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 Rocker232
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Registered: 10/17/08
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 OCD Without Compulsion 
#10146821 - 04/11/09 09:05 AM (15 years, 9 days ago) |
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Hey Shroomery, I was wondering if you guys could offer me some insight, any at all? I recently discovered that I have OCD, which now makes perfect sense to me. My Father had a very bad case of OCD (Without compulsion) in the early 90's and as a child I would constantly organize things (all though this has subsided a little bit) and even obsess to the point where I would wonder if I was breathing right. My obsessions are different now, they come in the form of social anxiety usually where I will worry about freaking out at a particular event and hear the same thought replayed for what seems like forever. I can deal with this though, I've been dealing with it for awhile. I used to stress about speaking as well as I had a pretty bad stutter (or so I thought) and I would obsess about having to speak, rehearsing things in my head over and over again.
My only real problem comes with the name "Melissa", which pops into my head and when it enters it doesn't leave. Melissa is my ex-girlfriend of about 2 years, I dated her over a year ago, but it was such a messy situation and I cared about her so much that part of my mind is still stuck there. I have a new girlfriend now and she's awesome, she's everything I've ever wanted in a girlfriend. We can hang around and smoke pot or we can go drive out east for 2 hours on a whim to go to Montauk. Unfortunately when I met this girl my main attraction to her was that she reminded me of Melissa. She looked similar at the time and she has some similar tendencies. I can not stress enough though just how DIFFERENT they are. Now what bugs me is that after 3 months everytime I say her name in my head I'm starting on the sound "M" which if unchecked leads to the full name. I don't want this girl in my head anymore, I now its irrational and I know that I am happier with this girl. I don't think this girl looks much like her anymore and I can fully separate the two. I want to be able to love this girl so badly, and its as if there's this demon watching over my shoulder at all times.
Now I meditate which helps, I find that if I have a good meditation session that my head seems to be much clearer. Unfortunately I'm also a stoner and if I get "too" high then my head turns into a warzone. My obsession with weed turns into "All you do is smoke pot, you don't care about anyone", and even though I KNOW this isn't true I hate how it bothers me. Does anyone have any advice or similar stories? I'd love to hear what other people obsess about and if there is anyone else there who doesn't have compulsions to go along with it?
And I want to clarify this, I do not think I have a severe case. My mind has simply had a lot of time to wonder this week as its been break and I do not have a job. Not having a job and smoking tons of weed can't be too good for my mental health either. But I'd love to hear any comments, I'm thinking about having a solo-trip of mushrooms, but I feel that I need to give meditation a more serious discipline first.
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With Allure I Look to the Sky With Awakened Eyes
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 deCypher
Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,232
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Re: OCD Without Compulsion [Re: Rocker232]
#10147650 - 04/11/09 12:31 PM (15 years, 8 days ago) |
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Psilocybin has been shown to help with OCD in clinical studies, and I've had great success using it to curb my own compulsive tendencies.
I imagine meditation would also be useful to extend the good habits formed on a psychedelic trip into your daily life. (And I'd lay off the weed if you feel it's negatively affecting your life.)
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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
  
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Rocker232
Stranger
Registered: 10/17/08
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Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
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Re: OCD Without Compulsion [Re: deCypher]
#10149244 - 04/11/09 07:52 PM (15 years, 8 days ago) |
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Its strange at times Marijuana makes it better at other times it makes it worse. I'm going to try and just get high and not overdo it and need to get ripped to shreds everytime I smoke.
I really think a mushroom trip by myself would be beneficial. Mushrooms have been on my brain lately, I see them in my head, I draw them on paper, they're everywhere!
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With Allure I Look to the Sky With Awakened Eyes
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solidarity
shaman
Registered: 01/28/09
Posts: 9
Loc: Orange, California
Last seen: 13 years, 3 months
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Re: OCD Without Compulsion [Re: Rocker232]
#10157888 - 04/13/09 01:08 PM (15 years, 6 days ago) |
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maybe marijuana amplifies the state of mind that you are already in when you smoke. maybe only try smoking when those thoughts are far out of your mind...
