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InvisibleBobaJones
Good Trip Gurpgork
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Registered: 03/01/15
Posts: 149
Loc: Far out, man
Adventures in Burning Man ft. candyflipping and a dose of courage. * 1
    #22412221 - 10/21/15 03:37 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Was gonna write this in an actual physical journal, but I think it's better suited to here. At least for now.

Just experienced my third year at Burning Man, (second year performing for the fire circle before the man burns), and me and some friends decided we wanted to do LSD and sass (MDA).

It is me, and a group of three friends. Two of the friends are dating, A and B, and the third is someone I'm very enamored with, C. We are currently doing our best at being "just friends" with each other because we live several hours away and long distance is something we could do without.
The attraction is visceral.
I expect nothing though, as expectations can lead to disappointment. I've resigned the evening to one as friends. (But que Sera sera)

We started the night off with just sass, went out on our bikes and had a blast looking at the distant art. Lots of affection throughout the group, genuine compliments abound. "I like (B) because.. he makes me brave!" My friend had said at some point when we sat in an illuminated geometric structure to re-up our dosage. I'm a very small human being, and while I do drugs in whatever frequency I want, I usually don't need too much. It was friday though, and I was ready to party.

We ride around some more and come across a storage shed made to look like a large box of saltines. Inside there is a bounty of packeted drinks and noodles to take with you. I grab several packets of green tea and hot chocolate. At this point we are coming up pretty strongly on the sass, so we decide to linger at the saltines box for a few minutes. Outside C complains to me about their lower back pain. I am studying to be a physical therapist, so I do stretches with C until their pain has subsided.

They tell me they are grateful. We hug for several minutes and say nothing.
Our friends ask us if we are ready to go and we decide we are.

Soon we are heading back to our camp to do the rest of our drugs for the evening, which was another dip of sass and a full hit of the LSD that usually hurls me into a level 3 trip on its own. We are in an RV. I start feeling the acid before I even have a chance to finish refilling my water bottle, to get up from my seat, to realize that being the lightweight I am, this is the most drugs I have consumed in one sitting.

A goal was installed in the group for the evening: find other fire spinners.

I was okay with this being the goal at a leisurely pace, but as we were setting out the energy of the group quickly shifted.  Friend B wants us to hurry and find the fire spinners as soon as possible. His demeanor is rushed and forced, as if he were luring us to our deaths, and he had to do so before we found out. He takes me outside the RV to have a talk with me. He is a much more seasoned tripper than I, so he wanted to set 'rules' for me. (We have never done acid together before.)
1) Do not talk about how high you are.
2) You will ride your bike.
I was alarmed at the second rule. I has just started coming up on more drugs than I've ever done in my life, and that aside, I usually opt to walk if I'm on acid at all, as a safety concern.

"I'm not going to ride my bike. It's not safe right now."
"You'll be fine! It's fun and everyone else wants to ride bikes. The whole group will have to walk if you cannot ride your bike. You will be holding everyone back."

I tell him then it will be so. I refuse to ride my bike until I decide I am not a danger to others. I would not relent. I am stubborn, but I try to be aware of how my choices impact others. At this points B's pushiness seemed to exaggerate his appearance to me. His eyes bulged and his hair stood up as if he were caught in a whirlwind, or his hair was supported by horns beneath. A and C assure me they understand and support the decision to walk for a while.

B is frightening to me. I can't look at him anymore.

I have had trips where I have been broken down before and decided I would not face such humiliation this evening. I would be brave. I refuse to be bullied by some spectre.

We bring our bikes.

