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Spiritual Epiphanies In Rainbows
After two years of waiting, I finally had my first mushroom trip!
Well, I took mushrooms for the first time last night. Ive always wanted to do them, but just have never been able to find them. Last week, one of my friends managed to get 2.5 grams of shrooms and decided to split them with me.
I wasn't really expecting much from 1.25 grams, but these things must have been extremely potent, or all the reading and preparing for the trip I did payed off. They were small and very dry mushroom stems, caps, and shake. Most of the shrooms very completely blue. The smell was gross, like a mold or fungus, but the taste was not bad at all. The taste wasn't strong and was similar to hay, not bad, but not good. After trying to eat Syrian rue seeds and HB wood rose seeds, these things tasted like chocolate. Although the taste seemed to linger in my mouth throughout most of the trip, even after drinking.
The trip itself was completely different than what I was expecting. I was expecting to just be really fucked up, to the point of seeing things, similar to smoking a lot of really good weed. But it wasn't like that at all, the body high wasn't very strong at all, similar to a bowl of indica dominant marijuana, but mentally the trip was unreal.
I put on a burnt CD, Radiohead's in rainbows CD 1 and 2, and just thought and discussed things with my friend. It felt as if id finally been liberated, like I'd been living my life in a shell up until that point and was finally awake. It was just amazing, and is incredibly difficult to put into words, it was the most spiritual moment of my entire life. The euphoria I felt was so incredibly powerful that all I could do was sit smiling, it cant be described in words, but it felt like I had finally connected to what I want to call god. When I say god though, I just mean the infinite. The place where we were before we were born, the place we go where we die, that which is intangible, yet makes up everything. It was incredible, right as I was thinking this, radioheads reckoner was playing.
"You are not to blame for
Dare not speak its name
Dedicated to all you
all human beings"
Thom sang, and I understood completely. All that I had been thinking about, this intangible connection that we all unknowingly share was there, as it always had been, and realizing this caused me such joy, that not even MDMA could compare.
The mushrooms gave me the most powerful sense of insight that I've ever had, and I never imagined it could do so. It was like the shrooms had given me access to all of the difficult questions I'd though of for as long as I can remember. I saw through all the bullshit in reality, I realized all the games that we play, the way that we go through our lives in auto pilot, and don't even live.
I felt like all the stupid things we worry about in our life were so completely absurd and meaningless. I thought about the social games we play with each, how we always have our guard up, presenting an image. It was as if everyone was constantly wearing mask's.
I felt like very little mattered anymore. School, selling our souls for green paper, even my very own life seemed so insignificant. This realization was hard to handle and really depressed me. The feeling that everything I had been doing up until this point was total bullshit, and I was just playing a social game.
It was very confusing, and I kept thinking that after this there was no returning, Id eaten the forbidden fruit, and almost wished I hadn't. I deeply regretted knowing that I'd have to put my mask back on, and wondered how Id ever be able to return to the bullshit world we live in.
I got caught in a few negative loops I think, just thinking about how nothing really mattered anymore. I started thinking about the role DMT plays in the human mind, the way that DMT is released in the brain when we die. I thought that maybe the reason that the the mushrooms gave near death experiences, and made me reach such nirvana that I wouldn't mind dying anymore had something to do with this (the active chemical in mushrooms is 4-ho-dmt I believe).
I gained insight into all the issues going on in my life, and it really helped me sort things out, from the possible mental addiction I was beginning to develop with marijuana, to my relationship with my family members, to the way I treat strangers. It was all so incredibly powerful, and I really think that this experience will change the way I view and interact with the world in a positive manner.
I'm in no rush to take mushrooms again, the negative part of the trip was extremely depressing, but I had read that to some, the mushroom trip is a manic depressive roller coaster with extreme highs and lows.
The reason Ive been writing all this is just to get my thoughts out in writing, Ive been so overwhelmed by the amount I learned from the experience. I believe the reason my experience was so positive was because of all the reading I did on other peoples experiences, and felt the need to share mine with anyone who might care. Mushrooms are a very powerful mental tool, that can really cause a positive change in people. I don't think of them like I used to anymore, I thought the focus was on the visual aspect and the fun from the experience. But that is so insignificant compared the the change in a person thought process and psyche that they can almost be viewed as side effects.
Thanks for reading, and check out radioheads newest CD, in rainbows, it'll blow you away.
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