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Anonymous #1

Thinking about rehab and need feedback...
    #12053484 - 02/18/10 11:55 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I'm going to a local rehab tomorrow for an evaluation.  A close friend of mine went there 5 years ago for heroin abuse and she's still clean, but she did inpatient rehab.  Currently I'm in the middle of a semester, live paycheck-to-paycheck, and have a family so I really want to do the outpatient rehab but I'm addicted to two substances at the moment, opiates and benzos. 

I've tapered myself really low on both, I take just enough to feel normal and haven't been high in about two months... I'm at the point where I feel so guilty when I'm high that it isn't worth it to even go there.  My moods have been all over the place, some days I feel fine and other days I want to put a gun in my mouth and paint the bathroom tiles.  This isn't fair to my family because as much as I try to mask my true feelings, they're so profound that they naturally pick up on it and see what I'm going through anyways.  My passion for science and academia has waned so much and my short-term memory is totally obliterated from the benzo abuse over the past year and a half.  I'm struggling in my upper div classes now because I forget simple algebraic rules or conversion factors.  My GPA has gone from a 3.8 to a 2.7. 

In all of it I just hate myself.  The sad part is I've battled depression my entire life (really shitty childhood but w/e there are millions of ppl who had those) and drugs I've used illicitly are the only thing that's helped me.  I've been to psych-ologists-iatrists and run the gamut of medication and therapy.  It just seems like my brain is fucking wired incorrectly.  My Mother abused substances while pregnant with me and alcoholism/drug abuse runs rampant on my Fathers side... it's like I got a fucking predestination to depression and drug abuse.  Both of my brothers are true junkies, while I'm an addict it has never affected my quality of life or work and I've never had any legal problems (yet). 

So have any of you done rehab and had it work?  I know I have underlying issues from my childhood that have carried over into my adult life.  My parents divorce and custody battle happened in the Fall and each year at the changing of the leaves I feel a profound sadness.  I don't know if I should try suboxone or methadone, as all that is doing is trading one chem for another.  Shit just seems so fucking hopeless when I'm locked in my pathetic mind and why?  I have a beautiful wife, child, a nice home and good friends.  I don't go hungry.  Compared to the majority of the world my life is fucking awesome and I can't see it, fucking Goddamn mental relativity. 

Is there hope?  I've had suicidal thoughts since I was in middle school and drugs are the only things that have made that go away.  I don't understand why I can't just be happy, and that only confounds my sadness... it's like a spiral of sadness, guilt, and shame. 

Thanks for listening.  I hated to post this anon but I lie to everyone about my drug use.  No one besides my wife has any idea how much or what I do so I figure I'd roll with it until I take the plunge and get help.

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12053516 - 02/18/10 12:01 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I am def not an expert but I believe you can die from opiate and benzo withdrawal. Of course this depends on the individual and their usage history but basically, if you're trying to get off that stuff you should get help and be around people who know how to help you and have resources so you dont hurt yourself more.


--------------------



Everything I post is a lie

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Anonymous #1

Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: trishraymond]
    #12053530 - 02/18/10 12:04 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Thanks for your reply.  I've detoxed from opiates twice and benzos once.  The benzo withdrawal can indeed kill you but I've tapered down to a dose of 2-3mg of klonopin a day.  I'm not sure if jumping ship at this point would cause any seizures but I know for damn sure it would cause withdrawals that would make me wish I were dying.  Detoxing has never been the TRULY hard part of the drug addiction, it's always the relapse from my depression.  I don't know if I've just had shitty therapists or what but the depression definitely drives me back to the drugs.

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OfflineQuantumMeltdown
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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12057692 - 02/18/10 11:26 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

switch from clonopin to something longer acting and more easily tapered to lower doses like diazapam or librium. The ashton manual for benzos is a great resource for this if your not familiar with it.
http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/index.htm

The problem is the drugs are only a symptom you need to change something about yourself so you no longer want to use or you probably will again since you have said you have gone off the stuff before but went back on it. That's what rehabs try to give you is tools to cope so you don't have to use. I went to a rehab for opiates and benzos and have been clean 9 months now but I've been working the 12 step program of AA. Not saying you need rehab but you need to do something different this time once your finally off the stuff altogether. I know it sounds cliche but nothing changes if nothing changes.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
    #12058788 - 02/19/10 08:36 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

No I agree, something in me needs to be changed and probably even revealed to me first before I can fix it.  I use the kpin illicitly so I'd have be in rehab to be given valium... kinda stuck there.

