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MRCA Tyroler Gluckspilze
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The Fear

When it overtakes you

I had been drinking and smoking for two hours while driving to this southern town where my buddies brother lived. As soon as we had gotten there he whipped out some shrooms and we gobbled them up. I think i ate an eighth but it might of been more than that. I sat down and after two minutes i felt like my body was melting. All the people i saw and didnt know were demonic and even my friend greg. I closed my eyes but i still saw colors. It seemed like everyone was out to get me. There was tentacles in the carpet and a man with red eyes in the T.V. It seemed like all of the demons around me were looking into my soul with disgust. I had never been so scared in my life. I don't remember much after that. I remember that i started hallucinating. First i was a dog and all of them were treating me like one. The next i was a crystal meth adict doing meth and all of this. Then a man named tommy lee came in and tried to rape me. After that i couldn't remember my name, where i was, who i was with, or any of this. All i could remember saying was "i'm not crazy". Then my buddy greg would throw me on the could. It seemed like i was stuck in this moment for eternity. Then i remember them saying i was going through the stages. This was when i was on the ground twitching and having a seizure. After that a friend i didn't know took me for a drive around and i thought he was a cop taking me to the insane asylum. Then i thought he was driving me around asking me who i was because they didnt know who i was. After we went back to the house i started remembering everything but still was real afraid because i ripped the couch and i thought the guy wanted to beat me up. After that i started crying. Finally i was able to sleep after about 11 hours that felt like eternity. They were cool people and in the mourning i liked them. Went to breakfast. Drove back home. I slept all day and stayed up all night for days after that for about seventeen days. Making brownies and drinking and what not. Anyways on new years i drank way too much jack, drank so much i got alcohol poisoning. Blacked out and had a total loss of ego again. Woke up in the mourning and felt "different". I just wanted to be alone and felt serverly depressed without knowing it. I told my friend robert, "all human beings do is talk every day and i'm sick of it." People started looking strange like that Jim Morrison song. That severe depression stuck with me for a month before i finally got over it. My ego was still really low and i was in this philosophical state. Now if i smoke i feel like i'm trapped in eternity again and forget where iam and also get serverly scared and have a panic attack. The day after i drink or smoke i feel really anxious and weird and can't stay in places for very long without getting that same feeling. The fear also comes back at night when i try to go to bed so i've been beating it with melatonin. I can either ignore the fear and move on quitting smoking and drinking, or i can try and beat it. The feeling of alienation comes back when i use depressants now. Any suggestions? Thank you.

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