Death and rebirth

I started growing mushrooms a good while ago. Its not hard at all, and saves me the time of hunting them in fields and pastures. After a few harvests I had a good 40 - 50 g of dried shrooms, and felt comfortable about giving away and sharing with others. Which is exactly what I did this day:

I arrived at my friends house at noon, and we went about the business right away. My friend Martin had never eaten shrooms before, so I was the "experienced" one. I dished out two heaps of shrooms: about 3,5 g's for each of us. We ate them slowly listning to Elvis and chatting about the similarities between Elvis' drummer Ronnie Tutt and the Cookie Monster.

After about 20 minutes I started to hallucinate: I saw a huge structure floating in midair. It looked too big to fit into the room we were in, but it transcended both time and space. In my perception it altered between looking like parts of a craft, and a huge mask. It was vaguely shaped like a wing (seen from above), and when I could see more of it, like a stingray (the fish) or a butterfly. It was beautiful to look at, and I tried to convey this to Martin. I failed, of course.

Martin on his side, was feeling like a little kid again. We both played around with things we found laying about, and tried to eat a little, but it was hard, because we were laughing so hard. This went on for quite a while, until Martin settled in front of the fireplace to have a smoke and play with the fire. Watching the fire and the smoke dancing was amazing.

When the OEV had ceased a bit, and we both were calming down a bit, entering the introspective yet talkative fase, we sat down and put on some of the music we used to dig back in the days. I was starting to feel relieved that the trip had gone so well (I was nearly euphoric during parts of it), when suddenly I felt there'd been a change in the mood.

I had been talking quite extensively, and was suddenly aware that my fellow tripper didn't look so good. I asked him if I was bulldozing him over, and he answered that, yeah, he felt kind of run over. I was put aback by this, even though I knew he was right, and so I tried asking him how he felt. That's when it all fell apart!

For some reason, the whole atmosphere changed, and Martin and I both started sweating a lot. After some low key small talk things just got more and more omnious by the second. Or so I felt. Suddenly, as I was watching his face, Martins eyes rolled back in his skull, and he started having convultions and spasms. Then, after a few more seconds he stopped breathing, and I nearly lost it.

I sprang to my feet, grabbed hold of Martins trembling frame and talked loudly to him to focus on his breath. I repeated this over and over, while scary thoughts of hospitalization and death ran through my mind. Martin woke up shortly there after, but looked awful, much like I felt. He said he felt very unsecure, and we hugged for a long time. He then came to rest on the couch beside me, and I held my arm around him, my heart still racing. I thought that he might have had some kind of a physiological reacion to the shrooms - that I'd poisoned him.

He then asked me if it was ok for him to sleep, and I said yes, but as soon as the words had left my mouth, he was in the deepest stupor, and I became scared again. I commanded that he go take a shower, and so he did, and after this things cooled down a bit. We sat in the bathroom talking a good while before I finally calmed down.

Later we went for a walk, and walked many miles talking. It turned out that Martin had had a TOTALLY different view of things: He'd felt like I had taken over his whole life with my talking, and that all I said was good/right, and all he thought was bad/wrong. He said, that in the end, it felt like I was defining his right to live, and that he didn't feel he had the right to live.

Anyway, what I thought was a death scene - I really thought Martin was going to die - Martin experienced as a rebirth, after that, he said he felt things picking up. To me that's when I hit rock bottom. Funny how differently a situation can be percieved.

This whole experience taught me alot. I guess I thought too much of my own experience, and somehow tried to impose this on Martin. He said to me afterwards, "To night Peter, you could have lead a people". I felt ashamed, because, at one point of our session, that's exactly how I felt.

Since then, I've decided to be more careful about about talking too much while under the influence of the Shroom.

Thinking good, talking bad.