I have been to NA meetings but so much of it revolves around faith and whatnot and I'm a raging atheist so that didn't go over too well with me.

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #12058996 - 02/19/10 09:33 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

From what I hear, AA/NA meetings are a waste of time.

Unless you become a Catholic in the process, then it works for you.

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: Adden]
    #12060346 - 02/19/10 02:46 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

AA/NA meetings have nothing to do with being catholic or any other religion and they have the highest success rate of keeping people sober out of any other treatment. Most doctors when told about a drinking or drug problem would recommend meetings. Do you have any other suggestions or did you just come here to spread ignorance?

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
    #12062656 - 02/19/10 09:45 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

QuantumMeltdown said:
AA/NA meetings have nothing to do with being catholic or any other religion and they have the highest success rate of keeping people sober out of any other treatment. Most doctors when told about a drinking or drug problem would recommend meetings. Do you have any other suggestions or did you just come here to spread ignorance?





A.A. / N.A. is a waste of time.  I was in it for a year and was a sponsor.
  A.A. is a religion that likes to pretend it isn't a religion.
A.A. can be a tool for your recovery, but by no means is it a safe or good organization:

  Here are the facts they don't want you to know, and I suggest you rethink it.
They do not have the highest success rate.  In fact, your success is lower if you go.

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-secrets.html

My advice to the OP:

  Stay away from facilities that are involved with the 12 step program.  I spent two years battling addictions, and went to 3 rehabs, and at the end of the day, the only thing that has truly stuck has been exercise, yoga, diet, and buddhism.

I would research to find a facility that provides food, the outdoors, exercise, community.

When you get your health right, you mind and body follow.


--------------------
My entire Life is defined by this link. I beg of you to read: https://www.facebook.com/notes/tsafir-kamel/a-compassionate-message-for-jews-and-christians/10150614597334779

Edited by aghorrorag (02/19/10 09:46 PM)

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OfflineQuantumMeltdown
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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: aghorrorag]
    #12062736 - 02/19/10 10:01 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I think i'll just stick to believing what I see in real life and the successes Ive witnessed countless others experience getting sober including myself through the program not some internet website. I haven't really seen any other method's work for anyone in real life. Exercise and eating healthy might work for you but I know plenty of people that it hasn't worked for including myself. Being in a program for a year is barely enough time to even start to learn what its really about. Depending on how much dope you were using I bet your brain chemistry was just about finally getting back to normal at that time.

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
    #12062780 - 02/19/10 10:09 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

QuantumMeltdown said:
I think i'll just stick to believing what I see in real life and the successes Ive witnessed countless others experience getting sober including myself through the program not some internet website. I haven't really seen any other method's work for anyone in real life. Exercise and eating healthy might work for you but I know plenty of people that it hasn't worked for including myself. Being in a program for a year is barely enough time to even start to learn what its really about. Depending on how much dope you were using I bet your brain chemistry was just about finally getting back to normal at that time.




You're brainwashed.

Sit down and read this:

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-secrets.html

It is from this website which is dedicated to debunking the lies that are A.A.

http://www.orange-papers.org/

They have no motive.  They have no money.

Sit down, and read it, and give it some thought.  If you can't be honest, open, willing, then you know you're brainwashed.  Trust me man,  I was in A.A. for two years, and was sober for a year.  I had sponsees.  I've done the 12 steps.  I've worked the program.  Just sit down, and read this:  http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-secrets.html

I'm telling you man, you don't want to realize this shit 5 years from now.  I lost a year of my life.

You are brainwashed.  They take you in when you are weak, and tells you that if you don't join their organization, you will die.

Just read it, man.  For your own good.


--------------------
My entire Life is defined by this link. I beg of you to read: https://www.facebook.com/notes/tsafir-kamel/a-compassionate-message-for-jews-and-christians/10150614597334779

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
    #12062876 - 02/19/10 10:28 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

QuantumMeltdown said:
I think i'll just stick to believing what I see in real life and the successes Ive witnessed countless others experience getting sober including myself through the program not some internet website. I haven't really seen any other method's work for anyone in real life. Exercise and eating healthy might work for you but I know plenty of people that it hasn't worked for including myself. Being in a program for a year is barely enough time to even start to learn what its really about. Depending on how much dope you were using I bet your brain chemistry was just about finally getting back to normal at that time.





