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TacticalBongRip
Curious Observer
Registered: 08/20/05
Posts: 527
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Status of a relationship
#11467646 - 11/16/09 02:52 PM (14 years, 4 months ago) |
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The status of any relationship is a reflection of the states of mind of those in the relationship.
My wife of 6+ years will often ask me something along the lines of "do you think we have a good relationship?". I tell her that the answer to that question depends on how she feels about our relationship at that point in time -- if she thinks it's good and I think its good -- then it is good. If she thinks its bad then this thought will effect her state of mind, and thus her half of the relationship, much like a self fulfilling prophecy. When we are both feeling the relationship is bad, these thoughts manifest in reality and the relationship will be bad.
But what becomes of the relationship when both partners are concentrated on things other than each other and the status of the relationship? It is almost as if there is no relationship at that time -- because a relationship is an idea. If neither of the two partners are thinking in terms of this idea then for the moment, the relationship does not exist at that moment. It sounds weird, yet it makes sense. Note that I am not presenting this idea a way to weasel around the agreements or expectations two people might have towards each other, it is just an observation about relationships I recently observed.
I think a lot of frustration and confusion can arise in a relationship when those involved in one attempt to define it in a certain way, since most definitions are fixed in nature and our mind states are dynamic. When things occur contrary to those fixed definitions assigned by the members of the relationship, emotional suffering that can be avoided often arises.
Edited by TacticalBongRip (11/16/09 02:53 PM)
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Germican
Wyld Stallyn
Registered: 05/22/09
Posts: 325
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Is there a differance between the relationship not existing at that point or the idea of the relationship is simply forgotten at that time? If it is forgetten and focused on other areas is the relationship lost for that period of time? Or does it still exists and it is just not specifically referanced at that time?
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Chronic7
Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 13,679
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In order to fully understand relationship one must understand the fundamental nature of relationship
The universe is one whole, we imagine ourselves to be separate parts within this whole, the sense of separation spurs us to seek unity with objects we find agreeable, when we make contact with these objcts we feel unification, love, happiness
If you stand back & see it is one whole, that truly there is only ever one Self having relationship with itself, that there is no relationship apart from ideas of separation & unity, that beyond all ideas we are always one whole. Seeing from this place relationships become less shallow, less from the standpoint of split/separated/personal, they come from a deeper place of an understanding of what separation & unification really is.
Self recognizing Self, which we call Love
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TacticalBongRip
Curious Observer
Registered: 08/20/05
Posts: 527
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Re: Status of a relationship [Re: Germican]
#11467835 - 11/16/09 03:23 PM (14 years, 4 months ago) |
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It would seem to me there is a difference, albeit a minor one. When I am not thinking about my relationship it's not that I have forgotten about it, it's just that its not popping up on my radar or conscious awareness.
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TacticalBongRip
Curious Observer
Registered: 08/20/05
Posts: 527
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Re: Status of a relationship [Re: Chronic7]
#11467934 - 11/16/09 03:39 PM (14 years, 4 months ago) |
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I am on board with what you are saying. I am just describing an observation of a pattern within this illusion of separateness. The closer a couple is to this realization the more joy the relationship can bring.
Much like two logs burning brightly emanate more light than one log burning brightly. This is part of what I was getting at in the original post. If both partners see this they are less likely to cause each other unnecessary suffering.
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Chronic7
Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 13,679
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Space is the best thing for a relationship i feel, give each other space I don't mean space as in physical distance, i mean mental space, don't project on each other at all Allow their expression to blossom as it will, it returns the same...
Any pattern can only survive with an upkeep of mental projections Often people stay in bad relationship patterns because they are the one projecting something on thier partner, vice versa Like thinking 'you'll never change' about the other person This projection does not help anyone change Whereas if you just let them do thier thang, they'll most likely wiseup to the situation themself & change, for themself...
So much of the time we want them to change for ME, rather than change for themself...
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Germican
Wyld Stallyn
Registered: 05/22/09
Posts: 325
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Quote:
TacticalBongRip said: It would seem to me there is a difference, albeit a minor one. When I am not thinking about my relationship it's not that I have forgotten about it, it's just that its not popping up on my radar or conscious awareness.
I don't disagree with you but the mind is limited in it's capiblities. If the idea isn't in your limited mind should that mean it doesn't exist at that point? There are several idea's that fade in and out of my mind besides the idea of a realationship. For example with knowledge just because a specific fact is not in my current though process does that mean I do not posses the idea of knowledge on said topic?
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TacticalBongRip
Curious Observer
Registered: 08/20/05
Posts: 527
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Re: Status of a relationship [Re: Germican]
#11468763 - 11/16/09 05:45 PM (14 years, 4 months ago) |
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When we start talking about knowledge it is a bit out of the scope of my observations. This is because what exactly constitutes knowledge seems to be up for debate, whereas a relationship between two people is much more subjective in nature.
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Germican
Wyld Stallyn
Registered: 05/22/09
Posts: 325
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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I was just using it as a random example. But your point is an interesting one to ponder.
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