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InvisibleBarnaby
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Registered: 12/13/17
Posts: 9,187
Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol
    #25152799 - 04/20/18 08:36 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Just what is going through my mind at the moment.  My favorite drugs and alcohol will always be there for me.  I don't have to please them, be fake to myself, can be me, and there are so many women in the world.

Being in love in my life experience is short term and ends.  Being at peace with oneself and like Thorough the writer said after a failed relationship,  I have never found so great a peace as solitude.  Basically meaning being oneself. 

Most women don't like to hear that but I learned early what will always be there for me without judgement and conditions.  Nothing is worse than going against yourself which is the literall definition of sin. 

Life is short, lonliness and sexual desire, the societal conditioning of having kids and a house and enslaved.  I choose not to.  I don't think marriage and kids and a job that sucks will bring contentment to my life. 

I just don't want to be under anything basically. True freedom.  Anyone relate?

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OfflineFractalMind
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Barnaby]
    #25152823 - 04/20/18 08:45 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

I'm right there with you. I consistently find that the women in my life see me as weak and pathetic and use that to manipulate me. I used to try and do everything I could to make girls like me so I would seem attractive, until I realized I hated myself and was living a lie. So I've been single for a few years. The thing that I keep saying is you can't love anyone until you love yourself, and I can't say I think all too highly of myself. Another thing is we tend to attract people based on the vibe we put out, and sometimes its best to accept you arent attracting the best people right now. Finding a hobby or self employment really helps. And as messed up as it sounds, we are very fortunate to have the porn industry to keep that part of our brain... occupied.

One day you'll figure out who it is you are and you will be so happy to be yourself that women will not leave you alone.

More than attractiveness, skill, interest, anything else, women are attracted to confidence. So focus on building your self confidence, and the rest will fall into place!

Freedom is amazing, but after awhile it does get lonley. We need human contact.

Edited by FractalMind (04/20/18 08:48 AM)

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: FractalMind]
    #25152889 - 04/20/18 09:19 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

FractalMind said:
One day you'll figure out who it is you are and you will be so happy to be yourself that women will not leave you alone.



This is not necessarily a great thing, nor the answer, nor the end goal. I speak from experience here. Because then you just end up breaking hearts when you do get involved, and that's not a nice thing to do.

There's no solution to a paradox IMO.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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OfflineMrBlueYoMind
Don't do drugs (Without me)

Registered: 04/27/11
Posts: 3,753
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Barnaby]
    #25152916 - 04/20/18 09:29 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

I don't think that having kids is societal conditioning.  But I can understand how you feel about drugs.  But sometimes even those turn on you.


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Confucius say: He who sticks drugs in butthole has head up ass. 
EVOLUTION REQUIRES REPRODUCTION

Edited by MrBlueYoMind (04/20/18 09:52 AM)

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OfflineFractalMind
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25152984 - 04/20/18 09:52 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

You actually make a good point. I shouldn't have come off so pretentious. I obviously am far from perfect.

And yeah drugs sometimes dont help. Don't end up a crazy ramblin lunatic like me because you were trying to impress the wrong ppl is my best advice.

And Self confidence is central to this, just dont be a heartbreaker. Revenge is not a fun thing because it will come back to you eventually.


Edited by FractalMind (04/20/18 09:54 AM)

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: FractalMind]
    #25153024 - 04/20/18 10:08 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

FractalMind said:
And Self confidence is central to this, just dont be a heartbreaker.



If you are the former, you will be the latter.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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OfflineFractalMind
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25153031 - 04/20/18 10:10 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah, well, you cant move the latter round no more

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OfflineViolet Wizard
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: FractalMind]
    #25153037 - 04/20/18 10:14 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Depends on how you truly view it. I get that you feel this way now for whatever reason however, we do not get to choose how we feel in social contexts. If your trying to force this decision upon yourself your only going to create depression.

Personally I agree with you on the idea that having the ability to do whatever you want is great. It does take a certain type of person to be comfortable enough to have long periods alone and not feel depressed.

Also putting people on the same level of drugs isnt healthy. Good relationships of any nature take work and your basically saying youll choose the easy path. Though im far from highly social, in a relationship, or even caring about most people, id never group "social interaction" and "drugs" into the same area of my life. They effect each other but that doesnt make them in the same "class of categories"

I like being alone, I dislike going out and meeting people most of the time, social stuff is draining for me, i'm nihilistic and not spiritual but something i do have is hope that someday ill meet someone, though it seems impossible to me, i would hate to not hold some hope. I wouldnt change my personality im just waiting to find the right person. Same thing with the kids idea, ill say no never thoroughly convinced i do not want them right now and possibly never will, but who knows?


