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Anonymous #1

Tales of a Craigslist hookup
    #13430080 - 11/03/10 05:09 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

When I emailed the self proclaimed "BBW," seeking to be pleasured for a 'couple hours,' part of me expected her to be some old man trolling for naked pics on the casual encounters section of craigslist. The truth is arguably worse, as told in this mind-blowing, boner-killing expose of online debauchery gone horribly nasty.

**Disclaimer: All of the events in this story are true. No embellishment of any kind has been added for entertainment or any other purpose. Names have been changed just in case fatty browses The Shroomery.


With over a decade of frequent masturbation but very little real sexual experience, I, the RP, had become bored of internet porn. I started browsing Craigslist casual encounters, and despite the fact that every ad I responded to were trolling for pics, I started enjoying the rush I felt every time I saw that a new email had come in. It didn't matter if you were a dominatrix looking for a slave, a fat girl looking for a b/f, or an ugly chick just wanting to get laid, if you convinced me that the post was genuine, I responded.

Two weekends ago my heart rate increased and my pupils dilated once again as I saw an unread email in my inbox. It was from Vivian, and it had attachments, which are always interesting. Viv was a BBW seeking a boy toy to pleasure her for a couple hours on the weekend. She wanted massages, to have her nipples suckled on, head, and possibly sex. The attached pictures showed her honesty. A size 26 with fat rolls larger than her breasts, Viv was morbidly obese, which the RP has always found disgusting. She was hispanic and about 25 years old. The email correspondence was as follows:

Viv: Are you attentive? I need someone who will worship me selflessly and is ok with my weight.
RP: Very much so. I am your pet, you're my Goddess. Whatever you want goes. I attached a pic for you.
Viv: You're cute, pet, when can you meet me?
RP: Right now if you like, all I need is an address.

Thirty minutes later I was clean shaven and on my way to Viv's apartment. In a state of nervousness I missed her apartment complex and was texting to her that I really was coming as I flipped around, popping an altoid mint. When I arrived, I sat in the car trying to out argue the little voice in my head telling me to bail and just go hit on drunk chicks. I won and walked shakily up to her door, again hesitating for some minutes before knocking.

The moments before the door opened were intense. Preposterous imaginations of a friend answering and then laughing at me blew through my head as fast as thoughts do during a mushroom trip comedown. The door cracked open. It was dark. The gargantuan silhouette of a Wal*Mart-fat woman stood in the dark like one of those green pig like creatures in Jabba's Palace.

"Hi pet, come in," Viv said. I gulped and felt my feet move forward.

If you'd like me to continue reply favorably and I'll get to the good parts.

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Anonymous #2

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #13430102 - 11/03/10 05:12 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

wtf tell us asshole

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Anonymous #3

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13430112 - 11/03/10 05:15 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

dood, i am on the edge of my freakin seat here, don't let me lose my boner

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Anonymous #4

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #13430118 - 11/03/10 05:16 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Is this like "choose your own adventure?"

I choose:  "you go see viv, continue to post 3"

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Anonymous #5

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #13430152 - 11/03/10 05:22 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

dude is bored and making shit up.  I think he fancies himself some type of writer

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Anonymous #1

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #13430217 - 11/03/10 05:32 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #5 said:
dude is bored and making shit up.  I think he fancies himself some type of writer




Nope, while I do fancy myself an above average writer, this is all 100% true. More to come in a few minutes, I'll finish the story.

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Anonymous #5

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13430279 - 11/03/10 05:46 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I don't understand you find her type morbidly disgusting the same as I but you agreed to her wishes of pleasuring her, aka jabba the hut?  I don't see how any good can come of this unless u robbed her of all her twinkies that would be bonus

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Anonymous #6

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #13430297 - 11/03/10 05:50 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

lets hear it!

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Anonymous #7

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #13430352 - 11/03/10 06:01 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Holy fuck, you can't leave us hanging like that. WTF!

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Anonymous #8

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #13430359 - 11/03/10 06:04 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

In before Bel-Air.

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Anonymous #9

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #13430425 - 11/03/10 06:19 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Hurry up RP I am losing my boner

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Anonymous #10

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #13430517 - 11/03/10 06:34 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

hry up

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Anonymous #11

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #10]
    #13430522 - 11/03/10 06:36 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Dude WTF. Op def made up this shit so it takes him awhile to come up with good story

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Anonymous #12

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #10]
    #13430539 - 11/03/10 06:39 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Lets get to the  :FattyNoneck:  :ass2mouth:

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Anonymous #1

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13430618 - 11/03/10 06:58 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I was noticeably nervous to Viv, who told me to calm down and follow her into the back room. She mentioned that the house was in disarray due to a party she'd thrown the night before, but I suspected that it was always this way, because she was a fat slob by nature. I kicked my sandals off and chased after her into her room.

As I turned the corner she was standing there waiting for me. She grabbed me and caught me by surprise, pulling me in for a kiss. I missed her lips and kissed her chin; the stubble was rough on my tongue. I was grossed out and almost turned around to leave, but halted as she said, "Hurry up dude, take your clothes off." I conceded and stripped naked in front of her.

Being in decent shape and having a flat stomach in stark contrast to her own, she eyed me up and down like a piece of cake. She was wearing a mumu like obese people sometimes do, it's a long shirt that gives the wearer the ability to not stuff their fat ass into pants. She tried to look seductive as she took it off but failed miserably.

