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Invisibleniteowl
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How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path"
    #5623535 - 05/13/06 01:05 AM (17 years, 10 months ago)

This is a story of the demons I have had to fight, what caused them and how I beat them. I will start after High School when I first started having problems.

Pt 1

I was 18-19 and in the Army, stationed in Germany. I was young and naive!. I was a country bumpkin from Arkinsaw. Listened to country music, drank beer, didn't use street drugs and was a virgin. A sure fire fuck-up waiting to happen.

I got the privilege to be stationed at a NATO post near Venlo, Holland for a 3 month tour. It was a co-ed dorm. Each of us had our own room with 'fridge a community living area, kitchen and bathrooms. (I was in 4 man rooms eating at the mess hall)

!Paradise!


Or so I thought.
Too much freedom can be a bad thing.

I met this fine older (21) woman and we hit it off pretty well, she introduced me to weed.

wow

Why drink alcohol if you can smoke THIS instead....I fell in LOVE with weed and hash.

When she found out that I was a virgin she decided to help me with that one too 

WOW

Poor white-boy got fucked HARD by a black woman from Georgia...I fell in "love" with her too.

Pussy AND weed within 3 weeks will overload ones sensory inputs.

During my little piece of heaven one night I hear my "gf" having sex w/someone else she found at the club. Snuck him in thru the window and had the radio turned up so I wouldn't hear. (she gets kinda loud)

Well my "Paradise" came crashing down around me.

FAST

Hy heart was shattered.
My world was crushed.
How could she do this to me?
Doesn't she love me?
I must not be worth love if some one would do this to me.

I drank a bottle of Jim Beam and slit my wrist.

I still have the scar.

Military Dr's didn't do much. The Army threatened me with and Article-15 for damaging government property. That was about all that happened for that one.

Fast forward 12-18 months. I'm still in Germany with the Army. Back in the all male barracks in 4 man rooms. One evening I'm at the Post office getting my mail and see some friends. They are getting ready to go to the club. I see Danny trying to chat up this civilian woman there. She didn't seem to interested and tried to brush him off. After he left she and I talked for a bit. I knew her husband. He was in my squad. He was gone for a month for some school. She was going to go out and didn't want Danny bothering her and asked if I would go out with her as a "chaperon" so Danny wouldn't bother her. She trusted me because I was in her husbands unit. I kinda balked at the idea (don't want to be tied to this married chick) she begged so I gave in and told her I would meet her at the club.

Mistake number 1 of the evening

The night went better than I thought it would and ended up having a good time. Hung around her until Danny found another interest and we went our own ways. Later that night as the club was closing I saw her and Danny kinda having words and went to investigate. She told Danny I was her "chaperon" and it was past her bedtime and she needed me to take her home. I agreed. Mainly to get away from Danny He was VERY drunk and had about 75 pounds on me and I was NOT looking to get in a fight.

Mistake number 2.

We shared a cab. Her appt first then I'm back to the barracks to pass out. When we got to her stop her street light was out and she asked me to walk her to her door on the 6th floor. I agreed.

Mistake number 3.

Before you know it we are on her couch fucking like rabbits. We kept it up the whole time her hubby was at school. Three days before he came back we decided to keep it going. We were in "love". I loved her kids and they liked me (most kids do). She was going to leave him and we were going to get married. (lust does strange things to the mind). So after he came back she was supposed to tell him.

It never happened.
She kept coming up with one reason or another for not telling him. In the mean time we are still fucking on any occasion we can manage to get together. This went on for about 3 months after he got back. To complicate matters even more. She started inviting me and another friend over. We all became good friends. We played D&D a lot, played cards a lot too. Even me and her husband were friends.  We were so bold we even fucked on their bed while he was passed out on the couch.

Oh what a tangled web we weave

I knew we shouldn't continue.
We were going to get caught.

And when we did......SHIT HIT THE FAN.

This (adultery) is a SEVERE no-no in the military. I got an AR-15 instantly.
Her husband beat the shit out of her.
Our lie was exposed.
EVERYBODY knew.
I was a laughing stock.
My world came crashing down around me again.
How could I be so stupid.
It was all my fault
I should have stopped this.
She got her ass beat and it was MY fault.
How could I beat a woman.
!HOW!
I must be worthless.
I must not deserve this life I was given.

I drank a bottle of Wild Turkey.

