Posted by Dar (10/18/13 01:29 PM)
I won't be able to express this properly, but I don't believe there is really a level 5 dose. If you go into your trip looking for it you will not reach it. The desire to experience the next level ties your being to your ego and it is hard to undo the knot once the trip is underway. Level 4 is a window opening. Level 5 is a doorway opening. Its like an offer. You must step through and close the door. No fear, no anticipation, and complete trust in whatever form your guardian spirits take to bring you back when its time because if you close that door you will be incapable of finding it again yourself.

Its feeling your grip on reality become tenuous at best and not struggling to hang on. Its not letting go either. Its realizing the bond has weakened and hurling it forcefully away with no concern as to whether or not you'll be able to pick it back up. It sounds nonsensical but that's cause it is...
Posted by gimzolord (10/01/13 07:56 AM)
hello i received severe childhood truama and i did not work through any of it till i experienced an ego death. As a child i would black out everything to the point i couldnt remember what i ate that day or even say if anything good or bad happened that day infact all days.


then last year i did research on magic mushrooms (im a christian so how i see things is in my own personal view and shouldnt influence others unless they want it to) and how it would help people with ptsd and depression/anxiety. i even found out it copies all you available seretonin receptors in your brain and doubles (dont quote on double) them and makees temporary copies so that your body can actually intake all the seretonin that is being produced by our bodies. this made me think god has given mankind antidepressent but in natural forms that we need to take to survive in life.

always have my personal favourite chill music wether it jefferson airplane or the small faces or bob marley or peter tosh. you need positivity in your trip it makes a massive difference, and i especially think that mushrooms connects perfectly with reggea the heart of the beat mixes with that of your own and gives you a stable constant almost like you have a safety net when trying to cross a typewrope.

first time i did mushies i wanted to escape my life and have fun and be a hippy (my personality is a hippy) etc etc and i did have fun and i for the first time started remembering things that were good in my past (this mushy trip was only 1.5g to 2 grams over an hour or 2. i ate a pot brownie that i had grown and prayed everything into it and the combination was perfect. i was so happy the night lasted forever and i would see small colour trails and everything was colourfull even though it was night time, and the moon looked like it was only a couple of kilometres away from me, litereally like i could just reach out and touch it. i had a masive walk that night and realised that even though i had truama i had good memories as a kid too.

the next morning i found myselff smiling well actually it was someone else my brother and he said that was the first genuine smile he had seen on me for years even when i was stoned i never smiled like that (im a christian who beleives god gave ganja to the people to use).

the next time i took mushies was in a bad environment i had a few sorta friends round i took 2g and was having fun for a while then my friends decided to order a pizza and they were complaining about which one to get. But to me they were yelling at each other for 45 minutes (reality it was only 15 minutes and they had just been discussing quitly) what i beleive the reason that i had a bad trip is because 1 friend their told me that cannabis was the reason i had no social life, it killed my vibe and i understood he knew nothing bout me but yeah. i gained no personal insight from this trip but then i was in a non theraputic environment (at this stage i thought mushies were completely rec so i did not do set or setting)