Viv laid face down on the bed and told me to use the Sensual Touch KY to massage her. I squirted it on her back and began rubbing. I'd never put my hands on a fat person before, and found it difficult to massage her, imagining that she couldn't possibly feel my fingers through the fatty tissue. When I was a child, I loved sea animals and Sea World was one of my favorite places. One time the flamboyantly gay Shamu trainer actually let me come to the feeding platform and pet the killer whale. I was pleasantly surprised that massaging an obese girl with lube felt very similar to that experience, and used this as my happy place throughout my time with Viv.

I massaged her for a good half hour, and I really didn't want to, but my desire to get laid overcame my disgusted frustration. All that internet porn got me thinking that it would be hot to eat a girl's ass, so when I backed off from the massage, I starting kissing her rear. That fantasy turned out to be garbage, as her ass reeked of sweat and shit. I thank myself today for not venturing into her abyss of an ass-crack.

She flipped over on her back, and watching her make this maneuver resembled what I can only describe as what it would look like to roll a bale of hay in a pit of thick, sticky tar. Her fat rolls moved something like a thick mescaline sludge or molasses. I crawled up to eye level and we made out for a little while before I moved on to her neck and then down to her tits.

Her udders weren't bad. They were proportionately big, and she really seemed to enjoy me sucking on them, moving my tongue in a circular motion around the nipple. I did this for as long as I could, hoping to avoid anything more unpleasant. Of course that was not enough for her. She put her hand on top of my head and pushed down. I knew what she wanted.

As I slid down her stomach she opened her legs wide. I took a deep breath and kissed down her belly towards her snatch. The shitty part about eating out an obese chick is that if she wraps her legs around you, you'll suffocate. The other shitty part about it is having to hold up her layers of fat while simultaneously spreading her pussy lips and licking her clitoris, which seems extraordinarily small against the back drop of a solid 100lbs of blubber. I did it anyway, and it was terrible.

She stopped moaning and I could feel the awkwardness thick in the air as I choked and gagged due to the rank odor emanating from her holy of holies. I finally found a comfortable position that allowed me to breathe through only my mouth and I got to business. I have an oral fixation and it worked in her favor, she came after a few minutes and I was relieved to come up for air as she couldn't take any more stimulation.

That was when things got awkward. I could tell nobody had give her this much attention in some time, and she was ready to fuck, but RP Jr. was not. She rubbed on my balls for quite some time, and tried to jerk me hard, but I just couldn't do it. It started hurting as she tugged at my flaccid cock, so I told her to stop.

"What's wrong?" she asked, playing coy.
"I don't know, it must be that goddamn flu shot," I lied, never having actually had one.

She wasn't gonna let me off the hook that easily, so with great effort she rolled over and began to give me head. They say that fat chicks give the best head, but hers was terrible. Even in my soft state her use of teeth was noticeable, and she barely used tongue at all, probably because she inhales food rather than eating it.

I closed my eyes and imagined my best friends' little sister giving the BJ, but still could not get hard. Regardless, Viv sucked and sucked on my uncooperative penis for a solid five minutes before looking at me with disappointment. "Get hard, pet, I want you to fuck me."

I had her roll over to some crude form of doggy style and started fingering her again, I even brushed the head of my dick against her warm pussy but RP Jr. was not having it. I tried controlling my breathing and massaging my own taint, but still nothing, so I rubbed her clit and fingered her to orgasm once more.

She yanked me by the hair up to her breasts again, and I sucked on her tits while she continued her quest to get me hard. We kissed some more and then she got offended when I made a face and spit out a piece of food that must've been stuck to her teeth. I nearly threw up but instead resumed tonguing her neck.

She realized that I wasn't going to get hard and told me that even though I couldn't get it up, she enjoyed the orgasms and wanted me to come back sometime. I told her I would, and after getting dressed she walked to the door with me.

As I walked to my car the sun hit my face and after my eyes adjusted, I saw a beautiful early 20s girl walking her dog look right at me. Again my thoughts raced as I pondered, "Does she know who lives in the apartment I just walked out of? What if Viv has Craigslist encounters regularly and this girl knows what just happened? Do I reek of fat girl pussy?"

The last thought immediately made me conscious of the fact that I did smell like her rank vagina, and as I looked at this beautiful girl 10 yards away from me, I projectile vomited into the grass. The strange girl's eyes widened and she walked quickly away, tugging her purse dog along with her.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #11]
    #13430639 - 11/03/10 07:03 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #5 said:
I don't understand you find her type morbidly disgusting the same as I but you agreed to her wishes of pleasuring her, aka jabba the hut?  I don't see how any good can come of this unless u robbed her of all her twinkies that would be bonus




What can I say, I'm a masochist with submissive tendencies who desperately wanted some sexual experience, regardless of who it was with.

Quote:

Anonymous #11 said:
Dude WTF. Op def made up this shit so it takes him awhile to come up with good story




Again, I haven't made a single part of this story up except her name. It takes time to communicate just how horrible this was, nobody would care if I posted, "I massaged, ate out, fingered, and made out with a morbidly obese Craigslist girl who needed to shave her facial hair and the yakked when I left."

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Anonymous #13

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13430876 - 11/03/10 07:48 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

fuck thats so hot

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Anonymous #14

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #13]
    #13430912 - 11/03/10 07:53 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Massaging a fat chick is nothing like petting an orca.

Ima call BS.

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Anonymous #15

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13431216 - 11/03/10 09:08 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I give you props man you handled that shit like a champ

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Anonymous #16

Re: Tales of a Craigslist hookup [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #13431403 - 11/03/10 09:53 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
The last thought immediately made me conscious of the fact that I did smell like her rank vagina, and as I looked at this beautiful girl 10 yards away from me, I projectile vomited into the grass. The strange girl's eyes widened and she walked quickly away, tugging her purse dog along with her.





Hail to the king, baby. Too bad this is anon, you deserve +5 for this.

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