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BoneMan
Shrimpin ain't easy
Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 2,032
Loc: new new england
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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how the hell do you make new friends?
#4914385 - 11/09/05 05:10 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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In highschool I had lots of friends and countless friendly aquaintances. I couldn't, for the life of me, understand people who seem to have no friends. Ironically, now I'm one of those people.
It's not my fault though. After highschool my social circle narrowed down a bit but I was perfectly happy having 2 or 3 close friends and a handful of others I chilled with once a week or so.
Then my close friends found heroin. Long story short, they flagrantly betrayed my trust and are no longer my friends. The handful of casual friends I have left developed their own circle of friends and they always hang out at a bar with their rich-body building buddies from their gym. I cant get into the bar, mainly because Im not 21 yet. But also I'm a short guy and I look a lot younger than I am, so I dont quite feel right around these unnecessarily huge guys and the models they hang with. Seriously, girls that have been in 50-cent videos have their own websites. They're just a bit out of my league
So anyway, does anyone have advice on making new friends? I've met a few people at my school but none of them seem interested in making new friends or accepting me into their group.
Is there some kind of initiation ritual or secret code I don't know about? I'm tired of sitting in my room every night with the growing urge to smash my skull in with a ballpeen hammer so I can escape the excruciating boredom.
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Microcosmatrix
Spiral staircasetechnician
Registered: 10/20/05
Posts: 11,293
Loc: Ythan's house
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: BoneMan]
#4914404 - 11/09/05 05:14 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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Sell pot, you'll have an instant circle of friends
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barfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 8,670
Loc: Canoodia
Last seen: 14 years, 3 months
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: BoneMan]
#4914465 - 11/09/05 05:29 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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I don't have any good friends either. My one cousin used to be but. he never asks me to hang out or go anywhere now....
-------------------- "What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks
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Moxemerald
Executive
Registered: 08/22/04
Posts: 390
Loc: NJ
Last seen: 14 years, 29 days
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: barfightlard]
#4914509 - 11/09/05 05:36 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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Well it is quite tough to make new friends in highschool because everyone allready has a tight knit circle. When it gets toward the end of senior year everyone in your grade tends to get a lot more accepting of others but I dont know where you are right now...
Id suggest just talk to your casual friends in school a lot and see who you think it would be cool to hang out with and just ask them what they doing on the weekend or somehting. That sucks though man that your friends found heroin ... s'a shame
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BoneMan
Shrimpin ain't easy
Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 2,032
Loc: new new england
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: Moxemerald]
#4914569 - 11/09/05 05:47 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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I go to community college now. I dont have any friends there so far, everyones in and out as quick as they can, no time for socializing.
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TheGus
The Walrus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 387
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: BoneMan]
#4914589 - 11/09/05 05:52 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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i just go talk to someone i see as interesting
last night i started up a conversation w/this black guy downtown, he was talkin to himself and shit and i figured he was trippin or somethin, but turns out hes a bit skitzo, hes a real nice guy though, just incredibly confused because his brain works so differently than most peoples
i like finding smart people to talk to, if they are smart and they do drugs i am gona be hangin out with them, their generally the most interesting to have conversations with
if nothing else, just start up a conversation with someone that looks interesting one day, thats what i do
-------------------- "It is easier to teach a computer to play chess than to build a mudpie."Sherry Turkle Life on the Screen: Identity in the Age of the Internet "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts"-Einstein I pity the fool who break traffic laws with $870,000 of drugs in the car. -mo0nlite_sonata Psythos
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Deviate
newbie
Registered: 04/20/03
Posts: 4,497
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: Moxemerald]
#4914597 - 11/09/05 05:54 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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well first of all if you're so bored you get the urge to smash your head in i suggest you work on taking care of that problem before even attempting relations with other people. the key to getting others to like you to like yourself and be comfortable with yourself. there is a saying that goes "all of man's problems stem from the fact that he is unable to sit in a quiet room."
that said im not getting a clear vison of youre living situation. you say youre done with high school but you've met a few people at your school? im assuming you're in college then. if so then making friends at college would be the logical first step. if you live in a dorm room meet the guys who live on your floor. i'd say 90% of the friends i've made in college i made with or through people i lived with. then you can always try talking to people in your classes, you'd be surprised how friendly some people are. if that doesn't work you can always try going to parties to meet people or other social gatherings although i can't really help you much there because i'm not really into the party scene. basically just be freindly and talk to people. if you don't talk to anyone you won't make many friends.
