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OfflineDrCamacho89
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Dating Single Mothers...
    #6773202 - 04/10/07 11:26 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Does anyone have any experience in this? My relationship with a mother just ended and it is particularly hard on me as compared to other relationships. Hoping someone has some insight on the matter.


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"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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OfflineNiamhNyx
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Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: DrCamacho89]
    #6773281 - 04/10/07 11:40 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

In what ways is this breakup harder on you than other relationships? It's hard to have insight on a matter when there are really no details to work with!

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OfflineLegend9123
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Registered: 09/24/06
Posts: 2,590
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Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: NiamhNyx]
    #6773301 - 04/10/07 11:45 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

NiamhNyx said:
It's hard to have insight on a matter when there are really no details to work with!




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Those who would give up a little freedom to get a little security shall soon have neither.
-Benjamin Franklin

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OfflineDrCamacho89
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Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: Legend9123]
    #6773443 - 04/11/07 12:19 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah, sorry. Just had the "last talk" with her, my mind is a little scattered. Long story short, I have mentioned my relationship with her in other posts, I met her while living in New York. I was a producer on a tv talk show and her boss (medical field) was a guest on our show and she works with her and takes care of her autistic child while the woman was doing the talk show circuit. She was from Wisconsin. Whirlwind romance. Clicked instantly. Started talking on the phone every night, a few visits later we were saying I love yous and planning for her to move to NYC. Well, she has a 5 year old from an ex husband, an angry ex husband to be specific. At first, we were so caught up that she considered giving up 50% custody that she had in exchange for holidays and summers and was going to move. She then decided that wouldn't work, she needs to be with her daughter because she hates her ex and she wouldn't be the same if she was apart from her child for that long a period. I understood. We did the long distance for a while, 2 weeks apart from her was brutal on both of us and the relationship was getting stressful. She introduced me to her daughter after five months of dating which was akward because she hadn't introduced anyone to her since the divorce and was being cautious. Which I totally understood and appreciated because I had never dated anyone with a kid. I could use baby steps and she knew it. I am 27 by the way and have never been divorced and she is 31. The plan then changed after a show I was working on had been cancelled and I was looking for work. We decided I would look in Chicago. I finally found something after being unemployed for 3 months and spending most of my time in Wisconsin (where she lives and only a 2 hour drive from Chicago). I moved in January and she was going to start custody precedings to try to get her daughter to come to Chicago for school and spend weekends and holidays with the dad. 2 days after I move, she gets pregnant. While I'm unemployed, just had an expensive move and we are just adjusting to this new life and rare situation. We talked for a long time, and eventually decided on an abortion. I later found out that she didn't want the abortion but was only waiting for me to stop her. I was on a tight budget and looking for work. If she didn't want it either, we would have to live with our decision to abort as the most logical and deal with the after effects is how I looked at it. Anyway, she pushes me away for a month and a half afterward, real cold to me, and then tells me I am not committed enough for her to pick up and move her daughter to be with. After a few weeks of back and forth and me wanting to stay in the relationship but keep it Wisconsin/Chicago for a little while to gather ourselves, she says it's Chicago now and a real commitment (hinted at marriage many times) or she is going to have to move on. See, she is in a small town in Wisconsin and if she doesn't come to Chicago, she is going to move to Madison to get away from the ex, his family and a buffer from hers as well. Those small towns are brutal out there. I don't know how they do it. She needs to do something now if she wants to have the custody mediation to take place while her daughter is on summer break. She put her foot down, said no, and said that she can't gamble with her kids life and look unstable. If she's moving, she is moving once and that's it or she will have her daughter taken away eventually. I have no argument really. She is a mother and has to think about her in all decision, I know. Now we haven't seen each other in a few weeks and I'm starting to dig the freedom I now have from the stress and the endless prospects I have lay ahead of me. HOWEVER. I really miss her. I did see a future with this woman. Chalk it up to bad timing or what? But I'm hurting. I miss her daughter too. I really like the little girl. She is extremely sweet and has this beautiful relationship with her mom. She really is an amazingly caring mother which can be an overwhelmingly beautiful thing to see in a woman. I not only am going through having someone there for me withdrawal, but I feel like I lost a family along with this breakup. My father just died 6 months ago and my mother died of cancer when I was 13. This breakup is bringing back those feelings. I also feel a little guilty that it didn't work out. I feel like I not only let my girlfriend down, but her daughter as well. It's a much different feeling. She tells me that the little girl asks about me all the time, where I am and stuff like when are we going to go to the movies again. She actually gave me a stuffed teddy bear the last time I saw her because I gave her a birthday present because I wouldn't be there for hers and she gave me one in return because she will miss mine. She's five and it really was one of the sweetest things someone has given me in a long time. It's a very strange feeling I have never felt before during a breakup.


