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mushboy said:
best advice i can offer is to take a more serious look and effort into cultivation of your own.

if you really, really want to stop drinking? learn how to grow like your life depends on it because.. it kinda does.

and buying premade kits or bags is looking for the quick easy fix. no such thing. you have to take the time and learn for the medicine to work.

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oldfart said:
You might have some luck looking for psychedelic groups on meetup.com. I found one that is about a four hour drive from me. There are likely people in the group that can put you in touch with a therapist that can help but you will have to gain their trust first because of the legal status of psychedelics. I'm planning to do a guided session with a therapist they put me in touch with once this whole covid mess settles down. Right now they're not doing any in person activities.

Like you, I am an atheist living in a very conservative and religious area in the bible belt (North Alabama). It's very difficult to find help that doesn't espouse religion as the answer to everything.

I wish you well in your struggle with alcoholism. Alcoholism destroyed my father and my childhood. I wouldn't wish alcoholism on anyone.

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upshurg said:
Was watching "dosed"...I've been an alcoholic for 8 years, drinking all day every day.  I was pretty high functioning but I lost a job in march because of it and I go through cycles;  I'll want to stop, go through DAYS of horrible withdrawals (heat intolerance, sob, worse anxiety, shaking, vomiting, etc).  I stay clean for up to 5 days but the anxiety never leaves, the thoughts start flooding back in, the emotions start flooding back in and I can't stop them...I mean I can but I have to literally sit still and focus purely on the feeling of air going in and out of my lungs...if I lose focus for a split second BAM it all floods in...I can't function like that...so then I start drinking 1-3 a day, then I'm back to 12 HIGH alcohol content beers a day again and the cycle continues.  I want to stop but these thoughts/emotions...I can only take them for so long.  I was once sober for 4 months but only because I was getting drug tested at a rehab place...well I stayed sober for 2 months after the rehab.

I've seen a psychologist who made me worse (he actually told my wife to leave me after ONE visit), then I saw a psychiatrist and they diagnosed me with chronic major depression and generalized anxiety.  My family doc also diagnosed me with major depression.  I have taken several different meds and they work maybe for a month but that's probably placebo...then it's like I'm not on anything again. 

I honestly think I have ptsd but I don't feel I "deserve" that diagnosis because I've always viewed that as for military personnel who saw horrific atrocities (my brother in law was a guard at guantanamo and he has it) or people who saw horrific accidents or were in them...not folks who just had some bad experiences.  I mean I've been in some stuff but nothing like watching or participating in a death, well at work I've watched heart rhythms go to nothing but I never felt anything too strong about it, they were always old folks so it was like "they're at peace now".  But one of my cousins was diagnosed after going through a minor divorce...mine was very major...very very emotionally debilitating...and I found out things after the fact that just made it worse.  Well that's actually when I started drinking so obvious connection.

Anyway I'm currently in the process of waiting for my crop to fruit, I had two one pound bags inoculated but one of my dogs decided to monch on one for some unknown reason so it got bacteria and I tossed it.

But this doc mentioned "underground" therapists using psychadelics and the reason I'm growing isn't to get a buzz but because I've read several times that it not only helps with depression but addiction too. 

The point?  How the hell can I find one of these therapists?  I'm an atheist and the last therapist I saw I was in the initial interview and I mean I was honest and open in all things, how else can they help me, and I told her that because I didn't want to be given bible verses or told to talk to a pastor (etc) and when she asked if I had a pastor that's when I said "well, I'm an atheist"...she jumped out of her role and started debating me on the formation of the universe...she literally said "well how did we get here?"  I thought she meant how did I get to be in her office...and I was about to go into my past but she starts going off on "something had to create us all"...that was another low point.

