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I Was in Hell, It's Not as Bad as You Think
my first trip
After hanging out with a pothead i knew from work a few times, we decided to do much more than smoke up. I had never tried shrooms before and was anxious to see what was so great about it. We bought a fat 1/8th and split it 3 ways. It didnt taste bad to me, smelled like feet, but with penut butter i could barely taste it. I didnt experience any nausea my first few times, so I was good there. About 40 minutes in I burst out in laughter and cant stop smiling. My friends ask me if I'm alright, and kinda laugh at me. I find it hard to respond with anything articulate so I find myself just not talking. I go to the bathroom to try and gather myself and get stuck, just staring into the mirror a million thoughts going through my head at the same time. I LIKE THIS :) I think to myself. We all start watching tv. My buddy and his sister are tripping with me, while my buddy's girl is sober. So there we are watching tv, time is going sooooo slow. A show lasting a half hour feels more like 2 hours. The reality TV shows start to feel like sick perversions of decent living, if that makes any sense. My buddy's girl is painting a jar but as I start looking at what shes doing her face starts to swirl and morph......then, I start imagining the red paint she's using start to more and more resemble blood, somehow I get the idea in my mind that she isnt really painting at all, and the paintbrush starts to look to me more like a razor blade. I start imagining the red paint is blood dripping from her wrists. I say nothing, up to this point i have said almost nothing to anyone. While this image disturbs me, it quickly leaves when everyone decides they want to go outside. NO!! I say, afraid something bad will happen to us if we go outside....I then stand in the way of the door laughing and saying to them we shouldnt go out....they laugh at me and convince me to come with them.....and so we walk through the halls of the apartment onto a common rear balcony of the apartment buildings. This isnt so bad i think. Ok, we arent going out on the streets. I look at my friends sister. Shes so pretty, but at this point I have well forgotten who she even is, I ask her name, she laughs when she sees I have no idea who she is. We are back in the apartment now, I forget why but someone starts telling me, as if to explain whats going on "you ate mushrooms". I then reply with "what are mushrooms"? I am very confused at this point. My buddy rolls a joint with some dirtweed I brought over and passes it to me to spark it. Intrigued I stare at it with wonder, he then asks if I'm going to smoke, I smile stare at the joint then start to rub it in between my two fingers until it falls apart all over the floor. Everyones laughing including me, I couldnt get over the tactile feeling of rubbing things in my hand. At one point my friend tries to give me a cracker sandwich with a slice of meat, it ends up in a million crumbs on the carpet after I rubbed it into oblivion. I still do not know why I was doing this. At this point I have completely forgotten who any of the people in the room were, since i have only hung out with the guy maybe 4 or 5 times. Shit, I forgot who I was! I didn't know my name, how was I supposed to remember anyone else. I did however start to think about things in my life i was doing wrong, how I treat my mother especially. Well that goes on for a while and we are probably about 3-4 hours in. I couldnt tell if the peak was ever gonna let off. Then another idea popped into my head ignited by 2 of my friends friends visiting him. First, the guy who sold him the shrooms, he was a skinny tweaker lookin dude, real sickly. When I saw him I started to wonder if i was in a crackden, and how I got here. This was partly because my buddys apartment was kinda poor since he didnt have a lot of money. Well I started to feel like I was some kind of drug addict and felt a little bit of shame for this. However when his other friend came to visit and talk to me things got much darker. I saw his friend and saw the devil in him. Then I started to realize that this crackden I was in is my own personalized version of hell the devil has created for me. I then said outloud "so this is what hell is like". Now to understand how I could make this leap you only need to see this guy in person. For one, he's a redhead with a goatee. if that isnt enough hes balding and has the forehead of the classic demon/devil image you always see in literature and movies. And so there I am, believing I am in hell, these thoughts make me feel very uneasy and low. Now I am not showing any obvious signs of a bad trip, mostly I have been keeping to myself and unable to speak to anyone, even if I wanted to. So I was far from freaking out, and it was a negative thought stream, though it did not last long and I was happy again in a little while. Overall it was an exceptional trip. Never in my sober mind could I ever imagine losing myself so much that I forget my own identity, this had not even been a possibility in my world before shrooms. It has opened my mind, and as I came down from this trip I could not believe the complete loss of reality. I really wasnt expecting it to be so mind-blowing. I had a good first trip, I'm just glad I didnt do anything stupid, like eat a whole 1/8th my first time. I'm obviously sensitive to the effects of this beautiful fungus.
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