--------------------
"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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OfflinemndfreezeMDiscordReddit
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Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: DrCamacho89]
    #6774065 - 04/11/07 07:22 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Paragraphs are awsome man. Sorry. ;(


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Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]

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OfflineMuppet
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Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: mndfreeze]
    #6774096 - 04/11/07 07:42 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

mndfreeze said:
Paragraphs are awsome man. Sorry. ;(




--------------------


:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:

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OfflineToddo
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Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: DrCamacho89]
    #6774251 - 04/11/07 09:01 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

your a quality poster here.. but you need to break up your posts up with paragraphs so they are readable.  :smile: :thumbup:


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Shroomery Composition Contest

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OfflineRoosterCogburn
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Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: Toddo]
    #6774262 - 04/11/07 09:14 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

I lift heavy/low reps with my right arm, and light/high reps with my left arm. My right arm is much bigger. :smile:

Seriously tho, it has been confirmed... for awhile.

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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,026
Loc: the sky
Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: RoosterCogburn]
    #6774263 - 04/11/07 09:15 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

RoosterCogburn said:
I lift heavy/low reps with my right arm, and light/high reps with my left arm. My right arm is much bigger. :smile:

Seriously tho, it has been confirmed... for awhile.




Perhaps you meant to post this here: http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/6773787/an/0/page/0


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis

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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #6774272 - 04/11/07 09:20 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah, holy shit, my mind was racing trying to determine what was going on... it seemed like some kind of glitch or something... :lol:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:

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OfflineRoosterCogburn
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Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: fireworks_god]
    #6774294 - 04/11/07 09:27 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

It was a glitch... In my brain. Sorry!

I must have had multiple winders open, and I am back and forth fixing email issues at this shithole I work in.

Sorry for the derailing... carry on!

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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
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Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: DrCamacho89]
    #6774319 - 04/11/07 09:38 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

I want a medal for reading that huge paragraph.  I did because I have experienced a similar situation.  I'll share it with you and tell you what I've learned.

I went out with a single mother for about two years.  We broke it off last summer, tried unsuccessfully to be friends for a while, and now we have not spoken for three months, so we both have a chance to move on.  She had fallen head-over-heels for me and our breakup devastated her.

I met her daughter when she was 21 months old. She quickly became my favorite person in the world. I watched her learn to talk. I trained her to use the potty. I read books to her and had tea parties with her. She will be 4 in two months.

A little background: her daughter's biological father is a self-serving idiot who has manipulated his naive parents and friends his whole life to get what he wants.  He is incapable of being responsible; he provides next to nothing in the way of financial support.  He would text my GF to tell her he just bought a new cell phone or new shoes.  Fucking scumbag.  My ex stopped all communication with him about a year ago, and as far as I know has not spoken to him since.

I had a blast with my girlfriend, but after a while I could no longer deny that she wasn't the one for me... our outlooks on life differed too much.  But I always loved her daughter to death. And she loves me. I wanted to be her father.  I still do.

And now I miss her every day.  More than I miss her mother. 

And I feel like a selfish prick for even getting involved with them because I am now the second father figure to show love for her for a brief period and then disappear.  I feel tremendous (sometimes excruciating) guilt.  I have nightmares about her growing up and hating me like she will undoubtedly hate her father.  I wonder if she will hate men altogether.

Before my ex and I stopped speaking, we decided we'd try to contact each other this summer, so as not to completely fall out of touch.  I have no idea what is going to happen.

My advice to you is just go about your daily business and let yourself slowly recover.  It's still fresh for you.

My advice to everybody else: be cautious about dating single mothers.  You will have an additional responsibility for which you are probably not prepared.  And I'm not just talking about changing diapers.

:peace:


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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OfflineDrCamacho89
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Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #6774502 - 04/11/07 10:38 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

I am sorry guys. Last night was not a good one for me, I was high as balls, had taken 2 vicodin and angry and anxious to boot. Didn't really pay much attention to my formatting. I will split it up.

Thanks for the understanding, Whiskey.

I have mentioned my relationship with her in other posts, I met her while living in New York. I was a producer on a tv talk show and her boss (medical field) was a guest on our show and she travels with her and takes care of her boss' autistic child while the woman was doing the talk show circuit. She was from Wisconsin. Whirlwind romance. Clicked instantly. Started talking on the phone every night, a few visits later we were saying I love yous and planning for her to move to NYC. Well, she has a 5 year old from an ex husband, an angry ex husband to be specific.

