Life is what you make of it. You can do anything.

(this is an excert taken from a writing a did)

I r 17 years old.

In another trip I had. Four of us decided to trip on a Sunday night. Let me say now that the day, weekend, was one of the most overwhelming experiences of my life. Earlier that day, and Saturday before, I had been attending a Martial Arts (Budo Taijutsu) seminar. The person teaching this seminar is possibly the most intelligent person I know. Not only is he incredible at this art, but his personality is indescribable. He can answer anything with the wisest of answers. And it was in his lectures (not boring) which really had an effect on my perception of life.

    Back to the trip. We ingested our mushrooms at around 10:30 p.m. or so. I hadn’t had much to eat that day to begin with so when they hit, they hit me hard. It was maybe 20 minutes from when finshing eating and I glanced at my friend beside me. Both of us had the same expression. If you’ve ever shroomed before im sure you can recognize the grin/smirk face at the beginning of a trip. I looked into the corner of the ceiling and it started. The shadows all poured into that corner as the colors around me changed dramatically. All I could think was “wow I ate a lot and this is hitting me harder than salvia.” My other friend then decided to put in BeerFest as to watch it. My god, this was so great. I remember saying “man you have an amazing sound system.” “what are you doing about? Its not even on”  “OOooh man.” this was crazy. I remember seeing them at Beerfest and the crowd being so alive. I thought I was there. No, I was there. And let me tell you, I was having the time of my life. I was told I was throwing my fists in the air and all. Thinking you’re at Beerfest is one of the greatest feelings ever. This wonderful feeling would soon be diminished.

    It soon came that time when I had to pee. Knowing my friends basement bathroom didn’t flush, I went through the Flex room and outside to do my business. As I was relieving myself I stared at this tree. All of the sudden these body figures began forming out of the tree and coming towards me (if you’ve ever seen Constantine, these figures looked just like the demons that followed Constantine guy in hell). This was way too intense. I quickly pulled my pants up and ran back inside (too the flex room. Might I add there were no lights here. Total darkness). It was then I found myself in a whole new place. I was so scared. I tried falling asleep but of course that’s impossible and every time I looked at my phone for the time it went backwards. I specifically remember seeing 1:53 go to 3:56. Now that I think of it, Im not sure whether time was going forward or leaving. There was no time. I had been sent to Hell. Many thoughts had gone through my mind at this point. Many revolving around myself and my family.

    A couple of weeks prior to this I had done some LSD. It was the day before Xmas eve. Sometime after that I had a flashback in the middle of a dream. I called my mother and told her I had had the craziest most real dream ive ever had (not thinking this was caused from the acid). Of course she had asked “have you taken anything.” I told her no but something told ME no. I just came out with it and told her the truth. We talked about my trips in the past and she was cool with it because I was honest. However the only thing she wanted was that I don’t “trip” while under her roof….

    ….”oh my god, im tripping and all my mom asked was for me to do as im told. I couldn’t even do that” I couldn’t forgive myself. All I knew was that I was going to hell for what I did and the worst part about it was that there was so way of saying sorry. So many thoughts. How could I do such a thing? I felt SO bad. All my parents have done, moving to better locations for better schooling, defending me, all of these kinds of things. I guess you could just call it Love. Basically, everything my parents had every done for my benefit had been wasted. I wanted so bad to just be able to be alive and to tell them how sorry I was. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. And now I was stuck here in Hell only to live the rest of what I thought was eternity grieving.

    This went on for quite awhile. Soon as my thoughts were racing I remember getting to that topic of life. This was very enlightening. Since I had died I wanted to know what the meaning of life was. And after many trips in my life this was the trip that broke through. I finally got the answer. My eyes were closed and I was in another dimension of extraordinary kaleidoscopes. I want to say something told me what life was, but it was just me. I figured out life is what you want it to be. If you want something to happen, you have the power to make it happen. As I thought about this I began thinking, well if any being can make anything happen, and we have many people doing this, how does the universe put it all together. Im not sure if that makes sense, but what Im trying to say is. Lets say theres a girl im into, if I really want to be with her I can make it happen. But in doing that, does that mean that she made that happen to me? I wanted to know how the universe put everything together to work so well. I contemplated this even further. Oh yea and I forgot to say as I was in this room, everyone else would say (from the other room) “wheres D?” (D being me of course). Every time someone would ask this question I would pop my head out the door and reply “yes?!” and then go back in my dark realm. Hearing them call my name was the only thing that would help me grasp reality.


