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 MAGnum
veteran
Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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 Drugs made me crazy. 
#3073705 - 08/31/04 12:44 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Guys, I gotta say I litterally went insane for a week.
Durring this period of time, I was hearing all sorts of voices and they called me names I will not mention. They bore down on me and attacked me through my fears and regrets. It was a very demonic-type of feeling involved and I was scared. My subconscious became a monster and attacked me, hating myself and what I was and had become. I battled the evil in the world and in me. The tyrany of myself over my drug batterred body.
The voices had me wanting to kill myself and when I couldn't slit my wrists with my agar knife, so I slit my arms up with it and left scars on my arm. I went crazy and flushed all of my growing stuff because the voices were telling me I was broadcasting my thoughts to every cop in the city. Thoughts of my name and thoughts of my "hobby" and involvments. they had me thinking I was snitching out my friends.
I went crazy. I was fighting demons and renegade spirits who were trying to devour my soul.
I'll tell you why!
I couldn't take the torcher that my own psyche had put me through and I tried to eat a shitload of deprecoat. I called up my mom shortly after and left a message saying goodbye. For some reason (God) she checked her messages and knew there was something wrong. You don't just say "I love you, Mom (long pause) goodbye," and not have anything wrong.
My Mother called me and I was high as shit by this time and could not keep my story strait when she asked how much meds I took (a routine question, I was skipping on the meds though). I gave her so many differant answers before I said I ate about 15 or 20 500 milligram deprecoats. I DIDN'T DO THIS BECAUSE I WANTED TO! I did it because I was living in a delusion and the voices were threatenning and ruining my life. They were making me more and more withdrawn and insane.
I was loosing my worls and slipping into this psychotic state whener I had to fight with unmentionable forces every day.
It was horrible. My Mother called the ambilance (luckily the mush grow stuff was flushed because she went in my room to search for drugs, I also gave away my QP of tree the same day).
The docs at the hospital concluded that my psychosis was a direct result of brain damage from years of smoking pot, drinking, tripping and basically having a waste of a life. They said the damage done to my brain was probably very severe and the syntoms are not permanant for now.
If I persist in doing drugs, they will have to medicate me more and more and I will become a vegitable to meds or I will have extrememly psychotic experiances.
I hate this. All I want to do is go home and smoke a fucking blunt and or drink a brew! What the fuck is wrong with me? I am a psychotic mess and if I slip my meds (I wasn't taking them) like I was, I will go nuts again!! My brain just cannot take it anymore and I hate this shit!!
I fucked up. I am 21 years old and I cannot even enjoy it because I did all my drinking and smoking when I was 15, peaking at 17. God will help me, but I need help badly. Sobriety is my only resort and it is KILLING ME! No Beer and No pot make MAGnum go CRAZY!!! 
This mess is all my fault and I hove to warn all of you that pot and beers are not safe and that "reefer madness" is a real thing from which from which I suffer. I think the alchy is bad (worce) too.
If you're reading this and thinking, "I can play with drugs and they won't burm me, this kid is an idiot," fucking look at Ozzy Osborn!
That's all I have to say, I have to vent! I CANNOT DO ANY MORE DRUGS AT ALL! And they have ruined my life to date!
Beware, guys.
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 Boom
just a tester
Registered: 06/16/04
Posts: 11,252
Loc: Cypress Creek
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 Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: MAGnum]
#3073764 - 08/31/04 12:58 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Damn man...sorry to hear about that. Thats scary as hell...i wish you all the best of luck
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@cro
new name
Registered: 12/07/02
Posts: 1,224
Loc: The PNW
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: MAGnum]
#3073815 - 08/31/04 01:07 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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I'm sorry to hear you are in this situation right now. You should, obviously, not take anything more than your meds for quite some time and you should take your meds as prescribed. I don't think falling behind in them really helped out your situation at all.
Drugs are not for everyone. It sounds like there are many more factors in your life causing problems than just this one. Too many drugs can cause harm, but so can drinking too much water, moderation is key and it sounds like you may be lacking that ability. Maybe you shouldn't place all the blame on this one factor when it sounds like there are so many playing a role.
I'm sorry you have found yourself in this situation. I hope you pull yourself out and get healthy.
Peace
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gdman
badger, badger,badger...
