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Offlinepsilog
{o:o}
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Registered: 08/10/05
Posts: 581
Loc: home on the range
Last seen: 3 months, 1 day
my mom's boyfriend
    #6478091 - 01/19/07 08:28 PM (17 years, 2 months ago)

I have been living at home for the past few months...

My mom has a boyfriend of about two years who is living with us. Since age eleven I have lived with My mom and my brother, just the three of us. She has had two serious relationships since my dad and her had divorced. The first guy I got along with pretty well. He was a good ol' country boy with tons of mechanical knowledge and a good sense of people. A generally nice guy with a bit of a drinking problem, which my mother couldn't deal with.


Her second and current relationship hasn't set very well with my brother and I. He is pretty cold in his relations with us. To start off, we have little in common...He really doesn't do much other than work and play scrabble with my mom. Quite boring if you ask me.

I know my mom is happy and that's what counts for me, but I can't stand the effect he has on the household. He is extremely rigid and robotic, he never breaks from his daily routines. Talking to him is outrageous, he uses the least amount of words possible, like newspeak...The problem is how much he polices my brother and I about picking up cig butts and doing the dishes...minimal responsibilities that sometimes are behind schedule, at least for him...The previous relationship my mom had was a breeze, we all got along well and had little to fuss over between each other. This guy can't stand others hindering his routine yet is living under our roof. He constantly causes friction over a napkin on the ground or shoes near the doorway...little shit.

The thing that gets me is that he is a cultivator of Tao...non-ado he constantly preaches to my mom and us...but he loves to stir shit up...to the point where we argue over the littlest issues. I know it's putting stress on my mom because she has asked us to be more respectful of his "values".


I don't know if it's the fact that we have never had a solid male figure around the house or that he is being so adamant but my brother and I are on the verge of psychosis.

I was wandering around some emails that my mom had sent to him. In one email she defends us after he accused us of being immoral and without soul. My brother and I have screwed up a few times in the past and he feels like it's his job to change us. I hate to see my mom defending her children to some dick that thinks he is almighty. He has a master's degree in psychology and uses that for leverage in some of the emails.

I think he is a fuck twad, he has tourettes because of some underlying mental tick related to OCD..cleanliness and routine. He is obviously uncomfortable about living with us loosely organized ez-going folks, and is doing all he can to brainwash my mother into believing there is a problem in our household. It's causing unnecessary stress for all of us.

I dont mind him being around but he needs to learn to stay out of our business. My brother and I have talked to him about our space but he justifies himself as pleasing my mother. I don't know what to do about this fuck twad...something will crack sooner or later!


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InvisibleSilversoul
Rhizome
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Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
Re: my mom's boyfriend [Re: psilog]
    #6478098 - 01/19/07 08:30 PM (17 years, 2 months ago)

Wrong forum?


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Invisibleroby000
me
Trans-male
Registered: 02/28/05
Posts: 9,189
Re: my mom's boyfriend [Re: Silversoul]
    #6478132 - 01/19/07 08:37 PM (17 years, 2 months ago)

just tell him he is considered family but not your father, as an elder you have respect for him however he needs to respect you as a person if he expects any respect to flow down his way. tell him he is in your home and should remember that you have more right to be there than he does. politely of course.

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OfflineMrBuzin
Stranger
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Registered: 09/20/06
Posts: 432
Last seen: 16 years, 5 months
Re: my mom's boyfriend [Re: psilog]
    #6478508 - 01/19/07 10:23 PM (17 years, 2 months ago)

Do something about it. I didn't and my moms boyfriend after she divorced my dad ended up being a crackhead and she developed a crack problem. I'm not saying your moms gonna be a crackhead haha just saying let him know you mean buisness, i didn't and I regret it.

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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: my mom's boyfriend [Re: psilog]
    #6479268 - 01/20/07 07:25 AM (17 years, 2 months ago)

My advice would be:

Modify the above post to remove all "fuck-twad" comments and similar unnecessary slander, as these will only make your legitimate comments seem less legitimate.

