I decided one summer morning that I was going to something big. I never even tried pot really; I just wanted to really try something different. So I got some shrooms, and invited some friends who I knew were looking to try them as well. Well, I ended up having about 5 people over in my apartment. Four of us ate mushrooms, and the other two just watched. I had eaten much more than everyone else though, much more. I don't remember how much I had, but it was a lot.
I began to feel different about 20 minutes after having them. My legs started to feel bouncy, and I got really giggly and silly. I kept thinking that there were bugs on the table, and that things would move slightly in the corner of my eye. At this point, I had no idea what I was in for. My friends kept telling me that it was all in my head, and that I was just convincing myself that I was high. We decided to get a pizza, and we called the number and ordered one to be delivered. I was told to get some money. I began counting my coins, but I soon forgot why I was counting them, and arranged them in order of shininess. I then grouped them, and rearranged them, and started to play with them. My friends later came to ask what I was doing. I looked at him, and looked down at my money. He told me that it was okay and that they had enough anyways. Well, a couple of friends decided to wait outside for the pizza, while the others smoked pot on my balcony. For some reason though, the halls looked longer and curved. Outside, the cars all looked fuzzy, and soft. I went to go pet one, and cuddle up but my friends dragged me away, telling me we could get in trouble if I went near parked cars. I looked over, and the car was rocking slowly back, and fourth. I began to emulate the motion, and I decided to blurt out some nice words to the car. I said, "You sure are a nice looking car, aren't you?" My friends just asked me what I said, and just began to make fun of me, but I didn't care. I began to stare at any point of light on the street; mesmerized by the auras and stars.
The pizza guy came, and we paid and went upstairs. Well, we all started to eat when my one friend decided to hide a really scary looking statue of my dad's. He put it in the washroom when we were all outside waiting. One of the guys, unsuspecting of what hid in the washroom, exploded with laughter upon walking to the toilet. Everyone went to see and before you know it, the statue was in two on the floor. I just heard the big thud. At this point, I had no idea what was going on. Suddenly, everything was like I was watching a movie. It felt as if I was watching myself act, as opposed to thinking through my actions and choosing what to do. I go, see the statue, and just laugh myself. It was just like in a movie; perfectly in two on the floor. I must have laughed for ten minutes on the floor. After I calmed down, (and forgot why I was laughing), I went to the balcony to join some friends who were smoking. I sat down, and relaxed. Everything felt nice, for now. Then my one friend then shot a serious question: "Nick, so what are you going to do about that statue? Was it important to your dad or anything?" Then it hit me, like a bag of potatoes. The worst feeling in the world. I had just realized that what I saw actually happened, and I needed to do something about it. I could feel the fear run straight down my spine, and into my body. I was suddenly more scared than I was ever in my life. I had screwed up, and for the next hour, I sat alone on my balcony crying. I kept seeing odd shapes in the clouds, but mostly they were of people killing and eating each other. I felt sick, scared, and depressed. My thoughts were repeating themselves, saying I'm worthless, stupid, a tool, a loser, et cetera. And there was no escape. At this point, suicide was something I had begun to consider. Not to escape the trouble for the statue, but I just started to realize how bad my life was. It actually wasn't, and I don't know why I had considered this. One thing is for sure though, is I was completely irrational. I had no idea what was going on. I had a strange hatred for people I cared for, and started thinking really evil thoughts. None of them were mine, they just were told to me; my subconsiance yelling at me for what I've done in my past. I was told bad things about people, and didn't want to hear it. At that point, I promised myself not to become like one of those kids you read about in the paper, who ends up dead after trying some sort of drug, and threw away my knife (I usually carry a knife with me). I just wanted to get rid of it, so that I didn't have it. I did not want to use it, and ensure I could not get to be able to use it. Unfortunatly, that kind of backfired and ruined my friends trips since they just thought I became a suicidal maniac. Not only that, but time was just not there. I just sat on my balcony fused into the corner. I probably couldn't move if I wanted to. I probably cried, but I don't know. I looked inside, and my friends were standing, and morphing into each other. Soon, I realized only one of them was visible to me. And he was purple. I could not see what was happening at all. I think everyone was playing video games. One of my friends came out to try and calm me. He asked why I was so upset, and I told him it was because everyone just ruined my house. He told me that there were all sitting quietly playing games on my Xbox. I looked over, and he was right. He went inside, and came out after, and told me we were all going for a walk down the street. I stood in the room for about ten minutes. I heard people in my parent's room, and I waited for them to leave. Soon things seemed quiet. One guy came up and asked why I was still inside, and I replied that I was waiting for people to leave. He told me everyone was waiting for me downstairs. So I locked the door, took the elevator, and we walked down the street.