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Promise me to pass the time. Dance with me on plastic tears. Kiss me, we won’t feel alone, till morning when we disappear.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: FractalMind]
    #25153071 - 04/20/18 10:36 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

FractalMind said:
Yeah, well, you cant move the latter round no more



I don't understand what you mean by this?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Anonymous #1

Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25156395 - 04/21/18 08:11 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

I think I was in the same boat as you last year. I felt betrayed and rejected by girls so I sort of turned to drugs. I loved weed because I felt that it would never reject me and would always be there if I wanted it. The truth is, drugs and alcohol actually will reject you if you abuse them. My weed highs starting making me very paranoid, to the point where I couldn't enjoy it anymore and I realized I had to take a break.

Unfortunately I'm pretty far from solving my problems. At this point, I just don't feel like I can't really trust either one. I trust weed a little more than girls, but sometimes weed lets me down too.

My life is a total shitshow.

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OfflineViolet Wizard
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25156517 - 04/21/18 09:17 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

^ I think the issue isn’t that you are far from solving your problems but more that you haven’t met someone that changes the view. I don’t trust anyone and make no excuses for it but at the same time I know there is someone I’ll trust eventually. I have 3 friends I trust completely and one is my ex, if you had said 10 years ago I’d trust an ex as much as my brother I’d laugh but she’s one of my best friends now, if not the only person who has my best interest in mind but won’t let my ego and abilities cloud her judgement of the situation. I can be very spell binding at times get caught up in ideas to rule the world as it were and she helps to pull me into reality, and we are not at all into each other.

My point is I’d be willing to believe there’s another her out there for me, maybe one that can last. Either way I didn’t know my ex 10 years ago and we became codependent lovers and now she’s my sister in a sense, I’d be willing to assume we can all be changed by love, even though I find little use for social situations or people I know somewhere a woman can challenge my view of that.


--------------------
Promise me to pass the time. Dance with me on plastic tears. Kiss me, we won’t feel alone, till morning when we disappear.


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InvisibleBarnaby
Interesting lifetime
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Registered: 12/13/17
Posts: 9,187
Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25156635 - 04/21/18 10:20 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Women are the same.  Mine has been broken and I have broken others which feels like shit so I choose not to anymore.  Not giving up because it is one of the best thing in life, being in love.  Just have more wisdom about it now.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Violet Wizard]
    #25156750 - 04/21/18 11:34 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Violet Wizard said:
^ I think the issue isn’t that you are far from solving your problems but more that you haven’t met someone that changes the view. I don’t trust anyone and make no excuses for it but at the same time I know there is someone I’ll trust eventually. I have 3 friends I trust completely and one is my ex, if you had said 10 years ago I’d trust an ex as much as my brother I’d laugh but she’s one of my best friends now, if not the only person who has my best interest in mind but won’t let my ego and abilities cloud her judgement of the situation. I can be very spell binding at times get caught up in ideas to rule the world as it were and she helps to pull me into reality, and we are not at all into each other.

My point is I’d be willing to believe there’s another her out there for me, maybe one that can last. Either way I didn’t know my ex 10 years ago and we became codependent lovers and now she’s my sister in a sense, I’d be willing to assume we can all be changed by love, even though I find little use for social situations or people I know somewhere a woman can challenge my view of that.




Well, I think a major problem is that I'm an extrovert with high social needs but one who's grown to become afraid of people. A lot of people think extrovert = outgoing and socially confident. It doesn't necessarily. A lot of extroverts are more outgoing and socially confident because they're very practiced, very motivated to be socially fluent, and socialize often, but being an extrovert doesn't necessarily mean you're socially confident. Being an extrovert who isn't socially confident is an absolutely miserable experience. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. You feel so fatigued all the fucking time, and its weird because being around other people cures your fatigue but the fatigue convinces you that what you need to do is to lay on the couch watching TV all day when what you really need is people to hang out with, to go to restaurants with, to go out to random places with. Its a physical need too, I need a girl I can hug, kiss, and hold close to me. I have a high need to touch someone that isn't getting fulfilled. I would compare it to being very hungry all the time but not being hungry enough to die. Just hungry enough that all you can think about is how fucking hungry you are but having no way of feeding yourself until you're satisfied. Instead you get tiny little pieces of food to tease you and keep you alive but not enough to rid yourself of that horrible hunger.

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InvisibleBarnaby
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25156774 - 04/21/18 11:52 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

"Instead you get tiny little pieces of food to tease you and keep you alive but not enough to rid yourself of that horrible hunger."