now my third trip i took around 1.4 or 1.5 grams with something along the lines of a maoi and also i vaped (vaporisation heats cannabis up withought burning it and you get all the effects plus more) up big time before hand and after i had eaten the mushies because i was real nervois about taking a dose that would level round a 3 gram experience if the maoi worked. boy it did, firstly this was my first trip where i experienced something beyond level 2 and probs nearing a level 3 trip. i was very baked and then the mushies started then magic
first thing i notice is that im scared and i have this super tight feeling in my heart, almost like something was squeezing it beyond just squeezing a ball but i mean like someone trying to crush my heart to dust. This was my first realisation and acception that i had Anxiety problems, i had always denied it and had people around me telling me i was just more nervous then others, (by the way all these trips i have my brother as the sober sitter) i crawled under the duner cover on my bed as i thought maybe i was just cold and i felt like i was in a cocoon. once i accepted i had anxiety and decided that this fear was just the mushies and i had to go with it the entire trip changed.
my brothers face started to grow a second one but almost like it was pushing itself outa the bridge of his nose and forehead, i was pretty weirded out at the moment so i decided to just look outside. the tree outside my bedroom window the leaves were changing colours, from green that it was always to stark bright yellow then to dull purples and change to reds then oranges it was just too much for my eyes i didnt even realise these were visuals at the time cause i had just seen my brothers face push itself into 2.
then it peaked, i was listening to peter tosh's album mama africa, and the song "NOT GONNA GIVE UP" think its called that but he kept saying it and he song lasted half an hour now i didn't realise but i was getting time loops and peter was just telling me to not give up so i decided im not giving up on my past i want those memories back that i had blocked out so i prayed to god (after the trip he answered) i instantly felt like i was having an amazing time, i was a kid before the trauma i was 4 years old and it felt like my mum was giving me the best cuddle the entire rest of the trip and i came to the realisation that just because i got truama as a kid and i didnt get a normal childhood on this dose of mushies i can experience being a child again (it wasnt till my level 5 trip that i finally understood the mushies were telling me you are the same soul as you were before the truama dont let society say your an adult and cant be a kid, i got my brother to take me for a walk and we walked by some people withought any problems then all of a sudden these 2 oddly dressed overweight (not obese but big bellies) and male and female, the dude was wearing a cowboy hat and i got the impression that i saw him stop directly infront of me got up on 1 leg and put hist right hand on his tummy and his left on his cowboy hat stood their for a second then kept walking, i asked my bro 5 seconds later if what i saw was real or not lol it wasnt. we walked to this cliff lookout and i was looking at the ocean for around 10 minutes i could see energy currents running through the ocean (again im a little anoyed i did not realise this was the mushrooms cause i did not pay much attention aside to the fact it was just beautiful) i then had an imprint of myself falling off said lookout so we decided to leave and thats that trip, at this dose i got the fact that our inner child isnt forever lost you just need some mushies and you can be one again, i had suddenly rediscovered the keys to my past withought realising it.

in my everyday life i suddenly was having memories and too many to cope with i got really anxious but not depressed, i ended up covering up all my anxiety with ganja for around 8 months then my supply went dry and i was stuck with nothing but myself and my memmories bouncing around inside. 

i eventully told my parents i had been secretly using magic mushrooms for healing and they were fine with it all and were proud in a sense that i had taken the initiative to fixing my life although they were upset i was doing it under their noses withought their knowledge, ganja they knew about.

after i ran out of pot i started getting about 6 panic attacks a day and the feeling was like when i took shrooms and accepted i had anxiety (was in denial before) this lasted months
and months

6 months later i thought fuck it i cant find bud and i couldnt buy shrooms so i did the next best thing i went on ebay and ordered san pedro
the trip i got outa it was more a body and mind expansion with incredibly intricate CEV's but nothing more, but it stopped me having 6 panic attacks a day where i could tell you i 100% beleive im dying if if hadnt been going through it every day
now i only had 1 panic attack a week, suddenly i realised god gave different spychs because different people experience life differently and that whilst mushies feels like another part of my soul to my brother he just loves it and lsd feels like that too him.  and different spychs get down to the different types of roots of different types of problems, lsd helps one mushies helps another and cacti again another side of our problems but still they are all medicines when taken properly can all provide the healing benefit we look for.

now to my most profound mushrooms experience ill give you a link, this is where i experienced my first ego death totally unprepared but i accepted it fully. http://www.shroomery.org/12794/An-Audience-With-The-Ancients 

that trip above saved my life not my physical body but my soul.

the next trip was exactly 9 or 10 days later on my 20th birthday. this time i took the same amount as last time just withought lemon juice and also ate 2.5 to 3 grams in half hour then another .5 or 1g (overall had 3.5g) 2 or 3 hours later. 

