Well, I took mushrooms for the first time last night. Ive always wanted
to do them, but just have never been able to find them. Last week, one
of my friends managed to get 2.5 grams of shrooms and decided to split
them with me.
wasn't really expecting much from 1.25 grams, but these things must
have been extremely potent, or all the reading and preparing for the
trip I did payed off. They were small and very dry mushroom stems,
caps, and shake. Most of the shrooms very completely blue. The smell
was gross, like a mold or fungus, but the taste was not bad at all. The
taste wasn't strong and was similar to hay, not bad, but not good.
After trying to eat Syrian rue seeds and HB wood rose seeds, these
things tasted like chocolate. Although the taste seemed to linger in my
mouth throughout most of the trip, even after drinking.
itself was completely different than what I was expecting. I was
expecting to just be really fucked up, to the point of seeing things,
similar to smoking a lot of really good weed. But it wasn't like that
at all, the body high wasn't very strong at all, similar to a bowl of
indica dominant marijuana, but mentally the trip was unreal.
put on a burnt CD, Radiohead's in rainbows CD 1 and 2, and just thought
and discussed things with my friend. It felt as if id finally been
liberated, like I'd been living my life in a shell up until that point
and was finally awake. It was just amazing, and is incredibly difficult
to put into words, it was the most spiritual moment of my entire life.
The euphoria I felt was so incredibly powerful that all I could do was
sit smiling, it cant be described in words, but it felt like I had
finally connected to what I want to call god. When I say god though, I
just mean the infinite. The place where we were before we were born,
the place we go where we die, that which is intangible, yet makes up
everything. It was incredible, right as I was thinking this, radioheads
reckoner was playing.
"You are not to blame for Bittersweet distractor Dare not speak its name Dedicated to all you all human beings"
sang, and I understood completely. All that I had been thinking about,
this intangible connection that we all unknowingly share was there, as
it always had been, and realizing this caused me such joy, that not
even MDMA could compare.
The mushrooms gave me the most powerful
sense of insight that I've ever had, and I never imagined it could do
so. It was like the shrooms had given me access to all of the difficult
questions I'd though of for as long as I can remember. I saw through
all the bullshit in reality, I realized all the games that we play, the
way that we go through our lives in auto pilot, and don't even live.
felt like all the stupid things we worry about in our life were so
completely absurd and meaningless. I thought about the social games we
play with each, how we always have our guard up, presenting an image.
It was as if everyone was constantly wearing mask's.
I felt like
very little mattered anymore. School, selling our souls for green
paper, even my very own life seemed so insignificant. This realization
was hard to handle and really depressed me. The feeling that everything
I had been doing up until this point was total bullshit, and I was just
playing a social game.
It was very confusing, and I kept
thinking that after this there was no returning, Id eaten the forbidden
fruit, and almost wished I hadn't. I deeply regretted knowing that I'd
have to put my mask back on, and wondered how Id ever be able to return
to the bullshit world we live in.
I got caught in a few
negative loops I think, just thinking about how nothing really mattered
anymore. I started thinking about the role DMT plays in the human mind,
the way that DMT is released in the brain when we die. I thought that
maybe the reason that the the mushrooms gave near death experiences,
and made me reach such nirvana that I wouldn't mind dying anymore had
something to do with this (the active chemical in mushrooms is 4-ho-dmt
I gained insight into all the issues going on in my
life, and it really helped me sort things out, from the possible mental
addiction I was beginning to develop with marijuana, to my relationship
with my family members, to the way I treat strangers. It was all so
incredibly powerful, and I really think that this experience will
change the way I view and interact with the world in a positive manner.
in no rush to take mushrooms again, the negative part of the trip was
extremely depressing, but I had read that to some, the mushroom trip is
a manic depressive roller coaster with extreme highs and lows.
reason Ive been writing all this is just to get my thoughts out in
writing, Ive been so overwhelmed by the amount I learned from the
experience. I believe the reason my experience was so positive was
because of all the reading I did on other peoples experiences, and felt
the need to share mine with anyone who might care. Mushrooms are a very
powerful mental tool, that can really cause a positive change in
people. I don't think of them like I used to anymore, I thought the
focus was on the visual aspect and the fun from the experience. But
that is so insignificant compared the the change in a person thought
process and psyche that they can almost be viewed as side effects.
Thanks for reading, and check out radioheads newest CD, in rainbows, it'll blow you away.