We stop at a camp illuminated by black lights and stunning UV reactive flags. It is now friend A who complains to me of shoulder pain. I never want my friends to be in pain, so we stop for a moment to do some range of motion exercises until they feel better. Friend B takes the opportunity to spin LED props while C takes a seat on the ground to watch. I finish stretching with A, and they excuse themselves to the restroom. Now the we are waiting on A, so I go to sit with C and watch B spin some poi. He looked as demonic as ever, but somehow less threatening when he got what he wanted (which was spinning.) It was like watching a shark feast on an animal that wasn't you. You are safe.. for now.
I sit between C's legs and let C hold me close to them while they plant kisses on the top of my head. I sigh, feeling as if I were watching this shark from behind bullet proof glass. I am safe. Again, our friends pay no mind and upon A's return are simply asked,

"Are you guys ready to go?"
We decide we are, and we go.

At this point the acid is in full swing: colors are gaudy and clowns run amok. We find a large encampment, sealed away with no clear entrance, but clearly something awesome is happening inside. (There is loud music and colorful lights and the sounds of many people singing, or at least trying to.) My friends all seem nervous, as if this is a private party and we are not welcome. I say "this is burning man. We aren't buying into VIP bullshit."
I poke my head in through a slip in the tarp.
I am greeted by many people in full clown make up who snap their heads abruptly towards me, feigning shock. I pull my head back out. Pause. I poke it back in. They are in hysterics and excitedly wave us in. I jump inside, poking my head out to C and say,
"You gotta get in here!!"
We intrude on drunken british clowns doing unintelligible karaoke. We join them. I can scarcely contain my laughter at the sheer absurdity. We do not add to the coherence by any measure, but my face hurts from laughing. B complains that I shouldn't have made them go inside. I feel no guilt.

When we leave I notice C is literally glowing. I felt I could see their spirit enveloping their body in a stunning glow. It was orange, purple and pink, all shifting into one emboldened presence. I find myself walking near C, feeling safer with them by leaps and bounds than I did with B.

I hang back for a moment to talk with A. We exchange a few words of encouragement to each other and we decide we are stable enough to try riding bikes.

So we do.
I loved it.

I feel like all the aches from the week have gone. My heart overflows with the gratitude of my friends who pull me up in their subtle ways. (Thank you sass.) My legs effortlessly carry me alongside my group, not needing assistance. I feel capable. I look up and the stars are shining in all of their radiant glory. Each star has a rainbow halo emanating from it, and the lines connecting the constellations and lateral and longitudinal lines streaked across the sky in luminescent defiance. (Thank you LSD.)

I am in motion.
The stars are in motion.
I did not think I could ride my bike, and I can.
The world cracks slowly apart and everything proceeds as it ought to.
I can live alongside demons and still bask in the beauty life has to offer me.
I am so alive.
And I am proud.

We finally arrive at our long hounded destination, miles and miles away we find fire spinners. After a few minutes, we also find most of our campmates! They had been here most of the night! We happily sit among our friends. I find my other friend, D (also a performer), trying to keep warm under many furs and an astronauts blanket. I was hot from my bike ride and recently shed most of my heavy layers. I shower D with my spare furs, and they gleefully burrow into my lap, gratitude emanating. C is at my other side. They are transfixed on people who are particularly good dancers. C draws my attention to several people. We are tech nerds, and we nerded. I feel inspired to practice more. We yell and engage the world with our cheering.
At this point, D turns to me and asks, with the sky lightening behind them,

"So when are you waking up to get ready today?"
I stare blankly at D.
"For...?"
"..Our performance? It's Saturday morning right now. We have to be there at six today."
I register the slowly pinkening sky behind them.
Fuck.
Fuck!
FUCK!
I have to perform in front of thousands of people later today. I had completely forgotten what day it was.
In the one place I can escape responsibility, I still manage to have it and then forget about it.

I am so fucking high right now.

I turn to C and repeated what I had just learned. C's response is comically similar to mine. I look around and notice A and B must have left some time ago, but I hadn't registered it. Many of our friends decide it would be best to head home for the evening. I collect my furs from D, thank them for the wakeup call. C and I are left to our journey(easily 4 miles) back to camp. As we walk I notice C no longer is emanating the soft aura, but instead sky was now on fire with the same colors. Blues yielded to purples, and pinks raged across the sky while orange burned through the lining in every cloud, every mountain peak illuminated. The white dust in our feet surrendered to the powerful suggestion of colors, and it too blazed that brilliant pink.