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BoneMan
Shrimpin ain't easy
Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 2,032
Loc: new new england
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: TheGus]
#4914651 - 11/09/05 06:12 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
TheGus said: if nothing else, just start up a conversation with someone that looks interesting one day, thats what i do
I think about doing that a lot, but I dont know what to say. the only things I know well enough to carry on a conversation about are drugs and music. I have talked music with other musicians but by the end of the conversation its clear that our tastes are incompatible. why is everyone around here so into punk and metal??
I've also started conversations about nothing in particular but about two minutes in I just draw a blank and cant keep it going. I guess im just a boring guy
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Deviate
newbie
Registered: 04/20/03
Posts: 4,497
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: BoneMan]
#4914819 - 11/09/05 06:58 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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don't be so hard on yourself, it isn't easy to keep up conversations with people you don't know. that has always been my biggest issue with making friends and that is why all the friends i make are generally people ive been forced into a situation with. for example people i work with, people i lived near, their friends, people in my classes, etc. do you have a job? try getting to know your coworkers, neighbors, etc.
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Tien
人民英雄
Registered: 03/30/05
Posts: 2,382
Loc: Canoodia
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: Deviate]
#4915164 - 11/09/05 08:10 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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I've never had friends...friends are really your enemies
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Simisu
taken by gravity
Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: Deviate]
#4915172 - 11/09/05 08:11 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Deviate said: well first of all if you're so bored you get the urge to smash your head in i suggest you work on taking care of that problem before even attempting relations with other people. the key to getting others to like you to like yourself and be comfortable with yourself. there is a saying that goes "all of man's problems stem from the fact that he is unable to sit in a quiet room."
that's sound advice
i always thought i had a problame making friends when the fact is most people would love to be friends with me... the problame IS that i'm not comfertable in my own skin and letting people in is very hard! i don't mind excepting invitations and doing stuff with people but for the life of me i can never pick up the phone and invite my self or initiate some kind of get togather... so even if i did meet new people it often turns out that i seem not interested in their company...
-------------------- Shrmery Visit & Support Free Spore Ring Earth Please help spread live Salvia Divinorum
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Tien
人民英雄
Registered: 03/30/05
Posts: 2,382
Loc: Canoodia
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: Deviate]
#4915181 - 11/09/05 08:13 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Deviate said: try getting to know your coworkers, neighbors, etc.
since this is the shroomery dont get TOO friendly with your neighbours...you know what I mean.
Mixing your work life and personal life is by far the most retarded thing you can do. I think many will agree with me on this one.
Pluto
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OrizonsHorizon
Stranger
Registered: 10/10/05
Posts: 404
Last seen: 17 years, 14 days
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: Tien]
#4915707 - 11/09/05 10:17 PM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Plutonium said:
Quote:
Deviate said: try getting to know your coworkers, neighbors, etc.
since this is the shroomery dont get TOO friendly with your neighbours...you know what I mean.
Mixing your work life and personal life is by far the most retarded thing you can do. I think many will agree with me on this one.
Pluto
Not everybody here at the shroomery is involved in something that needs to be kept privately isolated in a whole differnt life....Even those who do grow shrooms/pot or deal drugs arent necessarily hiding something when they dont inform aquaintences of there hobby, they just dont disclose that little operation.
---as for the poster, I think one of the problems is you might be a little shy with approaching strangers. Making friends is very differnt in college...I agree, but, you miss 10 outta 10 shots that you never take. You'll see once you get into a few casual friendships around town, you are instantly thrown into circles constisting of 10+ people (which in turn continue to vine out) and then youll have dozens of names to choose from on your phone. You just gotta put yourself out there.
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gettinjiggywithit
jiggy
Registered: 07/20/04
Posts: 7,469
Loc: Heart of Laughter
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: BoneMan]
#4916179 - 11/10/05 12:25 AM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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If you have time to be so bored you want to smash your skull, just get a part time job some where that lots of people in your age group work. The work place can be an easy place to generate a social life from because, people want to go party after a shift together. many places will be doing extra hiring for hloiday help now too.