something to add after the level 5 trip i dont need cannabis for anxiety so much any more i can last a fuday sober withought getting anthing more then mild very mild anxiety which is nothing compaired to what i felt after the level 5

okay so i ate it and my brother decided to eat 300ug to 500ug of lsd this completely clashed with the type of mind setyour in. i ended up non stop talking about relationships and life, the future what god had in planned for us etc but he was in what he sais is a state of the complete moment so he told me nicely that i could talk but dont expect him to help much as he was off in mind kandy land as he sais, after atleast an hour into the trip my mum came home and she helped talk me through everything that the level 5 trip had brought up and my brother being on the LSD also worked througheverything in a ense  worked through as he was sitting their the entire time(he also took thelevel 5 trip but fought it as hard as he could still worked through tonns but yeah didn't enoy it)

now you can call me crazy i dont care but i got visions of the future, not what people will be eating but that i would end up with a wonderfull wife and i would have kids and i would get to do what my parents had done for me except hoepfully my children wont have the trauma i have, the one thing about this vision was that i in the vision was completely anxiety, depression and worry free i was the man god wanted me to be and he told me if i dont start fixing my life up that beautiful soul i met in the vision wont be my wife and that was that he had a plan for me and all i had to do was fix my emotional past. after i had this vision ( i dont know if i was out of it a second or more whilst under) i was suddenly so filled with happiness about my life, i had god answer my question which i had always feared even more then death subject in the level 5 and it was being and having everyone i loved die around me (after the level 5 i realise time and death are illusions that are confined to the human body) 

Anyway if you read this i recomend you taking a level 5 dose (not with lemon juice unless you want to) an ego death to me isnt so much about the end of our existence more the letting go of our physical selves and coming back to what we were before our parents conceived us. just understand that when you takee a high dose you cannot fight it i dont even think people should be aloud to walk around when they experience their first level 5 trip, i was not expecting it but i had read tmany reports so i knew what to do but if you have someone like your wife not nescarily sitting with you the whole time but just be their whenever you feel the urge to talk, some advice for the level 5 trip do it with a blindfold, i opened my eyes a few times and when i did i had to travel back and forth back and forth through those dimensions, if i had a blindfold i wouldve been sweet. 
also call me crazy but the ancient beings i saw in the hall i beeleive they are my guardian angels and taking mushrooms in high doses forces them to talk to you (not in words youll understand when you do) wether you want to or not cause by taking the mushrooms you just signed over all liberties as to what the angels are going to tell you about your life and how your going to change it, all they have are YOUR best interests at heart and for me that was being swallowed by a serpent that could wrap around the globe 50 times over and letting me experience my body dying cause once the visions had all ended i had everything i that i NEEDED to say (wether i wanted to or not) and having your confidant to talk about these things that you have learned from the mushrooms will dramatically help, i recomend she sit by you whlst you lie down with music and just be with you whilst it kicks in then she can leave you to it and come back later.

oh 1 last thing after you experience your first REAL ego death and by that i mean you will know it their wil be no uncertinty, plan to take a smalle dose of mushrooms in a week because i found the levl 5 answered so much and left many things unanswered, taking this second dose will help you work through everything that you experienced in your ego death just make sure not to take another ego death dose, it wouldnt do anything bad but youd just be left with some still unanswered stuff later.
ust personal experience i hope this helps you.

also i have wanted to do ayahausca which just happens   to be extremely similiar to high dose mushy trip seeing as mushrooms an analogue of DMT the ingredient in aya, but what  most people find with aya is that they completely work through eveything in like 1   experience maybe 2. i found in my level 5 trip i worked through 80% of my truama(my birthay trp work through like anther   50% of what i had left over from tha otheer one. so   i can see how it would work in like1    go... 

i know i said many final words but to those who dont have truama even if you take a high dose of mushies dont expect to not experience any trauma state, you know when you go to therapy and the dude asks about your life and your got nothing to say well high dose of mushrooms is like someone hopping inside your mind finding problems that you thought you didnt even have and if you go with it you will have a beautiful experience, just dont fight it ever, even if you think your really dead because think about it this way if you are an athiest (im not) when you die thats it so what your experiencing isnt actual death, i dont know if that will help anyone but people need to be aware high doses are for learning and healing, and this is forced therapy if you understand it that way better.

ciao hope for the best with when you experience your first ego death, ive only had the one not sure im ready for another any time soon but i cant wait to unlock even more parts of myself i have locked away. last trip made me way too social i have no social anxiety now and cant stop writing hope this helps ciao.