The six of us began to walk. They would ask me if I was okay and such, but I couldn't respond. I don't know why, whether it was that I didn't understand them, or if I didn't understand myself. I stared at them, and they just stared back. I would often stop and stare at the floor. I don't know why. Something would scare me, and I would freeze for a minute. The first car we saw happened to be a cop car, but I didn't know. The car pulled right in front of us, and into a parking lot. We all freaked out. The cruiser went behind a building, and we threw any narcotics we had to the floor and ran. Then somebody shouted that we need to stop running, or we'll look suspicious. We all stopped. The six of us split up, walking in multiple directions on both sides of the road. Then the cruiser left. It took us about ten minutes to collect everything. We continued out walk. We decided to go to a park down the road, by a lake and relax. After listening to the Numa Numa song fifty thousand times, we made it. I went straight to the monkey bars, and just played. My mind was a total wreck. I would act by impulse, not by planned thoughts. Nothing seemed real, yet they all seemed more real than ever. Things were more three-dimensional, and morphing. A Dodge Charger on the road became an Intrepid, which became a Focus, which became a Jetta, which became a Crown Victoria, which became an Explorer. I would often ask which car passed, and then comment how soft they looked. Leaves would glow in the dark, and color became relative to either green or purple. Trees were as if they were giant microchips on stands, and pine trees were like giant statues of witches. I went to my friends, unable to tell who was who. They all looked different, and would consistently morph. I got everyone's names wrong, and often call people names of people who weren't even there that night. Then I looked down the path, and saw somebody I didn't like. The shape was odd; very foreign. Its arms were in the air, and it was making faces at me. I pointed and asked who that was, and I shouted to whoever it was to stop making fun of me. I began to shout. And then scream. And before I knew it, I was all out beating the shit out of a garbage can. I'm pretty sure I would've broke my foot is my friend didn't break up the fight. We walked to a beach, and I began to hear a voice. A woman's voice. She was very kind sounding, and would speak in between beeps and tones. She told me to do things like talk to my friends, throw a rock into the water, dance, and clap, throw money in the air, and sing. I layed down, and closed my eyes. I saw a complex series of tubes. They were bright red, and intertwined. I began to think about things. Everything now seemed to make sense, yet no sense at all. I began to see other things; I saw the area, but as it appeared in other dimensions. Factories disappeared, reappeared, and were destroyed, and rebuilt. I watched buildings grow, and vanish, only to reappear again. I was at this point caught in a time warp. I looked at my friends, and their actions were giving me déjà vu. It was like I saw all this before, over and over and over again. I knew what was going to happen next as it happened, as the past became the present, and the future became the past. I became excited, and for a moment thought my dad's statue was not actually broken, but a figment of my imagination. It was just as I had always thought: a movie. I shut my eyes and tried to wake up, and opened my eyes to be somewhere else it seemed. I forgot who I was with, and where I lived. I had no identity, and no emotion. I was now a robot. Ironically, the whole night I had the robo walk from stiff muscles, and an absolute monotone voice from sore lungs. I got up and left. I wandered along through a field. I went to the park and sang myself a song. At this time, everyone regrouped and decided to go home. They found me and asked if I was okay. I didn't know what to say. I said, "Good. What year is it?" They were just astounded. My friend Pat said it's pretty early in the morning, and he needs to sleep for work the next day. At this point, I was scared that the shrooms would not leave my system. I did not know how long they lasted, and I didn't know what time or day it was. So we walked home, interrupted by me stopping once to watch an apartment dance with green and purple explosions of light. When we got home, I played Worms on the Xbox. I still had no emotions. Everything was at this point covered in beautiful fluorescent green and pink patterns. They were endless, and always changing. Worms was fun, and I would often read words on the screen just to hear myself speak. Of course, my voice was so off that everyone had to point it out "You should hear yourself talking, Nick." One guy said. I replied, "I can hear myself talking." Everyone burst into laughter. After what felt like an eternity, something clicked.
I felt different again; normal, and unbelievably happy. I began to laugh, and laugh, and laugh. It was amazing, like relief, comfort, and relaxation all at once. I had finally come home. The happy-period lasted about an hour, before the drug wore off completely. The night had come to a close, and it took me a week to piece the night together in chronological order. Time was warped in my memory, and I often forget who was with me, and how long that night really was. I will never forget though, the night in which I truly became a robot, and manipulated the dimensions. Since that night, I've began to notice the small things more, and more open and relaxed. Yes, I had a bad trip and it was horrible to go through, but in retrospect, I learned a lot from it. I learned a lot about my body, my mind, and my spirit. I know what I am capable of, and what the universe is capable of. I have seen the invisible, and done the impossible. I've visited a world unfamilliar to most people, while completly forgeting what home was like; what it was like to be in normality. Just a word of advice for those who want to try mushrooms: have some experience first. Try pot first, and then a little amount of mushrooms. Do not have a lot unless you are experienced. In a state of mind as low as that, things can fuck up fast. You need to be used to an altered thought process, and know what to do in the event of a bad trip. Just please, don't kill yourself. Respect others, but most importantly respect your mind. Don't critizize what you don't know; don't assume where you could be wrong. Fight for your rights, as well as for the rights of others.
"Turn on, tune in, drop out."