Heaven and Earth are one and the same. The sky and playa were my heart aflame.

It was the same emboldening aura I had seen embodied in my friend the entire evening. My courage. My bravery which had been contained to an entity, who had been the source of my strength for much of the evening, now was smeared across the earth as if it were a great canvas, with the message "Do not fear me! I am the world and all of me is glorious! You are strong enough to endure all of me! You are a part of me! You belong here!"

I falter behind for a moment, turning to view the panoramic around me. My breath catches in my throat. I look up, then to my shoes. I look to the sun now fully crested over the mountains in the east, blazing a red like I have never seen. My eyes burn and I realize I am crying. C, noticing I am no longer at their side, turns around to return for me. They stare into me for a moment (I could have sworn those eyes bored into my very soul) and without missing a beat they ask, brows slightly furrowed,

"What's wrong?"

A wave of acceptance was crashing over me, bowling me over. For the world around me, this human being standing before me, and myself.
I felt this was strength.
This was being.
For the first time in a long time, it felt really good to be me.

I stammer for a moment, grasping.
The ineffibility of this experience robbed me of the right words. I could not process exactly what I was feeling at the moment, how on earth could I explain in a way they would possibly understand? I look at C and with all the eloquence I can muster, tear stricken face and an emerging smile, I say,

"This world is so damn beautiful."

Edited by BobaJones (10/27/15 04:27 PM)

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OfflineHanz
Freak & Gentleman
Male


Registered: 08/02/15
Posts: 2,932
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: Adventures in Burning Man ft. candyflipping and a dose of courage. [Re: BobaJones]
    #22427819 - 10/24/15 03:30 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Beautiful report. You have a nice way of describing the magic of moments.

I'd love to go to burning man some day. But for me it means flying to the other end of the world.

When everyone is sober, it might be an idea to gently explain to your friend B that trippers don't set rules for each other? Perhaps before the trip, and in mutual consent, but certainly not one-way and in the high. I guess you understand this pretty well though.

Oh, and my big love started out as long distance. Only after about 18 months did we move to the same town. No regrets. Courage can also mean to just go for it and step over all the reasons for being "just friends". Reasons are for business, not for love.

Hope to see you around!
Love, Hanz.


--------------------
Small scale alternative parties rich in empathy and extravagance. Happen to know of one in the vicinity of Amsterdam? PM me my dear fellow. I love to meet some other freaks.

Oh and, if you can,.. embrace the nyctomorph. It needs you.

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InvisibleBobaJones
Good Trip Gurpgork
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Registered: 03/01/15
Posts: 149
Loc: Far out, man
Re: Adventures in Burning Man ft. candyflipping and a dose of courage. [Re: Hanz]
    #22435800 - 10/26/15 12:20 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Maybe one day! And there's a lot of magic to be held in other parts of the world, Burning Man definitely doesn't have a monopoly on it.

It was the strangest thing, I had tripped with A and C before (individually), but never B. I had never had anyone try to set rules or expectations on me! But yes, it's good to stand your ground when you know something isn't seeming totally kosher.

Thank you for the love encouragement. At this point its mostly C who is hesitant. Which is fine. I'll continue being my awesome self, and eventually they will make up their minds. Or they wont. They will always have a place in my heart. :heart:


--------------------
Woah

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OfflineHanz
Freak & Gentleman
Male


Registered: 08/02/15
Posts: 2,932
Loc: Amsterdam
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: Adventures in Burning Man ft. candyflipping and a dose of courage. [Re: BobaJones]
    #22435979 - 10/26/15 01:04 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Recently, in Amsterdam, we had the ADM festival, which has been called Burning Man-small scale. It is much smaller, about 1 square km at most. But we have the flame throwers, the spiders walking on stilts, the circus crowds, the music tents, the Tesla Coil (great one, that), and all kinds of artists who live on the compound presenting their work. All very international and alternative. It was awesome.