oh it also helps to remind yourself that everything that your are or about to see is meant to be seen by you from god, or if your not religous then from gaia or the big bang or whatever just dont be scared even if you feel like you may never return i literally remember falling or flying through time space dimensions for months to up to a years journey, but once your back you regain yourself again but this time you are more yourself then ever before (once you go through all the emotional truama its going to bring up for you) youll literally feel like a butterfly coming outa its cacoon, i specifically remember thinking this because i was sweating so hard it felt like i had iron hard shell around me in a sense and when it finished it was just magnificent. last time i eddit this lol



Edited 10/2/2013 0:11 AM
Edited 10/2/2013 0:36 AM
Posted by learn to swim (09/25/13 04:42 PM)

This is my trip report, thank you all for your responses to my original post.  I have taken every bit of information you all have given me to heart.  I would like any and all comments on this trip report, after this trip I feel that I have learned a lot, but am now more scared to go to the next level.

 This started at a hotel with a good friend, I was very excited and looking forward to a fun trip with a good friend.  I failed to realize that this was not a safe or comfortable place to be in, and that should have been my first thought.  But I was too excited to have a fun trip with my friend.  Since I was not at home or in a comfortable place.

I figured that I should only take a smaller dose.

 The 1 1/2 grams was made up of a few stems, 1 cap, and 1 unopened cap attached to one of the stems They were all eaten between 4:00pm and 4:10pm. They didn%u2019t smell bad at all, somewhat exotic. The taste wasn%u2019t very encouraging, but bearable. I actually felt an alert in my body, as I was finishing eating the last stem. Before this trip I have been talking about ego death and wanting to experience it so much, the alert I felt was the Mushroom saying %u201Cyou asked for this, and now your gonna see it.%u201D I sat on the couch with my friend watching mindless TV shows waiting for the come up.  As I started to feel it, it was wonderful, I had the giggles and my friend and I were laughing hysterically at nothing.  I was now feeling definitely off baseline. At this point I was sweating profusely, and feeling very dirty, like I was just a lost soul a homeless man that is wasting his life away.  From then, I began developing some anxiety.  As time progressed, I became a little uncoordinated, and the anxiety grew. I really did not know why I was having so much anxiety. The psychedelic effects were not new to me at all. Yet I was actually scared. A big thing my mind fixed on was that the people in the hotel would be able to tell that I am on drugs because of my lack of coordination and loud laughing, as my thoughts were beginning to get jumbled, I imagined I won%u2019t be able to interact clearly with anybody, if the hotel staff knocked on the door or worse the police.  At this point my phone rang, it was my wife, I figured it would be best to talk to her later, and then my hotel room phone rang and I panicked that there was an emergency at home.  That%u2019s when the anxiety got very bad.

 I decided to take 2 mg Ativan because I was now sure that I was bound for a bad trip (I didn%u2019t care if it diminishes the psychedelic effects, I was just desperate to get out of this discomfort). I then went to lie down. I was shivering. I didn%u2019t know if it was the cold or my anxiety. I went under the covers, but I still shivered severely. The problem is that I was not exactly intensely tripping %u2013 I was simply very confused and had irrational anxiety. And I didn%u2019t like it. I was also feeling an uncomfortable body load that made me feel like something was inside my stomach or my soul that desperately needed to come out, somehow this thing needed to come out and all I felt I could do to get it out was to vomit or scream, but I couldn%u2019t scream because I didn%u2019t want to alarm the hotel, I tried to vomit but nothing, and I didn%u2019t like it. With that, and despite the Ativan, the anxiety grew. And grew, And grew.