That is a little melodramtic in my view, no offense.  Just the wording.  I told my first love that I will always have :beer:.  We all have that need for love and socializing and I get the extrovert part of your post. 

As I have grown older I don't care.  I find it more empty to be in a meaningless relationships.  Romantically or with fake friends.  So I choose not to.  And choose to keep a close circle.

I tried to be completely introverted but couldn't.  Yet it is such a freedom to just be yourself and do what you want to do and find others that support it.  And believe me, I get a lot of shit for that.  Being yourself and integrity to oneself is all that matters to me.  Life is just a blink of the eye in existence which doesn't mean I don't respect it.  Quite the opposite.  Always learning.

Edited by Barnaby (04/21/18 11:55 PM)

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InvisiblepachooDiscord
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Registered: 09/10/10
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Barnaby]
    #25158359 - 04/22/18 06:11 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

It reminds of that saying 'love people, not things'. Things will never replace people. Even though you may feel that they are now, they are just things without emotions. Maybe in this point in your life you feel that way because they are void of human emotions so I may feel like they are there for you, but it's an empty perspective all the same.

Have you told women this perspective while they are with you? Or after the relationship is done?

I remember a point where my boyfriend actually said something like this, in fits of depression, and I remember feeling that what's the point of me then if he chose to have a relationship with objects rather than me. It's almost a slap in the face in some regards. And I'm not trying to be mean but when you tell this to someone it's almost like they don't matter and sort of dooms reciprocation of love.


--------------------


:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

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InvisibleBarnaby
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: pachoo]
    #25158442 - 04/22/18 06:53 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

In hindsight I agree.  She was the only woman I have ever loved at that level. And I am grateful for that time.  It's easy to see in hindsight.  She called me a long time back and we met for lunch.  She shaved her head and is bi.  And said there is no way we are getting back together again.

Fuck it, I get your point but through my fathers sudden death after a week of visiting him and with her, It still is the thing that gets me through all the shit, and causes a lot of it.  LOL.  But you die without it, can't take it with you, and I should of listened to her in that timeframe.  I will always love her and that will never change. 

When we later had a chance meeting and she was with her boyfriend and saw me dancing and sober, which is what she asked, it lit a spark and she was offended after talking to her that I didn't pursue anything further. she is much more complicated and intelligent then that.  It's love.  I want to see what you are like sober and I ignored it at the time, yet the guy she was with was such a person, and this had nothing to do with jealousy, but was so boring to talk to. 

But I don't regret it, I learned from it.  We also strangely passed each other in my city and talked briefly.  Synchronisity.  I spelled it wrong but whatever.  We will always love each other.  Just letting go and hoping the best for the person in life.  It's special, some of the relationships you have during life.

Life is interesting.

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InvisiblepachooDiscord
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Barnaby]
    #25158656 - 04/22/18 08:23 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

"Life is interesting." Dude, don't we know it after a time on this earth.

I'm glad you had/have that love. Bc I believe that real love never goes away. Bitterness and anger will always leave after awhile, sometimes sooner if you learn to just let it go. But it always leaves in my experience.

Synchronisity is a damn thing. Always popping up in my life with people. Lately my 11s have been showing up everywhere in time, money, prices... ironically enough talking about life being interesting is becoming very frequent in conversations with people.

I wish the best for you and your future. Maybe now is comforting to hold onto these things but don't forget to let them go to grow and open yourself up for new experiences.


--------------------


:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:

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InvisibleBarnaby
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: pachoo]
    #25158861 - 04/22/18 10:08 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Yes.  Where I am at now. And it's opening.  Best thing to do is to listen to a woman.  I mean really listen.  Subtle hints.  I missed it and it is easy to see it now. 

But maybe all relationships are that way.  It's nothing complicated.  I would of stayed with this woman for life but you don't know her life story.  Thank you for letting me reflect on that as I get it more clearly now, pondering it.  Her life experiences I couldn't relate to at the time and I was selfish.  It is strange how damaged people in life draw each other to themselves or those with wisdom.  Simple.

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Invisiblekeyohnah
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25176200 - 04/30/18 06:44 PM (5 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

FractalMind said:
And Self confidence is central to this, just dont be a heartbreaker.



If you are the former, you will be the latter.






I immediately wanted to disagree with the sentiment being expressed here but I sat back and thought about it for a minute. I suppose I can't really disagree with it if the other person/people in the equation/s/ aren't equally healthy or happy with themselves. That's really where the issue is though.


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"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story."

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Just going to vent a bit about women and drugs and alcohol [Re: keyohnah]
    #25176299 - 04/30/18 07:29 PM (5 years, 10 months ago)

I really don't follow your post there keyohnah. Could you elaborate?


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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