And slit my wrist.

The first time I cut my wrist, I went across the wrist. This time I got a razor blade and slit my arm from my wrist to about 3 inches from my elbow.

I still have that scar too. They touch kinda like a long "T".

This time the Army sent me to a psychiatrist.

We talked about my childhood. Other than having a bi-polar step-father, I had no real complaints about my childhood. They didn't give me any Rx. Just started the paper-work to send me back to Arkansas.

I got kicked out.
Which suited me just fine.
Me and uncle Sam didn't see eye to eye on many things.

My life from then, until after I married my wife, was fairly normal. Nothing out of the ordinary...as long as I stayed away from alcohol....things were fine.

My wife had a 5 year old girl when we got married. I was 24 and it was my 1'st marriage. She was 25 and it was her 3'rd marriage.

Life was good for a while. Trying to be a husband and father basically overnight (we met in Oct '90, married Jan '91) had its stresses. More responsibilities, bills, school, Dr visits....

Stress that was too much for my already fragile mental state to deal with

A surprising thing about being married is....It brings out the best AND the worst in people. All of the personal issues we have start to show, normally in very subtle ways. The longer you live with them the more profound these issues become.

For instance....I have a very active libido. I got it genetically from my mother (she has a super active libido). I LOVE to have sex. My wife on the other hand has a very inactive libido. She got it because of how her mother treated her. (thats another LONG story all by itself....watch "Sybil" with Sally Fields to get a overall view of her story)

Between my high sex drive and her lack of one our life became a virtual hot bed for any type of argument over any type of issue.

My world was slowly falling apart around me.
Why cant I make this marriage work.
I must not be loving her enuf or she would want to have sex w/me.
I must be worthless.

Wait...I have had these feelings before.
I don't want to have another scar to try and lie about.
I need to go see a Dr.

I went to the local hospital and started seeing a therapist, Brenda was her name.

And this was the real beginning of the roller-coaster ride that my life was fixing to go on.

Pt 2

After I told Brenda about my history of suicidal depressions she talked to her supervisor and they agreed I had clinical depression and prescribed Wellbutrin. I thought it was a good idea as long as it took away the depression.

It did.
Big time.

With in 2 months of taking it I started having heavy deja vu spells doing normal things I do daily, washing dishes, driving or at work doing my job. She said it sounded like a panic attack. I said it didn't seem panicky it felt like I had a super intense feeling of deja vu.
So strong they made me feel sick to my stomach.
She asked if I had ever had any kind of panic attacks in my past. I recalled one spell I had during the drama with the married woman. It was a tightening of the chest and shortness of breath. I thought at first it was a heart attack. It hurt like hell, right in the middle of my chest near my sternum, and I couldn't catch my breath. It eventually went away but not before I was laying in the floor in a cold sweat. She said that it sounded like a panic attack. Asked if I remembered having any other attacks like that and I could only remember that one.

She consulted her supervisor and the deiced I had clinical depression with persistent anxiety, and gave me a Rx for Buspar (i think....I have taken SO many it is hard to keep track) for anxiety.

(one of the side effects of Wellbutrin is anxiety....btw)

Within 6-8 weeks I was having the hardcore panic attacks. I told Brenda, she upped my dosage and told me about some deep breathing tek's to help if I had any more attacks. I was to do them if I felt an attack coming on. The attacks kept comm ming but the deep breathing was helping keep the attacks from getting out of control.

{During this 18-24 months of therapy I was also starting to develop a problem with anger. Mild at first, but it got progressively worse. The more medications they gave me the quicker my temper got.}

After several months taking Wellbutrin and Buspar with no real improvement I started to see her supervisor Dr James, a full blown psychiatrist. After talking to him he said I had Borderline Personality Disorder along with the Clinical Depression with Persistent Anxiety and prescribed me more pills to take.

My anger kept growing and with in a few more months I beat my wife over not wanting to have sex.

Just before I snapped and beat my wife I could feel it coming and was doing my very best to contain this monster growing inside me, but couldn't. I was able to keep from punching her with my fist I just picked her up over my head and threw her across the bedroom....told her I was tired of having to beg her to have sex with me and she needed to get the fuck out of my house before I choked her.

She did.