 I figure I was now at the 2 hour mark. I was experiencing nothing but pure terror. I was literally afraid of everything, including myself. Actually the one thing that frightened me most was fear itself. I had no real reason to be afraid, and yet I was. It certainly was not ego death that scared me, that is what I have been seeking Therefore I knew my fear was not out of some kind of identity crisis. Yet I was afraid of being afraid, and also afraid of the fact that the Ativan did absolutely nothing

 I decided to seek help by laying down on the bed and focusing on meditating and good thoughts of love and family, I kept telling myself who I was and that time was still passing, this worked for only seconds before the severe anxiety came again, this time it came in the form of nothingness, I did not know who I was, where I was or what anything was, I tried to snap out of it and focus on my name again and my family, this back and fourth came and went for what seemed like an eternity, and yet I still had this terrible feeling of something desperately needing to come out of my body, at this point my friend decided that he needs to go for a walk, I said ok have a fun trip in a very calm manner as not to get him scared of what I was going through.  As he walked out the door, I heard the door close, and immediately I felt nothing, complete nothingness, I was terrified.  I was all alone, and yet I didn%u2019t even know what alone was, I snapped out of it again and tried to focus on meditating on love and family and things that were familiar, I kept reminding myself who I was and that time was still ticking away and that this would be over soon. As these thoughts persisted, the terror remained, I was now possessed by paranoia. I stumbled into the bathroom because I needed to pee. My vision was blurry as I walked.  As I was in the bathroom I felt the same PAINFUL terror I felt throughout the trip. I was debating whether or not to go call 911. I figured since the original source of anxiety was my fear of being in this hotel and not a safe place, perhaps calling 911 would increase the anxiety. I walked back to the bed and laid down and tried again to control this trip, and get back to a happy place.

 After what seemed an eternity, the feeling inside my body got so intense I could not lay any more, I quickly got up and jumped in the shower, I put on cold water hoping that it would help snap me out of this, it didn%u2019t help, after I got out of the shower, I felt nothing, I felt as though I was dead or was dying, I had a vision of me killing myself, I then looked in the mirror so I could see that I was me, and all I saw was a black shadow, furthering the thought of complete nothingness, I was not prepared for this, so I continued to fight it with everything I had, this was the battle for my life.  I laid back down on the bed and put on some comforting music and started to meditate again, it helped for a bit, but then was gone in an instant and I felt nothingness again, at this point I felt that I could not get out of this and there was nothing I could do, I started to realize that this was what the mushroom needed to show me and it was best not to fight it, as I lay and try to focus on what the mushroom was trying to show me, I got terrified again and thought I needed to call 911 again, but had enough control not to call because I knew that would only make the situation even worse, I laid back down, gripping my towel that I dried off with and tried focusing again on my family and the knowledge that the mushroom wanted to impart on me.  About that time when I thought I could not longer take the pain in my body, the door came flying open and there stood my friend, he was laughing hysterically, he laid down on the bed and I grabbed him like a drowning victim and just started crying, instantly I knew who I was, who he was and that everything was going to be ok, I suddenly was overcome with this incredible sense of euphoria and love, I felt I was wrapped up in a blanket of love, love and compassion and power that only a God can give, it was something I have never felt before, I was so comfortable, I just laid on the bed listening to music and talking to my friend about all the realizations that he had come up with, we were still tripping, but it was wonderful.

This experience of fear reminded me how pathetic I was. I told this to my friend. He simply told me what a good person he thought I was, and that I didn%u2019t deserve all the crap that I went through in my life. I found his comment extremely nice, and started crying. I then went to lie down, and cried a lot. I have a tendency to suppress negative emotions. I am guessing that what this trip did was simply release these suppressions and breaking the dam. I experienced the several year%u2019s worth of anxiety and despair in 6 hours.

Now that it was about the 4th hour, I was lying down, occasionally crying. The time between hour 3 and hour 5 seems to be a blur. I lost track of it and I do not remember all that happened, but much of it was spent lying down. I didn%u2019t get up, since I was afraid of getting up. I remember crying a lot, and feeling sorry for myself (something I don%u2019t normally do), and talking to my friend.

The positive points, though fewer than the negative ones, were very significant. I remember the first peak I was lying down, my body twisted, my eyes and mouth wide open, staring at the ceiling with a feeling of immense wonder. The ceiling was no longer a ceiling, I don%u2019t know what it was, perhaps a white sky with multicoloured stars and streams that kept moving? I remember staring at the light. A lot of green eye-murals (think Alex Grey%u2019s artwork) flew out of the light and swirled around it, all in geometrically perfection. Since I was afraid of closing my eyes, the few closed-eye visuals that I saw were faint and chaotic.

