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Offlineashfiken
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Registered: 09/06/06
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Married/together but the kids ain't yours!?
    #16479622 - 07/04/12 10:01 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Are you married/together with someone who had a previous relationship in which the outcome was a child/children.???
How do you handle this/ make it ok for yourself to Care for these children/relationship.
Pride gets in my way. Disgustingly enough.
This is provided the other parent was not military and died in combat or like a car accident or something. Given the other is still alive In other words whether an active part of the child/s life or not.

I wanna know how everyone else is able to cope.

Not bein nasty here as my father was one who obviously didn't mind this and the end product was me. :wink:

1L


--------------------
hmm...

"I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked."

"life isn't worth living without the threat of death"

"I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be"

"nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters"

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
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Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
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Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: ashfiken]
    #16480343 - 07/04/12 01:01 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

How do you handle this/ make it ok for yourself

I broke up with them every time.  Couldn't do that trip. :shrug: It's like walking in a minefield with your eyes shut tight.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Offlineashfiken
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Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,123
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Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: Icelander]
    #16480502 - 07/04/12 01:35 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Fuckin right.
The shit scares me and turns me the fuck off.
I can't figure out how others just "do" this.
To me it seems like they have to be bitch-made to deal with such a thing.
It's in no way logical in any sense.
Besides some poor sap may feel they are doing the "right" thing.
So in other words an emotional prick with nothing else to live for besides the good feeling of taking care of some (most likely) ignorant female and HER offspring?  Humph sounds like a hell of a life decision to me!
Pfft...
It's not really the "I'm a man and I want it to be mine and have been no else's";, it's really more of why the fuck would I ever even deal with that bs when I can love another just as well without such hindrances.
I'm at a loss.
Maybe bc these females have the power of tits,ass, and pussy, over the mans head?
So these poor fellows can only get and settle for the ones with the children?
It's still unfathomable for me to understand.
Man is capable of loving many, why pick one that entitles you to a bunch of bullshit?

Yeah best to dump em...
Even better to learn not to go there, eh?

1L


--------------------
hmm...

"I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked."

"life isn't worth living without the threat of death"

"I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be"

"nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters"

My Trade List

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: ashfiken]
    #16480824 - 07/04/12 02:41 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

ashfiken said:
Fuckin right.
The shit scares me and turns me the fuck off.
I can't figure out how others just "do" this.
To me it seems like they have to be bitch-made to deal with such a thing.
It's in no way logical in any sense.
Besides some poor sap may feel they are doing the "right" thing.
So in other words an emotional prick with nothing else to live for besides the good feeling of taking care of some (most likely) ignorant female and HER offspring?  Humph sounds like a hell of a life decision to me!
Pfft...
It's not really the "I'm a man and I want it to be mine and have been no else's";, it's really more of why the fuck would I ever even deal with that bs when I can love another just as well without such hindrances.
I'm at a loss.
Maybe bc these females have the power of tits,ass, and pussy, over the mans head?
So these poor fellows can only get and settle for the ones with the children?
It's still unfathomable for me to understand.
Man is capable of loving many, why pick one that entitles you to a bunch of bullshit?

Yeah best to dump em...
Even better to learn not to go there, eh?

1L




Maybe bc these females have the power of tits,ass, and pussy, over the mans head?

Well that and the fear of being a loner.  Anyway some guys can do it and enjoy it. It just doesn't work for some of us at all.  You have to deal with kids you didn't bring up.  If they have problems from poor upbringing you will just have to likely grin and bare it.  That's not for me.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Offlineashfiken
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Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,123
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Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: Icelander]
    #16480951 - 07/04/12 03:01 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

:facepalm:

It's sad.
Yes. Being a loner sucks, but settling for something of that caliber, I wouldn't dare.
I know some fellas enjoy/like/love it.
Guess better them than us.
Not at all for me, blech. Particularly the grinning and bearing it part...
Maybe I'm too selfish/spoiled in some way and will only accept  optimal situations/relationships for my life, maybe I'm wrong for that, but it sure as hell looks ALOT better than all the other scenarios I see.


1L


--------------------
hmm...

"I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked."

