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Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe
Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 1,330
Loc: Altered States of Europe
Last seen: 8 hours, 38 minutes
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A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - delusions, mania & pans cyans 2
#12980363 - 07/31/10 09:05 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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“I have decided to create a new universe via a system of pure thought”
Sometimes you end up in a mushroom trip which is much stronger than you were expecting, and things get a bit weird. The first time this happened to me, it came as a bit of a shock.....
This was my third proper mushroom experience. The previous times, I'd started off with a small amount and re-dosed at intervals during the trip. I was beginning to feel more confident of my ability to handle strong trips, so I decided to eat a larger dose in one go – 12g of fresh pans cyans. I was planning to re-dose with another 12g during the trip, but this never happened – when the first dose kicked in, it kicked hard.
I'd got into the habit of jotting down notes during my trips, just to describe the experience, and as this trip intensified I carried on writing because I was too scared to do anything else. As the trip peaked I became more and more manic, and couldn't stop writing. The resulting pages of scrawl show a gradual descent into a very delusional state of mind. The quotes in the text are extracts taken from my notebook.
This experience happened a couple of years ago (this is an edited version of a report I posted on another website, long before I discovered the Shroomery). Looking back, I think it's a good demonstration of the bizarre mental states you can suddenly find yourself in when you take a little bit more than you can handle. This was not a particularly visual trip. This was a mindfuck.
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Enter the insane mind of Aldebaran:
I sit down on the bed in my hotel room, chewing up 12g of fresh pans cyans. I calculate that I'll have around half an hour before the mushrooms start to kick in, which should give me a chance to relax and rest after I've been walking around all day. Wrong.
Another mistake is that I've forgotten to charge my ipod, so there is only enough power for about an hour or so. Damn! I also forget to fill a bottle of water to drink, so during the trip I keep going to the bathroom to fill my tiny hotel glass with water.
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19:00 Ate one box Hawaiian mushrooms
19:07 Bitter aftertaste. Watching TMF [music channel] & drinking cup of tea
19:10 Mental State – fairly calm & relaxed
Not for long!
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19:13 Turn off TV, set ipod to shuffle. It’s slowly getting darker outside.
19:17 Already feeling slightly jumpy. Effects must be starting sooner due to larger dose.
I'm trying to set up the ipod recharger but I'm having difficulty plugging it into my adaptor for the European-style power sockets. I feel like a character in a science fiction film who is trying to shut down the experiment before it gets out of control. I give up - I get the sense that my capacity for complicated activities is rapidly diminishing.
At this point, reality seemed to be receding rather fast, and it was only going to get worse. I couldn't relate to the music I was listening to. A pervasive sense of weirdness was beginning to overtake me.
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19:26 Very strong closed-eye visuals. Feel intense overpowering sensation of mild nausea, release of reservoirs of serotonin or something. Bedcloth pattern becoming part of a nightclub backdrop to the jazz on my ipod. The batteries will run out fairly soon.
I wasn't feeling sick but was mentally disoriented - like a dream where you're clinging to the side of a building and don't know which way is up. There was a buzzing feeling in my head as though my brain was being re-wired from the inside. I was staring at the bedspread, the flower pattern on it was starting to move, but it almost seemed as though I was staring at the curtains inside a theater or something.
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19:30 False identity papers. Very intense trip. Richard H Kirk. Very little build-up, just straight into a full-on shit-storm of hallucinogenic-psychedelic dream. I won’t say nightmare...
Well, it was turning into a bit of a nightmare but I didn't want to admit that at the time. False Identity Papers is an acid-techno track by Richard H Kirk from the album LoopStatic. There is a repeated sample in which a female newsreader reads "Protesters lined the streets to demand the president's resignation…he was to leave for Argentina Monday morning with false identity papers." It's a very intense track and the words just seemed to lose meaning the more they were repeated. The doorframes and the frame around the mirror started to take on an unnatural glow, and the texture of the wood on the bathroom door seemed vividly intense whenever I looked at it.
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19:43 Blimey. That was a very strong come-up. It would be better to describe it as an attack…..it gets easier if you don’t try to fight it.
Listening to the music, I could feel myself being launched into a very strong trip, not comfortable at all. With my eyes closed I could see a black void in which fluorescent objects would appear, but I was becoming concerned about what might crawl out of this void. I was still aware of the difference between my mind and external reality, but during a mushroom trip you are to some extent living in your mind and I wasn't sure what I was going to have to share it with.
This was the most intense part of the trip (although not the weirdest) - I could feel myself panicking, and for a few seconds my throat was tightening so that I couldn't swallow properly. I was aware that it was just the effect of the mushrooms and could almost hear the advice they give to bad trippers - try to relax, it's just a drug and the effects will go away, but I was thinking "6 hours of this! Fuck!"