Registered: 12/10/02
Posts: 16,286
Loc: Dancing In the Streets
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: MAGnum]
#3073828 - 08/31/04 01:11 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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of course the doc is going to blame it on drugs when yous ay you do a lot of them, there might be another factor (drugs might be bringing it out, might not be) do you have a familly history of such things?
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Got a question about a substance? Erowid might already have your answer! Have questions about the mushroom experience? The Tripper's FAQ may have your answer or someone else might have had your question before.
I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights.
- Theodor Seuss Geisel Dr. Suess
"I didn't come here to be easily understood" - Steve
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UncleMike
Visionary
Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: MAGnum]
#3075188 - 08/31/04 06:16 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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I hope you are feeling better now. you need to kick all your bad habits in the ass.
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Live each day like it will be your last, tomorrow my never come.
SporeSmart
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The_Red_Crayon
Exposer of Truth
Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 13,673
Loc: Smokey Mtns. TN 
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: MAGnum]
#3078325 - 09/01/04 02:29 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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try some Geodon. shit has worked wonders for me.
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browndustin
dustybuddy
Registered: 10/03/03
Posts: 2,957
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
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Just remember that there's a lot to live for, man. It may not feel like it now, but don't give up.
As for the drug abuse, moderation is the best.
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When the stress burns my brain it's like acid raindrops
maryjane is the only thing that makes the pain stop
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MAGnum
veteran
Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: gdman]
#3078847 - 09/01/04 05:12 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
gdman420 said:
of course the doc is going to blame it on drugs when yous ay you do a lot of them, there might be another factor (drugs might be bringing it out, might not be) do you have a familly history of such things?
Obviously it takes two to tango. The drugs and the body they affect.
My cuz told me there was an aunt or great aunt who was crazy.
Either way, drugs catalyzed this! I just can't do them anymore. 
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Agent 727
7
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MAGnum
veteran
Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: UncleMike]
#3078860 - 09/01/04 05:14 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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<deleted>
Edited by MAGnum (09/01/04 05:16 PM)
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MAGnum
veteran
Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: UncleMike]
#3078862 - 09/01/04 05:15 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
UncleMike said:
I hope you are feeling better now. you need to kick all your bad habits in the ass.
Thankyou, I am going to rehab now. I need to clean up my life.
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Agent 727
7
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MAGnum
veteran
Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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Quote:
The_Red_Crayon said:
try some Geodon. shit has worked wonders for me.
What is Geodon?
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Agent 727
7
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MAGnum
veteran
Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: browndustin]
#3078880 - 09/01/04 05:19 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
browndustin said:
Just remember that there's a lot to live for, man. It may not feel like it now, but don't give up.
As for the drug abuse, moderation is the best.
And I can't even do that!
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Agent 727
7
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2Experimental
Registered: 01/15/03
Posts: 18,073
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: MAGnum]
#3080712 - 09/02/04 12:22 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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your posts are very raw.. I see the destruction drugs can do, and I daily consider this........I partake, but have recetly really cut back... I aknowledge I have problems, and that is the first step... good luck man, you rock for even posting this.
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carbonhoots
old hand
Registered: 09/11/01
Posts: 1,351
Loc: BC Canada
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: MAGnum]
#3085943 - 09/03/04 02:32 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
The docs at the hospital concluded that my psychosis was a direct result of brain damage from years of smoking pot, drinking, tripping and basically having a waste of a life. They said the damage done to my brain was probably very severe and the syntoms are not permanant for now.
You really have to do a lot of drugs to severely damage your brain.
When it come to pot and shrooms, it's damn near impossible.
I live in BC, and know lots of guys who have smoked the famed BC Bud the way some people smoke cigarettes, for years on end.... Their brains are not organically damaged by it at all.
All kinds of insane, insane alcoholics come out the other side of it...and alcohol is neurotoxic...
Don't get these doctors convincing you that your brain is fucked and worn out from drugs. It's not.
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-I'd rather have a frontal lobotomy than a bottle in front of me
CANADIAN CENTER FOR POLICY ALTERNATIVES
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Turd
Dr. Rock
Registered: 01/21/03
Posts: 1,909
Loc: Vulva, WA
Last seen: 15 years, 10 months
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: carbonhoots]
#3086720 - 09/03/04 09:43 AM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Don't get these doctors convincing you that your brain is fucked and worn out from drugs. It's not.