As soon as she walked out the door, my world went into a nose dive.
What have I done.
Oh My God...I just beat my wife.
How could I do this.
Only sorry motherfuckers beat their wife.
What does that make me.
Asorrymuthafucka thats what
A sorry mutha fucka that doesn't deserve to live.
I drove to the liquor store and bought a bottle of Crown Royal and a bottle of coke. When I got home I proceeded to drink the booze and took 3-4 traazadone(sp?) with each glass until the booze and pills (about 20) were gone.

Needless to say I don't remember much after that.....
my mother slapping me in the face(wtf is she doing in my home?)....
ridding in an ambulance.....
catheter(OW)......
drinking some sooty water......
having a tube run down my throat(gag).......

.....and waking up in a padded room.

If there is any worse feeling than waking up in a straight jacket in a padded room.....I don't want to experience it.
It's a real eye opener, thats for sure.

I talked to a psychiatrist there and he recommended I go to a psych hospital.
My wife and mother agreed and off I went for more evaluation and therapy.

If you have never been locked away with a bunch of TRULY disturbed people, it ain't fun. Lots of therapy, one on one and group. Don't remember what drugs they had me on. I remember Klonopin, Depakote, Xanax....there were others I just cant recall their names. Said I was a rapid cycle Bi-Polar. They said I was swinging from mania to depression 2-3 times a day. They got my meds set right and they let me go home. I had regular appts with a therapist and psychiatrist and lots of drugs to take but I was out of the nut house.

Everything calmed down after that. The right combination of drugs can take ALL your emotions away. My wife said It was like living with Data or a Vulcan (we're both big Star Trek fans, btw) she called it "zombie mode". We got along but their was no passion to my life.....only existence.

During this part of my life I started meditating much more frequently and for longer periods of time. Each time becoming easier than the last. During some of the deeper meditations I realized this is not how God wants me to live my life.....merely existing was not good enuf. I began to remember how my life was BEFORE I started taking all theses drugs.....before I became a father and husband. It was MUCH less complicated and virtually stress and anger free.

I decided then to stop taking all the pills.

I told NOBODY.

I just slowly started easing my way off the drugs. It took me about 2 weeks to gradually work my way off of them. I did it that way because I had been hospitalized earlier for Pancreatitis and they took me off ALL meds. That was a shock to my system and made me feel real weird for a few days. So I weaned my way off of them this time.

I kept seeing my therapist and psychiatrist. Telling them I was doing AOK. After about 2 solid months of being off the drugs I told my therapist. He was shocked that I was doing so well w/out any meds. I told him that I thought the meds were more of a problem than they were worth. I told him I had started meditating regularly. I told him that I believed Brenda should have taken me off the Wellburtin as soon as my signs of depression were gone. Just to see if they came back or if it was a situational issue.

After I told him, he wanted to wait a full 3 months before I told any of my family (wife and mother). That was fine, I wanted to make sure that the meds were not the problem and 3 months sounded like an good number.

I soon stopped seeing a therapist, continued meditation as needed and my live has never been better.


Now comes the interesting part.

Pt 3

The rest of my story is of my youth.....my life before my problems in the military and my marriage started, the place where the seed for my problems was planted........

Once I understood the reason for my problems it was simple to fix.

Understanding is the key.


[many of the facts in this story were unknown to me until I was much older]


It was the early 70's. I had the classic "Mayberry" existence. Lived in the country, far from any town. My graduating class was less than 20 students. Many homes we lived in didn't have things we take for granted today...running water, TV and phones being some examples. My grandmother had a phone but it was a party line with about 3-4 families sharing the same line. Each home having its own ring patterns.


The hippy/freelove movement was in full swing, and my mother was interested in some of the new social phenomenon. Swinging being one of the things she wanted to try. My father, however was not as keen on the idea as she was. He agreed but his heart wasn't in it and he didn't like the experience. So after a few attempts at wife swapping, they stopped. My mother, on the other hand liked it very much and (apparently) was still getting some sex on the side. When my youngest sister was conceived, about a year after my father had a vasectomy, things went down hill fairly fast.

So when I was about 7 my parents divorced. My mother, me and my 2 sisters (Jan was 4 and Kim was 2) moved in with my mothers parents

Within a year of moving in with my grandparents my mother found the "perfect man". (one who would let her have the "swingers lifestyle" she so desperately craved)

Despite many warnings from his own mother, his ex-wife and his daughter (and many protests from me and Jan)....she married him. By the age of 8 I was living in a new city with a much larger school and a new father figure that I did not like.