Will Aldebaran be saved from the brink of insanity or will he be devoured by the fluorescent creatures inside his mind?
Find out in the next episode of A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity
-------------------- I wrote that, but I meant something else
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kronic-lover
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Re: A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - delusions, mania & pans cyans [Re: Aldebaran]
#12980367 - 07/31/10 09:07 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Sounds like something I'd like to get my hands on...
"6 hours of this! Fuck!" = LOL hate when that happens!
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Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe
Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 1,330
Loc: Altered States of Europe
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Re: A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - delusions, mania & pans cyans [Re: Aldebaran]
#12980377 - 07/31/10 09:11 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - Part 2
In the previous installment I was rapidly going insane inside my hotel bedroom…
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19:46 There is a light switch. There is a TV. There is a door. There is a double-bed.
I’m feeling a bit fucked, and note these familiar objects to myself in order to stay sane. I sit on the edge of the bed and there is a cascade of imagery where my conscious thoughts slide from internal image to internal image and then back to the inside of the hotel room. It's like "extreme daydreaming" where random thoughts take me away from noticing the reality in front of me.
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19:47 I appear to have ordered a double-large mega-dose of 100% high grade mushrooms.
I am hungry. I am tired. I am sat in a hotel bedroom on my own.
This isn’t going well. I decide the best way to take control of the situation is to to write my way out of it, even if it's difficult. If I'm writing I'm doing something, rather than being at the mercy of whatever wells up out of my imagination. I have the feeling that there are mumbling creatures in my subconscious.
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19:49 As I said. My ipod battery has not got much charge on it but that hardly seems relevant when even just trying to write into a paperweight syntax-gobbling unpronounceable psychedelic canine shit-storm. Everything is coming in sideways. Last time it was easier because the reality was a digging process and rather mild.
My previous mushroom trip had featured a much more gradual descent into an internal world; this was more of a "psychedelic shit-storm" as I described it. I continue to write even though my thoughts are not connecting in the right way; hence the "syntax-gobbling."
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19:51 Today my ipod batteries are taking place in another world with unpronounceable yellow ribbons of sideways scribbling. My thoughts are leaking syntax. There is a voice inside my head which will tell me how to write if all the unpronounceable Welsh scribbling sideways idiots with sans-serif fonts we’re coming back from underground it’s been a long time soldier since all our thoughts were taking place in a literate order when reality was something that happened outside when scribbling sensible reality. Reality is something that happens on Wednesdays and Fridays. Today is a happy did I mention it’s quiet and it’s Thursday and when there are multiple voices in your head and you appear to be at the top of a small building with radically short batteries and you realize it’s quiet because the ipod ran out of power. Or did it?
At this point I'm just streaming words into my notebook and don't stop for nearly 3 hours. A lot of it is nonsensical but some of it makes me laugh.
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19:56 ...I can see outside if I open the curtains. This is incredible reality it’s outside. Everything is taking place twice. It’s an extravagant gesture but thankyou. You don’t need to switch on the TV when the reality is taking place in your head.
I'm referring to the philosophical idea that what we think of as external reality is actually the brain's internal model of reality; the actual reality described by science is real but the world we experience actually consists of internal brain activity. Hence everything "takes place twice" in the sense that it's in your head as a representation but also has an external physical reality.
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Everything is turning into everything else and when even your syntax is turning into a purple beeswax gibbering zombie with mumbling gibberish here we are again Susan who taught you to think?
Things are obviously serious when you have to worry about "purple beeswax gibbering zombies." I just had the feeling that if I didn't keep a lid on my subconscious the entire contents of the Amsterdam Tropenmuseum would probably spill out - in retrospect my closed-eye-visuals seemed to be heavily influenced by the dark spaces and freaky objects of that museum, including psychedelic zebras; images influenced by the stripy clay horses I'd seen in the museum.
I also seemed to lose the sort of "inner voice" where you think things to yourself without speaking. I was just writing without really forming the sentences up in my head.
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When reality is system-generated inside your head who needs TV? Who needs a sensible framework of ideas? Who needs a systematic system of thought when reality is taking place at the top of a tall building which actually exists but I’m remembering it. There is a reality that exists outside of my head but we went there yesterday and it all looked quite normal.
Oh Christ, here come the "sensible frameworks of ideas" and the "systems of thought" that get endlessly repeated in my notebook. My notes read like an automatic essay-writing machine that's gone horribly wrong.
N.B The “tall building” is the Post Office CS building in Amsterdam (now redeveloped) where I had lunch at a bar on the top floor. Most of my internal visual imagery during the trip (apart from the black void filled with fluorescent mumbling zebras) seemed to consist of vivid memories of my visit that day to the CS building, rather than the more usual psychedelic patterns.
