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 Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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 I want to destroy something 
#1340854 - 02/27/03 01:09 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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probably a result of an intense lack of stimulation...
half the time I feel completely zenned out and at peace with things, aware of myself developing and learning, smoldering the traces of social anxiety left in me, and totally in love with just being alive...
then I feel like I come back down to earth and see my situation and how fucking boring my life is right now... stuck here in this little fucking room... going nowheres. everything else feels like an escape or a distraction from this bitter reality. gah... im furious with myself for letting it go on this long before actually addressing it...
i've been getting really stressed out, wanting to rip someone's throat out of their neck and watch them cough up blood while breaking my knuckles on their face. i want to smash everything in my room, i want to pick up this computer monitor and hurl it out the winow and watch it smash into a thousand pieces...
i feel this overwhelming anger of all the bullshit going on in the world. i can't stand it, and I can't do jack shit about anything..
i can't even get my own life together... i can't even keep up in my own fucking college classes.. if i had an ounce of common sense and motivation I could pull shit together, but no I waste my time thinking about bullshit. running around in the same mental circles, doing anything to escape personal responsibility. there's always some fuckin bullshit going on in my head to distract me from what I should be doing. always some "spiritual" nonsense pulling me away from a path i have to walk. i've tooled around in my head enough to last me two lifetimes...
god i want to grab every ignorant dogmatic motherfucker and bash their head against a brick wall
just die you pathetic fucks. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i've also stopped smoking weed cold turkey, so that might have something to do with this
as pissy as i think it's making me, I feel really good about it, definately feels like i'm starting to move in the right direction. my head is really clearing up.
for me marijuana is a seperate reality that I can't deal with right now until I get this one figured out. i wouldn't have to totally stop like this but if I smoke at all it just leads to smoking every day...
Addictive? no. cuz theres nothing else to do in this piece of shit town. FUCK this place.
ive also started excercizing alot which is helping also.
i cant wait for Mudvayne mar.6, a good moshpit is really what i need right now.
well thanks for reading my gigantic bitch-fest 
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Sombie
Moonrock eater
Registered: 12/07/02
Posts: 2,643
Loc: Stafford, Virginia
Last seen: 14 years, 1 month
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 Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Grav]
#1340879 - 02/27/03 01:19 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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Get a fire pit, make fire in it (with no "starter logs" or any bull shit like that) It feels good to make your own fire, if you have trouble, dried up pine trees and bamboo works good to get it started. You will feel like you are accoplishing something, and you can burn whatever you want, to vent distructive feelings.
I once had the same fire going for 3 days (I would go there the next day, and blow on the embers to get it going again) made me feel pretty good, kind of an unexplainable feeling. Try that.
--------------------
"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable." - Hunter S Thompson
Check out Agio
Follow my NFL Blog
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 Zero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland
Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Grav]
#1340886 - 02/27/03 01:22 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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maybe you should have taken this to support group central... lol  ive been in a simmilar situation though, maybe your going in the wrong direction all together and need to re think re arrange priorities and or ideas about your life? lol its alright man dont go crazy and start KNOCKING people the fuck out  . i dont really get angry anymore, only when i see something really stupid happen then i just hold it in, maybe its unhealthy but hey theres enough of that in the world dont need anymore. it takes a real effort to try and get that shit fixed, getting angry might spin you off in the wrong direction as well. yes this world is fucked up, and sadly there is not much we can do about it. just do what you can, one day at a time, ive lived in the same 3 mile radius for 17 years, but i have some good friends which makes it bearable. hang in their kiddy, dont jump off the boat, you might need it one day  .
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What?
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Zero7a1]
#1340964 - 02/27/03 01:56 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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dont take any of that too literally, i am a very peaceful person, and as soon as i'm actually around people I usually feel good about things for some reason. i only get in violent moods when im alone and bored out of my fuckin skull
just imagining intense violence like that is sort of satisfying
good suggestion, Sombie... some labourous physical activity like that would be helpful
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Swami
Eggshell Walker
Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Grav]
#1341021 - 02/27/03 02:52 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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Try:
Destroying your ego.