"life isn't worth living without the threat of death"

"I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be"

"nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters"

My Trade List

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InvisibleSleepwalker
Overshoes

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: ashfiken]
    #16480975 - 07/04/12 03:06 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Is it selfish to not want to deal with the outcomes of other people's selfish decisions?  Maybe.  Do I give a shit?  Nope, thank blank.

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
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Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: ashfiken]
    #16481030 - 07/04/12 03:19 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

ashfiken said:
:facepalm:

It's sad.
Yes. Being a loner sucks, but settling for something of that caliber, I wouldn't dare.
I know some fellas enjoy/like/love it.
Guess better them than us.
Not at all for me, blech. Particularly the grinning and bearing it part...
Maybe I'm too selfish/spoiled in some way and will only accept  optimal situations/relationships for my life, maybe I'm wrong for that, but it sure as hell looks ALOT better than all the other scenarios I see.


1L





It's not wrong or right, you is what you is and if you recognize that and accept it you eliminate a lot of grief from your life.  However everything has it's price and you need to be able to pay or you just live in that limbo/hell of not being in one place or the other.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Offlineashfiken
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Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,123
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Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: Icelander]
    #16481177 - 07/04/12 04:01 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Hmm limbo/hell sounds like life. On the daily haha but no.
I try to minimise the grief but its more of a state of being appalled by the actions/digressions of others in relation to my sometimes precarious relationships of what ever kind they be.
In turn I have stopped grinning and bearing with quite a bit bc fuck any grief others put upon me... I've never hurt anyone without circumstance! And for what I have done without circumstance I've paid for.

But albeit I'm damn good at paying the price I've done that a lot already in quite a few different ways in my Little life. it's just a whole other sphere with me in regards to myself attempting to exist as best i can and a great part of me goes into building that...everyday fervently... As funny a saying that is...
and the you is you part, alas, you are completely right and i must just accept it.
But I know me pretty well I'm just trying to find where I can do my duty of living life best...
thank you much for this discussion.
1L


--------------------
hmm...

"I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked."

"life isn't worth living without the threat of death"

"I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be"

"nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters"

My Trade List

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineJwlst
Stranger

Registered: 02/24/05
Posts: 1,338
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: ashfiken]
    #16482162 - 07/04/12 07:32 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Well they do say it is better to live one day as a lion, than a hundred as a sheep.



Which means if you take over a household that is not yours, you would be best to eat the young of the previous male inhabitant.

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Offlineashfiken
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Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,123
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Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: Jwlst]
    #16482665 - 07/04/12 10:08 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

HFY ROARRRRR BITCHES!!
Hahahs

1L


--------------------
hmm...

"I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked."

"life isn't worth living without the threat of death"

"I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be"

"nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters"

My Trade List

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinekovahXhavok
Research In Motion


Registered: 07/02/12
Posts: 46
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: ashfiken]
    #16483130 - 07/04/12 11:44 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I was raised in this situation and I think that it is only after reminding yourself that regardless of whose sex made the kid, its the raising of the child that deems you a dad.  And once that is out of the way its a matter of being a father figure period I guess..
God knows I'm not cut out for that yet if ever..

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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: kovahXhavok]
    #16483505 - 07/05/12 01:45 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

very few imo are truly cut out for parenthood or have the potential to raise up somewhat healthy humans.  Maybe one out of one hundred  that currently parent.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineashfiken
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Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,123
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Re: Married/together but the kids ain't yours!? [Re: kovahXhavok]
    #16483954 - 07/05/12 06:20 AM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

kovahXhavok said:
I was raised in this situation and I think that it is only after reminding yourself that regardless of whose sex made the kid, its the raising of the child that deems you a dad.  And once that is out of the way its a matter of being a father figure period I guess..
God knows I'm not cut out for that yet if ever..




I realize the raising of the child is what matters as far as who is truly the parent. But I couldn't bring myself to raise anothers child. Realistically I think ice's numbers are right very few are actually able to raise healthy children and I want to be responsible for doing so, AT my own risk, and on my own time...
In other words I couldn't just, "push out of the way" the fact a
Human I'm caring for isn't my creation... And therefore, would not put myself in such a situation
1L


--------------------
hmm...

"I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked."

"life isn't worth living without the threat of death"

"I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be"

"nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters"

My Trade List

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
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