After you've done that... print it, and show it to your mom. Say, "Listen... I reached out for help on an internet forum because I don't know what to do about this. Even though it wasn't meant for your eyes, I want you to read it so you understand how I feel."

Be as genuine as possible. Put your heart into your words. If she is capable, she will see that and put a lot more faith in your statements as a result.

Respectfully request that she take some time to consider what you've said, and to talk to YOU about it BEFORE she decides to bring it up with her boyfriend. If she is respectful of her children, she will do so.

P.S. Do it when fuck-twad isn't around. :thumbup:

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Invisiblebadchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,377
Re: my mom's boyfriend [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #6479320 - 01/20/07 08:39 AM (17 years, 2 months ago)

I'd assume since you're posting that you're over 18.

Maybe it's time to move out.


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...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436

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OfflineCerebralFlower
whats left?

Registered: 02/09/04
Posts: 1,326
Loc: only the truth is left
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
Re: my mom's boyfriend [Re: badchad]
    #6479426 - 01/20/07 09:52 AM (17 years, 2 months ago)

id say moveout. its not a good situation for any of you, the couple, or the kids. It doesnt sound like he really gets TAO if hes calling you without souls. Why would you be reading a letter between your mom and her boyfriend :shudders:. Alot of relationships can be what you make of them (the less personal the easier). Like focusing on the similarities and good that you each share, instead of focusing on what seperates you.
If yo have money to waste on ciggarettes, thats money you could be using to save and buy your own place. If you really cant get along, just dont spend time together.


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God says dance with your heart
And shake free of you desire

Where theres a will theres always a way
When you get confused listen to the music play


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Invisibleblewmeanie
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Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 28,984
Loc: Flag
Re: my mom's boyfriend [Re: CerebralFlower]
    #6479449 - 01/20/07 10:04 AM (17 years, 2 months ago)

A good uppercut is the cure for anything. I cant recommend it enough. No really I cant, I could be held liable.


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The Prophecy!

Learn To Code

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InvisibleShroomismM
Space Travellin
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Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
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Re: my mom's boyfriend [Re: psilog]
    #6479510 - 01/20/07 10:42 AM (17 years, 2 months ago)

You have two options: Kill him or move out. As murder is against the law, and immoral, and messy, my vote is for option 2. You could always tell your mom how you feel, tell this guy he is a controlling dick and doesn't control you, but it would probably do little good. He's not gonna change for you. I know I didn't let some OCD obssessive controlling pricks control my daily life, and I've run into quite a few of them. You can tell him to fuck off and just live your life how you want to live it, or you can move out and not have to deal with it. Just whatever you do, don't be a pushover.


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OfflineManianFH
living in perverty
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Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,958
Last seen: 3 hours, 4 minutes
Re: my mom's boyfriend [Re: Shroomism]
    #6479755 - 01/20/07 12:06 PM (17 years, 2 months ago)

If this is really getting to you, you need to sit down all in a room, where you can talk about your problem.

Before having this talk, get some moderating rules lined up, like no aggressive language, yelling or teaming up against one another, whatever everybody can agree with, without fighting over them...

Then express your feelings the way you have here. If you think this guy is stepping too far over certain boundaries let him know about it. If you think that his actions are going to compromise the relationship you have with your mom, let them know.

If you feel the need to ask why he thinks you have no soul, then ask. His degree in psych doesn't mean shit, honestly, hes still just a person, capable of mistakes, especially if he is letting a mental disorder control the way he treats others.If he tries to use his degree for leverage in the conversation, keep that understanding.
Maybe ask him why then it has been so hard to communicate with him, much less have a relationship where each of your emotional needs are being fulfilled. Tell him you feel like hes trying to manipulate the situation when he tries to make himself appear more professional, and more skilled at personal situations than the rest of you.

Good luck, you could just move out, but you might want to salvage the relationship you have with your mom, or at least mend it before making that decision.


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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."

Edited by mickdawg666 (01/20/07 12:10 PM)

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