    Later I went back to the room with the others. I was still going crazy. But this time when people would try to talk to me all I would hear was “ hes black! Hes black! Nigger! Nigger!” I thought to myself, no way are they all saying this. These are my friends since elementary school, how could they do that to me in this state. I decided to put that aside with the whole Im in Hell factor. We put on comedy central and Drawn Together was one. Let me say, I fucking hate this show to begin with. But this time, this was the worst. It was SO gory, so trippy, so, so, so weird. I thought each commercial was the end of another episode of drawn together. It wouldn’t stop and it was too much to bare.

    All of us felt the same way so of course we decided to go outside to blaze. We went outside and it looked totally different from earlier. I knew I was there but I didn’t look anything like where I actually was, I just knew it was there though because ive lived around here for years. So we go to the trail and light up. As we chilled, I remember looking down at my feet. I was standing on a bunch of stacked up rocks only about a foot wide, swaying side to side. I looked at everyone else and they had it too! I dared not move from my spot. It was then I remembered what I had learned in that dark room. I could make anything happen. I looked at a friend (drunk at the time, not shrooming) and thought to myself, im going to make him give me dap. Wouldn’t you know it, he looked me with his hand out asking for some dap. This was so cool I thought, but I let it be for then. The blunt was done and for no reason at all, 3 of my friends decided to go to the other side of the bridge while 3 of us chilled where we were. I had no clue why that had happened. But they remained in their group while we did ours. I figured that was just how that side of the bridge was and left it at that.

    We went back inside and I was doing a bit better than earlier. I had a seat and we all just talked. I was looking at this girl (she had came a bit after we ate our shrooms and ate some of her own) and her started changing all sorts of colors. Then I noticed something remarkably awesome. Her breasts were growing. For a male, this is one of the coolest things ever. I can die happy, ive seen boobs grow and something else grow before on shrooms, but that another story. She asked me wtf are you looking at. I couldn’t answer her. I mean I tried but I guess I was so dumbfounded I couldn’t speak. That or I was just on shrooms hehe.  Anyway, sooner or later I thought to myself, what if my friends dad comes down cause were too loud or something…a few minutes later we heard footsteps above us. Me and that girl ran to the bathroom to hide. I was thinking wow I just made another thing happen. Why is this happening? Its never happened before. I tried to make since of it just being shrooms, but I realized if it were just the shrooms, his dad wouldn’t really be coming. But he was. My friend went up to talk to him and I don’t know what happened. Me and the girl ran out the back and she then dropped me and another friend off at his house. Oh and as we pulled out the neighborhood, this car that was in a neighborhood across the street sped across to our side and slowly drove past us. This only creeped me out because it was around 5 or something I don’t really know seeing as how in shroomland theres no concept of time. Which brings me to another thing, time is man made. Time limits us and what we can do, I mean its convenient, but just think about it.

    Back at this kids house. He went to pass out right as we got in. Me, I just sat in a chair and thought. Im definitely in hell. How did I end up here? I don’t want to be here. Theres no one else here. All I wanted was to be with my family again. You would think that this far into my trip itd almost be over and visuals beginning to fade. Nope, they were still there and that lead to me to really believe I was stuck in hell tripping on shrooms forever. I ended up crying and I guess felt a sleep for awhile. I woke up maybe an hour later. I wasn’t tripping anymore. But I wasn’t too sure I wasn’t still in hell. I quickly left without saying a word anyone! And walked home. After I got home I knew I was safe.

    If you read this whole thing, that means a lot to me. This was by far the most devastating thing to ever happen to me. Far more impacting than even a death in the family. I have witnessed my own death. However, im glad I was put through this. Its been almost a year since this happened and the things I learned that night are still with me today. Before this I thought I was a mushroom master, but this night definitely taught me that the mushroom king is king for a reason and demands respect. So if you, reading this, should be thinking about shrooming (and I don’t condone the usage of any drug) please eat thing with respect. You can learn a lot about yourself from these. JUST BE CAREFUL!! A good mindset and setting is always key.