It's that kind of party I'm looking for in my signature... So yes, we have them too, and there is plenty of magic on an average day in Amsterdam. Visit us one day!

:heart: Hanz.


--------------------
Small scale alternative parties rich in empathy and extravagance. Happen to know of one in the vicinity of Amsterdam? PM me my dear fellow. I love to meet some other freaks.

Oh and, if you can,.. embrace the nyctomorph. It needs you.

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InvisibleMr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter
I'm a teapot

Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
Re: Adventures in Burning Man ft. candyflipping and a dose of courage. [Re: BobaJones]
    #22436272 - 10/26/15 02:31 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

beautifully written man.  you did a good job of putting the indescribable into words.


I need to get back out there :aum:


--------------------
I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart.
I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.

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OfflinePsychedelicGinge
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Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 707
Last seen: 7 years, 6 days
Re: Adventures in Burning Man ft. candyflipping and a dose of courage. [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
    #22514751 - 11/12/15 04:21 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Great report! I loved the last bit a lot where you were crying. Crying on L to me is a good sign most of the time haha.

No offense to your friend B but it sounds like he might have a little bit of some weird psychological complex. To lay down rules like that so sternly and give off that strange vibe would get me a little pissed off and I'd honestly probably get mad at anyone forcing themselves to be a leader or something. I know I've definitely done it before when someone close to me begins to talk about all the amazing things they're capable of that they're going to teach me. I never asked for anything to be taught to me and the sense of entitlement just freaks me out.

Who knows though, it could be because he was tripping. I just know I don't have a lot of tolerance for people who start to act like they're higher in authority than other people when they trip.


--------------------
Do not let psychedelics allow you to think lower of people who haven't done them or don't plan on doing them because "they don't know the truth". Let your enlightenment acknowledge that everyone is equal and that no one is inferior. This mentality goes against what they are meant for.
By the way, everything typed on this account is completely fictional and all for the purpose of entertainment.

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InvisibleBobaJones
Good Trip Gurpgork
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Registered: 03/01/15
Posts: 149
Loc: Far out, man
Re: Adventures in Burning Man ft. candyflipping and a dose of courage. [Re: PsychedelicGinge]
    #22515763 - 11/12/15 08:54 PM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Thank you!

And no offense taken. I have always sensed something dark in him, even when sober. Like if we go to walk A's dog, he is very controlling. Not bad company for the most part, he can be a very funny man, but I don't think I would trip with him again. I set my own rules.


--------------------
Woah

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OfflinePsychedelicGinge
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Registered: 11/06/13
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Last seen: 7 years, 6 days
Re: Adventures in Burning Man ft. candyflipping and a dose of courage. [Re: BobaJones]
    #22516409 - 11/13/15 12:04 AM (8 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

BobaJones said:
Thank you!

And no offense taken. I have always sensed something dark in him, even when sober. Like if we go to walk A's dog, he is very controlling. Not bad company for the most part, he can be a very funny man, but I don't think I would trip with him again. I set my own rules.



Yeah I remember seeing one of my brother's friend at a festival who I met just once before and he starts to try and lead me to do whatever he's doing. After I realized that we weren't even heading to the music I was just like "dude, I gotta see the music, later" and he just gave me this disappointing look. It kinda made me pissed since I paid to go watch music at a music festival and he's getting butthurt because I want to do just that.


--------------------
Do not let psychedelics allow you to think lower of people who haven't done them or don't plan on doing them because "they don't know the truth". Let your enlightenment acknowledge that everyone is equal and that no one is inferior. This mentality goes against what they are meant for.
By the way, everything typed on this account is completely fictional and all for the purpose of entertainment.

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