Life with my new step father was far from fun. He had been in the Vietnam war and was retired from the Air Force. He also was a very mentally unstable person, I knew this but my mother was some how unable or un-willing to see his dark side. (once we were out of the house we found out he was severely Bi-Polar)

He worked for the Highway Dept and was gone from Monday till Thursday night. A blessing for me and my sisters. Weekends were a totally different matter tho. We never knew what to expect when we got in from school on Thursdays. Some days he was an angel.....some days he was a devil.

We first moved in with him in a tiny trailer in the middle of a small town (3000 people max). It was a vast city from my perspective and the thought of starting the 4'th grade with over 150 students was somewhat scary.

He soon bought a 4 acre plot of land way out in the country. Something for him to fix up. Since I was the oldest and the only boy I spent an awful lot of time with him on the weekend fixing the place up. Within a year of moving there my mother got pregnant with Mari my newest sister (I was really hopping for a brother :frown:  )

{Letting a young and impressionable boy spend long periods of time with a mentally unstable person, has consequences. Not very noticeable at first but impressions are left, habits are passed on and bad ways of expressing ones self are learned}

As the years passed there was a duality to life. Weekdays were filled with lots of playing with my sisters and loving life for the most part.
weekends were filled with fear and a "walking on eggshells" type of existence. We never knew what might set our step-father into a manic rage.

As I passed into puberty I began to notice odd books placed in our play areas.
These were not pornographic picture books but novels with pornographic stories in them.
Stories of brothers and sisters having sex.
Stories of fathers and daughter having sex.....
mothers and sons.

Stories of incest.

Being young and ignorant of such things I brought the issue up to my mother. She said they were not supposed to be in our play areas and scolded us for snooping in her room. I told her that we didn't get them from her room, we found them in the play house out back. She took the books and nothing else was mentioned of it....

....somehow these types of books kept finding their way back into our areas tho.

As I entered High School, I began to notice strange behavior from my step-father. He would make lewd comments about sex around us, and incest books kept finding their way to areas of the house us kids were most likely to be in.

I remember one instance very strongly.

It was summer, right after sundown, about 9-10pm. My oldest sister Jan and I were the only kids at home. We were up front watching TV when Jan decides to go to her room. After she is back there about 30 min my step-father sent me out to the tool shed to turn on the electric fence. I went to go out the front door but he said I had to go thru the garage. I complained because it was farther to the shed thru the garage, but was told not to argue with him and to do as I was told.

So I did.

Going to the shed via the garage sent me right past my sisters window. I was about 16-17 and Jan was just hitting puberty hard at the age of 13-14. Hormones were raging in both of us. By sending me by my sisters window at night my step-father placed me in a position to see my sister masturbating with the lights on, curtains pulled back and the window open.

It was very hard to walk past her window and continue on to my chore. I was seriously tempted to join in....thats what all those incest stories were about after all...but I denied the temptation, went to the shed and turned the fence on and went back in the house thru the FRONT door so as not to be tempted by my sister again.

My father seemed to be surprised to see me back so soon.

{I never really pondered the situation until many years later. My step-father wanted me and my sister to have sex. There were too many strange things going on pointing us in that direction for it to be merely a coincidence.}

I finished High School and joined the military. Glad to be away from my parents and be on my own for a change.
Life was good. The Army was fun. I ended up in Germany and got to see and do things I would not normally get to do.
One time while on leave, right before I had to go back, my sisters told me that my step-father had molested them. Jan and Kim were both molested. Mari was not.

I was FURIOUS.
Put my fist thru the wall.
I wanted to KILL him. I had a plane to catch early Thursday morning and was ready to go AWOL in order to be home when he got there.
Everyone (mom and both sisters) convinced me that everything was OK now. The police were notified. He swore it would never happen again. I was told that I needed to catch my plane and stay out of trouble.

So I did.

I was VERY pissed at my step-father but continued my life as if nothing happened. That was all I could do at the time.

My suicide attempts came shortly after learning about the molestation.