Of course.

A.A. doesn't tell you about the millions of people who quit drugs/alcohol on their own. 

And then, if you do find out about people have success on their own, they say, " well, they aren't real alcoholics " to justify this fact.

They get when you are at your weakest point, and use this weakness to program you.

First of all step one, you really have no power, really? God didn't give you self-will?
  He didn't give you the power to make decisions on your own?  By completely destroying any faith in yourself, you now need them and their program to live your life.

The second step:  They make you believe that your life up to this point has been insane.  So, you completely lose who you are.  They take your identity cause it was "crazy", and they can give you your new sober identity.

The Third Step:  you aren't turning over your life to God.  You are giving it to A.A.  To be a part of their program, and live by their steps.

The 4th - 10th steps are all about Guilt.  They guilt you until you feel like you are a horrible person.  They guilt you so hard you don't even know what you stand for anymore.  it is through this shame that they indoctrinate you.  And, then you read your secrets to a stranger, and now you are completely exposed and ashamed.

And finally, the 12th step, you are require to bring in new members .  The only way you will stay sober is by bringing new members.  This is why they are growing.  And this is how they sucked in you.

It is all a giant, money-making machine.  The rehabs, the sober-livings.  They suck out your emotions.  They take your identity.

You can't even see it man, You're so sucked in.

  Spirituality is awesome.  You can have the spirituality without Bill Wilson.  Did you know Bill Wilson sexually took advantage of multiple newcomers cheating on his wife.  The guy was a nut job of some crazy-ass right-wing Oxford group. 

You can have sprituality and a sober life without A.A.  They just don't tell you that.

God, this makes me sick.


--------------------
My entire Life is defined by this link. I beg of you to read: https://www.facebook.com/notes/tsafir-kamel/a-compassionate-message-for-jews-and-christians/10150614597334779

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OfflineQuantumMeltdown
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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: aghorrorag]
    #12062897 - 02/19/10 10:33 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Ok dude Im brainwashed? How so? I know Ive heard it all before its a cult its a religion whatever man. In fact its not even close to either of those. There is no strong central organization for AA it's made up of thousands of completely autonomous groups who each have their own rules and do things their own way. You don't have to go if you don't want. Its for people who want it not people who need it. Of course they take people in when there weak and they build them back up into respectable contributing members of society whats the harm in that? The dude came on here asking for help in getting sober I gave him a suggestion that I believe might help. You have offered nothing in that respect. Eat healthy and exercise that's laughable to a real addict or alcoholic.

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
    #12062918 - 02/19/10 10:37 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

QuantumMeltdown said:
Ok dude Im brainwashed? How so? I know Ive heard it all before its a cult its a religion whatever man. In fact its not even close to either of those. There is no strong central organization for AA it's made up of thousands of completely autonomous groups who each have their own rules and do things their own way. You don't have to go if you don't want. Its for people who want it not people who need it. Of course they take people in when there weak and they build them back up into respectable contributing members of society whats the harm in that? The dude came on here asking for help in getting sober I gave him a suggestion that I believe might help. You have offered nothing in that respect. Eat healthy and exercise that's laughable to a real addict or alcoholic.




Exactly, here you go with the "real addict".  Of course, a "real addict" needs A.A. , and anyone else who can get healthy and sober without A.A. isn't a "real addict".

I offered that he go to a facility without the A.A. aspect.


--------------------
My entire Life is defined by this link. I beg of you to read: https://www.facebook.com/notes/tsafir-kamel/a-compassionate-message-for-jews-and-christians/10150614597334779

Edited by aghorrorag (02/19/10 10:39 PM)

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: aghorrorag]
    #12062929 - 02/19/10 10:38 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

How does it make you sick? You believe one thing and I believe another whats the harm in that? AA never claims to be the only solution but the fact remains all those people who quit without AA did something to change themselves other then just abstaining from the drink or the drug. I really don't get how you can get that worked up about something so silly. A bunch of people are using something to better their lives, their not forcing you to do it and there not bothering you in anyway so why would you care so much about it? How old are you?

