I lost myself

Oh man let me get the brain juices flowing once again to remeber all the miniscule insane aspects of the trip I had 3 weeks ago.  First let me set the scenario.

I'm 19 and I've tripped my fair share.  If I had to estimate I would say 10 or so mushroom trips and about 5 acid trips.  I've never had a "Bad" trip but I've had afew that where to intense for me to feel comfortable with.  The trip I'm about to share with you is exponentionally stronger than the strongest trip I had ever had beforehand.  Aspects of my enviroment, play-mates, and play-things, all had a lot to do with how my trip went.

So its late febuary and I live in the midwest.  It's a Saturday afternoon and we got hit hard with an ice storm the night before.  I had 2 hits of acid I had snagged up the night before and planned on inviting a friend to have a little triptogether with me at my appartment and just kick it and hide from the crazy weather.  So I drive accross town to kick it with a buddy of mine for the afternoon.  We play a little bit of Lost Planet on the 360 and cant beat this boss so as motivated individuals we decide we should just turn it off and go get high. 

We're leaving my friends house and his mom warns us that no responsible adults would go outside in this weather.  Personally I find that amusing because I dont even try to pretend like I'm a responsible adult. So we leave.  We're cruizing around smoking and a buddy of mine who lives near by calls me and asks if I want to come kick it with him and drink a bit.  This friend of mine is what I would consider a responsible adult so I consider it a priviledge he wants me to come over and witness him intoxicated, he doesnt usually drink.  

Clarification =  I'm Zach,  the buddy in my car is Alex, and we're heading over to Adam's house.

Alright so we're on our way over to Adam's and I start getting calls from kids that live near my appartment telling me our power is out.  That sucks..  Power starts going out all around the neighborhoods I'm driving in.  That also sucks.  We get to Adam's and he does have power, he reassures us his will not go out because he is on the same circuit as a very large office building near by.  So we start chillin and drinking a little Jack Daniel's.  By now its snowing very hard and the likelyhood of anything happening the next day is very slim.  I decide this would be a good night to go crazy and just paint the town red.  I talk to Adam and Alex and neither of them want to eat some acid with me so I pop one myself (liquid on a sweet tart).  We're chillin and Adam recalls he has a 1/4 of some really good mushrooms that were going around about a month before he decides he'll trip with me and eats about a 1/16.  Its been about an hour and my 1 hit of acid isnt taking me to the edge I want it to so I take the other.  Adams having a good time with his half bag and I'm pretty good with my 2 hits and some jack and weed.  Some time elapses and its snowing insane.  Adam and I are both avid snowboarders so we decide to call up his friend that has a huge pick up truck and ask him to pull us around this parking lot.  About an hour later after being pulled behind a car on a saucer in a parking lot we decide we should drive across town and build a big snowboard ramp on this big hill.  At this time power is out in about 75% of the city and everything the next day is cancelled.  I'm trippin alright on my 2 hits of acid its a nice energetic fun time.  I ask adam if I could have a couple shrooms before we head to the hill.  He said he'll trade me whatever I want for some of my pot.  I ate about 5g of his shrooms.

We get packed up and take off with our boards to go to this hill.  I can imagine the shrooms and acid swirling together in my brain and it makes me giggle while I'm riding in a car to the hill.  I'm feeling awesome at this time.  We get to the hill and meet some other friends they have beer and they're getting there drunk on.  I'm tripping pretty hard and exerting myself way to hard to build this ramp  we finish the ramp Im all sweaty so I sit in the snow crack a beer and smoke a joint.  WHAMMM!  Thos mushrooms must of hit me hard and I started climbing the peak.  I walk up to the top of the hill and strap my snowboard in ready to hit the ramp.  I start going down the hill and I have no sense of balance at all I hit the ramp going really fast get really high and bust my ass.  I walk to the top of the hill.

I'm now peaking off 2 hits and 5g.  I'm drenched in sweat and standing on top of a huge hill in the middle of a blizzard.  I start to question what I was thinking.   I'm peaking I cant talk.  I dont want to talk.  I'm tripping so hard I cant tell if it day or night.  All the trees had ice on the branches so they looked like something from lost planet and I felt like I was on a lost planet.  I come to the conclusion we are a lost planet and I'm just a lost soul inhabbiting it.  I dont feel like I'm in my body  I feel like I can almost see myself dying on this hill.  Everythign in life seems miniscule the whole idea of time and humanity just seem like a disorganized chaotic ball of stress.  I remeber feeling pathetic.  Not like myself but I felt like humanity was pathetic  I'm on top of a hill while my whole city is being engullfed in a blizzard.  I felt like anarchy could errupt in any second.  We we're all on the brink of chaos.  The line of sanity and insanity wasnt defined while I was on the hill I came to the conlcusion that the idea of life was insane.  I would have been content to die standing there.  I felt like I had died, I felt like my soul had left the idea of Zach.  My name my reputation my accomplishments my everything Zach would consider the pieces that make him who he was were just gone.  I was lost.  Because I felt like nothing I felt an inner peace.  I felt like I was floating above life and life was just an idea that humanity believed in. 

I came down a bit and realized I was freezing soaking wet and very uncomfortable with my surroundings.  I went back to adam's house changed and chilled on the couch.  I remeber being happy I was alive and back to reality  from this trip I realized life is what you make it and its all the little things you take for granted that make a person trully happy.  I petted adams dog and talked to him about his son.  I gave him props for being a great dad.  I was so happy I could have cried and life seemed perfect in adams warm little house.  Recalling that night is crazy I could have written a book but I tried to make it a little less strenuous on the reader. 

Anyway I dont plan on tripping for awhile but I do anticipate it.  I think when psycedelics are used correctly the magic is healing.  Peace out guys I hope you enjoyed my trip! 

ps I dont see the spell check so I apologize if I butchered some words, I was typing fast