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ground
Stranger
Registered: 04/25/04
Posts: 1
Last seen: 19 years, 11 months
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schizophrenics?
#2600009 - 04/25/04 02:41 AM (19 years, 11 months ago) |
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crossposting this from another forum. this pattern has correlated with weed use and lessens with abstention so i am planning to quit and see if it goes into remission or if i am stuck with it. i have never tried shrooms (technically once i did "try" some but they didn't work, could be for a variety of reasons - i had quite a bit of milk with them, and a full meal) and am wondering if i should should ever attempt using them.
what i would really like to know is if there is anyone else who is definitely schizophrenic (i apparently have paranoid schizophrenia) and has used shrooms? anyone who has had a similar experience to mine below? i'd like to pick your brains.
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i remember this starting probably about a month ago... i expect there were some symptoms before that too but i can't really separate them out. paranoia got worse and worse when smoking, then i began hearing "voices," speaking back to them, occasionally acting on their directive (i live under my landlords so i had other actual people to attach this phenomenon to). weed euphoria has now been completely replaced by fear/anxiety/a general negative outlook.
one night after smoking i experienced a complete loss of optimism. i was paralyzed by fear. soon after that i had a nervous breakdown (i think it was the day after), cried uncontrollably more than once, snot snot snot. fetal position.
soon the effects began to bleed over into even when i wasn't high. things would look weird like they do under the influence of weed, all the time. ALL of this was accompanied by immediate associations with things like falling, lying down, moving away, emptiness, starkness, loneliness, isolation. things that are really scary, not make-you-puke gore overload scary. i would look/stare at things i wouldn't normally, like i would when high. buildings, shadows, trees.
this still happens. i expect its occurrence is partially dependent on my preexisting state (amount of rest, nourishment, external stressors), but even when i am feeling fairly good this change in perception can still occur. i can also trigger episodes of it by thinking about certain things. when these episodes happen my train of thought is obliterated and i am temporarily incapable of processing any sort of complex thought (math problems, probably anything involving academic memory). when this is happening bigtime all kinds of music will sound unpleasant and anxiety-inducing. when it's less severe i can still enjoy (or at least appreciate) music, lateralus seemed quite appropriate walking to school amidst this one day.
but the scariest things in this whole thing are LIGHTS. anything with luminescence is fucking transfixing. they are beacons of power, they immediately draw my eye to them and they induce intense fear and paranoia when i'm having an episode. the sun, reflected light, candles, lamps, it doesn't matter. even writing this right now is making me look around and stare at the lights that are on in this room. i can't overstate this, they can be horribly terrifying.
i guess the voices are pretty scary too. i get those when i'm not high occasionally, but i can tell they're not real. when i am high it's very hard to avoid that perception (probably partially because weed is a big imagination booster in general) and they happen more or less perpetually in that state.
human relationships are the antidote to this, they make episodes go away and prevent the paranoid motif from recurring. i don't experience too much human contact though, i am pretty solitary because i started turning into a mature person way too late and i missed most of the relationship-building years of high school, so i'm nobody's wingman and few people's confidant. and i don't have a car, of course.
so yeah
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castaway
Isanybodyreallyhome?
Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 553
Last seen: 17 years, 11 months
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Re: schizophrenics? [Re: ground]
#2600069 - 04/25/04 03:39 AM (19 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah I'd stay away from the psychoactives, and stick with social inducers such as alcahol.
Alcahol in a group setting may be the way to lasting relationships.
Goodluck
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MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: schizophrenics? [Re: castaway]
#2600622 - 04/25/04 10:46 AM (19 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah, good luck man. It sounds like what you're going through is pretty scary. Maybe give yourself an extended break for awhile from drugs, or like Castaway mentioned just stick to alcohol. If your drug use has become a negative influence in your life, that's when you need to evaluate your use, imo. If all that stuff keeps up, please just look out for yourself and get help. There's no shame in that.
Stay safe
*me*
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tezcatlipoca
but you can callme tez
Registered: 10/26/03
Posts: 73
Loc: nl, canada
Last seen: 17 years, 4 months
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Re: schizophrenics? [Re: ground]
#2601485 - 04/25/04 03:02 PM (19 years, 11 months ago) |
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let me start by saying that i have a similar ailment, although perhaps not as progressed as what you've described. in short, i'm fairly insane. some days are worse than others. today has been a bad day due the massive amounts of drinking and drug smoking i've done over the past few days. i am definitely of the type that would be strongly advised against the usage of psychoactive substances. that is, most people would say that i should definitely not do psychoactive substances. however, this hasn't stopped me thusfar. i have done mushrooms during fairly low points in my mental health, and it has created good and bad things. i have had level 4 and 5 trips. personally, i found the experiences to be very educational. i had an out of control experience on mushrooms and, being the (stupidly) curious fellow i am, i allowed some of my mental issues (eg, depression) come to the surface so i could stand face to face with them. although the experience was incredibly upsetting at the time, i was able to learn a massive amount about my disorganized thoughts, and amazingly enough gave me a viewpoint which i was able to use to counter the abnormal behavior my brain tends toward. in short, if you think (and i mean 110% positive) you are able to handle the obstacles that will arise during a psychedelic episode, then i would suggest that you try it. if you truly want to, you will learn about yourself and you will gain the insight needed to help better your mental health. on the other hand, you also sacrifice a little bit of sanity as well everytime you take on such an adventure. that is, i know i have. i feel i've made the right choices, and plan to take another adventure soon. there is a certain knowledge locked away in our malformed brains that will help normalize our thought. it's just a matter of finding it. hopefully this made some sort of sense, and good luck. peace, tez
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namesash
Guntotindemonslayer
Registered: 04/07/04
Posts: 43
Last seen: 16 years, 11 months
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Re: schizophrenics? [Re: ground]
#2602120 - 04/25/04 07:13 PM (19 years, 11 months ago) |
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i may be schizo- which was induced by shrooms, but im not sure. i may also have a lot of other disorders also induced by shrooms. i guess i will find out sooner or later, neways stay away from WEED and shroooms esp if ur vulnerable
-------------------- "Where's your will to be weird?" -jimmy morrison
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gnrm23
Carpal Tunnel
Registered: 08/29/99
Posts: 6,488
Loc: n. e. OH, USSA
Last seen: 5 months, 20 days
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Re: schizophrenics? [Re: ground]
#2604246 - 04/26/04 10:55 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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ymmv... but dr abram hoffer (in work with mental patients over the last 50+ years, as recounted in quite a few of his books, etc.) has reported success with large doses of vitamins, etc in addition to conventional therapy:
www.alternativementalhealth.com/articles/schizdiet.htm
-------------------- old enough to know better not old enough to care
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