Or else, join a sports team or club at your school. If you're just running from lecture class to class at a community college and then going straight home, it's not going to happen.
Go for the part time job. You'll fill the boredom, get new experience with something, meet new people to play with AND make money! Restaurants are always fun social places to work at at your age.
-------------------- Ahuwale ka nane huna.
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lukeboots
fresh futuristic
Registered: 02/04/04
Posts: 19,728
Loc: Grand Ole Operating Syste...
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: BoneMan]
#4916459 - 11/10/05 02:15 AM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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I just moved halway across the country, so I had this problem too. to tell you the truth, and I don't care what anyone says, www.myspace.com has helped me meet people. I met a kid that showed me around his part of town, invited me to go mushroom picking with him, and even to a laser show. I also got my hair cut, struck up a conversation with the girl who was cutting my hair, and I just hung out with her tonight. I'm guessing a part-time job is the easiest way, though. Restaurants are definitely social places to work.. all the kids at the restaurant I used to work at hung out together after work.
sorry to hear your friends got into heroin.
-------------------- funky ass music: Planet of Dinosaurs // Rich Whiskey
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swiftrance
Let there be light
Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 449
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: lukeboots]
#4916474 - 11/10/05 02:25 AM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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youre in college now so DRINKING!!!
fuckin party man. meet new people and like the ones you can relate to. it might get expensive but there's always time to socialize... walk around at 2am when the bars are letting out. see if you can strike conversation then party .
its hard to get the ball rolling, but when it does it rolls for along time.
--------------------
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jarroddupont
I shroom we Allshroom
Registered: 10/02/05
Posts: 2,106
Loc: midwest of ...
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: lukeboots]
#4916481 - 11/10/05 02:30 AM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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Get a girlfriend...I meet a lot of people through my girl...her ex boyfriend and I are best drinkin buddies haha
When I dropped out of school, I had the friends I hung out with, but didn't know what to do to meet new people. So I started chillen at the local guitar shop and wound up becoming friends with the owner, who asks me to go to events and gatherings all the time.
I'm only 20 so the bar is out of the question (my fake got taken) But I'd say work and girlfriend really got things going.
Now you're thinking "where are the girls at?" haha man, Don't ask me! Although I never fail to find them, it's at so random of places I couldn't even begin..
-------------------- P. Cubensis Growth Parameters "All mushrooms are edible, but some only once." -- Croatian Proverb
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kotik
fuckingsuperhero
Registered: 06/29/04
Posts: 3,531
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: jarroddupont]
#4916586 - 11/10/05 05:03 AM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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truth is, even most friends are really no better than acquaintances. ive always had a pretty big group of friends, but still i can count how many real friends i (think) i have on one hand.
-------------------- No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: BoneMan]
#4916799 - 11/10/05 07:32 AM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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I was in that boat for about a year. All my good friends moved away and I was truly by myself. Going back to school solved that.
Joining a sports team, casual or competitive, will yield an instant circle, usually a pretty cohesive one.
If you're not into sports, try some other kind of club or evening class. Look up one of those "What's going on" websites for your city and pick some event to go to.
Frequent one of those artsy jazz/poetry clubs, if that's your thing.
The most important thing though, whatever you choose to do, is talk to people. Talk to strangers, find out who they are and what they think is interesting. You can't expect to make friends without doing this. Don't interrogate them, just start by asking an question. Nine out of ten will be friendly. If it seems like they're trying to get rid of you, then don't say any more. Otherwise, introduce yourself. If you see them again, address them by name. Instant acquaintance. After three encounters, don't be afraid to ask them if they want to hang out sometime. If they make an excuse, move on. If they don't, you have a budding friend.
Good luck man. Keep us posted.
-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!
Registered: 09/11/04
Posts: 10,888
Loc: I re·side [primarily] in...
Last seen: 1 year, 18 days
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Re: how the hell do you make new friends? [Re: BoneMan]
#4917142 - 11/10/05 09:28 AM (18 years, 4 months ago) |
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I hear ya!
same thing going on here..
I just say.. go outside! do not sit inside..
mind you, I am sitting inside, myself.. ;|
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