I live in Texas...near the louisiana border...obviously psychadelics aren't legal here...I need help but all these pricks want to do is give me bible verses.  Not only am I a non-believer but I grew up in a ministers house, I've memorized more verses than most believers have even read...sorry if that came off defensive or offensive...just saying I'm not an angry atheist I'm an educated and experienced one...religion won't help me but all the therapists I've seen have crosses and bible verses plastered on their walls.  Great for them but they can't help me because the instant they ask about my church or pastor and I say "I'm an atheist" that ends the therapy and now they start evangelizing!

Can anyone offer some advice?  I need someone that is a legit therapist, not just someone to sit with me.  I need medication and therapy!

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Psychedelics aren't really legal anywhere...there are some underground psychedelic clinics in a couple states, and I have no idea where they are.

I would replace the beers with some 0 calorie carbonated "sodas". That's what I did, and I'm still sober.

Of course, there's some issues with that--I got lucky and had a life changing psychedelic experience before my dealer couldn't find any anymore.

The only way I broke the habit was by having the WORST hangover of my life after only two beers and drinking plenty of water throughout. So, I stopped after that.

However, I am on some psychotropic drugs that help make it easier to quit drinking cold turkey, but these are substances that I eventually want to completely get off as well, so I wouldn't recommend you get on them. However, doxepin in particular is prescribed both for depression and to help people get off alcohol.

I would recommend that you at least get some CBD to get you through withdrawals, and just drink less until you can safely stop. You're going to have to find *something* to replace your habit. If it's not AA, it needs to be something else. I'm agnostic, and I don't like the steps of AA, but if I can do it (not AA steps, but getting sober), then you can do it. I had to take some psychotropic drugs that also give someone a horrible time on alcohol and are used to get people to stop drinking(doxepin/sinequan, prazosin, etc.)...I still take these drugs. Also, you want to be feeding your GABAnergic system somehow, to prevent DTs. CBD by itself should prevent DTs and seizures.

But I also used to drink HEAVILY and also take these drugs. I think I did half a fifth of 80 proof liquor for...I wanna say three years, and before that, a 24 pack of beer a day for two years. So, yeah, I definitely drank enough to kill several healthy people, I don't know how I didn't die, but it was worth it to quit. I used an app you can get on your phone called "sober time". If you don't have a smartphone you can keep a journal and keep track of your sobriety. Once you start making it into months without drinking, you won't look back. Also, whatever is bringing negativity into your life, you gotta cut that off completely. Like, if you watch the cable news every night and get mad about everything that's going on that is probably being twisted into some delicious propaganda, don't eat it.

Also, know that you will function better without it, because you will, trust me. Get into a hobby that you really enjoy, that you are better at when sober, and just do the shit out of that.

I cheated on AA by buying an AA necklace the day I got sober and I just kept wearing it to remind me not to drink. That also helped.

And if you think you have PTSD but you don't want to accept that diagnosis because only soldiers can have it, that's not true. There is non combat PTSD and it also still sucks. Operates the same as combat PTSD in that there are triggers and flashbacks. If you have PTSD, you need to be careful around psychedelics. I have c-PTSD, I can treat it for a good year or two with one good psychedelic session, but I have to make sure nothing goes awry, that I am fully prepared, and in a good mindset. If you have never done psychedelics before, I encourage you to read Erowid trip reports, there's great info on Psychonautwiki regarding various psychedelics and their effects, and then there's maps.org which has a whole archive dedicated to their hundreds of peer-reviewed research papers they've done in the last few decades.

Don't fret--I have had c-PTSD since 2009. I have enjoyed three years where I didn't even have it at all, thanks to very rare and very careful psychedelic use. I would get a hand on some tabs, test them, put them away, then plan out my trip about a month in advance. Then make sure I have no obligations, turn off my phone since I won't be able to use it, and just try to cleanse out my brain with Fantasia, Lego movie, coraline, alice in wonderland, eyemask and meditation Tibetan Om music on headphones when I am going through the peak, etc.

