This might be long.
I wasn't in my right mind on Tuesday. I felt like doing something impulsive, and I had taken a small dose of harmaline with some Xanax on monday. I was still a little out of it Tuesday.
Around 5pm, I took a capsule containing roughly 250mg Harmaline HCl, a MAOI. Along with it, I took a supplement called Attend (by Vaxa).
Soon after that, I impulsively decided to eat 2.2 grams of P. Cubensis mushrooms that I had around for a couple of weeks. It wasn't a significant amount to me, but as I was to find out, they were extra potent.
Some friends and I proceeded to go out. I cannot remember all of the events of the night, but we went over to my one friend "T"'s house, and I got into a conversation with his mom. I accidentally confirmed something she asked me, which my good friend "C" had not wanted me to reveal. Soon "K" came down, after hearing of this, saying something like she's pissed off because people can't keep their fucking mouth shut. I did not realize this was directed at me.
Then, C, T, and myself went to blockbuster in the next town. By the time we got there, the harmaline was running very strong, and the psilocybin was starting to kick in. Shortly before we left, and during the drive there, I was getting severe trails from the harmaline. When I moved my head, everything in perhiphery would stay for a few seconds.
Once at blockbuster, I decided to stay in the car as I was starting to get an odd vibe. Perhaps it was the events of the night. I sat in the car, and before going in C threw in a 311 CD and gave me the remote to the head unit.
After about 15 long minutes, I started to get paranoid sitting by myself in the car. I felt as if they were taking a very long time. I got more and more restless, until I got nauseous. I was very paranoid about puking right there in front of blockbuster, but soon I found I could not hold it back. I had to quickly open the car door and puke, and I accidentally got some on the car door. I attempted to clean some of it up with my undershirt.
Another long while went by, and I kept closing my eyes trying to shut out the paranoia. Eventually they came back, and I mentioned that I puked. They said they saw shrooms in the puke.
We pulled out, and I don't remember much until I was dropped off at home. I chilled for a short while downstairs, but for some reason I decided it would be best for me to chill in bed for things to seem "normal". I suppose I was concerned about waking up my parents, and them being upset that I was fucking around when I had work the next morning.
By this time, visuals were going strong. Bright red, green, and blue patterns swirled when I closed my eyes, flowing in a circle. Defined patterns were visible with my eyes opened. I started to play around with my green laser pointer, creating trails for myself.
Soon I got stuck into a fearful loop of thoughts, afraid of making noise but wanting to go downstairs to listen to music. The time was around 3am, still going very strong. I broke out into a sweat, pouring lots of sweat. I started to feel like I was dehydrated and dying.
I finally got up and went downstairs, to get a glass of water. I drank a glass, and filled another one to take upstairs with me. For some reason, I decided to go back up to bed, although being there was making me restless. I completely forgot about how I had a laptop and a computer up there, with headphones. I could have listened to music or went on the computer for a bit.
Instead I layed in bed in fear and anxiety. I drank the rest of my water, and then proceeded to trip out about going downstairs again, as if me walking was going to awake my mom and she would trip me out more. Finally the urge to pee was too strong, and I rushed down to the basement. For some reason, I decided that I had to pee down there, so I peed behind the coal stove, where I used to go when I was a kid. Don't ask.
So then I proceeded to smoke a cig, to try to calm down some. I also threw on some music. I was torn between going back upstairs to grab my one computer with my music, so I could set it up by the couch, and sitting at the workbench where my newly reformatted and rebuilt (good) computer was, with some other music and shitty speakers. I then was fussing over getting headphones so I could quietly listen. Again, I was trying to be as quiet as possible. Hmm....
By this time I was coming down some. I actually hit a point where I felt good, and knew what I had to do and what I wanted with my life. I also knew I had what it takes to do all the footwork necessary to get there. I felt that I would not ever have such a strong trip again, at least until I had accomplished all those things.
I went upstairs and grabbed some headphones and my CD player, and then layed on the couch and listened to music. Shortly after I heard my mom walking around upstairs. At this point it was around 5 am, and I was still tripping somewhat. She opened the basement door and turned on the light, and then came downstairs to get the milk, which I had brought down to drink. Oh yeah, I drank right from the milk container, which felt good, I've never made a habit of doing that.
She asked why I was up, I said I couldn't sleep. She asked why, I said shrooms. Yep, she went back upstairs and I continued to listen to my music. I was up all morning and I layed there until my dad came down to let me know my alarm was going off. I took a shower, and then went into work. I was extremely exhausted, and by this time my eyes were only slightly dialated.
From coming down, I reintegrated into reality rather poorly. I slipped into a depression filled with self-doubt and self-hate. Work was shit, and the day (yesterday) took forever to pass. Normally when I look at the clock, it is around an hour between looking. Yesterday, every 15 minutes I found myself looking at the clock, feeling as if an hour had passed.
After work I went over to T's and talked to T and C about the events that had happened. I got a lot of shit out and did cry quite a bit because I felt horrible inside. I cleaned up the shroom puke off C's door panel, and then went home and slept until this morning.
When I got to work today, my mood lifted. Perhaps it was talking to my mom this morning that got my hopes up and renewed my faith that shit will be ok. Perhaps it was going and paying off all my fines and finding out that I was doing OK on money. Perhaps it is that mostly every day I come into work in a good mood.
Regardless, I'm in a better mood now and know that I gotta take it easy on the drugs. I hope that my mental condition will improve by summer, so that I can experience harmaline and mushrooms again. But I have a lot of shit to work on before then. Hopefully plans will go forward, and I will get to go to the NE gathering with C.
That's all for now. Thanks for reading if you did. Taking an MAOI certainly lets the psilocybin build up in your brain, taking you to new heights of activity. I was scared shitless at how hard I tripped. I almost pissed myself in my bed, held down by this fear. Hopefully next time I will choose a better time, set, and setting.
Edited by poke smot! (09/07/20 01:58 PM)
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