Of course, because drugs are great, they could never hurt you. You love drugs, and drugs love you. There's no difference between the person who just started smoking and the person who's been smoking daily since the 70's. /sarcasm
Doctors, in general, don't like to slant the truth when drugs are involved, at least in my experience. Doctors are who they are because they want to help people get better, and you can't do that very well by lying to them.
magnum: I'm sorry to hear that happened, but it sounds like you've got your head back on straight and you're doing the right thing. Good luck 
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d33p
Welcome to Violence
Registered: 07/12/03
Posts: 5,381
Loc: the shores of Tripoli
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: Turd]
#3087426 - 09/03/04 12:37 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Turd said:
Quote:
Don't get these doctors convincing you that your brain is fucked and worn out from drugs. It's not.
Of course, because drugs are great, they could never hurt you. You love drugs, and drugs love you. There's no difference between the person who just started smoking and the person who's been smoking daily since the 70's. /sarcasm
Doctors, in general, don't like to slant the truth when drugs are involved, at least in my experience. Doctors are who they are because they want to help people get better, and you can't do that very well by lying to them.
If you think most doctors are honest and have your best interest in mind you're living in a dream world. I've have doctors flat out lie to my face about drugs and I've called their asses on it. No one is saying drugs are harmless, after all food is not harmless. But it is wrong when doctors accuse drugs when what they be looking for is the underlying mental condition causing this.
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I'm a nihilist. Lets be friends.
bang bang
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Turd
Dr. Rock
Registered: 01/21/03
Posts: 1,909
Loc: Vulva, WA
Last seen: 15 years, 10 months
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: d33p]
#3087834 - 09/03/04 02:25 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
d33p said:
Quote:
Turd said:
Quote:
Don't get these doctors convincing you that your brain is fucked and worn out from drugs. It's not.
Of course, because drugs are great, they could never hurt you. You love drugs, and drugs love you. There's no difference between the person who just started smoking and the person who's been smoking daily since the 70's. /sarcasm
Doctors, in general, don't like to slant the truth when drugs are involved, at least in my experience. Doctors are who they are because they want to help people get better, and you can't do that very well by lying to them.
If you think most doctors are honest and have your best interest in mind you're living in a dream world. I've have doctors flat out lie to my face about drugs and I've called their asses on it. No one is saying drugs are harmless, after all food is not harmless. But it is wrong when doctors accuse drugs when what they be looking for is the underlying mental condition causing this.
perhaps I'm living in a dream world then, heh. The doctors I've spoken to about drugs seem to have been well-informed and have my best interests in mind. I'm fully willing to admit that may not be the case with all doctors though, which is sad.
Well, regardless, drugs should not be automically discounted as a possible cause of mental problems simply because you don't want them to be the cause. IMO, the people who aren't willing to admit drugs are harmful, are the one's that get hurt the most by them.
All things in moderation.
Once again, good luck magnum
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MAGnum
veteran
Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: d33p]
#3087853 - 09/03/04 02:29 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Perhaps most of you are correct and I suffer from Schitzophrenia naturally. I am 21 years old and it sets in in males very commonly after the age of 18.
Either way, drugs will never help this psychotic condition, Weed makes me paranoid and lathargic (since I quit, I've had a sharp wit); alchohol is simply not good; and shrooms are said to be a catalyst to pre-exsisting or dormant psychosis.
I believe my syntoms are stress related in the first place and amplified by drugs. According to most of your oppinions, once the stress is gone, I should be fine and able to do drugs.
All of the above could be possible.
Untill the stress is relieved, the pot, alchohol and especially shrooms don't help at all. Being strait is the best way to prevent whatever I suffer from from reaching it's claws into my brain at the moment.
Do you think it is hypocritical for them to tell me "drugs fucked you up" and put me on meds? That is since long term med use does dammage. They have me on Deprecoat, Abilify and Trillafan.
And do you think I'll be able to do weed again?
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Agent 727
7
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deff
just love everyone
Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 9,428
Loc: clarity 
Last seen: 22 minutes
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Re: Drugs made me crazy. [Re: MAGnum]
#3087903 - 09/03/04 02:42 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Jsut relax and listen to yourSelf. There is no problem
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MAGnum
veteran
Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 2,421
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
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Quote:
2Experimental said:
your posts are very raw.
I consider that a great compliment! Thankyou! 
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Agent 727
7
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