Shattering your illusions.
Decimating your limiting beliefs.
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The proof is in the pudding.
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Swami]
#1341035 - 02/27/03 03:04 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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i already did that
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Murex
Reality Hacker
Registered: 07/28/02
Posts: 3,599
Loc: Traped in a shell.
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Grav]
#1341612 - 02/27/03 08:33 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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I hear ya man. I sorta get like that. I usually just go to sleep or do some art and later I forget what I was feeling before.
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What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
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Shroomism
Space Travellin
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension
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 Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Grav]
#1341698 - 02/27/03 10:08 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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Sombie is right... FIRE is what you need. A few hours with a good fire will have you burning away those energies in no time. Pick a spot in nature and dedicate a day for release. Concentrate on the flame, seek wisdom, always respect.
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flow
outlaw immortal
Registered: 11/20/02
Posts: 496
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Grav]
#1342584 - 02/28/03 08:55 AM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
god i want to grab every ignorant dogmatic motherfucker and bash their head against a brick wall
just die you pathetic fucks. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
before you do this find John Ashcroft.
that will make you feel much better 
(until you get ass-raped in the penn)
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minusrestraint
i came to BRINGTHE PAIN. andthe punch :D.
Registered: 09/04/02
Posts: 1,093
Loc: a star but i see you fine
Last seen: 19 years, 2 months
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Grav]
#1342651 - 02/28/03 09:38 AM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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DUDE! HOLY FUCK.
this if how i feel almost EVERY day. i hate everything around me so much, but i cant seem to get myself out of the trench, no matter how hard i try.
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"is there a doctor in the house?
we like fuck that, nut sacks in yo mouth
lemme show you what a thug about
we can talk or we can slug it out"
-cisco kid
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3eyedgod
trippinkid
Registered: 11/24/02
Posts: 684
Loc: Far away and very near
Last seen: 20 years, 8 months
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Grav]
#1342672 - 02/28/03 09:51 AM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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In the past when I've gotten real angry and violent feeling I'd destroy inanimate objects (of no material value). Get some cardboard boxes and whatever and just obliterate them all. Get a pile of wood, an axe, and chop the fuck out of that shit. Go on destroying until you are phisically exhausted. Always worked for me.
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Without everything wouldn't nothing be everything and without nothing wouldn't everything be nothing.I am the beginning and the end,the source and the void, the light and the darkness,i am but a small drop of the ocean yet i am an ocean unto myself
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TheHateCamel
Research &Development -DBK
Registered: 01/31/03
Posts: 15,738
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Grav]
#1342959 - 02/28/03 11:48 AM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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.
Edited by TheHateCamel (12/05/07 08:29 PM)
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ClosetCase
but only inwinter
Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 295
Loc: Somewhere rubbing my nugs...
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Grav]
#1343051 - 02/28/03 12:24 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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Get an ax! When ever you have a build-up of violent energy just go chop up whatever you feel like. Make a trip to the thrift store and get some cheap furniture, dishes ...whatever.
Trust me, chopping apart a sofa you will get you in a relaxed state again. 
Otherwise you can try jumping out of second/third story windows onto matresses. This can be quite fun, but dangerous too.
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"as your attourney I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top, and you'll need the cocaine.."
"well.. why not? I mean if anything's worth doing, it's worth doing right. THIS IS THE AMERICAN DREAM IN ACTION"
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Pyromoose
Stranger
Registered: 02/28/03
Posts: 3
Loc: USA
Last seen: 21 years, 1 month
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: ClosetCase]
#1343505 - 02/28/03 04:30 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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Fire is unbelievable. Just building it and then watching it while you sketch or whittle or converse is really satisfying. Periodically i'll get really sick of the way things are in America, i.e. How by some coincidence once we occupy Iraqs oil fields, Dick Chaney's company gets to control them. But then i think if i cant't do shit about it then its not mine to worry about. And violence never sates me like intellgent conversation.