At first, we were so caught up that she considered giving up 50% custody that she had in exchange for holidays and summers and was going to move. She then decided that wouldn't work, she needs to be with her daughter because she hates her ex and she wouldn't be the same if she was apart from her child for that long a period. I understood. We did the long distance for a while, 2 weeks apart from her was brutal on both of us and the relationship was getting stressful. She introduced me to her daughter after five months of dating which was akward because she hadn't introduced anyone to her since the divorce and was being cautious. Which I totally understood and appreciated because I had never dated anyone with a kid. I could use baby steps and she knew it. I am 27 by the way and have never been divorced and she is 31.

The plan then changed after a show I was working on had been cancelled and I was looking for work. We decided I would look in Chicago. I finally found something after being unemployed for 3 months and spending most of my time in Wisconsin (where she lives and only a 2 hour drive from Chicago).

I moved to Chicago in January (no work for me in WI) and she was going to start custody precedings to try to get her daughter to come to Chicago for school and spend weekends and holidays with the dad. 2 days after I move, she gets pregnant. While I'm unemployed, just had an expensive move and we are just adjusting to this new life and rare situation. We talked for a long time, and eventually decided on an abortion. I later found out that she didn't want the abortion but was only waiting for me to stop her. I was on a tight budget and looking for work. If she didn't want it either, we would have to live with our decision to abort as the most logical and deal with the after effects together. She blamed me and felt rejected by me.

Anyway, she pushes me away for a month and a half afterward, real cold to me, and then tells me I am not committed enough for her to pick up and move her daughter to be with. After a few weeks of back and forth and me wanting to stay in the relationship but keep it Wisconsin/Chicago for a little while to gather ourselves, she says it's Chicago now and a real commitment (hinted at marriage many times) or she is going to have to move on. See, she is in a small town in Wisconsin and if she doesn't come to Chicago, she is going to move to Madison to get away from the ex, his family and a buffer from hers as well. Those small towns are brutal out there. I don't know how they do it.

She needs to do something now if she wants to have the custody mediation to take place while her daughter is on summer break. She put her foot down, said no, and said that she can't gamble with her kids life and look unstable. If she's moving, she is moving once and that's it or she will have her daughter taken away eventually. I have no argument really. She is a mother and has to think about her daughter in all decisions, I know.

Now we haven't seen each other in a few weeks and I'm starting to dig the freedom I now have from the stress and am embracing the endless prospects I have lay ahead of me. HOWEVER. I really miss her. I did see a future with this woman. Chalk it up to bad timing or what? But I'm hurting.

I miss her daughter too. I really like the little girl. She is extremely sweet and has this beautiful relationship with her mom. She really is an amazingly caring mother which can be an overwhelmingly beautiful thing to see in a woman. I not only am going through having someone there for me withdrawal, but I feel like I lost a family along with this breakup. My father just died 6 months ago and my mother died of cancer when I was 13. This breakup is bringing back those feelings.

I also feel a little guilty that it didn't work out. I feel like I not only let my girlfriend down, but her daughter as well. It's a much different feeling. She tells me that the little girl asks about me all the time, where I am and stuff like when are we going to go to the movies again. She actually gave me a stuffed teddy bear the last time I saw her because I gave her a birthday present and wouldn't be there for hers and she gave me the bear in return because she will miss mine. She's five and it really was one of the sweetest things someone has given me in a long time. It's a very strange feeling I have never felt before during a breakup.

Also, the angry ex who purposely pushed her buttons and made her life hell really wore on our relationship too. He was all nice and passive to my face, but then would call her with me sitting right next to her and dig into her about issues from their marriage. Twisted. I knew he was just jealous because his daughter was taking to me, but in my opinion, if you are old enough to get married, have a kid, and get divorced. You need to show a little more maturity than that. Once again, these small town narrowminded fucks really drive me crazy!


--------------------
"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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Offlinefireworks_godS
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Male


Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: DrCamacho89]
    #6774529 - 04/11/07 10:44 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

You could have just edited the one without paragraphs. :grin:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:

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OfflineDrCamacho89
Mazel Tuff
Male


Registered: 03/12/07
Posts: 1,981
Last seen: 15 years, 11 months
Re: Dating Single Mothers... [Re: fireworks_god]
    #6774728 - 04/11/07 11:46 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Forget it. I just wanted to vent anyway. That's really all I needed.


--------------------
"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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