my house that is completely unoccupied, I have no roommates, and Nashville has some great golf courses..... all of these things I have tried to bait him with have yet to work, and everytime we talk I ask him when he is coming up to see me, he says he would love to.
I just dont get it. I mean, if you had a son, forget that.... a friend who just bought a new house, and they invited you to come see it, wouldnt you go if you could?
or does all of this sound like really gay "my dad doesnt love me" whining? I wasnt going to post this because it sounded pretty gay in my head as I tried to read it like someone else posted it.... but then I thought maybe some future or current dad would read this and gain some insight.
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 3 years, 15 days
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I don't think your dad is shitty. I think he just don't know how to handle you, maybe because he has the impression he sucks as a dad. There are some people which the more they want to do "wonders" in a particular domain, the more they screw it up. Maybe your dad is one of them . That could explain in a way the fact that in other domains he's a great guy.
I'd suggest you a new tactic. Don't ever mention his to come visit you. Tell him about your life, about what's great in it and what sucks and that's all. Ask him how he's doing... but stop telling him to come. Maybe he just feels guilty that ha didn't come for so long that he just keeps postponing it and hearing you reminding that things he only remembers his flaws.
Maybe that way he'll remove the guilt trip related to you and he'll come see you by himself. These things can hurt and I can understand exactly why they hurt you, but try to set your mind in such a manner to be the wise one. One of you (either you or your dad) has to do that. And obviously your dad does not.
All in all you know him better & you can tell where there might be some truth in what I've just said or not. But I don't think your dad doesn't love you, a father (parent) who doesn't feel love for his kid does not behave like your dad does.
-------------------- All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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elbisivni
Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 2,839
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Re: Do I have a shitty dad? [Re: MushroomTrip]
#6845084 - 04/28/07 12:13 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
MushroomTrip said: I'd suggest you a new tactic. Don't ever mention his to come visit you. Tell him about your life, about what's great in it and what sucks and that's all. Ask him how he's doing... but stop telling him to come. Maybe he just feels guilty that ha didn't come for so long that he just keeps postponing it and hearing you reminding that things he only remembers his flaws.
This is very good advice. In requesting something of him, directly or indirectly, you might come across to him as possessive or even manipulative.
As a general rule (of the past since I am now so horribly alone), in order to remain friends with an ex-girlfriend I'd have to let the situation get to a point where they would no longer be asking me to hang out all the time. Because there was a manipulative self interest aspect to it that would turn me off. When the situation, the words and the tone changed, that's when things...changed and all was good in the land of the lost.
edit: sp
-------------------- From dust you are made and to dust you shall return.
Edited by elbisivni (04/28/07 01:34 PM)
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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I think your dad is self absorbed to the exclusion of you.
You could do what I did with my dad. Move on. Best choice I ever made.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Shroomism
Space Travellin
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension
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Re: Do I have a shitty dad? [Re: Icelander]
#6846414 - 04/28/07 06:57 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said: You could do what I did with my dad. Move on. Best choice I ever made.
Same here. Although my dad was pretty shitty; i.e: beating me as a child, running off on my mom, not paying child support, never helping out in bad situations, not being there, etc.. etc.. etc..
One of the best decisions I made was to just cut him out of my life completely. he was just one disappointment and broken promise after another.
Your situation sounds a bit different though..
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ZippoZ
Knomadic
Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
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Re: Do I have a shitty dad? [Re: Shroomism]
#6846599 - 04/28/07 07:43 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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forgive me for jumping off the deep end, but i would wonder if he was really my dad if he was so distant from me....
i mean, there has to be some sort of reason, what happened when you were 10?
-------------------- PEACE zippoz "in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption" "People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."
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dreadheadgurl
still kickin
Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 79
Loc: U S OF A
Last seen: 15 years, 2 months
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I would have to say no. Your dad sounds like he's just guilty, like what pretty much everyone else has been saying, don't ask about his visiting, just focus on current events. -dhg
-------------------- I may be crazy but it is the one thing that keeps me from going insane. --Waylon Jennings
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