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Synesthetic
Ratings go in journal.
Registered: 12/11/08
Posts: 2,715
Loc: Tooele, UT
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
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Psychopathy and memories
#12788823 - 06/23/10 04:53 AM (13 years, 9 months ago) |
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Some of you may or may not know this but I was a psychopath from the time my conscious memories begin until I was 16. Psychopath as in homicidal urges (even at 4-5 years old, 4 is when my memories start), no care or worry for anyone but myself, a feel of superiority to everyone else, etc.
I'm not fully psychopathic (or sociopathic as it's called nowadays) anymore, though I still struggle to keep my humanity. It's pretty easy to slip right back in to that way of thinking, scary as that sounds.
Anyway, back to the topic, no one is born a psychopath. My brain is completely normal according to the MRI I got for my epilepsy (a very recent development), and the only possible thing that could have fucked my brain is a febrile (fever-induced) seizure when I was 2. The fever involved had my temp at above 105 for hours.
So, my guess is something traumatic happened to me in my very early childhood I can't remember, because 4 seems a bit late for the earliest memories. But what could it be? And how the fuck would I find out?
Anyone have some advice on this because it's troubling me to the point of obsession.
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appleorange
Rainbow Technician
Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 4,868
Loc: Reykjavík
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Re: Psychopathy and memories [Re: Synesthetic]
#12789951 - 06/23/10 11:47 AM (13 years, 9 months ago) |
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I had a friend when I was a kid who used to like torturing animals, he couldn't have been 5 years old at the time and had two loving parents. Sometimes I think that homicidal behavior might be hereditary because it can show up in children at such a young age despite their circumstances.
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Fernis
Will provide
Registered: 04/28/10
Posts: 809
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Re: Psychopathy and memories [Re: appleorange]
#12790271 - 06/23/10 12:49 PM (13 years, 9 months ago) |
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Like appleorange said, it might be hereditary.
Do you know of anyone in your family with a mental disorder? Or someone who hasn't been diagnosed but shows signs of it?
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twighead
mͯó
Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 30,332
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill
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Re: Psychopathy and memories [Re: Fernis]
#12790724 - 06/23/10 02:08 PM (13 years, 9 months ago) |
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It is very natural for humans to be homicidal
In this day and age it is looked upon much differently though.
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Synesthetic
Ratings go in journal.
Registered: 12/11/08
Posts: 2,715
Loc: Tooele, UT
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
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Re: Psychopathy and memories [Re: twighead]
#12798795 - 06/24/10 07:18 PM (13 years, 9 months ago) |
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Feeling homicidal without provocation isn't normal or healthy.
No one else I know feels the same. My dad has severe anger issues (maybe even bipolar disorder) and my mom definitely has a major depressive disorder.
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floatingupstream
Registered: 06/20/10
Posts: 230
Loc: FL
Last seen: 6 years, 3 months
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Re: Psychopathy and memories [Re: Synesthetic]
#12798859 - 06/24/10 07:28 PM (13 years, 9 months ago) |
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I'm sure Freud would have a lot of interesting things to say about this. Perhaps you should look into his work.
Or perhaps some sort of hypnotic psycho-therapy, Idk.
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Xpatriot
Stranger
Registered: 07/30/08
Posts: 149
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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i don't think homicidal thoughts are really that big of a deal. I had them continuously for a long time, i would go into long fantasies of how i would kill someone. I'm somewhat normal as a 20 year old, I don't have many friends right now, and a lot of people think im cold/they cant relate to me. I don't really know what to think about my social status, or how to become and insider into social networks, instead of outside looking in. Despite my difficulties and indifference to most people I am for the most part happy, as I take my social interactions as just part of who i am. I used to worry about why I am the way I am obsessively, ive since accepted myself and stopped striving or wanting to be like everyone else.
I dont know if that helps, but the obsessing you are going through wont do you any good, as you probably know. I guess just learn to accept yourself and the lifestyle that someone who has sociopathic tendencies must accept.
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