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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!
Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 15,427
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Loneliness
#5075527 - 12/17/05 02:39 PM (18 years, 3 months ago) |
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How many threads do you see in here about girlfriends/boyfriends and how miserable life is due to some situation involving the opposite sex (or same...)? Even though it is a fictional book, The Celestine Prophecy has some very accurate points (IMO) regarding life/being. My favorite "insight" was about relationships, and how, when we are single, we are walking around like "C"'s (the shape).... incomplete circles. Then we find another "C" and get together and make a complete circle, but what are you left with? Only one complete circle... so a power struggle ensues over who gets to be the whole person. The book puts it much better than I can, but the general point is this: YOU NEED TO BE A COMPLETE PERSON BEFORE YOU CAN EVER ATTEMPT TO HOLD A RELATIONSHIP. The moment that you truly dont need a girlfriend/boyfriend is the moment in which you are ready for one.
I am 23 years old, and I havent had a girlfriend for about 5 years. Why? because... if it ain't broke, don't fix it!
Here is the part I want feedback on: Why does everyone feel it neccessary to be dating constantly? Look how much grief and suffering comes about due to this enormous, yet made-up, void of being "single". Im not opposed to dating, but I have yet to find any female that isnt a C. It seems that the female sex is much more conditioned to guaging their self-worth by how much their boyfriend loves them.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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I agree with you.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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lysergicide
Aurora Borealis
Registered: 12/16/05
Posts: 1,863
Loc: 41.8861° N, 12.4851° E
Last seen: 2 months, 6 days
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Agreed.
I hate it when people think you're desperate or something just because you're not dating. Maybe I don't want to?
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Veritas
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Quote:
It seems that the female sex is much more conditioned to guaging their self-worth by how much their boyfriend loves them.
One problem with this theory...the people posting all the threads about how miserable they are because of a breakup are MALE. There are only a few female posters here, so perhaps if the ratio was more even, we would see an overflow of weeping females posting about how they have nothing to live for now that their boyfriend dumped them. As it is, however, the guys seem pretty hooked on relationships for self-esteem, too. And in my experience, this is generally the case.
We all grow up watching movies where the pinnacle is a couple getting together, finding true love, and riding off into the sunset. We are ALL programmed to believe that we can be completed by another person, and that we WON'T be complete without one.
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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!
Registered: 01/15/05
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Re: Loneliness [Re: Veritas]
#5077257 - 12/18/05 02:05 AM (18 years, 3 months ago) |
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yeah, your right. Sorry for the accusation.
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Divided_Sky
Ten ThousandThings
Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 3,171
Loc: The Shining Void
Last seen: 15 years, 9 months
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I feel pretty comfortable with myself. But there is a contradiction, I worry that I am so comfortable being alone that it would be impossible for me to have a sucessful relationship with somebody else. Perhaps it is cultural programming, or hormones but my life does kind of feel incomplete alone, like I don't really have much reason to do anything. I wonder if I am getting very good at being complacent and developing a singular life with little or no motivation or meaning.
-------------------- 1. "After an hour I wasn't feeling anything so I decided to take another..." 2. "We were feeling pretty good so we decided to smoke a few bowls..." 3. "I had to be real quiet because my parents were asleep upstairs..."
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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!
Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 15,427
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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If you can retard your social conditioning and see through the bullshit parameters that society has set and maintain happiness while being "single" then it isnt being complacent. Being completely self sustaining in spirituality, physicality, and mentality is an ideal way to live IMO. I dont need a preacher to tell me how to talk to a supreme force, i dont need a vagina to make me orgasm, and i dont need or want ownership of anyone else to make me happy.
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badchad
Mad Scientist
Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,377
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Perhaps there are those whom genuinely enjoy dating and relationships?
It's unfortunate you don't realize the happiness that can result from being with someone. Relationships aren't a necessity, maybe they're just enjoyable?
-------------------- ...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge. It is an indellible experience; it is forever known. I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did. Smith, P. Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27. ...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely. Osmond, H. Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436
Edited by badchad (12/18/05 03:15 PM)
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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!
Registered: 01/15/05
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Re: Loneliness [Re: badchad]
#5078635 - 12/18/05 03:40 PM (18 years, 3 months ago) |
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not that I wish to get into the "desire is the root of all suffering" debate, but it has merit here. If you enjoy dating, then what happens when you aren't dating? is life less enjoyable then? it would have to be.
There is nothing unfortunate about my stance on this. in fact, my whole point is that it is unfortunate to rely on dating for happiness.
Every single post I have made in this forum (health) is firmly stating the point that YOUR happiness is proprietary to YOURSELF, and is solely your responsibility. It should come from within. WHen you start looking for happiness from external sources, animate or inanimate, you begin a downward spiral of addiction.
I am not against having a relationship as I have said before, but I dont NEED it, so therefor I dont search it out. I also do not want a female that NEEDS a relationship, i wish not to have an emotional leech.
I acknowledge that my stance on this greatly narrows the field of possibilities for relationships, but I would rather be happily self-sufficient than drag my psyche and emotions through a mud hole called "Bitch X with emotional baggage".
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!
Registered: 09/11/04
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Loc: I re·side [primarily] in...
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"the root of all suffering, is suffering!" -Unknown :P
[if] you are lonely, you chose to be..
-------------------- -------------------- Disclaimer!?
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badchad
Mad Scientist
Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,377
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My contention is that needing and wanting a relationship are not synonymous.
I like dating and I love women. To me, it's a lot of fun flirting, dating, fucking etc. It's not a need and I don't depend upon relationships. To me, it's just fun and enjoyable.
Sure, there are times when the headaches and hassles aren't worth it. But in my opinion/specific instance, the positives far outweigh the negatives.
I do see your point however. In general, I just think people need to be more optimistic with their life views. I don't really analyze it any deeper than that.
-------------------- ...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge. It is an indellible experience; it is forever known. I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did. Smith, P. Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27. ...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely. Osmond, H. Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436
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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!
Registered: 01/15/05
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Re: Loneliness [Re: badchad]
#5080543 - 12/19/05 01:03 AM (18 years, 3 months ago) |
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see, the headaches and hassles are part of what I am talking about. If your happiness and hers, was truly independant of each other then there would be no hassles or headaches. Once two people attempt to intertwine their happiness is when the others actions and words can upset that oh-so delicate balance of dual happiness. If you both could be together, yet self-sustain your own happiness, then there would be no headache/hassle, because if your happiness is 100% reliant upon yourself, then no external force could upset that.
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
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You must outweigh the pleasure with the torture. And that hardly ever works. Which is why many people are lonely. Be alone is fine, be lonely isn't so great. Its up to you to make that distinction and make the change if you feel you need to.
And who cares about what people say about you being single? Just because you're single doesn't mean you're not enjoying the company of the opposite sex.
McKennaDMT
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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