Definitely research as much as you can before you decide to go this route, because PTSD is very fickle, if you have flashbacks, anxiety, depression, hypersensitivity to all senses, then you likely have PTSD. It might not be super horrible PTSD, but it is PTSD nonetheless. If you don't keep it in check or have a good way to manage it, it can manifest--severe anxiety, severe depression, fibromyalgia, OCD, and other annoying issues.

I would also start just taking ten to fifteen minutes every day and meditate whilst listening to some random meditation music to clear your head. Then take a hot shower. Then start writing, drawing, or doing anything artistic. Your brain, when not depressed from the alcohol, can get mad creative when you stop drinking.

Edit: The goal that I always had to eliminate the "c" part of my c-PTSD, was to take such a large dose of psychedelics and then the incident that precipitated my PTSD gets thrown on the backburner and out of my mind for a good year or so. This approach won't work for everyone that has PTSD and wants to try psychedelics. So...research research research!

Best of luck to you! Keep us updated, feel free to ask us any questions.

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skOsH said:
Psychedelics aren't really legal anywhere...there are some underground psychedelic clinics in a couple states, and I have no idea where they are.

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dlj403 said:

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skOsH said:
Psychedelics aren't really legal anywhere...there are some underground psychedelic clinics in a couple states, and I have no idea where they are.

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There's plenty of places outside the US where psychadelics are perfectly legal.

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1drop said:
This message board is probably all the therspy you need.

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You've never directly worked with therapy or people with mental disorders have you? I don't mean to be rude but this message board will never be able to replace therapy or the genuine human connection and support an individual needs. Sure it can point people in the right direction and provide some support, but mental illness is very deeply rooted in one's psychology and the shroomery alone cannot fix that.

Not a big deal I'm just saying be careful what you say - you may be unintentionally undermining somebody's journey to recovery

@OP PTSD actually occurs in the military at far lower rates than say natural disasters and accidents (10x more common than combat-related PTSD). Victimization is also a biggie - if you feel like you have undergone trauma then you have undergone trauma. Just because your brother may have PTSD doesn't mean you can't have it too resulting from different experiences unrelated to your brother's trauma. PTSD can differ in magnitude as well (e.g. one person may experience symptoms once a day and another 10x a day. Some may experience the symptoms more intensely as well). You really can't compare.

I won't lie it sounds to me like you've dealt with a lot of ignorant people who don't know what it means to meet you where you're at. The priest you talked to needs to realize that they don't have to agree with you with to help you. And the psychologist who told your wife to leave you completely broke the confidentiality agreement they took on by law as your psychologist (unless you directly gave them permission to tell your wife to leave you, but my guess is that didn't happen).

I can't give you much advice in terms of finding a psychedelic therapist, but I recommend looking online through resources such as the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) or psychologist databases. Many psychologists will agree to meet with you to integrate the psychedelic experience as long as they aren't facilitating it. Oftentimes the psychedelic portion of psychedelic therapy is done with your eyes closed/somewhat on your own anyways, with the therapist just there to hold your hand. The main work with the therapist is done in preparation for the psychedelic journey, and then integrating it afterwards. The journey itself is mainly done alone with the therapist just there for support.

In this sense, if you can find a therapist who is at least open to psychedelic healing (as any good therapist should be in my opinion),  you could discuss taking psychedelics on your own/with a trusted loved one, and then coming to them to help you integrate the experience. Just a thought of course.

At the end of the day this route is possible but may require some time and effort invested into it since psychedelic therapy is still fairly inaccessible. But if you put the time in there are ways to make it work with a mixture of therapy and using psychedelics on your own. If you luck out you may be able to find a reputable underground therapist or join in on one of MAPS' trials. Otherwise MAPS predicts that psychedelic therapy may be available as early as 2022 so if you can't access it, do keep it on your radar.

I hope this helps. As Mushboy said, cultivate your own like your life depends on it. Alcoholism sucks but it stems from trauma, and that trauma is not your fault. I wish you the best