 After that euphoric peak came another fit of terror, and that was followed by a sense of %u201Cthis is it%u201D%u2026 my body felt like it was dying, and I truly believed that I was somehow dying.

 In fact, I think this is what the big problem was. My ego did not die, for some reason. I maintained my ego as I lost control amongst a lot of confusion and anxiety, and I don%u2019t know why. Perhaps I did not want to let go because I knew I still had a long trip ahead of me or I was not ready, and I did not want to alarm the people in the hotel. I also realized that I needed to be with my wife in a safe place, she has been and still is my center, my spiritual and emotional guide, I feel more connected to her than anybody else on the planet. I feel as though my ego remained, and I went into a rather psychotic state. I know the mushroom was trying to get me to where I wanted and needed to be, but I fought it as hard as I could instead of just excepting what was happening and going with it. I know for a fact that at this point I was just overflowing with love towards everyone (which is paradoxical with the fear). I felt like nothing mattered, here my ego remained and knew that I was going insane.

 And for the first time ever on a psychedelic%u2026 I actually forgot that I took a drug! Actually I didn%u2019t forget, it just somehow ceased to be relevant. I was convinced that I was going to be eternally insane.

 This %u201Cinsanity%u201D extended between two %u201Clows%u201D of terror and one %u201Cpeak%u201D of euphoria. During this one peak, I felt God-intoxicated. I felt like I had super-human powers. I had many twisted thoughts, including the idea of walking outside naked in public (now it was back to raining %u2013 almost a storm) BECAUSE NOTHING MATTERED AND NOW I HAVE BECOME GOD AND WILL DIE SOON!!!! However, in spite this insanity, I had a grain of reason left in my mind, and that told me to stay as still and as silent as possible, and that that would be the best way out.

 I would say that I have never felt so much fear in my life as I had during that trip. I really did not enjoy it. And yet, at the end it was worth it. The only thing I regret is putting myself in such a strange and uncomfortable place, away from my wife. I had suicidal ideas before and now I would never kill myself. I simply cannot cope with the guilt. Although I said I will never touch mushrooms again during the trip, I now think I might consider taking them after some more preparation and meditation. However, they definitely deserve much more respect than they are given on the street.

 I know that I need to continue to explore farther into my mind to and continue to seek out a total loss of ego, however at this point I feel that I am very educated but more filled with fear of going back to that place of terror.  My QUESTION is how do I continue to trip without this fear, or inducing this anxiety again?  Any and all help is greatly appreciated, you people have helped more than you will ever know, more than any doctor or prescription medication ever will.

 

Semper Fidelis.

  

Posted by Shroomsurfer69 (09/01/13 08:48 PM)
Hey I thank you for your sevice god bless
Ready this sir, http://www.shroomery.org/4018/Howto-Ego-Death
Posted by SomeGuyX (08/09/13 05:33 PM)
Hmm... I would believe a level 5 experience on mushrooms would be very intense... How much would it take for a level 5? I have eaten 4.2 grams of some really trippy psilocybin shrooms that were more potent than cubensis, and I think that was probably around a level 3 experience. 

Check out this video. Terence McKenna talks about some really intriguing and deep things, you might find it interesting: 

I have yet to try DMT, but I imagine a level 5 DMT trip vs a level 5 shroom trip may be a better alternative. I have not tried it, I am not saying try something you are not familiar with, BUT, maybe it could be good to explore other options too? 

Anyways, I wish you luck with what you are seeking for. 
Posted by sh0ty2theb0dy (08/08/13 12:08 PM)
i have heard rumors about test being done on a person who is passing away. Doctors using mushrooms to help a patient accept death rather then fear it. after that being said im sure your idea of using shrooms to find yourself dosent sound far off from what he doctors where trying with the dying patient. Please reply if you also heard of this rumor.
Posted by s0urLuc1d (07/23/13 03:47 AM)
I wouldn't recommend jumping from a lv 2 to a 5. Take it slow. I know you said you're against rx but my advice is just as an added precaution have some alprazolam handy in case things go awry.  A few xanax bars have saved me from what was becoming a bad trip plenty of times. Also find truffles if you can. They seem to be much nicer in my experience xD
Posted by mio (07/15/13 04:56 PM)
Surround you by nature after egodeath