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
    #12062981 - 02/19/10 10:48 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

QuantumMeltdown said:
How does it make you sick? You believe one thing and I believe another whats the harm in that? AA never claims to be the only solution but the fact remains all those people who quit without AA did something to change themselves other then just abstaining from the drink or the drug. I really don't get how you can get that worked up about something so silly. A bunch of people are using something to better their lives, their not forcing you to do it and there not bothering you in anyway so why would you care so much about it? How old are you?





No, they don't.  They don't tell you about other way.  They say A.A. is the only way.  When in fact A.A. has a 3 percent success rate, and in fact A.A. causes more deaths than lives saved.

You see, a young impressionable addict will go to A.A., and believe their words.  They will become convinced that "with us.... to drink is to die"

So, they buy into this bullshit, and now it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  A.A. convinces people who probably aren't even alcoholics that they have no self-control.  So, when they drink again, they go on crazy binges because of stuff A.A. put in their heads.

I care about this just how I care about Islam being used for terror and christianity being used for hate and persecution.

The place is filled with lies, but you do not want to see that, and you won't because you are happy and brainwashed.


--------------------
My entire Life is defined by this link. I beg of you to read: https://www.facebook.com/notes/tsafir-kamel/a-compassionate-message-for-jews-and-christians/10150614597334779

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: aghorrorag]
    #12062992 - 02/19/10 10:50 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

So what do you recommend and what success rate does it have if any?

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
    #12063034 - 02/19/10 10:57 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

QuantumMeltdown said:
So what do you recommend and what success rate does it have if any?





The majority of people who suffer with alcoholism or drug addiction quit on their own.  This is a fact.  A.A. doesn't tell you this because if they told you this, they wouldn't have a program.

A.A. isn't motivated by money.  It is motivated like Christianity, so they can have a fellowship, and convert others into their brotherhood.

If he is heavily addicted, I recommend going to a detox clinic for medical reasons.

When out from detox, exercise, eat well, depend on your friends.... stay away from the addictive substances.  I would also recommend practicing mediation and yoga to keep yourself centered.

A.A. tells you that you have no self-control.  This is a lie.  You have self-will and self-control.  All you have to do is use it.

People get sober without A.A.  Real Alcoholics gets sober without A.A.  They don't tell you this.


--------------------
My entire Life is defined by this link. I beg of you to read: https://www.facebook.com/notes/tsafir-kamel/a-compassionate-message-for-jews-and-christians/10150614597334779

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: aghorrorag]
    #12063091 - 02/19/10 11:09 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I don't doubt that alcoholics get sober without AA. I have never heard AA preach that their the only way at any of the meetings I have been to it may be different where you are as many groups and locales are different. I have also never heard them say that alcoholics have not self control. The first step is about being powerless over the substance not life in general. If you had control over your using you wouldn't be an alcoholic or an addict in the first place. Whats wrong with having a fellowship of people who are into the same thing which is staying sober in this case? It would be no different then being in a model airplane club but you don't call that a cult or a religion do you?

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: QuantumMeltdown]
    #12063340 - 02/20/10 12:01 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

QuantumMeltdown said:
I don't doubt that alcoholics get sober without AA. I have never heard AA preach that their the only way at any of the meetings I have been to it may be different where you are as many groups and locales are different. I have also never heard them say that alcoholics have not self control. The first step is about being powerless over the substance not life in general. If you had control over your using you wouldn't be an alcoholic or an addict in the first place. Whats wrong with having a fellowship of people who are into the same thing which is staying sober in this case? It would be no different then being in a model airplane club but you don't call that a cult or a religion do you?




Q: What do you call a group of people who get together for spiritual reasons that live by a code they all follow?

A: A Religion.


A.A. lies.  A.A. claims they aren't a religion when they are.

  Read the literature.  A.A. clears states that alcoholics have no self-will, and cannot trust themselves.

If you dispute this fact, I will gladly get out my big book, and point out 10 different phrases that says that people in your religion have no self-will.


--------------------
My entire Life is defined by this link. I beg of you to read: https://www.facebook.com/notes/tsafir-kamel/a-compassionate-message-for-jews-and-christians/10150614597334779

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Re: Thinking about rehab and need feedback... [Re: aghorrorag]
    #12063403 - 02/20/10 12:20 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

So you were in the program a year and you read an internet propaganda site. You can take a book and pull out pieces and put your own meanings to them and all in a sudden your an expert. Whatever dude you win arguing on the internet is retarded. Call it whatever you want. Religion it is. It's just a word and if it's helping people who want it then whats the harm.

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