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OfflineScared2tripagain
Stranger
Registered: 04/03/18
Posts: 2
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
Please help me I had a really bad trip
    #25111300 - 04/03/18 03:23 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Okay so first off I'll start with the basics:
-I took 7grams of cyanescens
-ive had 3 good trips before this
-i thought I was in a safe place with someone safe

I'll try and condense this:
-started off weird, small thought loops
- then noticed my "buddy" was trying to get me to watch a weird gay thought experimemt video
-stuck in thought loop for what felt like an hour.
- buddy was doing weird things while I waa watching the video- (The video was something like- curl fingers of both hands in towards palms, now choose one hand to stare at-he tried tapping his feet when this happened towards himself but I looked to my right hand instead of left- then it said to look at a certain part of your hand- then it said to choose a left or right direction. Then my brain went all fucked and it occurred to me that I waa still sitting there thinking this all through for however long.
-realzed that my "buddy" was gay or bi
-that this video was to try and trick me or convert me to being gay?
-i wondered how long I waa sitting there or if I waa even sitting There
-would he rape me in my messed up state of mind if I didn't do what he wanted
-finally broke out of it and knew I had to get the hell out of his apartment
-didnt think and left my keys, wallet, and phone there. And left in sock feet
-got stuck in his apartments hallways in a thought loop for what felt like days
- "buddy" caught up to me and broke me out of thought loop...offered me a Benzo to stop the trip.. we had researched it before and talked about this just incase
-went outside with him and after 10 minutes realized the "benzo" wasn't working, which made me wonder if it was a date rape drug
- ran to my own apartment- had no keys and buddy followed me- texted my (ex)gf to come let me in.
-stuck in another thought loop for what felt like days in my apartment
-tried to go to sleep but every time I was closed to sleep I could hear keys entering our apartment door and slowly turning and my (ex)gf giggling and talking with someone about how "this is going to be so fun"
-everytime I would jerk awake and the key would relock the door and footsteps would walk away from our front door quickly.
-happened about 3-4 times differently (not thought loop)
-also shadows and things in the room started spelling things- "if you can read this you're still at "buddy's" place and his dick is in your mouth get out of here now" and other things like that.
Finally after being do literally terrified of everything happening I started to get angry, how could my (recently broken up with gf-but still roommates because of finances) and "best friend" do this to me.
- I knew my ex gf was on the porch watching YouTube videos
- decided to slowly get up without making noises instead of jerking awake like I had every time I heard the key noises
- peaked around the corner into the livingroom and look through the sliding glass door at ex gf
- she was on her phone giggling with someone (it's around 2-3am)
-i think it must be true I'm not delusional they are planning on raping and hurting me together
- this is when I start to black out
-apparently I ran into the living room
-knocked over the tv on the tv stand
-took off pants and boxers (straight delusional I know)
-shes watching horrified
-i move towards the glass doors and she freaks out and jumps off balcony (about a 12 foot jump to the ground)
- at this point I remember thinking that was an admission of guilt and she didn't want to be daughter hurt by me
- I jump over balcony as well
- land bad on my ankle and instantly feel pain instead of anger
-shes been screaming and two girls from someplace else come over to help her
- she explains I'm having a bad trip
-calls 911 and asks for help to take me to a hospital
-cops show up, offers me a blanket to wrap around myself
-i take it and they ask me to get into cop car- I did at one point but it was pure black inside (all metal and hard plastic backseat of a cop SUV)
-our apartment is infamous for bad shit we only discovered after moving in, so 3 cop vehicles show up
-im standing between the open door part of the vehicle and outside confused
- all the cops are standing in a circle talking and joking around (I didn't realize until later that I wasn't under arrest that's why I wasn't forced into the vehicle)
-start to wonder why I was still tripping
Every time I'd look over at my ex gf she was talking to the other two girls, she'd glance at me and smirk like this was the funniest thing ever but still in an evil looking way
(Yes I'm naked but wrapped in a towel)
- I start to feel like this has happened before multiple times
My entire night seems like I've lived it a few dozen times and this was the first time that I broke the pattern
- she seems amused and I wonder if she knows this will all repeat and they'll catch me instead of the cops getting involved
-i think through multiple scenarios, finally I start to believe this all must have happened because I broke up with her, she took it well or so I thought. But she's been working with my "buddy" the whole time to hurt me and scare me and possibly try and the me up and watch as I get raped (seems like a stretch but she is pretty psychotic normally-on antipsychotic drugs each day- so this actually made sense)
I try to move towards kenzie and a cop shoves me (I think?- trouble recalling this moment)
-i retaliate and lash out, he hits me in the face
-shes smirking, I start freaking out and fighting towards her asking her to marry me, maybe if I can convince her I want her back she'll call an end to this.
Enter deep mind fuck: my mom told me of a dream she had (this was years ago when she was still alive)
That I was surrounded by friends and my gf was there and my best friend was there too, everyone was planning on raping me and I was the laughing stock of the group.
- my mom told me if I was ever in that position that I had to say no and to fight no matter what
So this dream she had told me about...i suddenly realize that I'm in this dream, am I awake or is this the dream?
Next thing I know I'm being held down by the cops, then they pause and I see a cop aiming his taser at me
-(side note-im an electrician and I've been shocked lots- don't know if it was that or the drugs that made the taser useless)
-he shoots and it's like a tickle-i fight an arm away from a cop and rip the taser off my thigh (I swear the cop was aiming for my naked balls-still not wearing pants)
The cops all freeze, then they order me flipped over and the put handcuffs on me.
-ambulance comes and they get me onto the stretcher and into the ambulance
- (while in the ambulance and driving to the hospital and them loading me into the hospital) suddenly all this replays in 10X speed and I hear my "buddy's" voice saying this has happened before and to stop fighting, that I never escape this dream that were in- that he always wins and we've been here for years, he asks me if I even remember when we were friends? I try and think but I can't really remember. He says (his name) is just a creation of his and it was his way of making me feel like I had good memories of him
-Then suddenly I'm getting this feeling that it's part of the trip and it's like I'm someone else, everything in my life and this night was all part of a trip, experienced by someone else- (best example I can think of is "roy stimulation" on Rick and morty)
I can hear people talking in the distance asking themselves if I was close to coming back to their reality or if I was still going to be stuck in the drug trip.
-I start saying: oh this is just so funny, you really got me this time, just so funny, ha! Ha!
-the people whose voices I could hear wondering about me think it's funny that I'm so close to breaking through
- i start to calm down and cooperate with the nurses and doctors thinking maybe this is part of the trip, I need to cooperate in order to get out and break through into my old reality.
-finally they move me to a separate room with no one else in it. A cop comes in and sits in a chair near the end of the room and he just chills there on his phone and I realize he's guarding me. For the first time that night I feel safe.
Slowly the drugs wear off, I talk with him and try and describe everything to him, he explains I'm being charged with one account of assault on a cop. And one account of assault domestically. I asked him what I did to my ex gf and he said I kinda tackled/dragged her to the ground while falling on her.
(In Canada the rcmp can press charges without a person's consent)
- I find out from another cop that my ex has called about me and tried to get the domestic dropped but it's up to the prosecution if they want to drop it.