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20:07 So we thought we’d return tomorrow with better syntax and a new framework of ideas and try out a few things that only exist inside my head and other things like this Biro which allow me to write into an organized system of thoughts which run on rails like an organized system of thought which is taking place since and although it would be easier if there was only one reality taking place at once inside my head we’ll have to make do won’t we?
20:12 I went to a museum this morning and now there is a radical new system of thought embedded in my head. We need one reality and if people are having lunch at the top of very large buildings with implausible waitresses Who needs to go outside when there is an exotic petting zoo of undigested(?) [illegible] sideways scribbling intelligible [illegible] psychotic mumbling idiots embedded in my head who even needs to go outside?
When exotic thoughts are systematically embedded into a hallucinogenic nightmare of unbelievable intensity who needs TV?
Oh great, I'm asking myself rhetorical questions. The TV isn't even switched on.
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....A very dangerous and possibly disorganized hallucinogenic assault of unnerving intensity is occurring in my head systematically embedded into my skull...
When turbo-charged mumbling exotic dinosaurs are embedded in my head who needs reality?
When there exist handkerchiefs in the bottom of long trousers you can be sure that your system of thought has been entrusted to a new system of exotic reasoning.
...When sideways collections of incomprehensible nonsense assault you from the bottom of an ill-conceived and very [illegible] [illegible] we can obviously deduce from the absence of...
When thoughts occur of alarming intensity that refuse to be organized into an intelligible framework of reasonable ideas I refuse to deal with them any longer.
When there exist exotic systems of pure thought at the bottom of pockets in rucksacks that we bought in 1998 it becomes clear that systems of intelligible grammar have allowed themselves to deteriorate into a system of unbearable complexity.
Will Aldebaran successfully escape from the deluge of incomprehensible nonsense before his biros run out of ink? What the hell is in his rucksack? Find out in the final exciting episode of A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity
-------------------- I wrote that, but I meant something else
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Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe
Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 1,330
Loc: Altered States of Europe
Last seen: 8 hours, 38 minutes
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Re: A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - delusions, mania & pans cyans [Re: Aldebaran]
#12980382 - 07/31/10 09:14 AM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - Part 3
We last saw Aldebaran under siege from an increasingly nonsensical deluge of random thoughts. I'd actually been looking for a Biro in my rucksack and apparently found an "exotic system of pure thought" in there aswell. Well I never.
Quote:
If a new and exotic collection of ideas has occurred outside I would like the opportunity to deal with it as an intruder to a world with shorter sentences and better pens and coherent frameworks of abstract reasoning with pens that work in new ways with better inks.
More reliable syntax is essential if the new universe is to be established. I have decided to create a new universe via a system of pure thought.
I appear to be thrilled with my ability to form sentences even if they have no real meaning. So thrilled that I feel the need to create a new universe to celebrate this.
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This new framework of intelligible ideas will start to assemble at 09:00 tomorrow at the top of the Post Office building (CS Tower) Amsterdam.
Oh dear. Now the megalomania sets in.
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LARGER POCKETS WITH BETTER BIROS THAT CAN BE CONVINCED TO ORGANIZE THEMSELVES INTO A NEW FRAMEWORK OF IDEAS THAT I WILL ANNOUNCE TOMORROW TO THE NEW YORK TIMES
I'm writing in capitals. I am completely insane. I am planning to take over the world. (I've never even been to New York or read the New York Times.)
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I WISH I COULD REMEMBER WHY I CREATED THIS UNIVERSE IN THE FIRST PLACE. IT’S TOO BIG, IT’S DISORGANIZED AND LARGE SEGMENTS OF REALITY ARE RECEDING INTO THE PAST LIKE MUMBLING ZOMBIES OF HALF-DIGESTED RABBITS
I'd already had some weird experiences on drugs but convincing myself that I'd created the universe was a new one.
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I will start my new universe tomorrow at 09:00 based upon a new system of thought with better grammar and shorter syntax of more reliable pens. If people would only realize that the only reason they have been living in misery for 2000 years is that I am the bearer of….A NEW SYSTEM OF PURE THOUGHT WITH SHORTER SENTENCES AND BETTER GRAMMAR
Yeah whatever. The second coming, with free biros for everyone.
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A whole new system of thought and it’s only 22:24. How is that possible!
Because you are on drugs and nothing you've written makes any logical sense. Sorry.
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I AM GOD. THE NEW UNIVERSE STARTS TOMORROW AT 09:00
SNUFF THAT MOTHERFUCKER!
I'm feeling very pleased with myself. "Snuff that!" is just a made-up exclamation, like "Aha! You weren't expecting that were you!" I'm past the peak of the visual hallucinations but I'm still delusional.