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ManianFH
living in perverty
Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 14,997
Last seen: 2 hours, 52 minutes
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Re: OCD Without Compulsion [Re: Rocker232]
#10162264 - 04/14/09 03:14 AM (15 years, 6 days ago) |
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What you are describing sounds like Pure O, obsessions without the need to act out any behavior. I would recommend you stop smoking weed for a few months, and see if this has any effect on the thoughts you experience. A lot of members here, including myself in the past noticed that marijuana only intensified anxieties and obtrusive obsessive thoughts.
Also, go visit some forums called the OCD forums, self explanatory really, but a lot of people are there to share insights on the disorders and how they have come to terms with it, or overcome it. I recommend you start flagging thoughts whenever you recognize them as obsessive, so that next time you will be able to recognize them even quiker. After you come across a flagged thought, shift all of your attention on to some kind of productive behavior. Thinking itself is a behavior, and when you get stuck in patterns of thinking about obsessions, or even dwelling on them, it becomes your behavior to react the way you do. Instead of thinking about the thought, or feeling down, totally dismiss it, and focus all your attention onto something involving. Use something productive, and have several different productive outlets to fall back upon. Write up a list.
After the anxiety from the attack has passed, try and reflect upon how you handled the situation. Try and write a log about the experience, and continuously use that as a reference for how you feel you are changing these patterns. Remember that behaviors take a long time to change sometimes, but you have the ability to change any behavior.
I recommend you try and work on doing this stuff on a sober mind. Alcohol and weed are sometimes drugs we use as an escape from our problems; shrooms can work out really well, or they can fuck things up even worse, because the effects hallucinogenics are unpredictable at times. The best way to deal with this problem is to work it out with what youve got, a sober head.
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notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "
ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."
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greenstorm
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Registered: 03/27/09
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Re: OCD Without Compulsion [Re: ManianFH]
#10272916 - 05/02/09 11:27 AM (14 years, 11 months ago) |
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I have Pure O as well... I have had times where i could not even hold the concentration needed to watch a movie. Chill out on the weed.. thats actually what initiated my OCD. It might seem theraputic at the time, but it really will only make things worse. Omega 3 (flaxseed oil i use) has done very good things for me, along with st johns wort, B6. Oh and of course the golden prescrition, a nice dose of shrooms. Enables you to clarify, close and move on from obsessions... and its not only memory of the trip itself, psilocybin actually inhibits your 5-Htp inhibitors, and peels away the initial need to obsess or the need to elaborate.
LSD and Mecaline help as well, but it seems psilocybin trumps all.
After you trip, youl be able to reason like you should. I know youv been thinking this is silly this is all in the past, but its like blinking of the mind, for some reason the thought needs to be thought before anything else.
I started taking mushrooms maybe a year and a half ago.. it helps sooo much. Iv just gone 6 months without, and had a trip on the weekend. There was a recent obsession i was consumed by recently, second day after the trip i was honestly TRYING to obsessed about it, but my mind wouldnt let me. I was in hysterical laughter.
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Rocker232
Stranger
Registered: 10/17/08
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Last seen: 12 years, 7 months
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Re: OCD Without Compulsion [Re: greenstorm]
#10289156 - 05/05/09 09:07 AM (14 years, 11 months ago) |
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I am definitely thinking that mushrooms may help. I find my mind constantly thinking about them, drawing happy mushrooms on paper whenever I can. I think this all stems from a bad trip where my ego wanted to die, but I fought it. I feel as though I am in limbo now. I just fear that when I take mushrooms the next time my ego will die no matter what, but I can accept it. I have too. I am confused as to how Marijuana effects things, at times I find myself worse off when sober. I just get scared that I will have an anxiety attack because now I equate weed with it, but I think I may have just got waaaay too high and been literally tripping.
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With Allure I Look to the Sky With Awakened Eyes
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