It will fill you with love again

Houseplants and pets and gardening and walk/sit in nature

Notice the beauty

Before / right after egodeaths I like to be near houseplants and pets ;)
And psytrance (youtube)

Gets my soul back, happiness and love

Peace
Posted by ATCSharp (07/14/13 10:26 AM)
Def have your wife there with you. The collapse of the ego is an intense experience that you cannot put into words. Make sure you are in a happy state of mind before taking the mushrooms and let the experience drive you. Let your mind go and don't fight it. I really feel that mushrooms have made me the person who I am today. It has provided me with a lot of self reflection that changed me for the better in every aspect. Take care and I hope they help you reach where you want to be.
Posted by weshroom (07/11/13 08:45 PM)
I recommend having your wife with you the first time you try a high dose just to make sure everything is going ok. 
Dont fight the experience, just open up to it and anything that is shown to you. Go into it. Surrender to the medicine, and it will work through you.
Im sure you will find the peace you seek, in one way or another. 

Also: I know they have studied and found the benefits of mdma for ptsd. You might want to look into that aswell. 

Peace
Posted by jtronique (07/11/13 06:10 PM)
Hm, my supplimental comment should appear on top of my movie suggestion, but I thought of something I'd like to add. I live in MA where Medical MJ has passed and RX is being discussed in Dr's offices. My girlfriend, who is a Desert Storm VET finally found a doc at the VA who will give her a card, when they come out. Since I also have two friends who use Medical MJ, both for a medically approved use (Multiple Sclerosis), I'd like to add that this may be a helpful addition for you if your state permits and if your VA will help out. I can't find them at the moment, but there are abstracts out there on lab tests with Mice who say that administration of cannabinoids in stressful situations relieved the mice of "PTSD." I am not a scientific person so the verbiage of what they concluded may be significantly different. However, we know that casual underground use of MJ has been happening with vets at least since Viet Nam. it does appear that it has helped my GF with PTSD, and she has schizophrenia so she can not take psychedelics. :/ Even Ginseng and Scizandra berries "Send her to the stars" LOL, so she's very sensitive. But mj seems to help her. GOOD LUCK
Posted by jtronique (07/11/13 06:01 PM)
Very nice question. I have also enjoyed all the replies to this.

Myself also - have never been past about level 2, many years ago.

However, preparing for many experiences,  I have just done this simple thing. I watch the movie DUNE. I have watched several versions of this movie. I haven't read the book yet, but I have a firm enough grasp of the story, that it thrills me each time I meditate on the story.

DUNE is a good movie, and it's also a substitute for a higher experience right now - if you want a Catharsis ... hehe... both versions of DUNE that I have seen (The Lynch and Sci Fi version) express the doubts that Paul has in trying Spice or being a part of the organization and traditions in a time of war in "The Known Universe"

I have often compared "SPICE" , in my own mind, with either Ergot or Cubes, as it appears to allegedly grow from Space Worm poop (a claim made in the Sci Fi version)

Anyway, this is for sure a knee jerk reaction, but again, if you want a good diversion to help you to think over whether making this leap is right for you, check out the DUNE genre... :) And all the best.

PS

As commenters said, the fungus is alive, praying and worshipping are also incredibly appropriate.
Posted by Mushie23 (07/11/13 04:59 PM)
Have a little conversation with the fungus before ingesting...or(what I do), pray and worship it:)

Posted by learn to swim (07/11/13 02:14 PM)
Thank You all for posting replies, I truly feel that if everybody came to this site for emotional help or healing we wouldnt need prescription meds.  I think the anwser to a happy life is in all of us, we just dont know it yet or have the capability to tap into it.  I cant thank you enough for the support and advice.  I am planning on taking this trip in the fall up in the mountains when it is cool and beautiful., until then I will continue to prepare myself, with prayer and good thoughts and small doses of mushrooms, I want to build a really good relationship with the mushroom before I take a huge dose.  I will post my trip report upon completion.  
Posted by InTheCosmos (07/11/13 12:52 PM)
In my opinion, psychedelics will take your problems that you are trying to to bottle up and throw them in your face. It's for a beneficial purpose. For me, it was a terrifying trip that ended up being one of the most beneficial experiences of my life. A loss of ego will teach you things that you may or may not be ready to learn about yourself and or  It taught me that everything is connected, and that im not exactly who I thought I have been all my life due to different changes in lifestyle, people, relationships and so on.