So yeah, had several really bad mind fucks, time loops where I finally realizes i had been doing the exact same thing for what felt like days and weeks, enough to realize I might have to accept my insanity. That maybe I'm actually in a psychward. Getting out of those time loops was such a relief, unfortunately it lasted only a few moments before it went back to terrifying.
Now I kinda have PTSD from what the symptoms online tell me, I'm on waitlist for counselling and a psychologist.
During the day I'm pretty much ok but when it gets dark I start to get really bad anxiety, which I've never really experienced in my life before.
Ive been sleeping on my brothers couch upstairs instead of in a bed downstairs because I know I'm closer to him and that makes me feel a little safer, I wake up every night around 3-4am and then I have to reassure myself that I'm fine, try and fall back asleep.

So I was hoping for help or possible suggestion on what to do to get over this, I know counseling will help. But long term I can't keep living while being so paranoid of the dark and night time.

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Offlinespiritofspice
Stranger

Registered: 02/11/14
Posts: 102
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
Re: Please help me I had a really bad trip [Re: Scared2tripagain]
    #25111474 - 04/03/18 04:16 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

“I took 7grams of cyanescens” what do you honestly think would have happened.
I would say you have broken your brain for a little while. You aren’t going to be totally normal again for along time there is no magic fix. Work through it move on.

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OfflineVeihler
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/29/18
Posts: 341
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: Please help me I had a really bad trip [Re: spiritofspice]
    #25111596 - 04/03/18 05:01 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Can loosely relate. Time helps a lot. Stay away from drugs for a while at minimum.


--------------------
...Did he doubt or did he try? Answers aplenty in the bye and bye
Talk about your plenty and talk about your ills, one man gathers what another man spills.

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OfflineScared2tripagain
Stranger
Registered: 04/03/18
Posts: 2
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
Re: Please help me I had a really bad trip [Re: spiritofspice]
    #25111625 - 04/03/18 05:13 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

I've done 4grams without any visuals, when it comes to drugs my body normally has a higher tolerance

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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
 User Gallery

Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,063
Re: Please help me I had a really bad trip [Re: Scared2tripagain]
    #25111958 - 04/03/18 07:50 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:


So I was hoping for help or possible suggestion on what to do to get over this, I know counseling will help. But long term I can't keep living while being so paranoid of the dark and night time.



keep living (paranoia not gone yet) and you need a therapist soon.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

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Invisiblebreeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
Re: Please help me I had a really bad trip [Re: redgreenvines]
    #25122072 - 04/07/18 10:26 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Bummer man, but time heals. And yeah 7 g of Pan cyans or Psilocybe cyans? Either way, I knew you were in for a ride when I read that.

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