{inside/secretly and unbeknownst to my conscious self....I felt guilty for leaving my sisters, and angry at my mother for staying with him and putting my sisters safety at stake, in order for her to live out her "swingers lifestyle"....these hidden unstable, unprocessed emotions slowly began to cause troubles in my life....all the unhealthy relationships I got myself into and the problems I had in the Army (and later in my marriage) were a result of these hidden, unprocessed, self destructive emotions}

Only when my youngest sister, Mari, tried to kill herself at the age of 11-12, did we realize she had Bi-Polar disorder she inherited from her father (my step-father and role model) That is when he started taking medications and got somewhat better.

After I got out of the Army their was an attempt to have some "group family therapy". That did NOT go over well at all, and was abandoned after only a few sessions.


When I got married many of the underlying negative emotions would begin to have a profound effect on my life.

Between being an instant husband and father, having to work in a factory to make enuf money to make ends meet, and marring into a family that was more F'd up than my own was a recipe for disaster.

Growing up with a Bi-Polar role model will produce Bi-Polar tendencies....strange and erratic behavior. The inability to properly express my emotions without going into a rage....was a learned behavior

All the therapists did by giving me those drugs were to aggravate my already unstable mental state.

Once I started meditating I could see the connection between my past and the chaotic life I was leading.

Once I realized that I was more angry at my mother than I was at my step-father....

My problems began to go away.

She was the only sane adult in the home. He was CLEARLY unstable. It was her responsibility to protect her children

I was angry at her for leaving my real father. Her reasons for the divorce was his drinking. My step-father drank, so that reason didn't work for me.

Their was some OTHER (hidden) reason for her being with him. It was the life-style she wanted for herself so badly that she put her kids at risk that made me so angry.

It was her selfishness that kept her with him. Her over active libido that put her kids at risk.

Especially after they were molested!

She should have moved back in with her mother and started over. Life would have been better for her kids and IMO that should be the only priority for a parent.

I finally had the answer. I was angry...VERY ANGRY at my mom. It is hard to be mad at your mother. Mom would never do anything to harm us, it was all HIS fault.(that is why I tried to place all of my anger on my step-father, but it wouldn't stick)

But she was at fault too and my sub-conscience mind knew this.

Once I confronted her with this information.
Venting my anger at HER.
Getting it out of my system.
My problems virtually went away.

Understanding is the key.

Meditation is a tool to help you understand your life.

With out meditation I would have probably put a bullet thru my brain by now.

Instead my life could not be better. My problems in my marriage went away and I no longer have any emotional issues.

All due to my learning how to properly meditate, and acting on the insights found during it.

We are the masters of our own destiny and most of us are not even aware of it.
That is why so many people are stuck in lives they don't like.
They don't believe they have the power/control to fix the problem and they do.


I am living proof.













I hope my story can help others see the true reasons behind the problems in their life and take actions to correct them.

:peace:

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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: niteowl]
    #5623768 - 05/13/06 03:28 AM (17 years, 10 months ago)

right on, bro.  live long and prosper :wink:

is your nick in reference to Alan Moore's WATCHMEN?

peace, CJ


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.

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Invisibleniteowl
GrandPaw
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Registered: 07/01/03
Posts: 16,291
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Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #5623779 - 05/13/06 03:36 AM (17 years, 10 months ago)

no, I have been using some form of "niteowl, niteprowler" since I've been online.

Why?

I am a night owl/prowler :shrug:


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: niteowl]
    #5625755 - 05/13/06 07:20 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

oh, just finished reading that graphic novel in which "nite owl" is a character, the association is what prompted me to read your thread i suppose.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.

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Offlineevolprim
human
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Registered: 05/07/06
Posts: 1,226
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #5630707 - 05/14/06 11:39 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

all i can say is wow.. amazing post.. im very glad meditation was so helpful for you

keep on truckin' man

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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides

Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: niteowl]
    #5631097 - 05/15/06 01:38 AM (17 years, 10 months ago)

It says a lot about a person willing to bare his/her soul to attempt to help others. Bravo! :congrats:

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Invisibleniteowl
GrandPaw
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Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: Le_Canard]
    #5631223 - 05/15/06 02:35 AM (17 years, 10 months ago)

That was the only reason I went thru the trouble of writing it. A friend here at the shroomery was having some similar problems in their life and I offered to share my story.

They accepted my offer, so I wrote it down, and sent it to them.

I had to break it up into 3 parts to make it manageable. :tongue:

Once I had sent it, I put it in My Journal with a link to it in my sig.

Then I decided, what the hell, and put it here in the Physical and Mental Well-Being Forum.