You will learn the answer to many different things that you thought you knew the answer to all your life. You will be taught what questions you need to be asking about certain things that are in your head. It's different for everybody. I almost get emotional every time I talk about it or get into detail about my experience do to how extreme and intense and terrifying  yet so amazingly beautiful that words dont do much justice for it. It's a beautiful thing, and I would recommend it to many many people. When you do take a "high dose", just make sure you know what you are doing. Allow it to take over you, and accept it. Dont fight it. I think you'll enjoy the outcome. Good luck
Posted by LaMouth (07/10/13 11:07 PM)
Wow i just read your response  golden myc . Its so very true that the mushrooms can aid but for you to completely feel free you need to forgive yourself. 

I love The quotes you posted (  golden myc ) and the " Being that all humans on earth are all trying to do their best, in their own perception, we are all hurting others much of the time weither we know it or not"  is 
an amazing view point and it even helps me see things differently. thank you

I really hope the best for you, person who posted this paragraph. Peace bro
Posted by LaMouth (07/10/13 10:57 PM)
set it up almost as your healing phase in life. Go in with the mind set that this is a change for the good. Go somewhere where it is you, and nature (probably leave your wife out of this. Feels more as the attention of your mind to be YOU while your tripping. )  I Suggest a forest of some kind or a child hood place. (Strong positive feelings is the trick, you want to be %100 comfortable in your environment. Let nature take you on an adventure and show you things that you did not know. Even bringing music with earbuds playing some relaxing positive music. once you find this place start your 'healing phase' or whatever you want to call it and keep visiting the same spot as you trip each time. In one trip it might be all that you need. Also think about this. going for a walk such as from point A to point B wherever it is, (not very public) have yourself go for this walk and make your starting point 'A' (Symbolizing your current ego) and walk to point B (Symbolizing your healed/ego riddance self) Example: Walk from a bridge over to a church or  walk from a urban area to a more forest like area / home.This walking technique is very common to give people an EGO DEATH (as what you want.) even to people who wernt planning on it. They where just going for a random walk and ate mushrooms and came out of the trip a whole new person as i read in many trip reports. Hope this helps! PM anytime 
Posted by golden myc (07/10/13 10:54 PM)

hey bud. also a combat vet from Iraqi freedom. divorced and remarried. did the whole prescription drug thing. there is pretty much a standard cocktail for vets.  it will numb u but wont fix u.  quit that years ago.  lost years of life from that.  good choice not to take them. 

I have re-visited many parts of my traumatic experiences from war and even other ones through the use of psychedelics. 

The shrooms do speak to you.  they r very much alive.  So far, when im on a high dose of shrooms I don't really bond with anyone but myself, so for me- I don't like to trip real high with my wife- but its ur call.   

How do we move on with our lives?  The lords prayer has a good clue when it says -to forgive our trespasses and forgive those that trespass against us.  Being that all humans on earth are all trying to do their best, in their own perception, we are all hurting others much of the time weither we know it or not.  Even in our best intentions, chances are that were doing something wrong according to the experience of another.

So for me, the first step in healing is forgiving myself for the things that I have done in my life.(no matter how bad)  And forgiving others for the pain they have bestowed upon me.

Its really about letting go, so we can move foreward. 

U are very correct, there is much more down the rabbit hole.  Such as you are not your body.  You can leave it at will.  You can be happy.  You can love, and spread love and make something beautiful in this world.  Also,  i remember that without the dark, would there be light?   Balance is in the middle. 

Just my 2 cents friend

 

 

 

Posted by Mushie23 (07/10/13 09:21 PM)
Eat the sacred mushroom with your wife out in nature; woods, beach, a field...etc.  It should help prioritize things for you.
I also recommend eating them alone in complete solitary, in nature again if possible.  Find a spot, park it, close your eyes and let GOD's gift do the rest:)