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A paperclip is the larval stage of a coat hanger.
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Murex
Reality Hacker
Registered: 07/28/02
Posts: 3,599
Loc: Traped in a shell.
Last seen: 16 years, 7 months
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: TheHateCamel]
#1343568 - 02/28/03 05:12 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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How about only smoking weed when your want to kill people. Not smoking weed will help you get some shit together.
LOL!
--------------------
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
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Grav
Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: TheHateCamel]
#1344193 - 03/01/03 12:39 AM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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I don't think I can smoke weed again until my situation is changed here... it makes me feel trapped now.
I like that fire idea alot but it's sort of easier said than done for me, I don't have a vehicle, and all my friends with vehicles would be like 'fuck that'... maybe when it gets a little warmer around here I can start taking up projects like that.
I think I am not taking life seriously enough... i've refused to for the longest time, and I think i'm pissed for getting myself trapped in this bleak, boring ass situation because of that...
but anyways, I feel alot more chilled out now.. just writing that post helped me vent alot, I encourage anyone else to do the same, dont worry about making sense or not just let your fingers go.
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Fcuerkt
insane visionary
Registered: 11/11/02
Posts: 371
Loc: the center of a xenon ato...
Last seen: 19 years, 11 months
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Grav]
#1344643 - 03/01/03 08:20 AM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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The fire thing is a great idea. I'm in the middle of a city, so I'll have to do it in a trash can. But it's still cool.
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Vulture
Pursuer ofWisdom
Registered: 06/18/02
Posts: 3,546
Loc: SC
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Fcuerkt]
#1345069 - 03/01/03 01:06 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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omg...you sound exactly like me...cept i dont really focus on viokence...i just get pissed and feel like im going crazy ...like GOD DAMNIT IM DRIVING MYSELF INSANE WTF AM I GONNA DO WITH MY LIFE. THIS ISNT WHAT I WANT...WTF I WANT TO GO LIVE IN SWITSERLAND ALL PEACEFULL AND SHIT BUT HOW!?!?!
i jsut get so pissed i dotn know what to do...i cant keep up with my classes either...i mean i could but its like procrastination jsut takes over every thing that i am....i jsut fucking want to run away from everything in my life and fucking live in peace somewhere in the mountains of swizerland with a wife...but i dont want to hurt anyone in my familly or my friends...ii just ton want to live the same fucking meaningless life as everyone else in the god damn usited states.....
but yeah beating the shit out of carboard boxed with a golfclub works...cept the end broke off of it and then sliced a HUGE GASH in my fucking hand!! god damnit cant i get anything right FUCK!
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Work like you dont need the money.
Love like you never been hurt.
Dance like nobody is watching.
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Sombie
Moonrock eater
Registered: 12/07/02
Posts: 2,643
Loc: Stafford, Virginia
Last seen: 14 years, 1 month
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Vulture]
#1345085 - 03/01/03 01:19 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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Yeah you should build a fire to, its distructive and peacful at the same time, so you vent frustrations and still have time to think about things in your life, and what you want to do to fix them, but if it starts to worry you to much, you can just occupy your mind with the fire, and let your brain relax.
Poking fire is very nice, nothing is important then, all you have to worry about is getting the fire going. It will let you relax, I bet after a few hours with that, doing things that you ussally put off wont be so hard.
Atleast thats how it works in my experince.
--------------------
"America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable." - Hunter S Thompson
Check out Agio
Follow my NFL Blog
Edited by Sombie (03/01/03 01:21 PM)
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Vulture
Pursuer ofWisdom
Registered: 06/18/02
Posts: 3,546
Loc: SC
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Re: I want to destroy something [Re: Sombie]
#1345162 - 03/01/03 02:12 PM (21 years, 1 month ago) |
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i like to meditate....i often do taht to get my mind off stuff...but i still never get shit done :/ i always end up geting ont he computer or turning ont he tv or something.
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Work like you dont need the money.
Love like you never been hurt.
Dance like nobody is watching.
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