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I have a half-eaten sandwich to eat and a new framework of coherent ideas to assemble in which it will be said that with very long sentences a new system of exotic thought based upon a contingent system of grammar with recognizable time-frames and less mumbo-jumbo and religious nonsense. It will all make so much more sense. THANK GOD!
As the drugs started to wear off I stopped thinking I was God but was still half-convinced that I was going to create a new society by declaring my new system of thought to the New York Times and ruling the universe from the top of the Post Office Building in Amsterdam. I was worried that overnight I would lose the knowledge I had gained and think that it was all just a hallucination.
Despite the powerful delusions and general feeling of mania, I found that I never really became confused about where I was or became incapable of writing, moving about or performing simple tasks like getting a cup of water. It was an intense trip but the dose wasn't actually that big – I was simply inexperienced and not used to this level of intensity.
In terms of being a "bad trip" I suppose this did have some of the characteristics of one (anxiety, panic) but it wasn't an unpleasant experience overall. If you have somewhere safe you can retreat to, where people will leave you alone, I think it's possible to cope fairly well with a difficult trip and avoid freaking out.
During the peak of the trip it was as though someone had pressed the reset button in my brain and not only scrambled my thoughts but the whole mechanism by which those thoughts are created. The “new system of thought” was simply the old one coming back online.
In the morning I was a bit bemused at just how deluded I'd become during the trip, it sounds mad but it’s quite disappointing when your visions turn to dust. I didn’t make an announcement to the New York Times at 09:00, instead I just sat and ate my breakfast quietly in the hotel and pretended to be normal.
-------------------- I wrote that, but I meant something else
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Epyx
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Re: A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - delusions, mania & pans cyans [Re: Aldebaran]
#12997461 - 08/03/10 05:50 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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Absolutely awesome trip report. As someone who has both been in Amsterdam and suffered at the hand of psychedelic delusion (but not both at once!), this brought back an old memory.
During an extremely strong acid trip at the age of 19 or 20...a group of us were convinced that we were being tested personally by aliens. We felt that by communicating back to them we would be given wisdom.
Using chalk we drew what we called "the game of life on earth" in the empty parking lot of a shopping mall just after midnight...large nonsensical squares with all kinds of delusional mumbo jumbo about families, kids and higher meaning...the game grid took up about 500 square feet...so the aliens could see it from space of course...sheesh...
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tokinman21
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Re: A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - delusions, mania & pans cyans [Re: Epyx]
#13003094 - 08/04/10 06:24 PM (13 years, 8 months ago) |
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My first dose of mushrooms I sort of became delusional for very brief periods of time but always snapped out of it quickly and remembered I was just trippin'. At one point I created a drawing of a little guy whose body had wavy edges and they moved, so I figured if it moved it must be alive, and I must be God...that one only lasted a few seconds.
During my peak there was about a two hour period, however, where I faded between legitimate spiritual revelations and being absolutely convinced I had shamanistic abilities and was sent to Earth to reveal the truth to the masses through use of mushrooms.
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octopus
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Re: A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - delusions, mania & pans cyans [Re: Aldebaran]
#18797982 - 09/04/13 04:33 AM (10 years, 7 months ago) |
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Crawler
Registered: 10/31/14
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Re: A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - delusions, mania & pans cyans [Re: Aldebaran]
#20888191 - 11/25/14 11:31 AM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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Great read, found lots of similarity's with my recent Trip. Really well written
Specially the extreme daydreaming, that was quite scary for me
Edited by Crawler (11/25/14 11:35 AM)
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LogicaL Chaos
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Re: A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - delusions, mania & pans cyans [Re: Aldebaran]
#20891535 - 11/26/14 12:07 AM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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I enjoyed the trip report. It was quite a long time ago, but still a unique piece of writing.
That part with the "extreme daydreaming". Ive had a similar experience with a high dose of pan cyans. It was a baggie (quart size, 8" x 8.5") stuffed half-full with fresh wild pan cyans that were growing in Hawaii (i lived in Hawaii).
The peak of the experience was like "extreme daydreaming" as u describe. I remember recalling all the memories from my life, like i was reliving them in a daydreaming trance At high-speed. It was a very spiritual, beautiful experience. It was like a "Ego Review". Wonderful.
-------------------- "What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms| Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth 🌎🌍🌏 Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek | 💧 Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method 💧 | Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology! Shpongle
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OGThreads
Under The Acid Sky..
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Re: A Hallucinogenic Nightmare of Unbelievable Intensity - delusions, mania & pans cyans [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
#20894811 - 11/26/14 08:49 PM (9 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Everything is turning into everything else and when even your syntax is turning into a purple beeswax gibbering zombie with mumbling gibberish here we are again Susan who taught you to think?
This made me laugh for a good 5 minutes ! sounds like a extremely intense trip, awesome trip report!
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