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the world in my eyes

first trip with some friends...i am amazed.

i had been waiting for months to try shrooms, but the kids we were getting them from took a long time to get them to us after we'd paid. but yesterday we finally got them. i was with 3 friends- the one who drove (let's call her crystal), the one who was already somewhat experienced (david), and the one who had tried them a few times before (lisa).  we drove to a park where we could be, for the most part, undisturbed.  this was my first time, so it sucked when i was told i had to eat powder (instead of the chocolate they got), and only had water to help it go down.  they told me i had to do this as fast as possible, so they helped me pour all of it into my mouth. and when i tried to swallow i was overwhelmed with the foul taste and couldn't get the majority of it down. i actually started throwing up, and i was pretty pissed off that i couldn't have just had chocolate. but crystal let me have some of her chocolate which was absolutely fine. so, no more powder for me. ever again.

i figured that since i didn't get a whole lot, i wasn't going to feel anything. but i decided to walk around and stood against a tree, just looking at things for a while to try to notice some changes. i saw the breathing of the trees that i'd read about and thought, well, thats cool, but didn't expect much more.  david was sitting on a bench about 50 yards away. crystal had, after some time, gone to join him and the two kids that had given us the shrooms (they showed up out of nowhere).  Lisa and I chose to sit on another bench. she said she was already seeing amazing colors and 2D looking images all around. so after a while, the ground and reeds around me started to move. everything was rippling and i was in a really happy mood, although angry that crystal and david weren't with us. things then began form bright colors and swirling around. i was totally captivated and didn't know how to explain the pleasure of seeing it all. looking up at the sky, i saw a huge face. it looked like something like a hindu-buddha esque face, as if it were a higher being looking down on us. it was really cool to hear later that david and lisa had seen the same image.

i really wanted to see what music would sound like, so i got out my ipod and listened to some daivd bowie. of course it's hard to describe, but each sound was intensified as far as how beautiful it sounded. i was listening through headphones but the sound seemed to come from all around, like a was sitting in a huge arena or stadium.  lisa and i watched as david and crystal went across this bridge to the other side of the park. crystal called me and said that we should go with her, but i didnt want to leave. i felt attached to this bench i was sitting on, and everything around me. unfortunately, she was our only means of transportation so we had to go with her. i began walking away with lisa, and when i turned to look back at this bench, i felt like i was leaving home and needed to say goodbye. we got in crystal's car and sat there, wondering where david was. she said that he was throwing up and feeling horrible. apparently, his chocolate was far too intense, and overwhelming to the point of paranoia. he got in the car and he was completely pale and sickly looking. although he actually didn't throw up, he said he felt like he was going to die. not physically, but mentally. crystal began driving to another side of the park and stopped in a parking lot. lisa and david had both become very afraid and thought they would die if we kept driving. (its important to mention that crystal didn't have much of her share at all, so she wasn't affected. therefore she was able to drive). 

david was in the back seat laying down, and said he had to pee but he couldn't. his voice was very calm and steady, but he must have said about 20 times "im sorry if i pee in your car. like, im really sorry". and it was the funniest thing ever. then he and lisa would both say "crystal. dont drive anywhere. please just stay here. dont drive".  then crystal would say "guys...its okay. everything is perfectly fine. dont worry".  and this whole time i just sat there fascinated by the colors and beauty all around me, and laughing at the whole situation. this little episode in the car literally replayed over, and over, and over again. each person saying the same thing and crystal's reassurance wasn't helping at all. finally, crystal took command and drove out of the parking lot and went in the direction of this cemetery we go to sometimes. i wasn't worried whatsoever that we'd crash but both of them in the back were still scared they'd die.

i got my ipod back out while we were still driving along these tree-lined, country roads. i put on the cure and listened to the song "world in my eyes". and i hadn't ever realized how extremely psychedelic that music is. and for good reason, because it was the most amazing and beautiful sound i'd ever heard. every tree and thing around me flowed with the music, and i could hear everything perfectly. if you get the chance, listen to that song while you're tripping

when we got to the cemetery, i was so glad we'd come there. it's situated on a big hill with an apple orchard behind it, and at the top you can see for miles. we parked at the top where i could look at these bare trees with branches that were tangled together, forming celtic-like designs with fascinating colors. it looked like an eerie picture from a story or movie. i wanted to write my thoughts so i got out a composition book and started jotting down notes. i wasn't able to write fast at all, and my hands were really sweaty. but the coolest thing was just watching myself write. i didnt feel like i was controlling the pen, but that i was watching my hand write for me.

lisa and david were still kind of freaking out, so crystal was trying to comfort them. i saw her as our mother, and caretaker. like, that was her role in the world. and she looked absolutely beautiful. i dont know what other word to use for these things but beautiful so i'm sorry it this sounds redundant. i was so mystified by everything around me i felt kind of stupid, but all-knowing at the same time. i was understanding that the only thing that mattered in this world was love and beauty. id almost lost sense that im a woman, there was no gender to identify with. i was feeling at one with the earth, and wanted it to stay that way. i couldn't even imagine the 4 of us as humans anymore, or what life used to be like. i only knew this, and my place in the earth.

in an attempt to calm down lisa, crystal put on some music. and appropriately, she chose the doors. however, she only had one song by them on her ipod- lovestreet. its a very happy song and is comforting. but lisa insisted we played that song again, and again, and again. i was forced to listen to it for a good hour. although it felt more like a lifetime. and i felt like the  mentally unstable guy in a movie, laughing hysterically as he slowly falls into madness while listening to this music that plays on and on and on. i decided to get out of the car, and then got ontop of it, to stand on the roof. i wasn't afraid that i'd fall or die, though i knew i wasn't invincible. i could see on for miles...all these hilly fields and the peaceful countryside. i didn't ever want to leave.

i suppose about 4 hours had passed since we took the shrooms, and we needed to start getting back to town. then it was as so many people have described before-- the roadsigns and manmade buildings held such negativity, and it wasn't right. but i didnt want to go back, rather i wanted to feel normal again.  i went on feeling like this for at least a few hours. they insisted i eat something because it would help it go through my system faster, so i forced myself. the only thing i had was a greasy cheeseburger. something that normally would taste amazing, but was so disgusting. all i wanted was water. lisa and david felt perfectly fine again and i was still feeling it. but after this whole thing was over, the simplest things seem to hold such importance, and im so appreciative of something as meaningless as the sensation of touching a blanket or petting my dog. i might not really "understand" the world and its purpose, but i don't feel nearly as overwhelmed with the question of "why are we here".

in conclusion, i decided that shrooms are the ideal drug for me. seeing as they dont damage your brain or body and it gives you so much insight and blissful feeling. i'll definitely be doing this again soon.

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