If anyone was to benefit from my story, this is the forum for it to be in.


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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InvisibleDrAbominable
derp

Registered: 01/18/06
Posts: 155
Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: niteowl]
    #5632474 - 05/15/06 12:59 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Well thanks for your post, it was a breath from the past, and a breath of fresh air. Happy to hear youve faced those demons, and didn't put that bullet in your head.
Peace


--------------------
lolwut

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Offlinebrowndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: niteowl]
    #5633910 - 05/15/06 05:28 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

Very wicked post, man. Good read. I liked it a lot.

I'm glad that you were able to conquer your demons as well. I, probably being a fraction of your age, have gone through similar challenges and recognized meditation as the number one tool in regaining control.

I hope that more people can learn to make this realization. I'm glad to see that others have gone through the same struggles and came out all right. :peace:


--------------------
When the stress burns my brain it's like acid raindrops
maryjane is the only thing that makes the pain stop

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OfflineCUBErt
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Registered: 08/24/05
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Loc: Southern CA
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Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: niteowl]
    #5640462 - 05/17/06 12:23 AM (17 years, 10 months ago)

I never usually have the time or patience to read really long posts, but I am glad I ended up reading this. I found your story very interesting, and it has inspired me to pursue meditation once again. Hope things go well for you in the future


--------------------
-CUBErt
:cubie::levitate::cubie:

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Offlinebrowndustin
dustybuddy

Registered: 10/03/03
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Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: CUBErt]
    #5643706 - 05/17/06 09:02 PM (17 years, 10 months ago)

*BUMP*

Me neither, I usually scroll down and click "Back" when I see threads like this. It dragged me in though. :smile:


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When the stress burns my brain it's like acid raindrops
maryjane is the only thing that makes the pain stop

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Offlineseraphnz
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Registered: 05/07/09
Posts: 290
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Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: browndustin]
    #10318726 - 05/10/09 07:38 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Thank you for posting that was an inspiring read.
I have been meaning to try meditation as a means to clear my mind of some things of late..
procrastination is bad.


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A casual stroll through your local lunatic asylum will show that faith proves nothing. - Nietzsche

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Invisibleniteowl
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Registered: 07/01/03
Posts: 16,291
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Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: seraphnz]
    #10318780 - 05/10/09 07:46 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

Thanks for reading My Path.

There has been an update to it.

Click on the link in my sig for the updated version.
All you have to do is scroll down to Pt 4

Thanks again for reading


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Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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Offlinelaserpig
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Registered: 04/28/09
Posts: 7,468
Last seen: 11 years, 9 months
Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: niteowl]
    #10320305 - 05/11/09 12:45 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

:congrats: thanks for sharing man, it's a beautiful thing when someone decides not to hide themselves from others

this is a really coincidental time in my life -- the last week has been ... inexplicable.
anyone watching me would see almost nothing different, but suffice it to say that a series of changes which i've been borderline aware of for the past several months appear to all be culminating and propelling my personal development forwards like never before.

in this last week, i've started to suspect that meditation is a real and powerful method of self-improvement ... and your story only confirms that suspicion.

so my question is: do you have any advice for someone just starting to investigate meditation? any resources you would recommend investigating?


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Weedmaster P knows the truth.

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Invisibleniteowl
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Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: laserpig]
    #10320451 - 05/11/09 01:30 AM (14 years, 10 months ago)

I started meditating at a point in my life when I was having severe back issues. Soaking in a tub was very beneficial for my back. So I decided to incorporate meditation in with my soak. It worked wonders for me. Being in the hot bath was very relaxing and it was real easy to slip into some fairly deep meditations this way. (at least it was for me :tongue:)

Meditation is so simple it is hard.

Simply find a relaxing pose, clear your thoughts and focus on your breathing.

Much easier said than done though :hehehe:
especially the mind clearing part


--------------------
Live for the moment you are in now
Don't be bogged down by your past
Don't be afraid of what lies in your future

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OfflineEpigallo
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Registered: 09/17/06
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Re: How I changed my life thru meditation......."My Path" [Re: niteowl]
    #10324828 - 05/11/09 10:55 PM (14 years, 10 months ago)

geez niteowl, that was an incredible story, and incredibly well told. i feel so sheltered. this is a good reminder to be more tolerant of those with issues, and a testament to the ability of each to heal.

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